Heart and Soul by Carrie Elks

11

Rich turned over in bed and checked the time. It was almost one in the morning and he still wasn’t asleep. He never suffered from insomnia. Since medical school he’d learned to sleep whenever he got the chance. A few hours here, a morning there, if he closed his eyes he was gone.

But not now. Part of it was because he was still furious with Carlyn. It was one thing for her to be obsessed with him – he could handle that. But to go after his sister? That was fucked up. And it made him want to hit something.

The only moment of peace he’d felt this evening was on Meghan’s balcony, when she’d wrapped her arms around him.

And yeah, he’d gotten carried away. Who wouldn’t? The woman was gorgeous and funny and she would pretty much rock anybody’s world. And if she wasn’t his next door neighbor, he probably wouldn’t have walked away.

God knew there were parts of him that didn’t want to. The same part that was hard as a rock now, thinking about how soft her breasts were as they pressed against him. And how she gave little stuttered sighs as he kissed the curve between her throat and her shoulder.

He shifted in bed, his hardness getting uncomfortable. His hand drifted down, his palm brushing against it. Jesus, he was like a rock.

She was on the other side of this wall. Probably fast asleep. The thought made him ache with need, and when he brushed his thumb over the ridge of his need, he groaned.

There was nothing for it, he was going to have to touch himself. Maybe it would stop him from thinking about her so much. God knew he needed to relax somehow, he had a full day of work tomorrow. Sliding his hand fully inside his shorts, he grasped his fingers firmly around his length, circling his thumb over the tip as he imagined sliding himself between her sweet lips.

He twitched hard, another groan escaping as he pictured her staring up at him with those emerald green eyes, all wide and innocent and needy as hell, as she used her tongue and her lips to bring him to his knees.

It took less than a minute for it all to be over. He cleaned himself up and collapsed back on his pillows, but the restlessness hadn’t disappeared. If anything it had only gotten worse, because now he’d pictured himself with her, the wall between her bed and his felt way too thin.

This was crazy. Even thinking about her like this was playing with fire. He didn’t date where he ate, because sooner or later it would all come crashing down and she’d hate him.

No, they needed to be friends. Friends who helped each other out and smiled in the hallway and bitched about the air conditioning when it cut out.

Lifting his arm, he looked at his right hand, letting out a sigh. He had a feeling he was going to be getting intimately reacquainted with this part of his anatomy. And if it stopped him from doing something stupid, then great.

He’d get her out of his brain any way he could. If nothing else, it was a good way to go.

* * *

Meghan: Does this evening work for a swim in the ocean?

Rich stared at his phone screen. He hadn’t talked to Meghan since he’d been on her balcony. Some of it was avoidance, but most of it was work. And thinking about an alternative location for Belle’s show if his lawyer didn’t come through. He’d even thought about having it in the hospital atrium, but couldn’t see how he could get it to work.

Rich: Yep. I should finish at five. Does that work?

Meghan: Perfectly. I’ll bring us a picnic to eat after your swim. And maybe a blanket in case of hypothermia.

A picnic at the beach? His stomach tensed as he remembered his own mom doing the same thing for him and Belle. She’d make burritos and they’d carry them to the car, driving down to the beach before walking toward the ocean. They’d sit and eat as the sun went down, and a five-year-old Belle would paddle in the water and squeal as the waves drenched her legs.

Back when she could walk. He shook his head, because he didn’t think about the past that much. Didn’t let himself. It was done and over. The here and now was all that mattered.

Rich: Looking forward to it already. Especially the hypothermia. x

He smiled at the thought of Isla. Now that he’d gotten to know her a little better she’d blossomed. Yesterday she’d slipped a picture under his door. She’d drawn him in his scrubs, stethoscope around his neck, leaning over a patient with a huge grin on his face.

To say thank you he’d drawn her a picture, too. He didn’t have Belle’s skills, but he could hold his own. This one had been of a foot. Her foot. A diagram more than a picture, with all the different parts of the foot labeled, including the scar with no hair.

It was weird how much he liked the kid. Apart from Belle, he hadn’t come into contact with children that age outside of work, and he was a child himself when his sister was a kid. His friends in psychiatry would probably see something deep in his reaction to her. Say he was trying to recreate his sister’s childhood, but with a better outcome.

