The Devil and I by Kay Alastor
Chapter Thirteen
Rayna
The next five days pass like a dream. Between fucking me and feeding me home-cooked meals, Lucas works as hard as he can to find out everything about me. None of my answers to his questions seem to bore him, and that leaves the butterflies in my stomach fluttering wildly.
He asks about my family and seems to get a little quiet when I explain that both my parents died in a car accident shortly after I turned sixteen. When I told him I lived with my creepy uncle until I turned eighteen, he once again grew quiet and contemplative. He asked about my education, to which I explained that I couldn't afford college. I got a job at the local library right out of high school, originally planning to save up money to go to college, eventually. Lucas wasn't happy to hear that I didn't have a support system or a family to help me navigate the world.
In turn, Lucas explains that his father died of a heart attack when he was younger. His mother still lives in the city, and he visits her a couple of times a month. His father was independently wealthy, which meant his mother was still living quite comfortably. His only sibling is a younger sister that is married with a new baby. Every other detail of his life is endlessly more fascinating than what I have to tell him. He went to university and studied to be a psychologist, but apparently needed an outlet for his darker urges and made the decision to transition into law enforcement. One of the most interesting things about this enigmatic man is how open he is about himself. It's refreshing.
“Darker urges?” I inquire, no judgment in my voice. I already know this man has some dark secrets I have yet to uncover. Still, I can't bring myself to be afraid of him. “So you really are a secret psychopath, eh?”
He laughs a little as he leans back in his chair. The roasted chicken and vegetables he prepared for our dinner already gone from both our plates.
“I haven't made it a secret, Rayna.”
I study him for a moment, tilting my head slightly and narrowing my eyes at him.
“So when should I expect you to murder me?” I ask lightly, humor evident in my eyes.
Lucas goes still for a few breaths before he sits up and leans his forearms on the kitchen table with all signs of joking far removed from his features. “I would never hurt you, Rayna. Not ever, for any reason, no matter what.”
“I'm just teasing you, Lucas.” I reach forward and place my hand over his, and he immediately turns his wrist so that he can hold my smaller hand in his. “Besides, if you wanted to kill me you'd probably have done it by now.” It was an attempt to make him laugh, but it missed the mark.
“Forgive me, Rayna. I don't like thinking about you not being alive.” His voice is solemn as he explains himself, and it tugs at my heartstrings. He always sounds so honest and raw when he expresses himself emotionally, it makes talking to him about anything feel really safe. I imagine his emotional maturity is partly due to his studies in psychology.
“Let's not think about it anymore.” I give his hand a gentle squeeze and try to reach for my nearly empty glass of water. Since he won't release my hand, I resort to using my other one. He watches me carefully as I drink, and the intensity of his focus unnerves me a little. Over the last few days, I've really come to appreciate how intense this man is. He has a quiet intelligence about him that makes me think of a predator stalking its prey, trying to come up with the kind of attack plan that has zero chance of failure. This darker side of him conflicts with the thoughtful caregiver I first met sitting on his bed while he took care of my arm. His devotion to taking care of me is probably the main reason my arm is healing so well.
“I've got some pretty important business to deal with in the morning.” His words, though unexpected in that moment, are strangely gentle. I can tell he doesn't want to startle me, and that makes me feel even more uneasy. I haven't been alone for more than a few minutes in the recent week. “I'll have to leave late tonight.”
I can't hide the surprise on my face. I hesitate for a couple of long seconds so that my response comes out stronger than I feel inside, considering the emotions crashing through me as my mind contemplates my future in the span of a minute. “Oh, yeah... I should probably get home.”
“No.” His voice is a lot louder now, but my relief is almost instant. Almost. A small voice in the back of my mind is still questioning why this gorgeous man would want a girl like me hanging around his house any longer. I don't vocalize that thought, though. “I want you to stay here. Sleep, read a book, take a bath... whatever you want to do. I'll be back before noon tomorrow.”
I sigh deeply, looking down at my lap where my hands are fidgeting.
“Rayna, as far as I'm concerned, my home is your home.”
I don't know what to say, but when my eyes lift to his I am struck by the sincerity I see there. Once again, this man lays everything out on the table for me without hesitation. Before he found me in the forest, I no longer had a future. Lucas is the only reason I have a tomorrow at all. “Okay, Lucas. I'll wait here for you,” I tell him with a slight smile, my heart warmed by the relief evident on his face.
“Good. That's good. Then we can figure out moving you in here permanently.”
I can't stop the giggle that bubbles up at the change of tone mid-way through his sentence. He offers me a boyishly playful grin. The look on his ruggedly handsome, masculine face is heart stopping. Once again, I am struck by how damn handsome he is.
“That was your plan all along. Kidnap me, seduce me, and keep me forever,” I said, amusement evident in my voice. His grin only widens as he jolts forward out of his chair to scoop me up out of mine. I laugh abruptly as he pulls me up high in his arms, bouncing me in a way that has me flushing crimson.
