Giving Away by Lola King

CHAPTER 21

‘I won’t be the one’

The One - Chainsmokers

Jamie

“They wouldn’t let me in,” I exclaim as Rose comes out of the front door. The police have just left warning her to not drive in her condition – Drunk? High? In shock? – and she’s hurrying to her car in the garage.

“I know,” she says almost out of breath. “I’m going now.” She opens the door to her Bentley.

“Great, I’m coming with you.”

She freezes and turns to me, a hand on top of the car door. “You should stay here,” she declares.

She throws something on the passenger seat and gets in the car. As she goes to close the door, I put a hand on it.

“Are you joking? I’m coming!”

She sighs and runs a hand through her hair. “Jamie, this…” She looks around and back at me. “You need to give us a minute. Stay here.”

I’m gobsmacked by her reaction. “Rose, surely you can’t expect me to…” My gaze wanders and stops on whatever she threw on the passenger seat. “Is that the form? You’re bringing it to him? Are you expecting him to sign because you have?”

“What?” She turns around and realizes what I’m talking about.

I can see she’s refraining herself from rolling her eyes at me. I’m not following fast enough and it’s pissing her off. How can I understand what’s going on? I’m in way over my head.

“I’m just not leaving them for anyone to find. This is pure gold to Bianco, and I can’t trust anyone with it.”

“Not even me?” I ask, incredulous.

There’s a long pause but she finally admits, “You’re his girlfriend, not mine, and no, you’re not on my list of people I trust.”

“What the hell is your goal here? You don’t want to let me see him, you don’t want to leave the paperwork with me. You know perfectly well if this ends up in the same room as Jake he will sign them. He would never let you move to Nathan’s on your own.”

“My goal is checking that my brother is alive and not leave my fucking life on a paper with the girl that used to date the other brother, who just coerced me into making him my legal guardian. Maybe that makes a little more sense to you now?”

I let out a shocked scoff. “You don’t trust me because I dated Nathan? That was before I knew of any of this mess, surely you can’t still hold me accountable for this!”

“That would be easier to do if you didn’t get all wet and bothered when Nate’s around. Now get your hand off my car.” Her tone doesn’t leave me a choice. It’s dark and deep. Like the growl from a guard dog protecting its property.

I retrieve my hand, shocked at what she said. I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to figure out what she thought of me. If the little comments here and there were really aimed at me or if that’s just who she is. Now I know; she doesn’t like me. She doesn’t like that I went from Nathan to Jake and worse, she caught on to my shame from earlier.

I run back inside the house to find my phone. It’s a mess. Not only the situation, the house as well. Roy and Carlo have turned the beautiful mansion into a slum. Mirrors are broken, furniture destroyed, floors soiled.

I find my phone on the bed in the guest room and look at the Ubers. I don’t care if Rose doesn’t want me there, she has no right to put herself between Jake and me. As soon as I open the app, I understand how naïve I am. It’s New Year’s Eve and there are no cars available. Usually there are not many cars. Stoneview is small and people rarely need taxis or Ubers since they all have their own drivers.

I let myself fall on the bed and dial the only person I know will help me no matter what. Again, my hopes fall to nothing when Emily’s voicemail talks back to me.

“Fuck!” I rage, hating my mom for never teaching me to drive and myself for not being able to afford a driving test.

In the following hour, I try Chris and Luke but none of them pick up. The lines are crowded with everyone calling each other for the new year. I text Rose countless times, call her but all I get in reply is a text: ‘he’s fine’. That was ten minutes ago. I try Uber again but there’s nothing.

Another hour passes by of me pacing the room. I tried the only cab company in Stoneview. They laughed in my face. I want to clean the house for them, but I don’t know where to start. I settle on the kitchen because I can’t put a foot in the living room without seeing Jake on the floor.

I sweep broken glass, clean up the floor, and wash the walls where they threw food. I do my best but it’s still clear that the room has been messed up. I check my phone and sigh. Another night I’m going to spend wide awake waiting for Jake to show up. The night at the police station and the whole day waiting for him to come back from D.C. was a nightmare. It was something I thought we’d never have to go through again.

I was wrong, it was only the beginning.

I go back up to the bedroom and lay down on the bed. There is nothing to do but wait and it’s the worst part. I grab Jake’s phone on the nightstand and look at it again. There are countless texts and DMs from people wishing him a happy new year, but one catches my eyes particularly.