Yeah, he knew how they worked. But the fact was, she was easy to like. The same as her mom was. But while his feelings toward Isla were easy to classify, his feelings toward Meghan were messy.

Too messy to think about right now.

It didn’t stop him from feeling a spring in his step all afternoon as he dealt with a head injury, two broken limbs, and a patient with an abnormal heart rate who they had to stabilize before the cardiac team made it down and rushed him into the operating room. And when the evening shift arrived he was able to hand over his cases without any issues, feeling no guilt thanks to the almost-empty waiting room.

“Do you have plans tonight?” Lianne asked, as they headed out to the parking lot. He knew Lianne had a hot date, she’d been bragging about it all day. He was pleased for her – she’d been through a bad breakup last year, and deserved some happiness.

“Heading to the beach to meet a friend.”

“Ooh. That’s nice. It’s a lovely evening. You going to swim?”

“That’s the plan.”

“Rather you than me.” She gave a mock shiver. “I’ll be thinking about you while I drink my cocktails and keep warm.”

“You do that.”

He was still smiling as he drove toward the beach. He had the windows down, a breeze wafting through and ruffling his hair as the sparkling blue ocean came into view. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this content. Was this how James felt every day, driving home to Harper and Alyssa? For so long, work had been the anchor of Rich’s life, he’d forgotten that people lived their lives outside of it.

Parking in the lot behind the pier, he grabbed his bag and hooked it over his shoulder, slipping his shoes off to walk across the sand. He’d gotten changed in the locker room, and was wearing the pair of jeans and t-shirt he kept in his locker just in case. The air was definitely on the cool side – not a day he’d choose to swim if he had a choice. But he couldn’t help grinning as he saw Isla running around the sand in her Disney swimsuit, attempting a cartwheel that ended up in her tumbling onto her behind.

Meghan was sitting on a blanket, her deep auburn waves cascading over her shoulders and back. She was wearing jeans and a light cream sweater that contrasted perfectly with her coloring. Her shoulders were shaking as though she was laughing at her daughter’s antics.

Rich’s throat felt thick. This was the life he could have had, if he’d made different choices. He was thirty-six-years-old. Most of his friends had either settled down or were in the process of settling. They had wives and kids and home lives that balanced out the hard toil of their working days. They swapped shifts for school recitals and pediatrician appointments, and tried to work days so they could spend quality time with their families.

And he’d pitied them. Because they couldn’t give the job everything they wanted to. And if he was honest, he’d seen more than half his older colleagues go through painful breakups and divorces thanks to the demands their jobs put on them. Being a doctor – particularly in the ER – wasn’t really compatible with family life. He’d made a decision, the right one.

Even if right now he was wondering how things could be different.

“Hey!” Meghan waved at him. “I wasn’t sure you’d make it.” She stood, dusting the sand from her jeans. She’d rolled them up to reveal her slim, pale ankles, her toes painted with ballet-shoe pink nail polish.

“I came straight from work.” He grinned as Isla threw her arms around his legs, reaching down to pat her head. “Aren’t you cold?”

She shook her head, her eyes wide with excitement. “Nope. I want to go swimming.”

It was colder than he’d thought it would be. Any minute now his balls would shrivel with fear at the thought of the ocean. “Why don’t we swim in the pool back at the apartment?” he suggested. “It has to be warmer than the Pacific.”

Isla pouted. “I want to go in the ocean. Please come with me?”

Meghan looked up at him, and he had to swallow not to want her. Everything about her was delicate and beautiful. “You don’t have to,” she said. “You’re probably exhausted after working all day.”

His heart softened at her offer of getting out of this. But a deal was a deal. “You worked all day, too,” he pointed out. And then she worked all night as a mom. “Anyway, it’ll do me good.” He pulled his t-shirt off and threw it on the blanket. When he looked at Meghan, she quickly pulled her eyes away from him. Was she staring at his body? Damn if that wasn’t hot.

He bit down a smile as he slid off his jeans, and her cheeks began to blush. She felt it, too, he knew she did. This weird thing going on between them.

“You ready?” he asked Isla.

“Yep.” She was grinning from ear to ear. Damn, she reminded him of Belle sometimes.