“Can you really kidnap the willing?” he inquires thoughtfully, staring off into the distance as though he is truly considering it. I can't help but laugh again, smacking him on the chest playfully.
“You better be careful; I may disappear into the sunset.” I don't mean it, and the teasing smile I keep plastered on my face should make that clear.
“Now that I've found the perfect girl? There's no way I'll let her go,” he tells me honestly, turning that piercing silver gaze back towards me. “I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth, walk through every level of hell for you.” As he speaks, he cradles me closer in his arms. I can tell he is being honest, despite our earlier teasing.
“What about heaven?” I ask with a quieter voice, watching as my question rolls through his mind for consideration.
“Heaven won't let me in, unfortunately,” he says, the smile that spreads across his face making me crack one of my own. “I'll find a way, though.”
I nod, not sure what to say after being hit with the weight of his words. Nobody has ever been willing to fight for me before. The feeling is foreign, but instantly addictive.
“I'll always find a way, Rayna. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, baby.”
I believe him, because my scarred yet fluttering heart tells me to. Even if this whole thing ends in flames, the potential risk is worth the incredible love that is growing rapidly between us.
***I didn't mean to fall asleep when Lucas settled us on the couch to watch another movie. The thriller he chose for us was quiet, dark, and long. My anxiety about being alone for hours over night and through the morning was exhausting me, so when he wrapped me up in a blanket in his arms I was helpless against the tide of sleep as it pulled me under. When I woke up alone on the couch, the movie still playing, I felt like I was alone already. It was dark outside now, but still relatively early in the night. The living room was only marginally less dark than the rest of the house, and as my eyes searched for Lucas, I couldn't stop the panic welling up inside of me.
I rushed to my feet, moving through each room of the house in search of him before finding him standing at the foot of his bed. It was hard to make out what he was packing, but I could tell he was loading some things into a large black duffle bag. I stood in silence in the door frame, watching the shadows of his large body as it moved within the space. I almost thought he didn't know I was there, until he zipped his bag up, set it on the floor, then turned to sit on the foot of the bed. By the light of the moon from the window behind him, I see him pat his lap. “Come here, baby.”
I walk until I am standing in front of him, looking down at his beautiful face, still cast in shadow. He hooks one of my thighs with his arm and hauls me up into his lap. I lean down to kiss him tentatively, and the way he kisses me back feels like an emotional earthquake, rocking me to my core. The kiss shifts between soft and hard, full of the kind of passion people often reserved for goodbyes. I almost can't bear the sweetness of his mouth on mine. Unable to control it, I begin to tremble from where I sit, straddling his lap. With the light from the window falling across my own face, I knew he would see the crease in my brow that betrayed any attempt to hide my anxiety.
“I just want to get tonight over with so I can come back home and fuck you so hard and deep you never doubt me again,” he tells me, his voice full of the strength and sureness that feels so painfully alien to me right now. After being hurt and abandoned so often in life, it should be no surprise to anyone that my self-confidence is a weak, wounded thing.
“I'm... not feeling very secure.”
“I know, baby. I just need you to trust me and to stay here. Wait for me,” he explains, his hand lifting to brush heavy strands of my hair behind my shoulder. “Promise me, Rayna.”
“I'll wait here. I promise.” Why all of this feels so dismal, I cannot fully understand. All I can sense is that something big is about to happen, and I can only hope he and I will survive it, whatever it is. There is no ignoring the way the darkness inside of him is rising. I have no idea where he is going or what he is doing tonight, but he promised to explain everything to me after. I hold on to that promise like it is my lifeline in the ocean of uncertainly I've suddenly found myself drifting in.
“Good girl.” His lips lift to mine again, and this time his kiss feels different. The way his mouth moves against mine, and the way he holds me close, brings me a great deal of comfort. I let him kiss me, giving myself over to him. When he pulls us backwards and settles us into bed, I am surprised that all he does is pull me in tight against his body, pressing my back along his chest.
“I won't be here when you wake up, but I'll be calling you sometime to check in.”
I nod, but I'm not sure if he sees it in the darkness of the bedroom. I don't know what else to say, I'm merely stuck waiting in the proverbial darkness until he returns.
“I promise everything will be okay, baby. I'm going to make everything okay.”
I turn in his arms and he embraces me anew. I tuck myself as close as I can to him, breathing in his warm cinnamon and woodsmoke scent. I spend what feels like hours memorizing the smell of him, the feel of him, and what it means to be held securely in his arms.
I don't want to fall asleep again, but I do. With his hands rubbing gentle circles over my back, and his heartbeat coaxing me under, it's impossible to resist. I fall into him, and the dark ocean that greets me is far more perfect than the one I dipped my toes into trying to end my life. In that moment, I make a frightening realization. This man... he has somehow, in a short span of time, become the only home I've ever really known since I was a child. Losing him would kill me. I wasn't sure of much right now, but I was certain about that.