Take My Breath Away by Ali Ryecart
Chapter Fifteen
JAMES
Since Aiden’s sudden appearance, on Saturday, I’ve been edgy. There’s no other way to describe it. I’m not an edgy person, never have been, but I am now.
I don’t like surprises, being left unprepared and caught on the hop, or situations and events slipping their leash; but that’s exactly what happened when Aiden walked into the café.
It was like two completely separate parts of my life collided, each alien to the other. I’d seen the way Aiden’s eyes had raked over Perry, and I’d known exactly what he’d been thinking. Like with the guy in the bar, it’d taken every part of me not to bare my teeth, growl and bite like a damn guard dog. There was no reason why he wouldn’t have looked at Perry and thought about how to include him in the games we’ve played so many times. Aiden knows me, or thinks he does, yet for the first time ever I’m wondering whether I really know myself.
I take a deep breath before I sip my drink and look out over The Breaker’s Yard, watching out for Elliot’s arrival, but my mind soon drifts as it goes over, yet again, what happened in the café.
“Whatever it is you’re thinking about, stop it now because it’s making you look as miserable as sin.”
Elliot drops into the seat in front of me. He’s looking well, better than I’ve seen him in God alone knows how long. Well, and content, and happy. Elliot’s another who craves the always and forever life. He’s got that with Freddie, his soon-to-be husband. They’ve even got a dog, even if the stinky, farty thing was Elliot’s first. Elliot peers at me, a frown carving itself into his brow.
“Are you all right? Do you have wind? I’ve some Rennies in my briefcase if you want some?” I glare in response, but Elliot only grins. “You’re lucky I’m free this evening. Monday is normally our intermediate salsa class night but this week—”
I sit up straight. “Excuse me? Salsa? You’re learning to salsa?” Even in the flickering lamps lighting up The Yard, it’s easy to see Elliot’s gone red. “What’s Tuesday? Couple’s Crochet? Gay Gardening?”
“We’ve been going to class for a while, because we want to do more than stumble around for our first dance,” Elliot says, as he looks around for somebody to take our order, deftly avoiding my eye.
His and Freddie’s first dance as married men, at their summer wedding next year. Elliot’s still tomato red, and still avoiding my eye, and out of nowhere an overwhelming tide of love and affection for this man rushes through me.
“You and Freddie will be spectacular together.” And they will be too, but it’s not the dance I’m thinking of. I clear my throat of the emotion that’s making it rough and dry.
“James, are you all right?” Elliot finally gives up pretending to beckon a member of staff, and turns his attention to me.
“I’m fine.” I catch the eye of a young waiter, who bustles over. I know what Elliot wants without asking, and I order us two large G&Ts, before I turn my attention back to him. He’s giving me a critical, questioning look.
“What?”
“Are you sure you’re okay? No recent bang on the head? Or a sudden loss of appetite?”
Elliot’s doing his best to keep his face straight but he’s having a hard time of it.
“What are you talking about?”
“You completely ignored the waiter. Blond, pretty, nice arse, etcetera etcetera, and you didn’t even glance at him. Something must be up. Or not.” Elliot snorts at his own joke, just as the waiter returns.
This time I do look. The waiter’s exactly what Elliot says he is. He smiles at me, the come-on shining bright in his eyes. Any other time, I’d have already arranged to meet him for some quick and dirty fun, but his blue eyes aren’t chocolate brown, and his blond hair isn’t the colour of autumn leaves. I nod my thanks for the drinks and turn away.
“Well, that’s a first,” Elliot mumbles, as he raises his glass to his lips.
Sipping his drink, his eyes never leave mine. He’s waiting for me to speak, to reveal why I sent him a text just an hour ago asking him to meet me.
I want to tell him about me and Perry. Except, of course, there is no me and Perry, not in the way most would understand that.
“Look, I suppose I should have told you before, but Perry—”
“You mean sugar on legs.” Elliot snorts again, the second time in less than ten minutes. “That’s how you described my Executive Assistant to me, one time. Do you remember? It took me a good couple of days to look him in the eye. Anyway, what about him?” Before the words are out of his mouth, his eyes widen. He puts down his glass with a clunk. “Oh no, don’t tell me he’s finally succumbed to your cheesy flirting?”
“I’ll ignore that remark. And my flirting isn’t cheesy. Look, Perry’s staying with me, just for now. He’s renting a room in my house because he needed to find somewhere else to live, and fast. I don’t want to make a thing about it, but I thought you should know. In case you call round, and, erm, find him there. At my house.”
“Whatever it was I was expecting, that wasn’t it.” Tilting his head to the side, Elliot studies me.
I’m not a man who’s easily intimidated, and I certainly don’t cringe, but I’m having a hard time meeting Elliot’s steady, level gaze. He’s a master of the silent stare, just as I am, but right now, in this very moment, cringe is exactly what I want to do.
“Well, I thought at least one of you would have told me, although technically it’s not my business.” He sounds put out, even a little hurt, because by one of you, he really means me. “So why is he staying with you?”
I explain as succinctly as I can the broad facts, but leave out Perry’s stint at basement living. I also tell him Perry’s considering a change of career, as part of his life reassessment post the shit of a boyfriend. I’ve no doubt overstepped the mark on that front, but it’s too late to backtrack.
“The change in career doesn’t surprise me.”
“Oh.” I’m taken aback by Elliot’s calm acceptance.
He smiles. “I’ve seen what he can do. My chief accountant got married a few months ago, and Perry made and decorated her wedding cake. It was amazing, a work of art. He’s exceptionally talented and he should put those talents to good use.”