“Okay, let’s race. First one to the water gets to splash the other. Ready, set…”

But Isla was already off. Meghan started to laugh. “Sorry, we’re still working on the playing fair thing.”

Rich took off down the sand, not bothering to run too fast. Isla’s legs were flying up behind her, gangly and uncoordinated as a colt. But she made it first and started doing a little victory dance, kicking at the surf as it reached the shore.

“Okay, you won that one,” he said, wincing as she started to splash him with salt water. “But I bet you can’t catch me now.” He launched himself into the water, his impact with the ocean almost taking his breath away. It was ball-shrinklingly cold.

“Wait for me,” Isla called, laughing loudly as he dipped beneath the water, then reemerged, shaking his head like an old dog toward her. She grabbed onto his back and he started to swim again, pulling her behind him like a horse and carriage.

* * *

“Still think I got the better side of the deal?” Meghan asked him, as she dried Isla’s hair and braided it to stop it from getting matted. They’d finished eating the picnic Meghan had made, and were sitting on the blanket, looking out at the ocean.

“Maybe it’s more even than I thought.” He gave her a crooked grin, and she tried really hard not to sigh. He looked good with his wet hair slicked back from his pretty face. She’d been perving on him all evening. Watching him play in the water with Isla had made her stomach feel all weird inside, like it was on a rollercoaster without her, rising and dipping and turning over.

“Can I gather some shells?” Isla asked. She had a special collection in her bedroom. Only the prettiest and shiniest shells were taken home, but they made her happy.

“Sure.” Meghan smiled at her. “But don’t go too close to the ocean. And we need to go home in twenty minutes. You have school tomorrow.”

Isla ran across the sand. Meghan smiled at her exuberance. Beside her, Rich leaned back, resting his elbows on the blanket, a grin playing at his lips as he watched her run.

“She’s a good kid.”

Meghan nodded. “Yeah, she is. I’ve been so lucky with her.”

“No luck involved. You’re a good mom.” He turned his head to look at her. The sun was dipping in the sky, giving his skin a warm orange glow. “You’re lucky to have each other.”

“I guess we are.”

“She reminds me of Belle when she was a kid.”

Meghan blinked, because he so rarely mentioned his past. “I bet she was a cute kid.” She was beautiful now. With the same dark coloring as Rich.

“She was. She loved swimming, too. She still goes at the local pool, but it’s… different. They have a hoist and she has a helper, but it’s not the same as running into the ocean.” He pulled his lip between his teeth, a faraway look in his eyes. It made her stomach contract to see him so pensive.

“I guess it isn’t. But she strikes me as the kind of woman who takes stuff like this in stride. And that’s thanks to you.”

Rich tipped his head to the side, looking at her for a moment. A wave of warmth crashed over her, despite the cool evening air. She wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to how handsome he was.

But right now, having him by her side was enough to keep her going.

“When I used to come to the ocean, I didn’t swim,” she said, changing the subject to something lighter. “I was too busy wolfing down ice cream to want to go in the water.”

Rich laughed, as though pleased she’d changed the subject. “You don’t strike me as someone who wolfs down anything.”

“Oh, I was.” She shrugged. “It was my grandma who used to take me to the beach. She knew how much I loved ice cream, and we so rarely had it at home.”

“Why not?”

“I guess my parents weren’t ones for treats. We ate well but carefully. Meat, vegetables, fruit for dessert. Ice cream was for special occasions like birthdays and secret trips out with my grandma.”

“So you’re making up for lost time now?”

She smiled. “I guess I am. When my grandma left me money in trust, I always knew what I wanted to do with it. It took some time to learn the business and find the right place to invest in. But I’m so glad I did it and we ended up here.”

“I’m glad, too.” His voice was low. It sent a shiver down her spine.

“How about you?” she asked. “Did you always dream of being a doctor?”

“I was a science geek at school,” he admitted, his eyes softening when she gave a little chuckle. “I loved it all, especially biology. And my folks were pretty keen on having a doctor in the family, so they gave me a lot of support.”

“It’s nice to have supportive parents.” Her voice was soft.

“Yeah.” His eyes caught hers. “It’s one of the things I hate for Belle. I had all that support growing up and she had none.”

“She has you.”

