Not Pretending Anymore by Vi Keeland
CHAPTER 14
Declan
“How is everything?” I jumped out of my seat in the waiting room the minute Molly walked through the double doors.
She sighed. “He’s okay. They think he passed out because he’s become anemic. It’s a common side effect of the chemotherapy. The initial bloodwork is back, but they’re going to admit him so they can run some more tests. He also has a pretty bad bump on his head from when he hit the table as he went down. So they’re treating him with concussion protocol, to be safe.”
I raked a hand through my hair. “Okay. That all sounds treatable, right?”
Molly nodded. “Yeah. The anemia is treatable. They’re starting a blood transfusion now, and he’ll go on a regimen of iron pills for a while.” She shook her head. “He just looks so fragile already. It’s only been a little over a month since his diagnosis, and a couple of weeks since I last saw him, yet I can see how fast things are progressing. He’s lost a lot of weight, his skin is sallow, and he looks exhausted. Kayla said he’s been talking about stopping the chemo already.”
“Because of this? Can’t he start again once they get him better?”
Molly was silent for a moment. I watched her face as she swallowed, trying to fight back tears. “He has small-cell carcinoma. It’s metastasized to other organs already, so the survival rate is…” She again tried to swallow and keep the threatening tears at bay. But one giant drop spilled over and ran down her cheek. “His quality of life from the chemo…”
“Come here.” I pulled her against my chest and wrapped her in my arms. Stroking her hair, I wanted to say something, but the sound of her falling apart clogged the words in my throat. Her shoulders shook as she succumbed to her emotions with an aching wail. I hated that all I could do was squeeze her tighter and wish I could take away her pain.
After about ten minutes of standing in the middle of the waiting room, Molly pulled back, wiping her eyes and sniffling.
“Thank you, Declan.”
“For nothing. I’m happy to be here for you.” I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “What happens now? If they’re admitting him, he’ll need some clothes, right? There’s a twenty-four-hour Walmart about fifteen minutes from here. I can run over and get him some pajamas and toiletries and stuff.”
“That’s very sweet of you to offer. But I told Kayla I’d go to their house and get some of his things so he can be more comfortable. It’ll be at least an hour or two before they move him into a room, and they don’t like more than one person at a time in the emergency room with a patient, anyway. No one said anything because I’m friends with a few of the nurses, but I don’t want to take advantage since I work here. I’ll run to his house while they’re admitting him, now that I know he’s stable. But it’s late. I can drop you off at home on my way.”
Like hell was I letting her drive around the city alone in her current state. “I’m coming with you.”
“I’m probably going to be here all night after I go get his clothes.”
I winked, trying to lighten things up a bit. “It’s okay. Going all night is my specialty.”
She rolled her eyes, but I saw the smile in them. A few minutes later, we were back in the car. Molly’s father’s house was a forty-minute drive from the hospital. He’d been at a restaurant when he’d passed out on his way back from the men’s room. I’d been to his house for dinner a few weeks ago, but I’d only seen the downstairs, not the bedrooms, which were tucked away on the second floor. When we arrived, I offered to wait in the living room while Molly went up to pack him a bag, but she asked me to come with her. Apparently, she’d only ever been in his bedroom once, years ago, when he’d first bought the place.
I waited near the door to the master bedroom while Molly walked over to a tall dresser and opened the top drawer. A bunch of framed photos on display seemed to catch her attention. She reached out and took one into her hands.
“Oh my God. I can’t believe he has this in a frame. I’m going to kill him.”
I walked in to peek over her shoulder. “What is it?”
“It’s an old photo of me and my sister. I think I was about six, and she was seven.”
The photo was adorable. It was clear from the big blue eyes which one of the little girls was Molly. Her head was thrown back in laughter, her hair was tied up in lopsided pigtails, and she wore the biggest, toothiest smile I’d ever seen. Just looking at it made my lips curve upward.
“Why are you going to kill your father? I think you look cute.”
“Uh…because my pants are wet?”
I’d been staring at her giant smile and hadn’t even noticed her clothes. But sure enough, when I looked down, the shorts she had on were indeed wet. And not like she’d spilled something. “Did you pee your pants?” I asked.
She covered her face. “Yes! He has a framed picture of me with soiled shorts on! Why the heck would he display this?”
I chuckled. “Was this a frequent occurrence for you? You look a little old to be pissing your pants here.”
“My father and sister had just tickled me. I warned them to stop, but they didn’t. I cannot believe he still has this, let alone framed it.”
It was a little strange to show off a picture of your school-age daughter who’d wet herself, but I understood why he did it. “He loves your smile in the photo, and it reminds him of good times.”
She sighed. “Yeah…I guess so.”
Setting the photo back on top of the dresser, she shook her head, looking through the others on display. She picked up one of her wearing scrubs and a stethoscope.
