Take My Breath Away by Ali Ryecart

Chapter Thirty-Five

JAMES

The next few days are a whirlwind because I don’t want anything to stop the forward momentum that is me and Perry. I long ago vowed to never again commit myself, but not committing to Perry is an impossibility. The shy boy from whom I made it my mission to coax a smile or a laugh has burrowed under my skin and into my heart. This is everything I’ve told myself I’ve never wanted, but it’s everything I now do.

I’ve been in touch with Jack and explained about the change to Perry’s plans. I handed the phone over to Perry and left him to talk to my friend in private, but I couldn’t help standing outside the closed office door as the phone went on to speaker as Rory joined in the conversation. It made my heart warm, hearing my friends talk with enthusiasm about the plan to find premises. It’s right to say in London, they said, so much more chance of success. They’ve got contacts, they’d give Perry as much help as they could…

We’ve already looked at a couple or so units, but none have been quite right for different reasons, but the search is well and truly on and we’ll find somewhere Perry can set himself up and start the business I know he has his heart set on. I’m here by his side and I’m determined to help make his dream turn into a glittering reality.

Perry’s father’s been in touch and he’s persuaded Perry to go out to see him and Perry’s mum in Spain to try to heal the breach that’s grown up between them. He hadn’t wanted to go, not at first, but the last thing I want is for there to be a serious rift between him and his parents, so a week after we became official, Perry headed off for a long weekend. Already the house feels empty and unlived in without him. I hadn’t suggested I go with him and he hadn’t suggested it either, because it’s way too early to meet the parents — and maybe a little awkward too, considering I’m more their age than I am their son’s.

For now, I’m on my own. And I really am. The hook up apps are long gone, along with my account with the upmarket escort agency. Aiden’s number’s gone, too, although I felt I owed him some kind of explanation. I sent a text, it’s pretty much the only way we’ve ever communicated. I kept it brief, but he’d have read between the lines. James Campion, reinvented. I can only imagine his smirk when he opened the message.

With the working day drawing to a close, and no Perry to rush home to, I do what I’ve always done when I’ve felt restless and at a loose end. I call Elliot.

“Meet me for a drink at The Breaker’s Yard.”

“And hello to you, too.”

I laugh. “You know you want to, just for a quick one. It’s either that or I go home to an empty house and I don’t much fancy that yet.”

“What about me? I’m left without my Executive Assistant until Tuesday morning. Perry runs this office like clockwork and when he’s not here it teeters on the edge of anarchy.”

I take his comment as my cue.

“It’s actually about Perry I want to talk to you.”

There’s a short silence on the other end of the line. Elliot’s one of the smartest men I know and he’s probably already worked it out.

“I’ll call Freddie and tell him I’ll be late home. Have a G&T waiting for me in half an hour.”

* * *

I’ve barely got Elliot’s drink before he arrives.

“You’re looking very pleased with yourself. Or should I say more pleased than usual.” Elliot shakes out the light drizzle that’s settled on his raincoat and drapes it over the back of the chair before he sits down and looks at me, waiting for my answer.

I pick up my own drink and take a leisurely sip, drawing out the moment. Elliot scowls, impatience sparking off him.

“So you want to talk about Perry? Or is it that you want to talk about you and Perry?” He sits back in his seat and smiles.

Now who’s looking pleased with himself?

“First of all, you’ll be pleased to know he’s not hot footing it down to Brighton but,” I say, immediately extinguishing Elliot’s hope that he’ll keep hold of Perry for the foreseeable future, “that’s because he’s staying in London. He, or I should say we, are looking for premises so that he can really start to get going on his business.”

I pick up my own drink, finding my hand’s not as steady as it should be. I’m about to tell my oldest friend something that goes against everything I’ve always claimed. I don’t doubt Elliot’s already worked it out, and I know or at least I hope, he’ll be happy for me because he’s a complete believer in a settled and committed lifestyle. But I can’t help but be nervous.

“I see. Not that I’m in the least bit surprised.” He gives me a broad smile and leans forward, squeezing my hand briefly, and I feel a weight slide from my shoulders.

But I’m curious.

“You see what, exactly? Why aren’t you surprised?”

Elliot takes time to answer, a small and thoughtful frown wrinkling his brow as he works out what to say.

“What do I see? I see somebody who appears to be happier and more settled in himself and that’s good. More than good. You’ve lost that restless edge you’ve always had. Even when you were with Alex it was always there, but now?” He shrugs. “I don’t believe you’ve been truly happy with your life, despite all your assertions to the contrary. There was something missing. I could see it, even if you refused to. But these last few months, it’s as though you’ve found the missing piece, and it’s Perry. He’s brought something into your life you never had before. He’s filled the gap you always denied existed. I get that, I understand it. That’s what Freddie did for me. He made me whole, and Perry’s doing the same for you.”

“So, you’re saying love’s been your saviour, or some such.” I want to dismiss what he’s said with a smirk and a cynical arch of the brow. But I can’t. It’s what I’d have done just weeks ago, it’s what the old James would have done, but now…?

“Love? I’ve not said anything about love. It’s you who’s done that. But, yes, it’s true.”

I feel the heat burning in my cheeks. He’s right, it’s me who’s said the word I’ve not yet said to Perry and even hardly to myself. Elliot’s laugh is low and soft, and he shakes his head.

“Okay, okay. I won’t embarrass you any further though it is rather fun.”

“You’re a fucker, Hendricks. You know that, don’t you?” I say without any force or ill-feeling. He just laughs and I join in.

I briefly tell him what’s happened.

“So, he’s properly moved in with you. All thoughts about relocation to the coast now shelved, then?”

I nod. “We’re looking for a kitchen unit, like I said, proper business premises where he can operate from. We’ve already seen some places and I’m calling in a couple of contacts of mine for them to put their ear to the ground.”

I beckon a waiter over for a couple more drinks and when I turn back to Elliot he’s studying me with his cool blue eyes.

“You’re scrutinising me. Why?”

“Because you’ve changed and it suits you. I only hope it stays this way.”

“What do you mean?” Although I know exactly what he means. All my years of refusing to entertain any kind of commitment and even when I did, I treated it with little more than contempt.

“I’m not going to dice words with you, James, I’ve known you too long to do that.”

He leans forward, his eyes grave and steady as they lock onto mine.

“Don’t do anything stupid and risk screwing this up with him. Perry’s good for you, that’s easy to see. You feel like this now, and I hope to God that three months’, or six, or in a year’s time you still do, but if things change you have to do your level best to let him down gently and not break his heart.”

“You have that little faith in me?” I should be angry for what he’s said, but Elliot knows me as much as I know him, and if there’s any man in this world who can be honest with me, it’s the one sitting opposite me with the serious blue eyes.

“It’s not about me having or not having faith in you, it’s about you having faith in yourself. That’ll be the real test. If you want, you can throw your drink in my face and tell me to back off.”

“If anybody else had said that to me it wouldn’t just be a drink they’d be getting in their face. I have got faith in myself, just like I’ve got faith in Perry. This can work, I know it can.”

“Yes, it can, if you’re committed to making it work.” He smiles, his voice dropping a notch when he speaks. “Maybe, like me, you just had to wait for the right man to come along. Ah, just like our drinks.”

Two more G&Ts arrive, breaking up the charged atmosphere that’s spun itself around us.

“This is going to work, Elliot. I’m not going to screw this up. Surely you believe that?”

Elliot smiles, inclining his head before taking a drink.

We move to safer ground, talking of other things. It’s only when he gets up to leave, a short while after, that I realise he never answered my question.