Inappropriate by Vi Keeland
Chapter 32
Ireland
Dr. Rupert, the emergency room doctor treating me, looked like Penn from the magician duo Penn and Teller. At least I thought it was Penn—I could never remember which was which. In any case, Dr. Rupert bore an uncanny resemblance to the shorter, older one. Since I was pretty sure he was in his late seventies, I figured it wouldn’t insult him to mention it.
“Has anyone ever told you that you look like someone famous?”
He smiled, reached into his lab coat sleeve, and pulled out a bouquet of plastic flowers. “Does this answer your question?”
I laughed. “I guess so.”
He tucked the flowers headfirst into his lab coat pocket. “No relation, but patients are disappointed when I tell them that. So I find it’s at least a consolation prize to perform a trick.”
Dr. Rupert picked up the chart hanging from the foot of my bed and flipped through some pages. As he started to speak, the closed curtain opened and another doctor came in, drawing the curtain behind him.
“Good timing. This is Dr. Torres. He’s an orthopedic specialist.”
“Hello,” I said.
“Normally we don’t call in ortho for a consultation until after x-rays, but I wanted to have him examine you now, so we can give you all of your options.”
“Okay…”
Dr. Rupert pulled up a chair and sat down next to me. He had an old school way about him that doctors didn’t have much anymore. Reaching out, he touched my arm.
“The reason we wanted to do an ortho consult before the x-ray is because we found something in your bloodwork.”
I sat up in bed. Oh, God. The first thing that came to my mind was cancer. Some blood cell count must’ve been elevated, and now they don’t want to radiate me unnecessarily. My heart started to palpitate. “What? What’s wrong with my blood work?”
Dr. Rupert squeezed my hand and smiled. “Nothing. You’re pregnant, Ms. Saint James.”
I blinked a few times. “What?”
He nodded. “I had a feeling the news might come as a shock to you. I noticed on the intake sheet that you said your last period was a month ago, and you answered the Is there any possibility you might be pregnant question no.
“I can’t be. Are you sure?”
He nodded. “A blood test can pick up hCG as early as six to eight days after ovulation. Urine tests generally can take a bit longer.”
Panic set in. “I can’t be. It has to be wrong.”
Dr. Rupert’s smile fell. “Are you saying it’s not physically possible for you to be pregnant? There are rare cases of false positives in blood work, such as when you’re taking certain medication for seizures.” His brows drew together. “Are you on any medications? I didn’t see any listed.”
I shook my head rapidly.
“So it is physically possible you are pregnant? Meaning you’ve been with a man in the last month or so?”
I lifted my hand to my throat, which suddenly felt tighter. “Yes. But we used protection. And I’m on the pill.”
“Did you miss any of your pills?”
“No. Definitely not. And I take them at the same time every day.”
“Were you on any antibiotics or sick at any time?”
I shook my head.
Dr. Rupert sighed. “Well, it is only 99.7-percent effective, even under the best of circumstances.”
“But we used a condom, too!”
“Well, that obviously makes the odds even smaller that a pregnancy would occur. Sometimes there are just stubborn swimmers.” Dr. Rupert patted my arm. “Would you like us to give you a minute before discussing the x-rays?”
I wanted him to rewind time and start over by saying I wasn’t pregnant. How could I be? Grant was going to—oh my God. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what Grant would say. Without realizing it, I must’ve started to hyperventilate.
“Ms. Saint James? Breathe slowly. Take some long, deep breaths.” Dr. Rupert turned to the orthopedist that I had forgotten was even in the room. “Jordan, grab us a paper bag, will you?”
A minute later the nurse came in and asked me to breathe into a paper bag while three people stood around. She held my wrist and took my pulse until she was happy with the results. “You can stop now. Just keep taking big, deep breaths.”
I rubbed my forehead. “God, I’m so embarrassed. I’ve never had to do that before.”
The nurse smiled. “I have three kids under four. If my head isn’t in a brown paper bag once a week, I’m hiding in the closet to sneak a glass of wine.”
After I calmed down a little more, the nurse left, and Dr. Rupert asked if the orthopedist could take a look at my arm. Anytime it moved at all, it hurt. But suddenly I was too numb to even feel the pain.
When he finished assessing, he spoke to both Dr. Rupert and me. “I do recommend having an x-ray. Your ulna is most likely fractured. Bruising is starting to form on your wrist already, so we need to see if the bones are aligned or might need surgical repair or a reduction.”
I heard every word he said, but none of them seemed to sink in. They went on to give me the pros and cons of having x-rays while pregnant, and then Dr. Rupert looked at me for a response.
“I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “You said it’s safe?”
“We’ll cover your abdomen with a lead apron and take the minimal amount as a precaution. Your reproductive organs won’t be exposed to radiation. In cases like yours, where the risk of harm to your unborn child is very small, and the benefit of the diagnostic x-ray outweighs that risk, yes, I recommend it.” He smiled cautiously. “If your ulna needs to be reset and isn’t, you could lose mobility in that arm. Which we don’t want.”