Cam: Happy New Year, baby

Cam: You’re missing a great party…

The second text has a picture attached and I want to smash the phone against the wall. How can she still send nudes to him after everything he said to her?

Should I reply to her? Should I send back a picture of me? Or even better, a picture of Jake and me?

No, Jamie.

Jake is at the ER and I’m thinking of his ex. What is wrong with me tonight?

I’m about to put the phone down next to me when it starts vibrating in my hand. The name ‘Rachel’ appears on the screen and I look at it in confusion before picking up. I don’t have time to say hello when Rachel’s panicked voice reaches through the phone.

“J-Jake, she did it again,” she says in a tight voice. “Oh my God, you need to pick her up, I can’t take her to mine like this.”

“Rachel, it’s Jamie, Jake isn’t here.”

There’s a pause before I hear Rachel whisper ‘shit’.

“Are you at theirs?”

I nod before saying yes.

“I’m on my way. I’ll go straight to the pool house.”

I’m about to reply but she’s already talking to someone else.

“Baby…I’m here. Please stay with me. We’re going home,” Rachel sobs on the other end of the phone. I want to assume she’s talking to Rose. It has to be or why would she call this number. But Rose was meant to be at the hospital with her brother. Why isn’t she?

“Is everything okay?” I ask.

“Run a cold bath. I’ll be there in five.”

She hangs up and I jump out of bed to run to the pool house. I start filling up the tub with cold water. It’s barely halfway when I hear the door open. I run to the doorway and watch in shock as Rachel passes the door, struggling to hold Rose up.

“What happened?” I gasp. Images of Nathan hitting her run through my head, but she doesn’t look like anyone touched her.

Rose’s head is hanging in front of her and she’s mumbling incoherent words.

“Help me take her to the bathroom,” Rachel hurries me, her voice drowning in concern.

I grab Rose’s other arm even if my height makes it that I’m barely any help for her. We take her to the bathroom and Rachel doesn’t hesitate one second, she helps her in the cold bath with her clothes on.

“What’s wrong? What happened to her?”

Rachel takes the shower jet and makes sure the water is freezing cold before running it over Rose’s head. She’s barely conscious and Rachel has to hold her head.

“She-she took too many pills. She drank too much. Who knows what other shit she ingested this time.”

“This time?” I choke.

“Here, hold this,” she says as she gives me the shower jet. She pushes strands of her blond hair away from the face. Her pale blue eyes keep drifting back to Rose as she talks to me.

“Me? Why?” I panic.

“Because I have to leave. My little sister’s babysitter was meant to leave two hours ago, and my parents aren’t home.”

“Can’t she take care of herself,” I insist, not wanting to end up with this responsibility.

“She’s one!” Rachel fumes.

“Right, okay. I didn’t know, I’m sorry.” I hold Rose’s head and keep showering her hair with freezing water.

“She’ll be fine. Keep doing this for another two minutes. Take her clothes off but don’t dry her, just put her to bed. Stay with her, she might vomit more. She’ll be fine in the morning, she already puked most of what she took.”

“How many times has this happened before?” I ask as Rose moans a complaint under my hands. I pull away the jet to listen, but she doesn’t say anything else, so I put it back.

“This is the third time. Jake usually takes care of her. I have no idea where he is. She left the party and came back more upset than I’ve ever seen. She drank, took pills with Ciara, and disappeared. I don’t know what happened after that. She’s going to be fine though. Right, baby?” Rachel coaxes as she leans down to brush Rose’s hair behind her ears. “Promise me you’ll be fine.”

Rose nods but she’s not in control of her movements. The only whispers that come out of her mouth are ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ on repeat.

Rachel lets her forehead fall on Rose’s. “I love you too,” she whispers. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Jamie,” she admits before leaving. “I owe you one.”

She disappears and I turn back to the mess in my hands. How could tonight get even worse?

When I feel like Rose is slightly coming back, I stop the water.

“Are you alright?” I ask quietly. She doesn’t reply. “Let’s get you out of the bath, you’ll freeze.”

I put both my arms under her armpits and help her up. I pull to get her out but she’s too tall and we both fall to the bathroom floor. My head hits the tiles, and I stay there for a beat before I come back to reality.

“Shit,” Rose mumbles as she rolls to the side.

“You’re heavier than you look,” I rasp as I go back to a standing position to help her up. I help her walk to her room and she falls on her bed.

“You need to get out of these clothes,” I huff as she curls into a ball.

