Curvy Girls Can’t Date Soldiers by Kelsie Stelting

Forty-Five

Nadira

The light was blindingagainst my eyes. “Turn it off,” I groaned, rolling over under my blankets.

But they were being stripped away from my bed, leaving me bare in my pajamas, exposed to the air that felt so cold in contrast to the warmth I’d been under.

I jerked up to find the culprit, my mother, stuffing the blankets in my laundry hamper. “Mom!” I cried. “Give them back.”

“We’ve let you wallow long enough,” she said firmly. “Get up, take a shower, and come down to the table. Your father and I would like to speak with you.”

Before I could argue, she left my room, closing the door behind her.

I glared at it, considering for a moment what would happen if I didn’t get up. I didn’t want to. Leaving this bed meant moving on from what happened, and I couldn’t. But my mom was a determined woman. If I didn’t do as she asked, she would be upstairs, watching me do it until I was finished.

Deciding to spare myself more humiliation than I’d already faced, I got up and began getting ready. Einstein may have thought time was relative, but my time was coming.

* * *

Freshly showered and dressed in sweats, I went downstairs to face my fate. I wasn’t sure what my punishment would be for my behavior. I’d never really acted out before. But Mom and Dad were fond of grounding Terrell for missed curfews or taking away Carver’s phone when he didn’t get homework turned in.

Whatever fate they landed on, it couldn’t make me feel worse than I already did. So they took my phone? It wasn’t like I could talk to Apollo anymore anyway. And I would see my friends at school.

So they grounded me for a few weeks? I didn’t feel like going out.

All that had really mattered to me were my friends and Mathletes and Apollo. Two of those had been taken away on Friday.

As promised, Mom and Dad waited at the island. My brothers were nowhere to be found.

“Where are Terrell and Carver?” I asked, hoping for a buffer.

“Went out with friends,” Dad said. “It’s just the three of us.”

Feeling apprehensive, I slid into a chair as far from them as I could get. Nonetheless, Mom slid a plate of cheese and crackers toward me.

“You need to eat something,” she said.

My stomach turned just looking at it, and she sighed.

“Hon,” Dad warned. “Be gentle.”

His words didn’t hit their mark, though, because Mom said, “This moping around has got to end, Nadira. You’ve had a weekend, and that’s plenty time enough.”

I raised my eyebrows, incredulous. “So I get embarrassed at the biggest event of the year, demoted from captain, and have the only guy I’ve ever really liked tell me he never wants to talk to me and I’m supposed to just get over it? Like that?”

Dad gave Mom a look. “That’s not what she’s saying. You know, we watched our beautiful, smart, talented daughter be reduced to something we don’t even recognize. I hate any guy who could cause that.”

“Am I not allowed to be upset?” I asked, grabbing crackers and stuffing them in my face. “Am I just supposed to be your fat and happy baby forever?”

“Dira,” Dad said.

But I kept going, brushing crumbs off my face. “That’s what Mom wants. She wants me to have no feelings, just like her, so I can grow up and have a job. Because nothing else matters, right, Mom? Everything comes second to the career?”

I knew I was hitting where it hurt, but it was true. For all of high school, I’d been patient Nadira. Easygoing Nadira. Never-get-in-trouble Nadira. But my heart had never been on the line like this before. I’d been too scared to make myself vulnerable, even online.

My friends were the brave ones, risking their hearts on love. Taking chances in trusting someone else with all of who they are. I couldn’t even do that. I gave Apollo half of who I was and expected it to be enough.

Mom leaned forward, resting her elbows on the granite countertop. “What do you want me to say? Apologize for loving my job?”

Dad rubbed his hands over his knees. “We’re getting distracted here.”

Mom looked at him harshly. “Then what?” she demanded. “You just want to let her be a shadow of who she is until she moves out?” Mom’s voice cracked. “We only have a few months left with her, and I’m realizing I hardly know her.” She swiveled on me, her eyes wide and shining. “Why didn’t you ever tell me what Apollo meant to you?”

Each of her words tugged at my heart, but how could she not know why I’d never told her? All it would have taken was a few questions about me and my life to know everything. She’d never ever asked.

“Mom, you’ve hardly been interested in anything I’ve done. You and Dad both. You’ve come to two Mathlete meets, and that’s only because we made it to state! My friends hardly ever hang out here because half the time in the winter, we’re eating microwave dinners every night. I’m constantly helping you with research projects and coming to your games. When has it ever mattered what I’ve been interested in as long as I’m getting good grades?”

I looked between the two of them, but neither of them met my eyes. Dad rubbed his temples, and Mom’s jaw clenched as she looked anywhere but at me.

“And this young man?” Dad asked. “What’s so special about him?”

My eyes watered as I stood up from the table. “He cared. And I didn’t deserve it.” Then I turned around and went upstairs. My parents let me go.