Take My Breath Away by Ali Ryecart

Chapter Thirty-Three

PERRY

“Time to wake up head, sleepy head.”

James’ words come to me through a fog. I don’t want to wake up and let go of those soft and gentle kisses filling my dream. I groan and turn over, but his laughter and the fingers trailing over my back slowly return me to life. But it’s not just my head coming back to life, as I push my hips into the mattress in response to the pulse between my legs.

“Come on baby, rise and shine.”

I open an eye, and peer at James. He’s lying next to me, as fresh and awake as I’m not. He’s smiling and he looks so happy it makes my heart dance. His face is only inches from mine and I know all those delicious kisses were no dream, and my heart does a full-on jig.

“Morning,” I croak.

“It’s a beautiful day.” A soft smile plays on his lips, and his eyes are warm. It’s not just the weather he’s talking about.

He runs his palm down my cheek and over the scruff that’s prickling through my skin and I can’t help but push into his touch. My dick’s fully awake and even though James is as fresh as a daisy, I want to make him dirty again. I tilt my head to lay a kiss on his arm and look up at him through my lashes.

He laughs before he places a quick kiss on top of my head and rolls off the bed. My seduction technique obviously needs fine tuning. Then again, I am covered in dried cum, and stink of sweat and sex.

“Jump in the shower and then get dressed. We’re going out for breakfast.”

“Can’t we make it lunch?” I pat the bed, still warm from where he was lying on it.

“Greedy boy.” The words have nothing to do with food, not if his sultry smile’s anything to go by.

Maybe all he needs is a bit of gentle persuasion… The growly rumble of my stomach puts paid to that. Maybe breakfast isn’t such a bad idea after all.

He presses his lips to my ear and a shudder dances down my spine as his warm breath caresses my skin.

“You’ve got half an hour. If you are not ready by then I’ll drag you out.”

“Even if I’m still half-naked, for all the world to see?”

He narrows his eyes, dark and stormy, all playfulness gone. “I’m the only one you will ever be naked for, Perry Buckland.” His voice is low and tight, almost a hiss.

My breath catches in my throat, and the last traces of fog clears.

“Half an hour,” he says, as he whips the duvet away and dumps it on the floor.

I gasp as cold air hits my skin and I scramble to retrieve it, but he kicks it out of reach.

“You git.”

“Half an hour.”

A moment later he’s gone.

* * *

By the time we get out it’s closer to an hour and despite his growly threats, James doesn’t drag my partially clothed form out onto the street.

The café we pitch up at is buzzing. It’s just gone eleven o’clock and it’s packed. Breakfast has turned into brunch.

“This is great.” It’s also very Highgate, affluent with a touch of bohemian.

We order from the specials board, a kind of Full English but with a twist. When it comes, so much is piled up on the plate I swear the table groans under its weight.

“Oh God, this is lovely.” I crunch down on the thick slab of sourdough toast slathered in butter. I expect James to be equally enthusiastic but instead he answers with a hesitant smile.

The cocky and confident man of earlier is nowhere to be seen and I swallow the toast that now feels like a hard ball of concrete. My stomach bites down on itself and I wonder why there’s this sudden change in him. Maybe it was last night, maybe he regrets what happened… But I can’t believe that. It was perfect, absolutely perfect. For me. But maybe it was too much for him. Maybe my tears, my bloody stupid tears that came from I don’t know where have made him want to retreat.

My hands find the salt cellar and I turn it around and around and around. James is a man who wants no commitment in his life. And I agreed. I agreed because I was pathetically grateful for whatever he could give me, for the little time he could. But now—

He wants to step back, he wants his life to be as it was before. He’s brought me here to tell me that it’s time for us to move on…

I’ll smile and nod and agree and try to convince myself that this was always a deal.

“James?” I want him to say something, anything to relieve the heavy tension in my chest and allow me to breathe. I want this to be over.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about and I thought that doing it here might be easier.”

A crowded place where I’ll be less inclined to break down, or cry, or have a fit of histrionics. But I wouldn’t do any of those things and it pisses me off that he thinks I would. I sit up straight and pull my hands away from the salt cellar.

“I don’t know what it is you feel that you can’t talk to me about in the house, but if it’s about asking me to leave and make new arrangements then I understand. Staying with you was only ever meant to be a few nights but it’s turned into a lot more than that. You want your space. I get it. And anyway I need to put a rocket up myself to get somewhere in or close to Brighton.” I try to smile to show him I’m okay with what he’s on the brink of telling me, but my lips are refusing to obey.