“He showed me some photos,” I say, nodding. “Like you say, works of art. Yet you seem extremely relaxed knowing the best Executive Assistant you’ve ever had is going to be leaving you in the lurch. Aren’t you concerned about that?”
I wish I could bite back my words, which feel mean spirited, because I couldn’t imagine anybody less likely than Perry to do something like that.
“He won’t leave me in the lurch, as you put it.” Elliot’s words echo my thoughts. “Perry’s not like that. I don’t expect him to stay my assistant for ever, but I’ll miss him when he does decide to move on — which should probably be sooner rather than later so he capitalises on the impetus created by the sudden change in his circumstances. Catastrophes often create opportunities, and this sounds like it might be his. The boyfriend, or should I say ex-boyfriend, sounds like a piece of work. Perry’s well rid. I should be grateful it was you who found him and came to his rescue. So, how long has he been with you?”
“Just a few weeks, not long.”
“Weeks? Not days?” Elliot narrows his eyes, as a sly smile lifts his lips.
“Perry moving in, does it explain your complete and total disinterest in the waiter? His interest was flashing like a Belisha beacon, and you didn’t even notice. That’s not the James I know, love, and completely despair of.”
“No, of course it doesn’t.”
My interest in other men has taken a nosedive since I brought Perry home. I can tell myself that having him stay has cramped my style, but it’d be a steaming heap of bull. If I want a man, I can have a man, anytime and anywhere I want. The simple fact is, I don’t want. I’ve no interest, and it’s the first time I haven’t been interested in men pretty much since I was hanging off my mother’s tit. I think of Aiden, temptation oozing from every pore. Deliciously dirty Aiden, who’s as hot as they come, who now, and just as he did in the café a couple of days back, leaves me stone cold.
The loud, theatrical cough grabs my attention. Elliot’s looking at me still, an amused smile tugging at his lips.
“You were miles away, which is also not like you. Are you sure you’re not James’ long lost twin?” I give him my best glare but all he does is raise a brow as he sips his drink. “Perry’s very young,” he adds.
“I could remind you you’re on the point of marrying a man half your age, the same age more or less as Perry.”
“Touché,” he mutters. “I know he’s not a kid, but in many ways it’s how I’ve always thought of him, because he looks so much younger than he is. A scarily efficient kid, but a kid all the same. Just be careful with him.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Elliot sighs, but he meets my gaze and his doesn’t waver.
“He’s fantastic at his job, he doesn’t take BS from anybody and that includes me, but for all that I think he’s quite a sensitive soul and easily hurt.”
“And you think I’m going to hurt him?” I snap. “I told you, he’s just lodging with me.”
“Why are you being so defensive?”
“I’m not.” So much for not being caught on the hop, or the back foot. Any pretence that I’m running things here is unraveling like a ball of string.
Elliot doesn’t speak for a few seconds, but when he does his voice is measured, his words chosen with care.
“If he’s just been through a break up, he’ll be vulnerable even if he doesn’t think he is. No matter how good a front he puts on, something inside will be fractured. Maybe even broken. He’ll need time to mend, and the right person to help him.” Elliot leans back, closing in on himself, shoulders hunching.
Oh, Jesus… If anybody knows about break ups, it’s Elliot. I take his hands in mine, and squeeze tight, just for a moment, before I let go. He’s talking about himself as much, if not more so, than Perry. Elliot’s been damaged too, left broken by betrayal, but he’s been mended and made stronger by having Freddie in his life. For a blinding, devastating second, it’s intoxicating to think that I could be the one to heal Perry, but Elliot’s next words are ice cold sobriety.
“Don’t give him false hope.”
“What do you mean?” My words are glass shards in my throat.
“James, I’ve got eyes in my head. All the flirting when you’ve visited the office, it’s always been… What’s the word I’m looking for?” Frowning, he drums his fingers on the table. “Intense, I suppose. More so than with the likes of…” He gestures towards the bar, to the waiter, to the barman, to every man Elliot’s seen me tease. “Don’t do anything to make him believe that you’re giving him anything more than a helping hand when he needs it.”
“Or a promise I’m incapable of keeping, you mean?” I can’t keep the sneer out of my voice. Elliot continues to hold me with his cool blue gaze.
“That’s exactly what I mean. He’s not a toy to be picked up, played with, and thrown aside. That’s what you do, James, you always have. I’m not judging you—”
“It damn well feels like it. I wanted to tell you the situation because I thought you had some kind of right to know, as my friend and Perry’s employer, but maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.”
“Stop throwing your fucking toys out the pram.”
It’s not the hard edge in Elliot’s voice that jerks me backwards, it’s that he’s sworn. Elliot rarely swears, or gives in to shows of temper. I feel chastised, as I’m sure I’m meant to.
“James, I’m not judging you. Really, I’m not,” he says, his voice softer. “But involvement, for want of a better word, doesn’t sit well with you. It never has. I don’t pretend to know anything of Perry outside of the work environment, but I think I’m a good enough judge of character to think he may be on a different page to the one you’ve spent your life writing on. Give him all the practical support and help he needs — and I’ll see about sorting out some kind of bonus. He works hard enough so it’s not like it’s not deserved. But for his sake, if nothing else, leave it at a friendly helping hand.”
Elliot swigs back the last of his drink. “I’ve got to go. There’s shepherds pie waiting for me.”
“Life on the edge, eh?”
“No, but it’s life exactly how I want it.”
Seconds later he’s gone, his words echoing around my head.
