The Not-Outcast by Tijan

33

Cheyenne

The game was insane.

They were tied at one to one. The Bravado were pushing hard back at the Mustangs. Cut’s line was tired. The second line was tired. The third. Fourth. All of them. There were so many shots on goal, too, so I could only imagine how tired the goalies were.

I was tired just from the stress of the game, but we were in the third period. Just starting. There’d been no Cassie sightings. I saw Cut looking for me in my normal seats, then skate past when he saw Dean there instead. He had crumpled up my ticket, but I knew he’d still use it.

As seats went, we didn’t get too bad considered we got them the day of the game. With each game that passed, with how well they were doing, this wouldn’t be a thing that could happen soon. Each game would be sold out days, if not weeks, before the game. That’s just how it was. I knew the box seats were gone the first day any opened up, and that was if they weren’t already bought from a years-hold which happened. A lot.

Either way, it was fun to sit and cheer with Melanie and Sasha.

Sasha informed us that she did not want to talk about Chad. Nut-Brother was a douchebag of epic proportions, so we were in the one-word zone during the game.

I asked now, “I’m going to hit the bathroom before things get super nuts. I’m walking by the concessions. Want anything?”

“Beer.”

I looked at Melanie. She shook her head. “I’m good. Just hurry back.”

“Will do.” I pushed out our row and headed up the stairs for the hallway.

It was after the bathroom, after I went to get beer for Sasha, when I was turning back to head for my seat.

Cup in hand, I was walking past a wall.

I didn’t think anything of it, not at first.

It was a transparent wall, more of a boundary for crowd control. People walked one way if they were leaving the seats and returned on the side where I was.

A man and a teenager were heading from their seats, and I wasn’t paying attention. Or with me being on my meds, I was enjoying that I wasn’t paying attention. I could do that now, but then the teenager ground to a halt.

I noticed that. It was odd, but nothing out of the ordinary.

I kept going.

The man stopped, turned back. I heard, “Hunter?”

And that, that had me paying attention.

My head whipped back. The teenager was staring at me, mouth hanging open, and he was gaping at me. He was on the other side of the wall, maybe ten feet away, and I was slammed back from a force inside of me.

It was Hunter.

It was my brother.

Then, a third male was coming after that.

I tagged him from my periphery, and I noticed his walk first. I knew that walk, but I didn’t know it enough. It was teasing me, nagging at me, but back to the teenager.

Holy—I was taking him in. Looking at everything.

His eyes.

His hair. Brownish with blond streaks.

His little nose.

How clear his skin was. Youthful. Young.

He had an athlete’s build.

He was wearing Cut’s number.

This was my brother, but he was older. He was a teenager now.

He wasn’t the ten-year-old I remembered, the kid I squatted down to brush knuckles with at my mom’s funeral.

The back of my mind already identified the man—and the other guy coming toward us—Chad. And my father. That’s what made sense, but I didn’t care about them. I was busy taking in my brother when the other two stopped, took in what was going on, and closed ranks.

Literally.

Chad and Deek stepped in front of Hunter, and a growl came from me. It was automatic. I didn’t know I was going to growl until I heard it, and then I wanted to growl again. I swung my gaze to Chad and stepped toward the wall. “Move!”

He blanched, then shook his head. “Can’t, Cheyenne.”

I surged toward the wall, my heart surging with me, and I slammed my hand against it. Palm flat. One hard pound. Not a slap, a pound. This was the street side of me. This was the part that was still inside of me. I growled again, “Move.”

His eyes went wide, but he took a deep breath and held firm. “I can’t.”

But it didn’t matter.

Hunter had moved to the side, around his dad. “Cheyenne.”

I grimaced, shoving the street in me back down, and I went over to him. “Hey. Hey there.”

We’d exchanged pictures. I didn’t have social media accounts, but I used Come Our Way’s Instagram page to follow his. I’d seen him grow up over the years, but it’d been too long. Way too long.

“You got big.”

“Hunter.” His dad moved in, throwing me a sideways look, but his tone was half hushed and half cautious. I didn’t spare Deek a look, and he knew why. Before his call to the Mustangs, I might’ve been welcoming, but he made his choice.

“Dad, stop! She’s your kid, too.”

Deek threw me another look, but he ducked his head and moved back a step.

Chad came up. He took in Hunter, me, and sighed. He put his arm around Deek’s shoulders. “Come on. Let’s grab this little punk a beer, because apparently he thinks he’s an adult.”

Hunter rolled his eyes up. “Har har. Don’t be sour because she actually wants to talk to me.”

Chad laughed, pulling Deek with him.

Hunter laughed, too.