He lifted a brow. “I was a really poor imitation of a good parent. I had no idea how to be a father figure to her at nineteen. Now I’m at an age where I could do a pretty decent job at it, and she’s too old to need me.”

“She’ll always need you. And she loves you so much. I could tell that just by looking at the two of you.”

He looked down, tracing his finger in the sand. “I just wish I hadn’t made so many mistakes.”

“Me too. The day I finally got to take Isla home I was so scared I thought about taking her back again. This tiny scrunched up thing was staring up at me like I should know what I was doing, and when she realized I didn’t she cried without stopping for hours. I cried, too, because I thought she hated me.”

His expression softened. “She was probably just hungry.”

Meghan laughed. “Yeah, I figured that out eventually. More than that, she wanted comfort. She’d had weeks in the NICU and that’s the only life she knew. She just needed to feel safe with me. To know that I had this, even if I was scared to death.”

His eyes flickered up. “You have got this. You’re a natural.” His pupils were dilated, despite the setting sun, making his gaze look dark and pointed. She felt herself flush at his gaze. Feeling the thrum of her pulse in her neck, and the tingling of her skin beneath her sweater.

“Meghan, I—” he began.

“Mommy! Look at this one.” Isla slid to a stop beside the blanket, holding out her hand. The lustrous white shell was huge – covering her hand completely. The inside of it was a pale pink, and it curled in spirals to a point. “Isn’t it pretty, Rich?”

He nodded. “It’s a milk conch. A snail once lived inside there.”

“It did? Where is it now?”

His eyes caught Meghan’s. “It probably found a new home somewhere else.”

She tried not to smile, because he was so sweet with Isla. They both knew it had died, but he wasn’t going to spoil her fun.

“Can I keep it?” she asked Meghan. “Or should I leave it, in case the snail comes back.”

“You can keep it.” Meghan told her. “It’ll be fine.”

Rich was looking at her again. She could tell from the warmth on her skin. If she was braver, she’d look back.

“Come on,” she said, getting to her knees. “Let’s start packing up before it gets dark.”

And before she did something she might come to regret later.

* * *

“Guess what?” Belle sounded excited. Rich leaned back on his sofa, running his hand through his hair. It was almost midnight, but he hadn’t bothered going to bed yet, knowing he wouldn’t sleep if he did.

He’d blame his evening swim in the Pacific if he didn’t know the real reason why he was so restless. It was getting harder to get Meghan out of his mind, and tonight’s talk on the beach didn’t help.

Whenever they were together he had the strangest feeling. It felt like he was home again, which was weird, because he’d been here all along.

It was just attraction. That was all. The fact was, since the clusterfuck with Carlyn he’d been put off dating. Meghan happened to be beautiful and funny and living next door. What warm blooded man wouldn’t be attracted to her.

“What?” he asked Belle, pulling his thoughts aside from the woman next door.

“Carlyn called and said it had all been a mix up. My show can go ahead as we planned.” Belle let out a long breath. “Isn’t that great? I can’t tell you how relieved I am.” She gave a little laugh. “I hope Carlyn doesn’t find out how much I’ve been cursing her.”

“That’s wonderful.” He tried to show some enthusiasm. This was what he’d wanted, after all. For his sister to have the show she’d dreamed of. That’s why his lawyer had sent Carlyn a letter this week, a letter that no doubt had led to her contacting Belle.

Whatever. It was done. The show would go on and then he could avoid Carlyn for the rest of his life.

And take Meghan to the show.

The thought of that made his skin tingle. So much more than it should. But he was a grown man, and he knew the difference between fantasy and reality. And Meghan was a fantasy, that was all. Somebody that warmed his blood at night, when nobody else could see him.

He could handle that.

“Isn’t it?” Belle agreed. “I’m sorry for calling you so late, but I was out with a friend until now and wanted to let you know. It’s going to be amazing, it really is.” She exhaled quickly, as though she didn’t want to stop talking. “Thank you for all your support with this. I love you, bro.”

“I love you, too.” His voice was low.

“You’ll be bringing Meghan, right? Carlyn’s asked me to give her a guest list. I can put her on there as your plus one?”

“Yeah, I’ll be bringing Meghan.” The thought warmed him more than it should.

“I’m glad to hear it. Well, good night, bro.”