She lets out an annoyed groan and twists and turns until she’s out of her jeans. There’s a tattoo on her left hip that I’d never seen before. A small heart with an even smaller ‘S’ in it. It’s so miniature, I have to look at it twice to discern what it is.

“I can’t get this off,” she blurts as she fights with her wet, tight turtleneck.

I help her out of it not without having to fight her to get it off her head. I take a step back, my breaths short from the exercise, and when my gaze grazes over her body my heart stops.

“Rose,” I squeak in complete disbelief.

Her belly, her torso, her arms, they’re covered in bruises and welts. All the way to her wrists. Her forearm tattoos look strange with the yellow-ish bruises fading on them. I can clearly see they stop above her black, lace shorties and they don’t go under her lace bra. She’s got some other tattoos on her ribs, but they all look distorted with the different colors of her battered skin.

“What happened?” I panic.

She groans a ‘shut up’ and turns to her side, grabbing a pillow to hug it. Her back is just as bad as the front. Some bruises have already faded but some others are still purple.

“Rose,” I shake her shoulder. “Who did this to you? Was it Nathan? Samuel?”

She laughs and lays on her back again.

“What do you know about them, Goody? Except that Nate makes you feel all sorts of things. You don’t know shit.” She huffs and runs a hand on her face. “Ugh, I feel sick as fuck.”

“Do you need to throw up?”

“No,” she growls. “I just want to sleep. No more questions.” Her words are slurred, and I don’t want to push it.

“Rachel said not to leave you alone,” I hesitate, shifting on my feet.

“Then get into bed and let me sleep,” she says tartly.

I wait a few seconds, checking if she’s for real and when she turns around, hugging her pillow, I understand she doesn’t care if I stay or leave. I get under the covers with her and stay far from her.

After a whole minute of silence, I finally ask what I’ve been dying to know. “I need to ask you if Jake is okay.”

She moves and I think she’s about to reply but she suddenly sits up, grabs the vase on her nightstand, and pukes into it. I shoot up, shift over to her side, and hold her hair back, patting the top of her head.

“It’s okay,” I murmur. “Rachel said it might happen.”

When she finally stops, I run to the bathroom to get her a cloth and I grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Here,” I say softly as I hand her the bottle. She struggles to grab it from my hands, so I tilt it to her mouth and help her drink. She mumbles something but I don’t get it. I feel like she’s worse than when she went to bed.

“Are you okay?” I quiz. She tries to lift her head to talk to me, but her chin falls back to her chest straight away.

She mumbles something and I lean down to listen. “I didn’t hear you,” I admit.

“What would you do to gain back control over your body?” she asks, and I frown in confusion.

“What do you mean?” I put the bottle of water on her nightstand.

“Nothin’,” she slurs. She lets herself fall back on the mattress but she either said too much or not enough.

I escape to the bathroom for barely a minute to clean the vase. I don’t want to leave her alone too long.

When I walk back in she’s in the exact same position.

“Rose…you can talk to me. What did you mean exactly?”

She opens and closes her eyes multiple times, looking at the ceiling.

“I’ve got no control over my life, Goody. I never did. But the worst is not having control over my body. It hurts. And I don’t want to hurt. So I’m left with trying not to feel anything.”

This is the clearest sentence she’s managed to form until now.

I sit on the bed next to her and put a gentle hand on her forearm. “Who did this to you?”

She snorts sarcastically and eyes me before looking back at the ceiling.

“Mateo,” she attests, her eyes fixed on an imaginary spot above us.

There is no hesitation, no lie. Just the cold, hard truth. I grimace at the revelation and my eyes uncontrollably fill with tears.

“He did it for five years,” she keeps going. “Every time we were alone. But it was worse this time because I ran away.” She explains this like it’s logical. A worse punishment for running away from abuse.

I’m lost for words. My hand slides down from her arm to her hand and I squeeze it like my life depends on it.

“Why?” I manage to push out of my tight throat. I’m willing my tears not to fall. This is not about me, this is her pain.

“He wants to marry me one day. But…” she scratches her throat, and I can hear that she struggles with the rest. It’s like her tough act has gone, her defenses have fallen. “He has ways he prefers, with everything.” Another pause. “He likes to inflict pain.”

I feel sick to my stomach at her words. She doesn’t need to explain. I understand in which ways he likes to inflict pain.