They exchanged lighthearted punches to their arms, but then Chad was heading away. Deek was stiff next to him, and Chad glanced over his shoulder at me. Hunter had already turned back, so only I saw the very real and very serious warning in those eyes.

He didn’t trust me.

I hadn’t thought much about Chad before. What I said to Cut had been the truth, but now I was doubly grateful because if I had cared, that look would’ve filleted me. As it was, I turned to the only one standing in front of me that could hurt me, but I knew he wouldn’t.

“You’re the Koala Man now.”

Hunter laughed, ducking his head down. He ran a hand over the back of his head, giving his hair a little shake before dropping it back down. His head went back up and he shifted on his legs. Feet apart. He was giving me the cocky athlete stance. “I play hockey, too.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m like Cut. First line.”

He was damn proud of it. I could tell.

I hadn’t gone to any of his games, obviously. I knew what school he went to. He’d told me over email. I knew of two girls he was interested in. I knew his friends’ names. I knew he liked his school, but he missed where he had been. I knew he had two best friends there whom he really missed, and one was a girl, and that girl was someone he thought he could have feelings for. I also knew that he was shutting it down because he was here, not there.

And I couldn’t help but wonder how much of that did Deek know? Did Natalie know?

I was betting not that much.

“You’re liking it?”

Some of the cockiness faded, and his hands came out of his pockets. He nodded. “Yeah.” He started eyeing the wall between us. “I’d say you should sit with us so we could catch up, but knowing—” He nodded to the side where Chad and Deek were still in line for beer. “—I bet they’d actually shit their pants, huh?”

Melanie would like him.

I grinned. “Yeah, but imagine how smelly their shits would be if you gave them the slip and sat with me instead?”

Hunter laughed a little louder, his shoulders eased a bit more, too. “That would be almost worth it.” He got somber, his smile fading. “I don’t get their problem. They act like—”

I knew.

They acted like I was my mother.

I changed the subject on purpose. “Do you get to see Deek a lot?”

He shrugged, and his face closed up. “Every now and then”

So he was saying he didn’t. Which was interesting since Deek moved out here because of Hunter.

“How’s your mom doing?”

His face opened back up a little, a small grin showing. “She’s good. I mean, as good as can be. It’s Mom, you know.” His face shuddered. “Or, I mean, no. She’s not your mom. She’s Natalie. Chad would understand.”

I was nodding, going with it. “I’m sure he would. I bet he’d have a whole joke to insert. I don’t. I’m sorry.” Gah. I wasn’t trying to make him feel bad. “I just don’t know Natalie that well, you know?”

His eyes grew fierce. “You would if she gave you a chance. Fucking Nata—”

“Hey!”

He stopped, his eyes widening at my sharp tone.

I eased it back, a little. “Sorry. Just…she’s your mom. Appreciate her.”

We never went serious in our emails. Everything was light and joking, and it hadn’t been a hardship. Seeing him now, though; seeing the changes, seeing what I missed out on, it was a little harder to remain all surface-level here.

I was swallowing some bitterness, and I didn’t usually feel that.

“You, uh, you look good. You seem different, too.” He inched forward toward the wall, dropping his tone. “It’s not right that I didn’t see you all those years. I’ve talked to Dad and Mom about it, but I don’t care what they say. It’s not right. We should’ve…”

“Hey.” I tapped the wall.

He was blaming himself. He shouldn’t do that.

“Hey.”

He paused, frowning at me, but I saw the fight still there. He was torn.

“Your parents had reasons for keeping me away.”

He snorted. “Maybe in the beginning, because they were worried about your mom’s influence, but not later. You were in college and I was…” He trailed off because he was still growing up.

I flattened my palm against the wall. “Listen to me. It is what it is. You cannot look back on ‘what ifs’ and ‘should’ves.’ Trust me. You were a kid. You’re still a kid, and I was getting my head together. We’re here now. That’s the great thing. Now…you walking down the same time I was walking in, that was meant to be. I believe in that shit. Believe in that. Okay? No look-backs. Got it?”

He didn’t at first, but then jerked his head down in a nod. “Yeah. Fine. I got it.”

Good.

Good.

I saw Deek and Chad heading back, beer in hand and it looked as if they were heading to fight a Marvel supervillain. All scowls, and I had to flinch because one of those guys was the reason I’d been born.

“Super Scowls are returning.”

Hunter grinned, but stepped back from the wall.

I let my hand fall back. “Let’s text instead? Or call, even? I’ll email you my digits.”

He nodded. “Sounds good.”

Then Chad was near us and he had his head tipped up in a challenging way.