I blew out a giant rush of air and nodded. “Okay.”
“I’m going to admit you overnight, just as a precaution for observation. Would you like for the nurse to call someone for you?”
I thought about maybe calling Mia, but it was so late, and I needed to let everything sink in myself before I could actually say the words out loud. “No, that’s fine. Thank you.”
Dr. Rupert left with the orthopedic doctor, promising to return as soon as the x-ray results came in. I was glad I got a few minutes alone before the nurse came back.
“Would you like me to bring your brother back in? The registration desk said he’s asked about you twice and he’s pacing.” She smiled. “You have a protective big brother.”
I closed my eyes. The thought of seeing Grant now made me literally sick. But if he wasn’t allowed back here to visit me, he’d undoubtedly make a commotion and suspect something was wrong. There was no way I wanted to have the conversation with him tonight in the ER.
I nodded at the nurse. “Could you bring him back in five minutes? I just need a few more alone.”
“Sure. Of course. Let’s make it ten.”
Not long after, Grant opened the curtain with concern etched in his face. “Is everything alright? That took almost an hour.”
I cleared my throat, but had a hard time looking him in the eyes. “Yeah, everything is fine.”
“Did you go for x-rays?”
“No, not yet.”
He put his hands on his hips. “Let me move you over to Memorial. I have an old friend on staff there.”
“No, it’s fine. They said it wouldn’t be too much longer.”
It was impossible to hide my inner freak out. I managed to get through telling Grant about the orthopedic doc’s assessment of aligned vs. non-aligned without mentioning the reason he was called in before the x-rays. I also told him I was being admitted for observation. But after that, I was very quiet.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Does anything else hurt?”
His concern made me feel even worse about lying. “I’m fine. Just tired.”
Ten minutes later, the nurse came in. Before I could say a word, Grant stood. “Can you examine her again? She doesn’t seem like herself suddenly. I’d like a doctor to check her out again.”
The nurse looked to me, and I suddenly panicked she might say something about my pregnancy. I hadn’t specifically told them not to, though obviously there were privacy laws. Seeing me pale and wide eyed, the nurse caught on.
“Umm… I don’t think that’s necessary. This is perfectly normal. There’s an adrenaline surge and then a sudden drop after a trauma. I’d be worried if Ms. Saint James wasn’t getting groggy.”
Grant nodded, seeming to accept the explanation. Thank God.
“I’m going to take her down to x-ray now. We’ll probably be a while. Since she’s being admitted, you can go home, and I’ll bring your sister a phone after the treatment for her arm is decided.”
I turned to Grant. One look at his face, and I knew there was no chance he was leaving. He folded his arms across his chest. “I’m staying right here.”
The nurse looked to me, and I nodded. “It’s fine if he stays.”
She disappeared a moment and came back with a wheelchair. She and Grant stood at my sides to make sure I could get up, even though I’d said I was fine.
“We’ll be back in a while,” she said to Grant. “Make yourself comfortable.”
The nurse stopped at the nursing station and lowered her voice to speak to another nurse. “I’m waiting for x-ray to call down to say they’re ready for Ms. Saint James. Can you page me when they do?”
Once the double doors of the emergency room closed behind us, and we were out of Grant’s earshot, she spoke while she pushed my chair.
“I sensed that maybe you needed a few minutes without your brother around. I know what you learned was a shock, so I figured you might want to talk about it. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger than a family member. But if you don’t, that’s fine, too. I’m just going to give you a free ride around the halls until they page me and tell me x-ray can take you.”
I sighed. “Thank you.”
As promised, she was quiet and left it up to me to decide if I wanted to talk. After a few minutes, I did.
“He’s not my brother. He said that because he was worried they wouldn’t let him in since he’s not a family member. He’s my boyfriend.”
I looked up and over my shoulder, and the nurse smiled and nodded. “Well, now I’m really glad I didn’t ask if your brother was single for my sister. He’s very handsome.”
I laughed, and my shoulders relaxed for the first time in an hour.
We turned left down a new hallway that was empty. “I take it the pregnancy is going to be a shock for him, too.”
“He doesn’t want kids.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, my husband wanted one or two. He wasn’t happy when I told him I was pregnant the third time. But I reminded him, I was the one who had to carry a nine-pound bowling ball while it felt like my uterus was going to fall out, and I was the one who was going to get sick for months and get up with the little monster after the delivery. Men sometimes forget that they have a hand in getting pregnant, too. You play, you pay.”
I knew that was true. Clearly I didn’t get pregnant alone. But…this was different. Grant had emotional scars. His reasoning wasn’t exactly the same as a man who didn’t want another mouth to feed or diaper to change.
“He has some very good reasons for not wanting a family. He…” I shook my head. It wasn’t my place to share the details of Grant’s personal life. “He…has reasons.”
