The Embrace by Vivian Wood

19

We've barely touched down in New York city when I get the call from Lucas.

Picking up the phone call while I am hurrying Kaia into the back of my limo, I answer. “Hello?”

I hear him draw a long breath before he answers. “Calum, I'm calling you from the hospital. Anita died this morning in her sleep.”

I slow my footsteps to a halt, pausing with a hand on the open back door of the limo. My heart squeezes uncomfortably in my chest. I don't say anything right away but my brain is abuzz.

Lucas pushes on, sounding frazzled. “Hello? Calum, you gotta say something so that I know that you heard me.”

I clear my throat. “Yeah, I heard you. That's… sad, I guess.”

I hear him heave a sigh. “It's been a long time coming. I don't suppose that you want to see her or anything, right?”

That gets my heart rate going faster. “No thanks, brother. Do you need me to do anything?”

“No. I wanted to make sure that you knew. Also to ask if you knew of any family she might have had. Otherwise, I think I'll skip the ceremony and the funeral and just have her cremated…”

I exhale. Then I slide into the back seat next to Kaia, closing the back door. I clear my throat, looking over to my girlfriend’s preoccupied face. She’s looking down at her phone, wholly absorbed.

“Calum?” Lucas prompts me again.

“Yeah. Uh, Anita had some family in California, I think. You might want call them and see about where you should bury her.”

Kaia’s brow puckers and she looks up, vaguely concerned.

“I’m all over it. Don't worry about it,” Lucas assures me.

I glance at Kaia, my brows knitting. “Well, thanks for letting me know I guess.”

“No problem. I should get going. I have a ton of people to talk to today.”

He hangs up rather abruptly and I frown as I slide the phone into my pocket. The limo pulls away from the curb and I sigh heavily.

“That was Lucas. He called to tell me that Anita died.”

Kaia is eyebrows rise. “Who?”

I realize suddenly that I haven't been keeping Kaia abreast of the Anita situation. As a matter of fact, I kept it very quiet. I frown.

“The woman that took us in after my mother passed away.” I pause, licking my lips and glancing out the window. “She was also my first sexual encounter.”

Silence reigns for half a minute. When I look over at Kaia, she is still blinking slowly.

“So… she was a pretty big part of your life, then?”

“No.” I shake my head. “She was…” I glance away again. “It’s complicated. But she was pretty abusive at the best of times.”

Kaia reaches out and takes my hand, gripping it tightly. She looks at me, her gaze steady on my face. “I’m sorry to hear that she passed.”

I shrug a shoulder and look forward, away from Kaia's searching gaze. “Don't be.”

Kaia tugs at my hands, drawing my gaze back to her. “Is there anything that you need from me? Anything I can do?”

I shake my head and remain silent. But inside, I can feel a primal scream welling up and pushing at my throat.

Having Kaia mourn Anita would be way too much for me to handle.

The ride home is a mercifully quick. I am clenching my fists by the time that Kaia and I get out of the car in downtown Manhattan. She keeps glancing at me nervously on the elevator ride up to the penthouse.

“You sure there isn't anything I can do?” she asks. “Maybe we should talk about Anita a little?”

It takes all my willpower to keep myself from glowering at Kaia. “I think I'm going to go work out. I need to be alone for a little bit.”

Kaia is eyes widened but she just nods. “Okay. I'm here if you need me.”

Leaving Kaia behind, I change my clothes and head to the now often neglected gym. I drill myself on burpees and free weights and then jump rope until I am drooping with exhaustion. The entire time, all I can think about is the first time that Anita undressed before me. How nervous I was, how guilty I felt, how I couldn't help but feel a little excitement shudder down my spine.

I drop the jump rope to the floor and put my hands on my knees, gasping for air. It feels like my knowledge of Anita's death is a poison in my veins, a toxin, something that I can exercise away. But clearly that's not true.

How have I handled deaths in the past?

Well, I didn't. Why mom's death passed without being mourned. Whatever I felt about my mother was all bundled up in Anita's seduction of me. And since then, I haven't ever had anybody close to me pass away.

I’ve kept my circle close knit, probably to prevent anybody being able to hurt me.