I considered pointing out that there was no fight to be alpha between us, though; let’s be realistic. It’s hard to out-street someone from the streets. Chad might scoff at that, but someone else from the streets would get me. They’d be on the same wavy train.

“I looked at your seats, but you weren’t there tonight.”

I almost laughed at that. “Because you cared or because you needed to know which route to take to the concessions stand to avoid me?”

He winced at the last suggestion.

Right.

So lovely.

I let out a sigh. “I’m going to ignore the blatant disrespect you’ve shown me over and over again. I’m going to ignore a whole lot of things right now, but how about instead we could focus on what I should say when I go back to the seats I am sitting in tonight?”

He frowned. He had no clue what I was talking about.

This guy. Honestly. No deep thought?

“I’m about to head back where I’m sitting with Sasha and Melanie.”

At Sasha’s name, his eyes bulged and he lost a little blood in his face. He had a whole ‘oh shit’ look going on.

Yeah. That’s what I’d been referencing.

“And so what do I say? Because you know she’s my family and she’d be pissed off that I didn’t tell her how you just treated me.”

Chad swallowed and went back to scowling. “What do you mean how I treated you? I treated…”

“Dude. You didn’t.” This was from Hunter, and he was shaking his head. “Like, at all. You treated her like she was a criminal.”

I made sure to give Deek a pointed look, and as soon as I did, I regretted it.

He looked like me.

And Hunter.

And damn.

I told Cut a while back that I didn’t have feelings for Deek or Chad, and to an extent I didn’t. But staring back at someone who was an older and male version of me, I was seeing someone I could’ve had in my life.

And then the ‘ifs’ started, and I couldn’t stop them.

If he’d been different.

If my mom had been different.

If I’d not been screwed up.

If Natalie had been more kind and loving.

If. If. If.

I had to stop. No one wins in that situation. It happened how it happened.

Right?

Yes.

I was swallowing tree bark, but yes. I had to accept that.

Nothing could be changed, so it didn’t matter.

Damn, it hurt to swallow that.

And Chad hadn’t answered me.

His mouth was tight, and his Adam’s apple kept going up and down, but then he let loose with a string of expletives.

“Hunter,” Deek barked, his own voice tight. Grim. “Go back to your seat.”

“But I—”

“Now!”

“I have to piss, Dad.” Hunter shot me a look before he swung around Chad and Deek, marching off in the direction of their seats, and his entire back was rigid.

“I’ve come to realize that things are different—”

“Deek,” Chad cut him off, then softened immediately. “Let me, you know. Let me handle this.”

Handle this.

I was refraining from commenting on that.

He took two steps away before I called after him, “Hey, Deek.”

He stopped, half-turning back.

He didn’t say anything.

I wasn’t surprised.

I did, though. “You do know that I’m not the bad guy in this story, right?”

He flinched.

He got the message.

It was kind of a shady thing to do, but he was my dad. Yes, there was no relationship. Yes, I was okay with it. Yes, at some point he had tried until for whatever reason, he decided to stop trying. Then, I remembered that he had paid for my college.

I yelled out, “Just kidding. Thanks for the college tuition.”

Oops.

Chad didn’t comment on that, but he was hella frowning still. “Can you not say anything to Sasha about this?”

“Uh. No. Sasha would be pissed if I didn’t.”

He grimaced, saying under his breath, “Shit.”

Cut told me Chad was going to try.

This wasn’t him trying.

“Let me tell her.”

That seemed to take so much effort from him. He said it through gritted teeth.

“What did I ever do to you?”

His head popped up at my question.

“I’ve done nothing, nothing that I can think of. Did I push you out of your house? That wasn’t my call. You know that, right? I’ve not said anything bad about you to Cut or Sasha. I’ve said nothing negative about anyone, except for that dig I just said to Deek, but do you blame me?”

He edged backwards a step, looking like he was biting the inside of his mouth. He was looking every which way, but at me.

I caught sight of the clock on the wall. Half the third period was over.

Now I was the one who wanted to swear.

Nut-Brother still hadn’t answered, and I was losing patience. “Forget it. I apologize for whatever I did, and I won’t say anything to Sasha except that there was an exchange, and she needs to hear it from you first.”

After that, I was out.

Once I hit my chair, I pulled my phone out and checked our emails. There was an email with his number so I sent him a text back.

Me: Koala Sister here. It was nice seeing you. Missed you. The emails are great, but you know.

A minute later.

Koala Boy: Koala Brother here now. I missed you too. And I know.

That. Right there. That was everything worth Deek or Chad. Everything.

* * *

Thirty secondsto the end of the game, the sirens lit up.

The Bravado scored.

Mustangs lost.