“And he wants his wife to like his ways,” she adds. She starts laughing but it’s a crazy one. “I don’t.” She scratches her throat again and the next words come out so pained, I don’t think I’ve ever heard this kind of pain in my life. Her gaze doesn’t leave the ceiling. “So he teaches me,” she whispers like it’s a secret no one should know. “But I don’t want to. I don’t want to be his wife and I don’t want to enjoy pain.” She takes a deep, shaky breath. “It’s agony,” she chokes on her words and I can’t stop my tears from falling.

This is a horror story. This is the most awful thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I can’t help a sob as I fall back on the bed. She’s squeezing my hand back so hard it hurts but I want it all. All her pain, all the bruises, and the things she keeps inside. We’re now both looking at the ceiling, the only light in the room is the one coming from the bulb in the hallway.

“Rose…you can’t go back,” I plead.

“How?” she sniffles. “He really thinks he’s going to marry me. He believes it so so deeply. He’s obsessed, Jamie.”

I feel cold sweats breaking out all over my body as I’m about to ask the worst question I could think of.

“Has he ever…” I have to pause, not finding the courage to say it out loud.

“No. Only bruises. Always my arms and my stomach or my back. The rest has only ever been promises and threats.” She laughs again. “The fucker actually believes that it’s fine if he waits for marriage. He’s forcing himself to wait until I’m eighteen.”

I choke on air as I try to take a deep breath. This can’t be possible. Not here, not in this day and age. I feel like I’ve lived in a fairytale my whole life and Rose’s experience is shattering it all.

I think she hears me sob because she squeezes my hand again. I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

“It won’t happen though,” she reassures me. She must sense my confusion and she keeps going after a brief pause. “I’ll be gone before he can put his plan in action.”

“Gone?” I ask. “What do you mean?”

She ignores my question and I feel her shifting until her head rests on my chest.

“You smell like Jake,” she giggles like a little girl and it sounds nothing like her. She never sounds like a little girl because she never got to be one. Bianco stole her childhood from her.

I understand that this topic is over and when she says Jake’s name, my heart picks up. I wonder if she can hear it with an ear so close to it.

“Jamie, what I just told you,” she shifts in awkwardness, “I’ve never told anyone.”

“No one? Not even Chris?”

“No one. Not Chris, not even Jake. If you say anything, I’ll deny it.” Her words sadden me even deeper. She’s never shared her pain with anyone.

“We’ll find a way. I won’t let you go through this,” I promise her.

She chuckles and I know she doesn’t believe me, but I do.

“He’s fine by the way,” she admits. I can’t help the sigh that leaves me. “He was already awake when I arrived. He broke a finger. Out of everything, all he had was a minor concussion, a broken thumb, and a couple of fractured ribs. Can you fucking believe it? His nose is bad, but not broken. He’ll be out before the morning.”

“Is that why you left? Because he was fine?” I know that’s not why, but I would like to hear the real reason.

She grabs my hand and puts it on her head, making me understand she wants me to stroke her hair. I do so before she starts talking again.

“He was so mad because I signed. He didn’t want to see me. He asked me to leave the papers with him and leave him alone.”

“What is he going to do?”

I feel her shoulders shrugging close to my ribs and I don’t ask for more. Jake is fine. I can talk to him tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I’m going to see Jake, we’re going to destroy the paperwork, burn Rose’s signature. We’re going to talk to someone about this, maybe not the police but at least the Murrays. Rose might not want to talk to anyone about what Mateo does to her, but I can still try to help in other ways. Tomorrow, we’ll find a solution to all of this. For now, we need rest and Rose’s even breathing on my body is lulling me to sleep.

I startle awake at the sound of the pool house door closing. Rose wakes up slowly as we hear Chris and Luke’s voices in the living room.

“Shit,” she mumbles.

She gets up in a rush and grabs an oversized sweater from a chair. I had completely forgotten I fell asleep with her half-naked body on mine. She groans when she opens the curtains and the light hits. “Fucking…fuck.”

“Are you okay?” I ask. I can’t help my gaze from going to her bruises again.

“I’m fine,” she huffs as she puts the sweater on. She catches me watching. “As long as you don’t repeat whatever bullshit I said to you yesterday. It’s blurry but it was probably a lie, I do that a lot.”

I nod to reassure her. It almost makes me smile to hear Rose being back to her rude self. I will never forget what she told me yesterday and I know it was the truth no matter what she says now. Her opening up to me was the first step toward getting both her and Jake out of trouble.