“This is my nursing-school graduation picture. I didn’t give him this. My mother must have sent it to him.”
“Well, it looks like he’s proud of you, if he framed it.”
Molly’s face became solemn as she ran her finger along the edge of the frame. “I didn’t even invite him. My mother told me it was the right thing to do, but I felt like inviting him was some sort of disrespect to her. He’s missed so many things in my and my sister’s lives because we couldn’t forgive him for leaving us.”
“Don’t do that, Moll. Don’t put that on yourself. You were hurt and had your reasons. We can’t change the past, but we can learn from it. You’re here for him now, and I’m sure that means a lot to him.”
She smiled halfheartedly. “Thanks.”
After she packed a bag and collected some toiletries, we headed down the hall to the stairs. But as she took the first step, she stopped and backed up. “Hang on a second. I want to see something.”
I followed as she walked back to a door we’d just passed. She opened it and flicked the lights on. The bedroom was decked out in a pink comforter and had pink-and-white-striped window treatments. It was neat, but sort of barren.
“Is this your half-sister’s room?”
She shook her head. “Her room is down the hall. This was supposed to be my room. I was sixteen when he bought this place. He brought me over to show it to me, and this room had been all set up, just like this. I never stayed in it, but it looks like he hasn’t changed anything over the years.”
“Wow. I guess he never stopped hoping you might come spend time here.”
“Yeah.” She sighed, flicked off the light, and shut the door. But she held onto the handle with her head down. “I’m glad I came here tonight.”
I put my hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “I’m glad I came, too…Molly P. Corrigan.”
She turned around with her face all wrinkled. “P? My middle name is Caroline.”
I wiggled my eyebrows. “Not anymore. From now on, it’s Molly Pee-Pee Pants Corrigan.”
She rolled her eyes, but smirked. “God, you’re such a two-year-old.”
“Maybe. But at least I’m potty-trained.”
***
It was four in the morning by the time Molly came back to the waiting room this time. Her dad had been admitted to the intensive care unit, and I’d dozed off in the waiting room down the hall.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” She pointed to the snack machines lined up along the far side of the room. “I’m so thirsty and wanted to get a water.”
I rubbed my eyes. “I wasn’t really sleeping. Just resting my eyes.”
She smiled. Taking two bills out of her wallet, she fed them into the vending machine and bought herself a bottle of Poland Spring. “You want something?”
“No, thanks. I already ate two bags of hot fries, some Twizzlers, and a peanut chew that I’m pretty sure took out one of my fillings.”
Molly sat down in the chair next to me. “They’re helping him get changed. I figured I’d give him some privacy and let him sleep for a while. Rounds in ICU usually start about seven o’clock. It’s so late already; there’s almost no point in going home now. I want to be here to talk to the doctors when they come through.”
“So we’ll stay. These seats are pretty comfy.”
“You should go, Declan. You have to work in a few hours. I can Uber home when I’m ready to go.”
I shrugged. “Nah. I can juggle around my schedule. I don’t need to be anywhere at a certain time.”
Molly’s eyes stopped on the end table next to me and widened. “What did you do?”
I’d forgotten all about my project. Lifting the large Styrofoam cup I’d gotten from a nearby nurses’ station, I handed her the snack I’d prepared for her. “Only the reds for my little pee-pee girl.”
She looked inside the cup. “Where did you get these?”
I lifted my chin toward the snack machine, which I’d drained of every last bag of M&Ms. “They sold them in the machine.”
“There had to be ten bags of M&Ms to get this many reds. And where did the other colors go?”
“Thirteen, actually.” I rubbed my stomach. “And don’t worry, no unacceptable colors were harmed during the process. I put them all to good use—though my stomach might disagree right about now. You know, it’s a good thing these machines take credit cards. A buck seventy-five for one bag of candy? What a rip-off.”
Molly just kept looking at me.
“What?” I wiped at my face. “Did I drool on myself during my cat nap?”
She shook her head. “No. You’re fine. It’s just… Why exactly did you buy all these and do this?”
I didn’t understand the question. “What do you mean? Because you like to eat one color. Why else would I do it?”
“But you had to know I wasn’t going to eat this entire giant cup of M&Ms right now.”
I actually hadn’t thought about that. “I wasn’t suggesting you had to eat them all.”
“I know. I realize that. You didn’t spend more than twenty dollars and sit here separating the colors because I might eat them as a meal.”
I wasn’t following. “Okay…”
“You did it because you knew I was feeling down, and I’d get a kick out of it.”
I shrugged. “So?”
Molly reached over and took my hand. She laced her fingers with mine. “You’re a good friend to me, Declan.”
I knew she’d meant it as a compliment, but her saying I was a friend didn’t sit quite right. Our conversation earlier this evening felt like a lifetime ago now. But my feelings for Molly had changed sometime over the last few weeks. At first I’d thought it was just a natural sexual attraction. I mean, there was no denying she was a beautiful woman. But lately I’d been wanting to spend all of my free time with her, and I’d been questioning the feelings I’d thought I had for Julia.
