Wolf Marked by Alexis Calder

17

My head was pounding by the time Alec left me at Greta’s tent. I think I mumbled a thank you before he left, but with the hangover in full force, it was difficult to remember.

“Is it bright out there or did you have too much to drink last night?” Greta said by way of greeting as she opened her tent flap.

“Both,” I admitted.

She chuckled. “Come on in, I have something to fix that.”

I followed her into her tent and sat down in a chair next to her little table. She busied herself pouring something into a cup, then walked over to me.

“It tastes like death, but it’ll knock the hangover out.” She set a glass of brown liquid down in front of me.

I picked up the cup. “Cheers.” After a hesitant sip, I nearly spit the liquid across the room. “You were not kidding.”

She sat in the chair across from me. “It’s easier if you do it all at once.”

After a steadying breath, I knocked the drink back, fighting my gag reflex as I swallowed it all. Wincing, I set the glass on the table. “What was that?”

“You really don’t want to know,” she said.

I smacked my lips, trying to get rid of the taste. “Gross.”

“It works, though,” she said.

Already, the headache was easing. “Wow.”

She grabbed the glass and stood, then walked over to the corner of her tent. When she returned, she had a bottle of water and a box of cookies.

“You’ve got your own little stash in here, don’t you?” I asked.

“There’s perks to being the oldest and wisest shifter here. People bring you things.” She slid the box of cookies closer to me. “Have some carbs and some water. You’ll be right as rain in a few minutes.”

I followed her instructions, eager to wash the taste of the hangover concoction out of my mouth. She sat quietly watching me eat for a few minutes. Three cookies later, the taste was finally gone. I took a long drink of the water, then set the bottle down. “Thank you.”

“I was young once,” she said. “I could hold my liquor, though. You’re going to have to work on that.”

I laughed. “Aren’t you supposed to tell me to not drink?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” she said with a grin.

“I can see why people bring you cookies,” I said.

“I also really love strawberries if you ever feel the need to suck up to me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I made a mental note to try to send her some once I left. Was that even possible? Could you mail things here? Maybe I could come visit.

“I imagine you didn’t just come for a hangover cure,” she said.

“I’m here about my wolf,” I said.

She hummed. “Yes, it is time for you to connect. You’ve felt the stir?”

I nodded.

“Then my work here is done,” she said. “If you can feel the wolf, there’s little I can do.”

“You’re kidding, right?” I stared at her, my eyes wide.

“Your wolf wants out and you need to let her out. You have to get in touch with yourself and what you want. She’s not going to emerge unless you allow her to,” she said.

“But how do I do that? I want to learn how to shift. I want to connect with my wolf.” It was more important than ever now to learn how to shift. I needed to be able to tap into the strength the wolf could give me. Along with my wolf came the ability to see in the dark, healing, increased ability to sense danger, even feel other’s emotions. It would give me a major advantage to being able to keep myself alive.

“You need to stop holding back and fighting against the things you want,” she said. “Discipline is important, but when you deny yourself everything you want, your wolf feels that. There has to be balance. Time to work, time to play. It can’t all be focus all the time. When you shut down your intuition and desires, you also close off your wolf.”

“I don’t do that. I let myself have fun. How do you think I ended up with a hangover?” I asked.

“A few drinks and early to bed isn’t fun,” she said.

I pressed my lips together. I was being judged by a grandmother for not staying out all night to party. “I had an incident with a shifter that made me reconsider.”

“I heard,” she said. “You’re big news around here. Lots of folks were waiting for a reason to send Lucas away. They’re grateful to you for standing up to him and showing his true colors.”

I didn’t feel like I’d really stood up to him. Alec had been the one who dealt the final blow. “So I was supposed to stay out after that?”

“You can do whatever you feel compelled to do, but you have to ask yourself, what is it that you want? What drove you to that situation last night?”

“I don’t know. I thought you were supposed to make out with random people to have fun.” Even as I said it, it sounded stupid.

She gave me a dubious look. “You did not.”

“Fine. I wanted to make out with someone. He was a poor choice.”

“We’re getting warmer,” she said. “You wanted something but you didn’t go after your heart’s desire. You went for a backup. That’s never good. We shouldn’t constantly deny ourselves what we truly want. I get the sense that your whole life has been denial.”

I wasn’t enjoying where this conversation was going. I had spent my whole life doing what I needed to blend in, to survive. My plan was to leave Wolf Creek, go to college, and get a job. All my choices were based on being able to take care of myself. I planned to blend in and pretend to be human forever. In all my thoughts about the future, I never considered what I’d want if I had choices. I just assumed I didn’t. “I’m not even sure I know what I want.”

“You have some thinking to do, then,” she said.

“Yeah, I guess I do,” I said.

Greta stood. “I’d suggest finding somewhere quiet to think. What is it that you want? How can you show your wolf that you’re not going to hold everything back?”

I looked up at her. “I don’t know where to begin.”

“Try having some hard conversations with yourself. You might need to discover who you are outside of Wolf Creek. Who is Lola? What do you love to do? Where do you want to go? How do you want to live? We might get a longer life than humans, but our time here is limited. We shouldn’t waste it.”