She heads out of the room and I follow. When I walk into the living room, she’s already explaining what happened to Chris and Luke.

“Jake called me from the hospital,” Chris explains. “He said he was on his way back and to not worry about him, but that was two hours ago.”

“He’ll be fine,” Rose says as she grabs a cigarette from her pack. “I need to show you something,” she grimaces.

I can’t describe the pain on Chris’ face when he sees the state of his house. Rose keeps repeating that she’s sorry, but he knows it’s not hers or Jake’s fault. When we walk out of the main house and back to the pool house, I realize the time.

“It’s eleven, where’s Jake?” I ask.

We all walk back into the pool house and I almost faint in relief. My heart picks up, I feel lightheaded, and a small giggle leaves my mouth.

“Jake,” I sigh in relief as I run to him.

He’s standing by the kitchen counter. His nose is swollen, both his eyes sporting black bruises below them, his forehead has a big, inflamed bump on it. I stop dead in my tracks, right in front of him, by fear of hurting him. He’s got a cast around his left thumb and leading to his wrist. I don’t want to make anything worse.

“How are you feeling? Is your head okay?”

He simply nods at me but doesn’t make any effort to kiss me or touch me.

He just got out of the hospital. He was beaten up.

I shake any wrong ideas out of my head, especially the red flag reminding me of Camila’s text yesterday, but something feels off.

He keeps his right hand in his jeans pocket and keeps his back against the counter, his head held high.

“I’m fine,” he mumbles dismissively.

I feel Rose settling behind me. “Where is it?” she asks in her gravelly voice.

His jaw ticks. “Where do you think?” he replies coldly. “In Mateo’s hands. With both our signatures on it.”

My mouth falls slack. “Y-you signed?” I question, puzzled.

“Ozy signs. I sign,” he shrugs. “He knew it would only take one of us.” He looks at me and back at Rose. “Thanks, by the way.”

“What did you expect me to do?” she growls. “You were dying on the floor, he wouldn’t call an ambulance unless I did it.”

“It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. We have to move in before school starts again.”

“What?” Rose chokes. “That’s like, less than two weeks!”

Jake shrugs, he walks past me and his sister and into the hall before disappearing in his room.

Rose turns to Chris in complete disbelief. “What are we gonna tell your parents?” she asks.

Chris shakes his head in defeat, lost for words. The pain in his eyes is breaking my heart. That’s his siblings, leaving him for another household.

“We’ll figure something out,” Luke jumps in. “For now, you guys should rest.”

Both Chris and Luke leave the pool house and Rose turns to me. “He’s being stubborn. You should talk to him. I’ll be in the main house.” She leaves and I turn to the hallway.

Something doesn’t feel right, and I’m scared to talk to Jake.

My stomach churns as I walk into his room and find him standing by his closet, topless. He doesn’t turn around or acknowledge me, so I walk to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Jake,” I whisper. “Are you okay?”

He dismisses my hand in a shoulder movement and pauses before turning around. I can see in his eyes that he’s not the Jake who’s desperately in love with me. The blue is dark, dangerous and his irises are hiding demons I’m not sure I want him to let out.

“Talk to me,” I insist. “I love you, please talk to me.”

He doesn’t say it back. Instead, he takes a dangerous step forward, forcing me to take one backward. The toxic energy emanating from him is pushing me to put distance between us.

“You do love me, don’t you?” he grunts.

“Of course I do. I thought that much was obvious.”

The evil smirk that slowly displays on his lips sends a shiver down my back.

“Turn around and put your hands behind your back.”

“Jake,” I huff as my stomach twists in anticipation. “I know how you must be feeling right now but I don’t think this is the solution. Control is not everything.”

“Do it for me, Angel. I need this.”

I swallow the lump in my throat, taking a minute or so to think about it. Slowly, I turn around and put my hands behind my back. It’s not like this doesn’t get me wet. I just wish he also learned to deal with problems another way.

I hear him unbuckling his belt and feel the leather slithering and wrapping around my wrists. It’s all fairly loose until one last tug brings everything crashing together in tightness.

“Bend over,” he whispers in my ear. His breath on my skin brings pleasure tingling all the way down.

I start leaning over, but his patience runs short, and he pushes a strong hand on my back until my cheek hits the mattress.

“I’d love for you to choke on my cock right now, but I don’t think I can wait to bury myself inside you.”

His crude words have my panties dampened before the end of the sentence. Said panties disappear in a split second as he slides them down to my knees. Two fingers slide between my folds and a moan escapes my lips.

