Take My Breath Away by Ali Ryecart

Chapter Thirteen

JAMES

When the bill arrives I go to pick it up, completely forgetting Perry’s insisted on paying. I don’t want him to pay and I have to tamp down my natural inclination to take the lead.

“Thank you,” I say. He looks pleased, and I smile, because that pleases me.

As he deals with the bill and chit chats with the waiter, I think back to the incident in the bar

What happened was an accident, I know it was, yet my reaction was extreme. Seeing the guy’s hand on Perry and the leer in his eyes when they raked over him, every button and switch had been pressed and flicked. And that’s not me, it’s not who I am. Not when it comes to men.

Or not until now.

I throw back the rest of my beer, and scrub my fingers through my hair.

When was the last time I reacted like that? Over Alex, maybe? If I did, I don’t remember. But when that guy touched Perry…

“James?”

Perry’s already standing, ready to leave.

“Sorry, I was miles away. Come on, let’s go.” I get up and head out first. I don’t want to meet his eye, not yet, scared he’ll read the thoughts that are swimming too damn near to the surface.

Outside, the streets are more crowded than ever. Even though it’s summer there’s a hint of chill in the air, yet it’s not enough to stop drinkers from spilling out of the pubs and clogging up the pavement. Friday night, and people are fuelling up before they head off to late-night bars and clubs and everything those places promise. Any other Friday night I’d be doing the same.

“Would you like to go for a drink somewhere, or get a coffee?”

Perry shakes his head. “I think I’d rather just go back if you don’t mind?”

And I don’t mind, I don’t mind at all. I go to hail a cab but he pulls my arm down.

“There is such a thing called the underground you know. And Leicester Square tube station’s just up the road. It’s only a handful of stops to Highgate.”

“Do you really expect me to travel on the underground?” I glare at him in mock outrage. But he’s right, and I’ve got a pass which I might as well use. We grin at each other and we head off to the tube.

Everybody’s travelling into the centre of the city rather than out of it, and the pair of us board a near empty carriage. Sitting side by side, our thighs bump each other’s. I could shift my legs but I don’t really want to. We start to chat but the trundling of the train is noisy and defeats attempts at conversation. On the seat next to him, Perry picks up a discarded copy of the Metro, the free London newspaper, and flicks through it, as we sit in companionable silence.

Glancing around I catch our reflections in the window opposite us, against the dark background of the tunnel. Our bodies are angled towards each other; the train jolts, jolting us with it. When I look again we’ve shifted positions, and I wonder if my imagination has played a trick, making me see what’s not really there.

It doesn’t take long for the train to pull into Highgate station, and a ten minute stroll later we’re back at the house. I let us both in, gladder than I’ve been in a long time to close the door on the world.

“I can make the coffee, if you like?” Perry says.

“Sure, but why don’t we get comfortable first? I don’t know about you but I’m sick and tired of having been trussed up in a suit all day.”

At the top of the stairs, he goes one way and I go another. I peel off my suit and hang it up, imagining Perry doing the same, behind his closed door.

Stripped off, I disappear into the en-suite and step into the shower, turning the tap to full. Throwing back my head and letting the hard jet of hot water drench me, my mind wanders.

In what feels like little more than the blink of an eye, my life has been turned upside down. I’ve had no thought about bars and pubs, other than tonight with Perry. Clubs and parties haven’t crossed my mind. My hook up apps have been turned off, and I’ve cancelled my membership of the exclusive escort agency I’ve used from time to time. Aiden hasn’t called back, and I wonder if he will. I like the guy, not just for the wild sex we’ve indulged in over the last couple or so years, but for the man he is — or for the man he’s chosen to reveal to me. Yet, if I were never to hear from him again, would I be sorry? I already know the answer.

Now, all I can think about is getting home as soon as I can. It doesn’t matter that Perry’s mostly been in bed and fast asleep by the time I’ve got home, what’s important is knowing he’s here.

Elliot would be proud of me. I huff, sniff up a noseful of water, and sneeze.

My body’s slippery with shower gel. Soaping around my balls, my cock stiffens.

“Ah, shit.”

They’re heavy, and my cock’s standing to full attention.

Running my hand down my full length, I lave my thumb pad over the nervy slit. My breath hitches and escapes in a shaky exhale. This isn’t a pleasure, this is a need. It’s about achieving release and emptying my balls, and it doesn’t take more than a few frantic tugs on my dick to have me spraying over the tiled walls of the shower cubicle, Perry’s name stuttering from my tongue. The splattered cum’s washed away almost immediately and I press my brow to the wall and breathe out hard and deep.

Christ, but Perry doesn’t need this. He doesn’t need this now and he doesn’t need it from me, fantasising over him as I jack off in the shower like some randy, out of control teenager. He’s come out of a bad relationship, and needs to get himself together. I’ve offered him a place of safety, a sanctuary where he can do just that. I’ve offered him, for want of a better word, my protection, and I’m not going betray that promise.

I can’t betray it, even though my slutty ways as Elliot describes them, are hammering at me to do just that.

Running my hands down my face, I step out of the shower and dry off before pulling on some loose tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt. Closing the door on my bedroom, I make my way downstairs. Perry’s beaten me to the kitchen, where the rich scent of coffee hangs in the air.

He’s already pouring, and he nods towards a packet of biscuits on the counter.

“I bought those a couple of days ago.”

Chocolate Hobnobs. Sweet, crunchy, and delicious.

“I’ll put out for these, every single time,” I say, picking up the packet and grinning, but Perry only answers with a tut and an eye roll.

With coffee and biscuits in hand, we head to the living room where we huddle on the sofa.

There’s not a lot on TV, so I stream a film.

“Oh, this is really good,” he says, getting comfortable before munching down on a biscuit.

He’s next to me but not close enough to touch and as the drama unfolds he’s as still as a statue, engrossed in the film. I slide a glance his way. He’s not engrossed, but asleep, and he’s listing towards me. A moment later he slumps against my shoulder, out for the count. He doesn’t wake up as small breaths and a gentle snore pouts his lips.

Slipping an arm lightly around his shoulders, I anchor him to me. I’d be happy to sit here all night like this, but I know that can’t be. Gently, I disengage myself from him and get up.

“Hey.” I give him a soft shake. “Maybe it’s time you went to bed.”

Perry’s eyes flicker open, and for a moment he stares up at me as if he’s not sure who or where he is, or who I am.

“I’m sorry, I must be more tired than I thought.” He pushes himself up to standing, but he’s still more asleep than awake and he stumbles.

I catch him in my arms and hold him lightly, telling myself it’s just to stop him from falling. He blinks up at me but doesn’t move, and I force myself to take a step back.

“Are you okay to make your way to bed?”

He nods. “Yes, I’ll be fine.” He hesitates for a moment and I’m sure he’s going to say more, but he doesn’t. Giving me a sleepy smile, he staggers off and I listen as he makes his way up the stairs.

I switch off the drama on the TV that’s no match for the drama in my heart. Pouring myself a brandy, I settle back into the sofa. It still bears his presence, the warmth of where he’s been, along with the sweet vanilla scent of his shampoo as I ask myself, just what the hell’s happening?