Of course, this wasn’t the time or place to continue our discussion, but nevertheless, hearing her call me a good friend kinda made my gut feel like it had taken a punch.
Still, I squeezed her hand in mine. “Just doing what you’d do for me, if the shoe was on the other foot.”
She leaned her head on my shoulder. “I would. I absolutely would be here for you.”
***
“Molly?”
I woke to the sound of a man’s voice about 6AM. Opening my eyes, I found the last thing I wanted to see: Dr. Dickalicious standing in the waiting room. Luckily, Molly was out cold. We’d both fallen asleep an hour or two ago. I’d been sitting up, but Molly had spread out across three chairs, and her head rested on my lap. Since the asshole didn’t seem to care that he might wake her, I managed to gently lift her head off me and set it down on the chair so I could get up.
Nodding my head toward the door, I whispered, “Let her sleep. We can talk outside.”
In the hall, I dragged a hand through my hair and stretched my arms over my head. “Her father passed out at a restaurant a few blocks away. She was up all night.”
Dr. Dick planted his hands on his hips. “I just heard. She should have called me.”
Considering the problem wasn’t her father’s vagina, I disagreed. “For what?”
Will’s jaw tightened. “Well, for one thing, I’m a doctor.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “You’re never going to believe this, but this big building? It’s filled with them.”
Will rolled his eyes. “I could have kept her company.”
“I had that covered. You weren’t needed.”
He sighed. “Listen, I’m not going to get into a pissing contest with you. Molly and I have a lot in common. There’s been something brewing between us for years. I realize it probably hurts your ego that we started dating after you started seeing her. But the truth is, she wouldn’t be dating me if you did it for her.”
My hands balled into fists. “Listen, asshole, I don’t like you. But that’s not important right now. What is important is Molly. She’s going through some tough shit. It’s not about who gets to hold her hand, but that someone does. So when she wakes up, don’t go giving her a hard time.”
The sound of the waiting room door creaking open caused both of us to change our focus. At the sight of a groggy Molly, Will immediately stepped around me. “Hey. Daisy told me you were here and what happened to your dad. I just sent a false labor home, so I figured I’d come find you.”
Molly glanced over at me, then back to Will. “His hemoglobin was three when they brought him in.”
Will frowned. “Who’s the attending?”
“Dr. Marks. I don’t know him that well. But he’s been very nice.”
“I golf with him occasionally. I assume they scanned him?”
Molly nodded. “His head because of the fall, and his chest.”
“Why don’t we go talk to Dr. Marks together and then take a walk over to diagnostic imaging? We can pull his scans up and see for ourselves where things stand.”
Molly’s shoulders relaxed. “That would be great, Will.”
While I was happy to hear Molly would have help getting information, I freaking hated the source of that help. But I did my best to hide it.
“Declan, I’m going to go see if we can get any new information, if you don’t mind?”
I shook my head. “Of course not. Do what you need to do. I’ll be right here.”
Will put his hand on Molly’s back, and I suddenly felt like the odd man out.
“Actually, Declan,” he said, “I got it from here. Thank you for keeping Molly company. I’m sure she’ll want to stick around for rounds soon. Since I’m off now, I can drop her at home afterward. You look like you could use some sleep.”
Molly looked over at me and frowned. “He’s right, Dec. Why don’t you go home? I’m going to be here a few more hours, at least, and you’ve been here all night with me.”
I didn’t want to leave, especially not with Dr. Dickalicious trying to pick her up like she was some sort of fumbled ball. But I also realized he could give her access to things I couldn’t. Not to mention, if I made a scene, the only one I’d hurt was Molly.
So I reluctantly nodded. “Okay. I’ll go. Call me if you need anything, Moll.”
She stepped forward and kissed my cheek. “Thanks for everything, Declan.”
My eyes caught with Dr. Dick’s, and his sparkled with victory. God, I don’t like this guy.
“Thanks, Declan.” He extended the hand that wasn’t wrapped around my girl’s back. “Take care.”
I watched as the two of them strode off together, an empty feeling churning in my stomach. At the double doors to the intensive care unit, Molly looked back and gave me a conciliatory smile. I waved and pretended everything was fine.
But it wasn’t.
After the doors closed, I realized what was fucking with my head more than anything. It wasn’t the fact that Dr. Dick had offered her help I couldn’t give. I cared about Molly enough to put her needs first and accept what was best for her. It also wasn’t the fact that he’d put his hand on her back as they walked down the hall. What freaked me the fuck out was that I’d been upset because he’d put his hand on my girl’s back.
My girl.
That’s how I’d thought of her.
But she wasn’t, was she?
Either way, I was leaving her in the hands of the guy who was supposed to get the girl all along.
