Curvy Girls Can’t Date Soldiers by Kelsie Stelting
Thirty-Five
Nadira
I layawake in my bed, thinking about Apollo and wishing I could just talk to him. I missed our nightly calls more than I cared to admit. I would have given away my memory of the quadratic equation just to email him. To go back in time and tell him the truth from the start. But it was too late.
Unable to go to sleep, I got up and found a notebook in my desk. Someday, if he forgave me, I’d tell him how hard this had been for me. And I’d have something to show for it.
I put pen to paper and wrote him a letter I hoped he’d have the chance to read someday.
Dear Apollo,
By now you know how truly and deeply I’ve messed things up. You know that I lied to you. That I pretended to be someone I wasn’t. You know that Tatiana twisted my arm and rather than risk losing you or having you always think I was nothing more than a stalker, I went along with her plan.
It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
When I started emailing you, I thought I was just doing my mom a favor so she could complete her research project and hopefully get some funding for out-of-state ROTC students. I never expected what I got in return.
I found a true friend. Someone who was there for me whether I was celebrating a Mathlete win or sobbing outside of a basketball game because my parents supported my brothers more than me. Someone who I looked forward to talking to every day, who I thought of as my head hit the pillow every night.
I know I’m not a good writer, and I’ll never find the words to tell you how sorry I am. If you forgive me, it will be the greatest gift I ever receive. And if you don’t, the last month will always be one of the best of my life.
I’m sorry for the lie our relationship started with, but I promise I was always myself with you. I hope I have the chance to do that again.
Love,
Nadira
I set my pen down in the notebook and closed it, saving the page for later. I hoped, prayed, I’d be able to use it.
* * *
“She can’t do that,” Cori said the next morning as we walked into the building together with Ryker at her side. Although she was usually late to school, she arrived early today just so I could tell her what happened. Saying all of it over the phone didn’t feel right. Not last night when all of my energy had been zapped by Tatiana and wishing I could talk to Apollo just one more time.
Ryker’s eyes were dark, dangerous. “I can talk to her. Make her tell him the truth.”
I shook my head. “Making her mad will just make things worse for me. She’ll say something to him I can’t undo.”
He and Cori frowned simultaneously, so in sync. I wanted that kind of connection for myself. No matter how many times I’d said I didn’t want love or it wasn’t a priority, I couldn’t make myself believe it. I longed for someone I could share my life with—the fun and the sad times. Someone who understood me like I thought Apollo had. Like I thought he would if he ever gave me another chance.
Cori laced her fingers through mine. “He’s going to forgive you.”
My eyes stung. “How do you know?”
“Because he’d be stupid if he didn’t.”
Ryker chuckled beside her. “Cori has a good point.”
My heart melted just a little bit. Less than a year ago, Ryker would have been right alongside Tatiana, making my life miserable just for entertainment. But love had changed him. Maybe it had changed me too.
“Will you be there for me on Friday?” I asked them. “Tatiana said she would tell him the truth after state, put in a good word for me. I think I have about a one percent chance of getting him to forgive me—and that’s being generous.”
“There’s our pessimist,” Cori said.
Ryker looked ahead in the parking lot, toward Tatiana and her crew, then toward me. “You know what? Sending the wrong picture was a blessing to you. You’re going to find out whether he fell for who you are or how you look.”
Cori nodded in agreement.
“All we have to do is wait,” he said.
Unfortunately, waiting would be the hardest part.
