Shadow Empire by Bri Blackwood
Grace
1Grace
Death was a part of my job. It wasn’t something that I liked or preferred, but I understood that there was a chance that it would happen on my watch.
And it didn’t get any easier.
My career as an emergency room physician brought many highs and lows, and you never knew what each shift was going to bring you.
And today was one of those lows.
Watching him take his last breath with no loved ones nearby was heart wrenching. And here I was having to tell his daughter that her father had died before she arrived. It’s hard not to let it get to you.
I lost him.
Looking down at his still warm body in this hospital bed didn’t help my thoughts. I had done everything I could to save him, but in the end, death had taken him. He was too young, still in his fifties. It wasn't fair.
It didn’t stop the thoughts that clouded my mind as I wondered if I had been better at my job, would he have lived? Maybe that was too much to take on my shoulders, but it couldn't be helped. I became an ER doctor to help people survive. Today, I failed.
Now, as I stood hovering over his bedside, I knew I had to prepare myself. Telling a patient’s family was never easy, and his daughter was on her way here, to stand vigilant at his bedside while he recovered. But there would be no recovery. His injuries from the crash had been too severe and now I had to break the news that she was too late. He'd passed on with no one, but his medical team at his side.
A knock on the door caused my gaze to shift and I watched Dr. Anita Nepal open the door and walk into the room. A mix of emotions filled me, and I sniffled in an attempt to keep from shedding tears. I rolled my shoulders back and turned to face her.
“Grace?”
“Yes?”
“Do you need anything?”
I shook my head. I appreciated her concern, but there was nothing she could do. What was done was done, and there was nothing that could change fate.
“The patient’s next of kin should be here shortly.”
“I know.” I paused and took a deep breath before I continued. “Did Stewart Carnaby survive?”
Dr. Nepal nodded. “Yes. And he’s in stable condition. Your sharp thinking saved his life.”
A rush of breath left my body as I closed my eyes. At least one person had been saved from the horrible wreck that the patients were in. But my thoughts drifted back to the family that was now missing a loved one. Someone who left this world too soon because of something that could have been prevented. The accident was presumed to be a hit-and-run, and the paramedics had raced the driver and passenger of the hit car to the hospital. And now I knew only one had survived.
With a weary sigh, I stood up and rolled my neck, preparing to take on this next challenge: having to tell someone that their loved one was no longer alive.
I steeled my feelings so that I could be strong even though I was about to break someone’s heart. I walked over to the lone sink in the room and washed my hands. When I looked up in the mirror, there was no disguising the shadows that had made their home under my eyes. I was willing to admit that tonight had taken a toll on me physically as well as mentally.
With a heavy heart, I dried my hands off and turned to leave. I was about to drastically change a family’s life forever.
When I left the room, I first confirmed where the next of kin was and any information that had been gathered about her. With the details in my mind, I knocked on the door and opened it before walking inside.
Kendra Lennon rushed over to me so quickly that I took a small step back involuntarily. She looked barely twenty and she was going to find out that she had to bury her father. I couldn’t imagine having to bury any of my family members, let alone at her age.
“Please tell me my father is okay.” When I didn’t answer right away, she said, “Oh. No.”
She violently shook her head for a second. “No, no, no.” Tears flooded her eyes before streaming down her face.
“Kendra, the car accident was severe. He was in grave condition when he arrived, and we did everything we could to save him. I’m so sorry to say that unfortunately we weren’t successful, and your father passed away.”
The scream she let out when I confirmed her worst nightmare was something I don’t think I’ve ever heard come from a human before. She walked toward me and this time I didn’t move back when she threw herself into my arms.
She cried with me holding on to her as I barely held it together myself.
* * *
I knewDennis Lennon’s death would haunt me. For how long? Who know, but more than likely, it would until the next one.
Was there something more I could have done? I closed my eyes and shook my head. I had done everything possible for him.
It was like this every time I lost a patient. I always wondered, what if, but even after recounting everything I did or could have done differently, I came back to the fact that it was out of my hands.
Not even the hot water from what was normally a relaxing shower could ease the weariness that was floating through my body. I knew going into this job that chances were I couldn’t save everyone. Still, it didn’t help contain the emotions that I felt after a loss of human life. I watched as the water swirled down the drain, much like the life of my patient leaving his eyes.
Late shifts at the hospital varied, but tonight was one of the worst nights in a while. I ran my hands across my face, hoping the motion would push the thoughts further back in my mind, and it somewhat did. Maybe watching a mindless reality television show would help?
I turned off the shower and stood still for a moment, allowing the water to drip off me. I watched as the last of the water went down the drain before opening the sliding door and grabbing my towel. Once I had dried off and thrown a robe on, I let my hair hang in damp ringlets on my shoulders. An alcoholic beverage was out of the question for me because soon the sun would be rising, but I was determined to watch at least one episode of something I’d taped on my DVR.
I glanced at my phone, which had been thrown on my couch in my haste to take a shower, and didn’t see any notifications, which was not surprising given how late it was. Being able to laugh at a television show helped shake the sadness that had taken over my mind and shifted the memory I had of Kendra’s face when I told her that her father had died. I could still hear her wailing. She ended up being the one to identify Dennis, and I felt guilty that she’d had to do that all by herself. When she turned in my arms and wept into my shoulder, I hadn’t been able to stop the couple of tears that left my eyes either.
I turned off the television and stood up from my couch. Before I knew it, the short walk from my living room to my bedroom was mostly a blur because I didn’t remember moving at all. Maybe attempting to sleep this off would do me a lot of good.
The urge to go back into the bathroom to do my nighttime routine was there, but I couldn’t make my body move again. Skipping it for one night wouldn’t be the end of the world.
I turned on the lamp closest to me and stared for a moment. Normally, I didn’t mind sleeping alone and craved having time to myself, but this evening was different. Having someone I was close to and trusted to talk about my feelings with would have been a beautiful thing, but I couldn’t remember when I last went on a date. I refused to call my mother or brother to burden them with my problems. After all, they needed to get up in the morning and go to work, so disturbing their sleep would be selfish on my part.
I could call Dad if I knew or cared where that asshole was. The only thoughts I’d want to give him would be to give him a piece of my mind over what the hell he'd done to our family. Then again, I really didn't want to see, let alone speak to the man ever again, so it was probably best not to even imagine how that call would go.
With a heavy sigh, I walked over to my window to close my blinds and noticed that someone had parked across the street and had just turned off their headlights mere seconds earlier. I couldn’t make out the exact color or make of the car from here, but I waited to see what the driver would do, more so out of curiosity and another distraction from going to bed. When the driver didn’t get out of the car within a minute, I closed the blinds, leaving rest of the world where it should be: outside.
I crawled into bed, hopeful that sleep would soon overtake my body and leave all of today’s troubles in the past, and that tomorrow would be a better day.