Fated By Starlight by Krista Street

Chapter 20

~ WYATT ~

My breath caught in my throat as the scent of lilacs pummeled me. My wolf whined eagerly. Avery stood at the threshold, wearing an unsure smile while she held a plate of cookies.

I tightened the towel around my waist. I’d just showered and had hurried to answer the door, assuming it was another commander—not Avery Meyers.

Her eyes widened, and her nostrils flared, before her gaze traveled up and down my stomach and chest.

My muscles tightened automatically under her heated stare.

And then I remembered that nothing could come of this. I let my eyelids grow heavy, dipping to conceal my pleasure at seeing her again, but I would be lying to myself if I said I didn’t like the effect my naked chest was having on her.

I felt like puffing up like a peacock. Immature, but true.

Avery finally stopped ogling and lifted her face to mine. “Hi . . . I, uh, made you cookies.” She held the plate out. “You know, to fatten you up,” she said playfully.

I made sure to keep my look veiled and my expression neutral. “Oh, right. You didn’t need to do that.”

When I made no move to grab the plate, her hold faltered, and she brought the cookies back to her chest. “I’m sorry. I thought you’d like them, but—”

“No, it’s okay,” I said coolly. Dammit. As much as it thrilled me to see her, the sooner I got this done with, the better. “It’s a nice gesture, and I appreciate it, but I can’t accept them.”

“You can’t?”

“No, I . . .” I ran a hand through my wet hair, the other hand still holding the towel. “Shit, this is awkward.”

Her face fell, and she took a step back as my heart beat so hard I was certain she could hear it.

I gritted my teeth and prepared myself for what I had to do. We needed a clean break, which meant I needed to reject my mate. Fuck, I hated this. But in a couple of years, after my promise was kept and I could leave the SF, I could pursue her and beg for her forgiveness.

But now wasn’t an option. I couldn’t ask her to give up her future and career to sit here waiting around for me.

My wolf snarled.

Yeah, I know buddy, but fucking timing. I can’t control that.

I lifted my gaze above her head, unable to witness the impact my words would have on her, which was cowardly and I knew it, but if I saw it . . .

I didn’t know if I could continue, and I had to. I owed Marcus that much.

Keeping my eyes up, I bit out, “I’m sorry, Avery, for misleading you on Saturday. I mistakenly thought the Institute needed to contact you more urgently than was needed.”

“Oh, okay.” Her breathing picked up. “For what it’s worth, I already knew that, but I thought you got me from the bar because you . . . you know, like me, and then when you kissed me, I thought for sure—”

“I shouldn’t have done that. It was against protocol and an unfortunate choice on my part. You have my apologies.” She swayed, but I kept talking, forcing myself to get it all out. “I’m sorry I gave you the wrong impression.”

“Wrong impression?” she parroted.

I clenched my jaw, and a swell of power rose from me of its own accord. “My behavior was inappropriate and of poor judgment. It won’t happen again.”

She stood there, looking dazed. “But we practically slept together, and the things you said, and the way you acted at the bar, and you’re a male werewolf—” She shook her head as confusion fogged her expression. “I thought males werewolves didn’t act that way unless it meant something. Not unless they were complete manipulative assholes who were playing a female, and you’re not like that.”

I still couldn’t make eye contact. She wasn’t wrong. Male werewolves didn’t act that possessive unless it meant something, well, unless they were total dicks and playing a woman like she said.

But I didn’t reply. If I did, my true feelings would come pouring out.

She frowned. “Unless what we shared wasn’t real for you . . .”

I let her process my rejection as much as it killed me to see the hurt growing on her face. The floor shifted beneath me, and I wanted to sink through it. My wolf snarled, enraged at what I was doing.

But what choice did I have?

Being with her now wasn’t an option.

I forced myself to think of Marcus. I pictured his bloody face when the last breath left his chest, and managed to keep my face cold and expressionless. I owed him this. I owed him my life.

Avery took a step back, her heart hammering so hard it sounded like thunder in my ears.

“I’m sorry,” she finally said. “I thought what we did was the beginning of . . .” Embarrassment stained her cheeks red as tears pricked her eyes. She rapidly blinked, but the tears stayed.

My heart sank. Oh, Little Flower, it was the start of something. I started to cave because seeing her so dejected . . .

I couldn’t do this.

My foot lifted, my body moving forward. I wanted to reach for her, to pull her into my arms and to say to hell with everything, but then Marcus’s bloody face filled my mind.