“Let’s forget your boyfriend for a minute. How would you feel right now if the man by your side wanted a family? Would you feel differently?”
I didn’t even have to think about that. “Yes. I definitely would. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still be in shock. But I want a family someday. I didn’t think that would be nine months from now. But if the man I loved wanted children, I’d be okay with it, I think.”
We passed another nursing station, and the nurse pushing me said hello to a few people. She waited until we’d passed before resuming our conversation. “So your only real concern here is how your boyfriend is going to take the news.”
I thought about it. “Yes. I think so.”
“Do you love him?”
I took a deep breath in and exhaled. It probably should have taken me longer to answer that question, but love wasn’t something that needed to be analyzed. You either did or you didn’t. I nodded. “I do.”
“Does he love you?”
I thought back to the worry on his face in the emergency room. He’d seemed truly terrified that I might be hurt. The way he’d looked at me lately had changed, too. I’d find him watching me with a smile when he didn’t think I was paying attention, and the other morning I woke to him watching me sleep. “Neither of us have said the words, but I think he does.”
“Obviously, under the law you have choices. But it sounds like you want a family and you love the baby’s father. I know I’m oversimplifying things, but it seems to me like there’s only one choice in this matter, and it’s your boyfriend’s—whether or not he wants to be with you and your baby more than he wants to be alone.”
***
I stared out the window from my uncomfortable hospital bed, watching the sun come up. I’d barely slept last night. The x-ray showed I had a clean fracture, which meant no resetting of bones or surgery, and they’d come to cast my arm shortly after midnight. Grant had stayed by my side until I practically pushed him out the door. If he’d had his way, he would have slept in the chair and stayed all night. But with so much to think about, I couldn’t quiet my mind enough to fall asleep even after he was gone. I dozed off and on, mostly.
Mia was an early riser, so I thought about calling her. But it didn’t feel right to tell her about the pregnancy before I’d told Grant, even though she was my best friend.
Grant knocked on my hospital room door at seven a.m. He had two cups of coffee and was dressed casually.
He set the coffee down on the portable food tray and leaned down to kiss my forehead. “Morning. How’s my girl?”
My heart squeezed, and I had to force a smile. “Good. Tired.”
“Did you sleep at all?”
“Not much.”
“That’s understandable. Between the accident and being in this place…then the cast. You’ll get some sleep when we get you home.”
“The day nurse came by a little while ago and said it would probably be a few hours before my discharge was ready.”
Grant took one of the coffees, peeled back the tab to open it, and handed it to me.
Without thinking, I brought it to my lips and almost drank. But caffeine. I shouldn’t have that. Setting the coffee back on the tray, I said, “I think I’m going to skip coffee this morning. I don’t want the caffeine keeping me awake later.”
Great. Now I’m a liar and an information withholder.
“Good idea. I picked up some plastic cast shields in the pharmacy downstairs. Doc said you shouldn’t get it wet, and I figured you’d want to take a shower when you got home. Maybe a nice hot bath.”
“Thank you. That does sound good.” Though…oh my God. Could I even take a bath? I honestly knew nothing about pregnancies or babies. And the thought of doing this alone made me feel like I might break out in hives. I scratched my face.
“I spoke to my sister on the ride over and mentioned what happened. She said no problem covering you for however long you need.”
I forced a smile. “That’s sweet. But I definitely will be back at work tomorrow. It’s just a broken bone and a small cut.” And a pregnancy.
Grant frowned. “You should take it easy. You were banged up pretty good. You’re going to be achy, if you’re not already. They need to give you muscle relaxers or something for pain.”
Yet another thing I can’t do. So I simply nodded.
For the next few hours, Grant sat by my side. I was definitely quieter than usual, and he asked me on more than one occasion if I was in any pain and if everything was okay. I explained my mental absence as exhaustion, which at least wasn’t fully a lie.
After I was discharged, they made me sit in a wheelchair while Grant pulled the car around out front to pick me up. He got out and helped me into the car, even though I told him I was fine. I got the feeling nothing I could say was going to convince him to stop mollycoddling me.
Well, there was one thing that would probably make him run far the hell away.
We drove to my apartment, and I took a shower and went to lie down. Grant drew the blinds and turned off all the lights so it was practically pitch dark in my bedroom. He stripped down to his underwear and wrapped himself around my body, spooning me from behind.
The room was so quiet, and I thought the intimate moment might be the perfect time to tell him, but I truly was exhausted. It was a conversation I knew I’d need energy for. So I pushed it off, yet again, vowing to tell him when I woke up later.
While I was lost in thought, apparently Grant was, too. He kissed my shoulder and whispered, “I don’t know what I would’ve done if something had happened to you. I realized last night, I can’t imagine my life without you anymore.”
For some reason, that made me so sad. My eyes welled with tears, and they started to spill over. But I couldn’t explain anything to him while I was crying, so I cried in silence, and let him think I’d fallen asleep.