“What?” His eyes open wide in a kind of horrified surprise, and the blood drains from his face as he stares at me.

“What do you mean, what?” I don’t understand his reaction. I’m confused and disorientated and all I can do is meet James’ stare across the weird kind of no man’s land that is the breakfast-strewn table.

“You think I’m asking you to leave?”

“Well, aren’t you?”

“No. Oh God Perry, no.” He pushes his fingers through his hair as he starts to laugh. I’m still not catching up with what’s going on and he must see it in my face. His laughter dies away and he takes my hands in his. “No, that’s not what I’m doing.” He looks down at our joined hands and brushes his thumbs across my knuckles. “What I’m trying to do, and very badly, is ask you to stay. To stay with me. To live with me, I suppose. Properly live with me.”

I can’t do anything other than gaze at him. I can’t speak; I can hardly even breathe.

“Can you say something? Anything?”

“Erm.”

“Erm. Is that it? Erm?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know. This wasn’t what I was expecting.”

“No, of course it wasn’t. Why would you? You’ve got all your plans. Moving to Brighton.” His shoulders sag. “I’m sorry. I’ve thrown a spanner in the works, I should never have—” He sits back and takes his hands from mine.

“No.” I pounce on his hands and drag them back. There’s no way, no way at all, I’m going to let this moment go. I suck in a deep breath. “It’s just a massive surprise, that’s all. But you’re right about something. I do have my plans, and I won’t give up on them. So I need to know, James, I need to know exactly what it is you’re asking me.”

My heart’s all but punching its way through my ribs. Me and James, and what we could be together… But he’s right about my plans.

I’ve always put myself second to every man in my life, always put what I wanted and needed to the side and all I’ve got for my trouble is a kick in the teeth. I’m drawn to the coast and Brighton’s a great place, but it’s also a symbol of my independence, of setting up on my own and carving out a business on my terms. As much as I want to jump up on the table and fist pump the air I can’t just roll over and say yes. God, as much as I want to do that, this time I can’t.

“I’m asking you not to leave, but to stay as—as my partner.” Two red patches appear on his cheeks. He laughs, but it’s unsure and nervous, and he can’t meet my eye. “I don’t have much of a track record, if any. You know what I’ve been like, I’ve never tried to gloss over that, but I’ve changed and it surprises me more than you can ever know.”

James looks up at me, at last, and when he does his eyes are somber and serious, another facet of this endlessly fascinating, captivating man.

“I’ve changed because of you, Perry. You. You’ve made me want to change. You’ve made me want to be a better man.”

A better man… To me, he’s the best man there is.

“I—I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m hoping you’re going to say yes. But I’m not, and never would, ask you to sacrifice your dreams and ambitions. I want to help you with them, Perry, I want to help you in any way I can to make them a reality. We can find you proper premises, a professionally set up kitchen with everything you need on a small business unit that’s aimed at start-ups. Do that here in London because you’ll have a better chance at making a success of it here rather than in some grim bungalow in Brighton. You can look at getting tangled up with me as a kind of business decision, if it helps.” He gives me a wan, tentative smile.

No, James will never be a cold business decision, not to me. He’s thought about it, he’s thought about what I need to help me become the man I want to be. I don’t have to think about it, I don’t have to take time, because I already know what my answer’s going to be.

“I rather liked the bungalow. It was the avocado bathroom suite and the pink tiling that sold it to me.”

“I’m not averse to retiling the bathroom in pink if that’s what you want.” He smile’s surer as hope lights up his eyes, but it flickers and dies. “I know you were enthusiastic about setting up on the coast—”

“Yes, but going down to Brighton was always about more than the place itself. It was about starting again, about doing what I wanted to do on my own terms. It was a symbol.”

“I know there’s a lot to consider. I’ll never stand in the way of what you want to do, I promise. You’ve got a remarkable talent and you need to use it. I want to help you realise your ambition but I want to help you realise it here, with me. Do you think that’s something you could want as well?”

It’s like he’s asking me if I want the sun to shine, or for it to snow on Christmas Day. Of course I want it. I answer him the only way I know how. I ease my hands away from his and place my palms on either side of his face and kiss him.

“Is that a good enough answer for you?” I murmur against his lips, before I kiss him again.