Realizing that I’d never once made a decision based on what I wanted was a tough pill to swallow. Greta was right, I didn’t even know who I was. I’d chosen to find a city to run to so there was more crowd to blend in with, but I didn’t even know if I wanted to live a life like that. I was good at math, but I pushed myself to get away from Tyler, who spent his time in art classes. Every choice I made was based on what would keep me safe.

Shit. Who was I?

I stood, feeling numb. “I think I’ll go for a walk.”

“Come see me tomorrow, tell me what you’ve learned,” Greta said.

“Okay.” I wasn’t really paying attention to her as I left the tent. When I’d decided to get help with releasing my wolf, I thought for sure there would be some exercises, guidance, maybe even some magic or something. I didn’t think it would be all up to me.

The common area was packed now, folks sticking to the seating in the shady areas near the trees. The sun was blinding and it was warm enough that I needed to roll up my sleeves.

The thought of simply spending my time trying to connect with myself was terrifying. There wasn’t an itinerary for that. No rules, no schedule, no plans. How was I going to manage that?

Learning about Wolf Creek through the eyes of the feral shifters taught me there was so much I didn’t know. What else was I missing about the world? When I was preparing to leave, I figured I had the skills I needed. Instead, I found out most of what I learned was a lie.

I spent the next hour walking around the makeshift town, taking in the sights of shifters at work or play. One shifter was working on fixing up a car. I stopped to watch him working with the tools under the hood. He was sweating and covered in grease, but he looked determined and seemed to be enjoying the work. I moved on and paid close attention to the tasks all the shifters were completing. Someone was working on a painting, another shifter was knitting while watching a couple of kids play.

All of them looked at ease and comfortable. They had hobbies and seemed content. The problem was that every time I tried to picture myself doing the things they were doing, I cringed internally. I had no interest in knitting or painting or even fixing a car. Though, I did like the idea of having a car so I could come and go as I pleased.

A familiar laugh grabbed my attention and I turned to see Sheila walking hand in hand with the female from last night. She noticed me and waved, then changed direction to walk over to where I was.

I headed over to meet her. “Looks like you two had a good night.”

“It was a great night, wasn’t it, Anja?” Sheila pulled Anja closer to her and I noticed a crimson tint on both their cheeks.

“Okay, so you two are adorable and don’t make me jealous at all,” I said.

“So she didn’t hook up with Alec,” Anja said.

I scoffed. “Sheila! I told you that was not going to happen.”

Sheila shrugged. “You just keep fighting it.”

Nope. No way. I was not going to let Sheila’s taunting get to me after everything Greta just told me. Figuring out my shit had nothing to do with Alec. Was he hot as fuck? Yes. Was I attracted to him? Yes. But I wasn’t interested in a one-night-stand with him or anyone else.

“Did you see Greta yet?” Sheila asked.

“Yes. I have to figure out what I want out of life, I guess.” My shoulders slumped. “Does anyone know what they want out of life when they’re nineteen?”

“I do,” Anja said.

“You do?” I lifted my eyebrows.

“I’m not going to stay here forever,” she said. “I needed a place to recover and get my head together. In the fall, I’ll head to the city and I’m going to audition for the Ballet Company.”

Anja did have the tall, slender build of a ballerina. “Were you a dancer before you came here?”

“I was, but it wasn’t my choice. I got burned out and thought it was dancing I hated. Turns out, I hated having controlling parents who forced me into it while never allowing a break,” she said. “Did you know the first time I ever had a cupcake was when I arrived here? Even my diet was monitored to the very last crumb.”

“That sounds awful,” I said.

“I know dancing professionally won’t be easy. I have the discipline and the drive, but it needs to be mine,” she said.

“I get that.” It was as if Greta had freaking planned this conversation. Good for Anja, she had a plan. What the fuck was mine?

“If you ever get the opportunity to hook up with a dancer…” Sheila said.

Anja elbowed her in the side. “Hey.”

Sheila laughed. “I’m sorry but it’s true.”

“What about you?” I asked.

“I’m good here,” Sheila said. “I get to help protect people like me who have nowhere else to go. But I’m twenty, so maybe that’s why I have my shit together.”

I smiled. “I thought I had my shit together.”

“You know what helped me the most?” Anja asked.

“What?”

“Living. Not obsessing or thinking or worrying. Just living. Maybe you need to do something fun, take your mind off things,” she suggested. “When I arrived here, it was the first time in my life I didn’t have every minute of my day planned. I did whatever I felt compelled to do. The rest seemed to work itself out in the background while I was busy enjoying my life.”

“I’m not great at doing nothing,” I admitted.

“So find something to fix or help with,” Sheila offered.

“Alright, I will.” I turned and headed toward the male who was fixing the car.

“Good luck,” Sheila called after me.

“Can I help you with that?” I asked.

An older male with gray hair and a lined face looked up from the hood of the car. “You want to help me fix my car? You a mechanic or something?”

“Not at all. I want to learn. And I need a distraction, if I’m being honest,” I said.

He narrowed his eyes and stared at me for a moment. Then he handed me a wrench. “Alright. Might as well put you to work.”