Wolf Marked by Alexis Calder

18

Word got out fast that I was looking to find ways to keep busy. I found myself helping weed garden beds and chase kids around. I read books to a blind shifter, learned how to cook chili in a huge pot, and told ghost stories around a campfire.

Best of all, I finally found my sense of direction. I could make it to the lake and back by myself and managed to keep my bearings all over camp. A few times, I found myself at Alec’s door, but he was never home. Nobody seemed to know where he was, but any time I asked, he was simply, away. It was probably better that way. While I wanted to ask him for more details about his plan to help break my mating bond, it wasn’t going to solve my wolf problem.

The days bled into night and I’d collapse on my cot, exhausted. My mind didn’t race, I didn’t worry, I didn’t overthink anything. I was too tired to wonder.

It made the time fly, but it didn’t help me get any closer to figuring out what I wanted or drive any connection with my wolf.

“Knock, knock,” I said as I pulled the tent flap open.

Greta greeted me with a warm smile. “Any updates for me today?”

“I haven’t shifted if that’s what you’re asking,” I said. “It’s been a week, Greta. Nothing is changing.”

“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told you yesterday, you have to give it time. Your wolf doesn’t trust you yet.”

“I don’t have time.” I hadn’t told Greta the specifics of my conversation with Alec, but I got the sense that she understood. I still wasn’t sure of it myself. First, I thought I was going to have to leave. Then, I found out we might be able to break the bond, but I didn’t know what that meant for me. Either way, I knew my best chance at survival was to have the ability to shift. At the very least, I needed enough control over my wolf to know she wouldn’t break free while I was around humans.

The wolf shifter council didn’t do much to govern the packs. There was a king, and a whole system that I never cared to learn about. The only thing that stuck was that if you shift in front of humans, you’re going to draw attention. And not the good kind.

“There has to be something I’m missing,” I said.

“You’re still not letting go,” she said.

“Sure I am. For the last week, I’ve had no schedule and no plans. I’ve helped people and spent time wandering and I’ve swam in the lake and I’ve stayed up late drinking and having fun. I’m doing whatever I feel like doing and it’s not changing anything,” I said.

“There’s got to be something you’re missing,” she said. “Your wolf knows you’re holding back.”

“Without leaving here, I can’t do much else,” I said.

“What about your mate?” Greta asked.

“What about him?” I snapped. She’d never brought up Tyler before and I’d never asked her about him. Aside from Sheila, Alec, and Malcom, nobody knew that I had fled a mating bond. At least I didn’t think so. I’d told people I’d left due to being mistreated and the reputation of Wolf Creek was bad enough that they didn’t question me.

“Have you let yourself consider what it means to walk away from a bond like that?” she asked.

“No. And I’m not going to waste any time thinking about Tyler,” I said. “He’s dead to me.”

Something stirred inside me. A sensation I hadn’t felt in a while. I couldn’t explain it, but I knew my wolf was reacting. You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Greta lifted a curious brow. It was as if she knew exactly what I was feeling.

“Before you say anything, please don’t,” I said. “If it comes down to me staying human forever or me having to be with that asshole, I’m choosing myself.”

My wolf seemed to whimper. So now you want to come out and play.

“He tried to kill me. Multiple times, I might add. Sure, he usually stopped short of full-on murder, but what kind of sick fuck throws around their mate like that?” I asked. “Not to mention the fact that he literally left me to die. So while he might not have dealt the final blow, he set it up for me to end up dead while he celebrated my demise. He’s a sick fuck.”

“I’m not saying you need to be with him or that you should want him at all. I’m saying you need to process the trauma you’ve been through.” She stood and walked over to me, then took my hand in hers. “Maybe you can’t move on with what you want because you haven’t let yourself heal. Your wolf is the primal part of you that thrives on instinct. You have to give your wolf time to adjust to losing a mate, even if you know it was for the best.”

“I can’t think about my past,” I said. “I can’t.”

“You might have to,” she said.

Feeling defeated, I left Greta’s tent. I wasn’t ready to unpack years of trauma, yet when I thought about Tyler, I’d felt my wolf for the first time in a week. You know why I hate him. I found myself talking to her as if she was someone else. It felt a little crazy, but it also made me feel better.

We deserve better. I could sense her inside me, vibrating. The energy almost felt like she was pacing. As if she was waking and restless after being shut indoors for too long. Welcome back. Are you ready to try working with me?

She didn’t respond, of course, because I was the one who controlled her. Or at least I would eventually. I need you to work with me. We’re in this together, you know.

“You look deep in thought,” Malcom said, breaking me from my musings.

“Do you ever talk to your wolf?” I asked without preamble.

“Well, hello to you too,” he said with a grin.

“Sorry. Hi.” I had seen Malcom a few times in passing during the last week, but he was gone nearly as much as Alec. “Were you out with Alec?”

“Yes, I was,” he said. “And to answer your previous question, yes, I do talk to my wolf. Sometimes I swear he talks back.”

“Well, I feel less crazy, now,” I said.

“That’s got to be good, right?” Malcom said. “If your wolf is responding to you, I bet you’re closer.”

“Shhh.” I pulled Malcom aside. “I don’t want everyone to know.”

His brow furrowed. “You really think they don’t know?”

“Have you been telling people about my problem?” I asked.

“No, it’s not my story to tell,” he said. “But if you think they haven’t noticed that you haven’t shifted in front of anyone, you’re mistaken.”

“There hasn’t been a full moon yet. Lots of shifters go a month between shifts,” I said.

“Yeah, when they’re thirteen,” he said. “This isn’t Wolf Creek. We shift as nature intended out here.”

“I’ve only been here a week,” I pointed out.

“Listen, even if they’ve figured it out, have you noticed that nobody cares?” he said. “Why do you think they would? We’re all here for a reason.”

“Because of my family.” The truth of what my grandfather did had weighed heavily on me for the last week. It was painful to realize I was related to someone who created something so terrible.

“Look around you, Lola. Most of us are here because we don’t fit in with our families. We left them and chose new families. We aren’t our parents or our grandparents. We make our own choices,” he said.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

His jaw tightened and his nostrils flared. “I’m not in the mood to talk about myself.”

“Okay, I can respect that,” I said. “Is Alec back, too?”

Malcom nodded. “He is.”

“Where were you guys? He’s been gone all week,” I said.

“Do you remember what I said to you in Sheila’s tent?” Malcom asked.

I nodded. “Sure, but Alec’s been nothing but nice to me.” He did want me to steal information about a dangerous shifter toxin from my own family, but nobody’s perfect, right?

“I know he’s working on something with you, but please, reconsider before you go anywhere alone with him.”

“Why?” I asked.

Malcom’s expression was difficult to read. It was as if he was struggling to get the information out. “I’m not sure, but I’ve got a bad feeling. Something’s going on and I’m not sure I’d want to be there when it goes down.”

Alec probably hadn’t told Malcom that we were planning to break my mating bond. I wondered if he was being sneaky about it to keep anyone from finding out the real reason I was here. Breaking a bond wasn’t seen as a good thing where I came from. It was viewed as a violation of the sacred goddess’s will. It rarely happened. “I think I’ll be okay. But thank you for the warning.”

Malcom grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. I was a little surprised at his touch. We weren’t close, and it didn’t feel intimate, but there was compassion and concern in the gesture.

“Be careful, okay?” He released my hand.

“I will, thanks.” I excused myself and headed back to my tent. Between my wolf making an appearance and Malcom’s warnings, I could use a few minutes alone to clear my head.