I jerked to a stop.

Avery’s throat worked a swallow, her tear-filled eyes watching me, but when I just stood there, a sad resigned acceptance filled her eyes.

She abruptly turned and fled down the hall.

My breath rushed out of me as I stared at the empty threshold. My chest heaved, my heart racing so fast it slammed against my ribs. I gripped the door handle tightly, my knees nearly buckling beneath me.

Oh fuck. What did I just do?

I closed my eyes.

It’s not too late to go after her. My wolf whined in agreement.

I pictured myself catching up with her, twirling her around, and begging her for her forgiveness. I could come clean about how I really felt.

But then I would be fired from the SF.

No, stay strong. Don’t cave!

I couldn’t think about what I just did. It would kill me to think that way.

I had to live with this. For two more years, I’d have to live without her. For now, things between us were done. I’d made the right choice—the responsible choice.

But I just stood there, the door still open while water droplets fell from my hair onto my shoulders.

Because none of this felt right.

Agony clenched my gut, making me want to rage.

Yet, I’d made the best choice. Right?

Eventually, I closed the door and leaned my head against it. Blood pounded in my ears, and despair ripped apart my soul.

Even though I’d made the responsible choice, that didn’t stop how I’d made her feel.

You’re a real asshole, Jamison. As much as you don’t want to admit it, there was nothing right about treating her that way.

Gods, the look on her face.

The confusion.

The disbelief.

And then the sudden acceptance and embarrassment.

It had all been written in her expression, as plain as day, and she’d so quickly accepted it—her self-esteem and confidence that low that she didn’t believe I’d actually wanted her.

She’d thought I’d cared for her, and I cared so much, more than she could ever know.

She’d thought on Saturday we’d shared something special, and we had. It would no doubt haunt me for years to come.

Yet I’d just made her feel that it was all in her head. That it wasn’t mutual. And that I didn’t want her in return.

I’d gaslighted her, even though that wasn’t how I’d meant for it to go. Not at all.

“Fuck, Jamison. Fuck. Fuck! How are you ever going to repair this? What if she never forgives you?”

My wolf snarled inside me, furious at what I’d chosen. His magic swelled, hairs appearing on the back of my hands.

He wanted out.

I pushed him down, but that didn’t stop my self-disgust.

My chest heaved as images of Avery flooded my mind. The flush of her cheeks when she’d seen me in my towel. The way she’d held out a plate of cookies to me.

It was obvious she’d made them from scratch, had made them for me, and I hadn’t even accepted them.

I’d shoved that gift right back in her face.

I banged my head on the door. “I need to get out of here.”

I grabbed a pair of shorts and tossed them on before flying barefoot from my apartment.

I was in the entryway on the main floor, about to head out the door, when the scent of cookies filled my nose. I whirled around, my heart pounding. Avery?

But all that remained was her plate of cookies, discarded by Bavar’s door—the fairy commander of Squad Three, Charlotte’s future squad leader.

Avery had obviously set them down in haste. Two had slipped from the plate, resting upside down on the floor, crumbs scattered on the carpet.

I bent down and grabbed a cookie from underneath the plastic wrap. The buttery, soft morsel smelled like heaven. I took a bite, my eyes closing when a burst of flavors coated my tongue.

My chewing slowed, and I dropped the cookie. It landed like the other two, upside down while spewing crumbs everywhere.

Even though it was probably the best cookie I’d ever had, I couldn’t eat any more. I couldn’t think about the fact that she’d made them for me, and I’d . . .

A snarl ripped from my throat as magic swelled inside me, the hot power erupting from my wolf as he strained to run free.

I barreled through the front door and welcomed the night.

I shifted mid-run on my way to the woods, my shorts shredding and falling behind me. I let my wolf take over, embracing his pain and rage.

I deserved it.

I deserved nothing less than his anger for me.

But it wasn’t just his pain I felt, it was mine, too, only it was too torturous to bear.

My mind closed off as my wolf took over. All that filled us now was the scent of rain, the damp earth thundering beneath our paws, and the night sky that shone above.

I gave into his instincts—his need to run, escape, and forget what I’d done.

A howl ripped from our throat, the sound achingly alone, as remorse consumed us.

Even though there was no running from this, we ran and ran, trying desperately to outrun the heartache that burned our soul—my wolf and I as one, as the miles escaped beneath us.