I shake myself and strip off my light jacket, heading to the shower because it's the only thing I can think of to do. I pass Kaia as I peel off my sweat soaked T-shirt on the way into my master bathroom.

She watches me with worried eyes but I don't know how to communicate the strangeness of what I feel.

Anger.

Anguish.

And even a little bit of sadness.

How do I say any of that to Kaia and have her understand?

I turn the shower on and lean my head against the glass walls, waiting for it to heat up. Kaia appears at the bathroom doorway, her expression unreadable. I glance back at her, giving her a bitter smile.

“You don’t have to check on me or anything. I’m a grown up.”

She crosses her arms and leans against the doorway. “I know.”

Feeling strangely naked, I grab a towel and wrap it around my waist. If Kaia notices my sudden shyness, she doesn't remark upon it. She just tilts her head to the side.

“Can I ask you a question about something you said earlier?”

I can't even bear to look at her so I just shrug, facing the shower wall. If only the damn thing will heat up more quickly, I could get away from these prying questions. But the shower is only just beginning to steam up. So I'm stuck.

“Sure,” I say. I try to keep my expression emotionless even though it's not what I feel inside.

“Earlier when we were in the car? You called Anita abusive. And I was wondering… well, what that means exactly.”

I risk a glance back over my shoulder. Kaia is still there, waiting so patiently. I suck in a deep breath and take a long time to expel it from my lungs.

“Anita was the first woman I ever had sex with. It happened when I was thirteen, just after my mother had died.” I take a deep breath and glance away from her searching gaze. “I don't think it would be considered strictly consensual in today's terms.”

Her eyes widen. She bites her lower lip, clearly taken aback by my statement.

“Oh, Calum… I had no idea. I’m so sorry. That must've been terrible for you.”

I can't even bring myself to shrug. I feel like I'm made of granite, rooted to the ground where I stand. Kaia approaches me, gently touching my arm. I push out a shaky breath, looking at the ground.

“I’m really sorry.” She squeezes my wrist.

“It's okay. I am glad that she is dead, actually. Is that weird to say?”

I feel her hug me delicately from behind. “Does it matter whether I think it is weird or not? In my view, you can feel however you want to feel.”

I lean back into her touch for just a second, then straighten. “I should get in the shower.”

Kaia peers around my shoulder, her eyes scanning my face. “Can I come in with you?”

I ball up my face. “I don't really want shower sex right now.”

“Is that all I'm good for these days? I think you should let me join you just so that you don't have to be alone.”

I heave a sigh and shrug one shoulder. “Whatever makes you happy, beauty.”

To my surprise, Kaia doesn't say a word. She just strips off her dress, throwing it on the cool tile floor. I shed my towel and step into the hot, steamy spray of the water.

She's right behind me, leaning around me to grab the soap. When I don't say a word, she takes the soap and runs it over my shoulders and down my back, down my abs and to my thighs. She is very careful to avoid anything that would be perceived as sexual.

For some reason, that drives me crazy. I’m angry and sad and about a heartbeat away from turning into a raging monster. And here she is, being so gentle, touching me so delicately that I could scream.

I turn with a growl and grab her hands, leaning down and kissing her so fiercely that she gasps.

It only takes two steps for me to pin her against the wall and run my big hands over her breasts, her ass, to pull her leg up around my body and lift her.

When I penetrate her, her body isn't fully ready for me. Her pussy isn't slick with need yet. But she just groans and pulls me down to her mouth, kissing me insistently, thrusting against my cock. I groan and lift her higher, starting to move my hips and thrust back into her.

Fuck, she’s so god damn good. So tight. So fucking perfect, moaning my name like an incantation. I worship her, kneeling at her altar, my breath ripped from my lungs again and again in steamy pants. My hands are everywhere, touching her hot wet curves, making her moan like she has never moaned for another man.

“Oh Calum,” she whispers into my neck. “Fuck. Fuck! I’m going to—“

She cries out and shatters into a million tiny pieces, her pussy spasming, bringing me right to the edge.

Just before I come, I feel like I’m engaging in the most pure and holy act. And for a while, I forget everything else in the world even exists. I am so wrapped up in Kaia's sweet body that I can’t think about anything else.