“This one is for me. Don’t come.”

He enters me in one hard stroke, and I gasp in shock. I’m stretched beyond limits and the sting lasts slightly longer than usual.

“I wasn’t ready,” I whimper, but everything turns into pleasure as he starts moving, and my heavy breaths quickly stop me from talking.

Jake grabs his belt by my wrists and uses the pull to slam harder inside me. The scream that leaves my throat is a mix of pure bliss and pain.

“Calm down,” I pant as he pushes harder and deeper.

“Shut up,” he orders. Another wave of pleasure surrounds me as he pulls away slightly to avoid being too deep or hurting me. I’m reassured to see he still listened to me. “Why can’t you just take it like a good girl, huh?”

I feel myself tightening at his words and the mix of tingles and shivers brewing in my lower belly is ready to ignite me any second. I’m a second away from exploding when I suddenly feel him tighten his hold in a loud grunt and slam one last time. He slows down until he freezes and suddenly pulls out.

“What the-Jake!” I complain.

This is the worst teasing he’s ever done to me. I have never been so ready to come and have it pulled away. Not when he’s already inside me.

He pats my back condescendingly and I hear his zipper. “I told you that one was for me.”

He releases my wrists and I turn around, flushed and embarrassed.

“I thought you meant it as a joke or some sort of game,” I say as I cross my arms over my chest.

He didn’t even bother taking my top off. I feel his cum running down my legs and I’m surprised he still hasn’t gone to get me something to clean myself up. I realize it’s not in his plans when he goes back to his closet to pick a t-shirt. I grab a towel hanging from his desk chair and clean myself in a hurry. Anger is boiling inside me no matter how calm and understanding I’m trying to be.

“Jake,” I snap as I pull my underwear back up. “Can you stop pretending like I’m not here? What the hell is going on?”

He turns to me, his face stoic and his eyes emotionless. “Have you got any clothes here?”

“Probably,” I reply confused. “They’re in my bag in the main house.” I shake my head to refocus. “Can we sit down for a second and think about what’s important here?” I insist. “You’re acting weird.”

“Yeah, you’re right. We should talk.”

My heart skips a beat before going into a frenzy. “We should talk?” I repeat in a shaky voice. “Why do you sound like you’re breaking up with me?” I mock, half-joking, half-anxious.

“Because I am.” His voice is cold, heartless. It’s not sad or angry. It holds no regret or apologies. It’s a matter of fact.

“What?” I scoff. An anxious chuckle escapes my mouth and this time I’m the one walking toward him. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m fucking bored.” The words stab me like a sharp knife and my chest constricts uncontrollably.

“Don’t lie,” I fume. “You love me.”

He laughs and it freezes my blood. “I said I loved you, Goody. I was feeling charitable, it doesn’t mean I’m actually in love with you. How many times do you think I told Camila I loved her? Get real for a second, will you?”

My jaw drops and tears prickle at my eyes. That fucking nickname is back on his lips and I know he’s lying. He couldn’t possibly have lied for weeks and played me. Something happened between yesterday and now and he won’t tell me what.

“You’re lying,” I force the words out. “What did Nathan say? Or was it Bianco? You’re pushing me away, Jake, but you don’t have to. You don’t have to protect me, you don’t have to keep me away from this.”

I take another step towards him, but his hard stare stops me in my tracks.

“Listen, I don’t need to lie. You were a cute little virgin and I needed something to distract myself. Thanks for your services but let’s both go back to our own lives now. Honestly, I had fun, but you and I can’t really be a long-term thing. We both knew that when it started.”

“Jake,” a single tear falls down and I quickly wipe it away. “You’re hurting me. If you keep pushing, you’ll lose me. I’m not joking around.”

He laughs again. “You’re hurting? It’s a breakup, Goody. It’s not exactly meant to be all fun and games.”

“Why are you doing this? Please, talk to me,” I implore.

He starts walking around in the room and grabs my phone and coat. “Look, you’re embarrassing yourself. I really think you should leave. I want to say sorry but then again, you should have known what you were getting yourself into. Maybe next time, don’t be so naïve when it comes to boys.” He passes me my stuff and looks around the room. “Take your time to get your stuff, I’ll be in the living room.”

I put on a pair of leggings and wait a few moments, gathering my thoughts before I walk into the living room. I thought I’d take the time to calm down, but the rage is getting worse.

“So is this how it goes with you? You fuck me one last time before telling me to get my shit and go?” I seethe.

He gets up from the sofa and chuckles. “I wasn’t exactly gonna say ‘bend over for your last fuck’ was I?”

The slap that lands on his cheek is so powerful that I wonder for a second if it was actually from me but the sting in my palm doesn’t leave any doubt. He winces, probably because he’s already covered in bruises.

“Fuck you,” I spit at him.

I didn’t hear the door open, but I hear Rose’s hoarse voice loud and clear. “What the actual fuck is going on in here?”

“What is going on?” I fume. “Your asshole of a brother is too much of a coward to tell me why he’s pushing me away. He’d rather act like the fuckboy he truly is and break-up. What a fucking solution.”

“You’re breaking-up?” she asks him in disbelief. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t have to justify myself to either of you. You should leave, Jamie. And please delete my number.”

“Whoa, did I just open the door to asshole-town? What are you doing, Jake?”

I can feel Rose’s anger and I appreciate it, but all I want to do is leave. If Jake wants us to be over, so be it. I’ll cut it short. I try to walk past Rose, but she keeps a hand on the door handle and doesn’t move out of the doorway.

“Jake, seriously, what is this?” she asks again.

“Fuck, Ozy. I don’t intervene every time you change guys, do I? You want her so bad, you have her then. She can go through the whole family for all I care but I want her out of my house.”

His words make me feel sick to my stomach. My chest is so tight I feel like I’m choking, and I can’t control the tears. I give Jake another look, trying to find any sign that he doesn’t mean what he’s saying, any sign that he’s about to tell me that he can’t do it, he can’t break up with me.

But there’s nothing.

There’s no love and there’s no hatred.

There’s no desire and no disgust.

His eyes have lost the spark they used to shine with when I was around. Now, there’s only indifference. And that’s the worst of them all.

Jake takes three big steps towards me and Rose. He grabs his sister by the arm and pulls her out of the way. He has no idea he’s pinching already existing bruises that Bianco put there. “Do you have to get in the way of everything?” he growls at her.

“You’re hurting me, asshole,” she snarls.

“Yeah, well I’m trying to get her to leave and you’re in the way. Now, Jamie, if you don’t mind.”

I realize this is it and I look at him one last time. “This is not how it was meant to be, Jake. I love you,” I try in a desperate last attempt.

I might look ridiculous, and this might be the most humiliating moment of my entire life, but it turns out, I can’t let this go. The moment I close this door, it’s over and I’m not ready for that. I can’t let him go. I can’t live without our moments together, without his smile and kisses. I’ve given him my whole heart and my life is nothing without him. I shouldn’t have, but I did. He became my entire life and I have nothing if not for him.

“It wasn’t meant to be any sort of way, Jamie. You were just another name on the list.”

I can’t take any more. I put one foot outside and as soon as I pass the door, I run. I run so fast my heart is begging to be let out of my rib cage and my lungs are on fire, filled with thick smoke. I run until my feet hurt and my eyes stop crying. I run so much that my shoes feel useless, and my knees are ready to shatter. I know I’ve run more than four miles when I recognize my street.

I push one last time and reach my door. I feel like I haven’t been here in ages.

I have no idea how long ago I last saw Jake, but it already feels like an eternity. I find my keys and take my time to open the door. Everything is going to feel so lonely. It already does.

Once inside, I close the front door and lean my back on it. I’m about to break down in cries again when a small noise makes me aware that I’m not alone in the house.

“Hello?” I say in a shaky voice. I take one step towards the kitchen.

I take another step toward the kitchen, my instincts warning me of imminent danger.

“Surprise!” Mom and Emily jump out from behind the counter as my heart almost stops in my chest. “Happy Birthday!” They both scream again.

“Mom?” I say as I struggle to comprehend what’s happening.

“Jamie, sweetie, are you okay?” My mom asks as she rounds the counter to join me.

I can only shake my head ‘no’ as everything overwhelms me. She takes me in her arms, and I feel the weight of the last few months suffocating me.

“Where’s everyone else?” I hear Emily behind my mom.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” mom asks, her voice filled with concern.

But I can’t reply. I’m crying so hard my sobs are choking me. She’s here, with me, at the moment I need her the most and my heart swells with relief despite the sadness that’s overtaken me.

My mom is back. That was my big surprise. She’s back, I’m safe and Jake White broke my heart on my eighteenth birthday.