Crash by Jeanne St. James

Chapter Fifteen

Liz sat at the bar,using her fork to poke at the breakfast on her plate, instead of using it to put the food into her mouth. She’d only been able to get down two bites of toast so far.

Her brain was still spinning as she considered her options.

Crash’s plate was already picked clean. She watched him saunter over to the commercial coffeemaker at the other end of the bar and a few minutes later carry two steaming mugs back.

The far end was where Grizz normally sat. This morning “his” stool was empty. Most likely because it was too early for the eldest DAMC member. Liz had quickly learned the man’s pattern. Whenever he decided to come into church from wherever he lived, he’d shout for his wife and ol’ lady, Mama Bear, who would then poke her head out of the swinging kitchen door, curse him out for shouting like an uncivilized animal, then disappear back into her domain, the kitchen, with a huff.

A few minutes later, she’d come back out with a plate piled high of heart-attack-inducing food. He’d grunt at her, then began his day of nursing beer after beer once he filled his gut with her good home-cooked meal and shared his wisdom with whomever needed it.

The older couple had a whole routine.

Like Dutch back home, Liz also quickly learned that Grizz had a big heart buried underneath all that grump and gruff.

Mama Bear was just like her name. The mother bear of the club, making sure everyone was well-fed and taken care of. She doted on all the kids when they came into church like they were her own. And whenever Crow or Jazz showed up with their great-grandkids, both Mama Bear and her ol’ man totally melted like butter left out in the heat on a summer day.

It was sweet and the love was tangible. Even between the two.

But they were family. Real family.

Liz had no real family left in the States after her mother and stepfather retired in New Zealand.

No, that wasn’t right.

She now had Stella.

Only Stella didn’t know and Liz wasn’t sure how she would take the news to her father siring another daughter from a woman who was not Stella’s mother.

Hell, it wasn’t even the siring part that might bother Stella, it might be the part that Liz was conceived during a gang bang. That could disturb the average person.

But would that matter to Stella? Could she overlook that fact? Not to mention, the fact that Liz had been a sweet butt? Or even the fact that Liz kept the knowledge she was the daughter of an Original under wraps?

She chewed on her bottom lip as Crash, after settling on the stool next to her again, took a long swig of his black coffee.

She glanced down at her mug and noticed he’d added creamer to hers because of the lighter color. She’d been too distracted to realize he hadn’t even asked what she wanted in her coffee, proving he actually paid attention and now knew how she liked her morning caffeine fix.

Ozzy never got it right, even after two years.

“Thank you,” she murmured, taking a sip. Just enough sweetness, too. It was perfect.

Crash turned on the stool until he faced her and his knee pressed into her thigh, a look of concern on his face. Or was it worry? “Sunny—”

“I need to go home.” Shit. She hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that. Her indecision had turned into a decision in a flash.

Her brain had decided without consulting her heart first.

But it was the right decision.

His chest expanded under his leather cut as he took a slow, deep inhalation. Almost as if he was using that time to keep himself from flipping out. After a few seconds, he asked way too calmly, “For what?”

“For what?” Really? Was he trying to make her feel more guilty than she already did for wanting to leave so soon? Not wanting, needing. “I need to talk to Stella.”

He planted his calloused hand on her thigh and squeezed it gently. “Don’t gotta go there for that. There’s somethin’ called a phone. Remember?”

She knew he wouldn’t want her to leave. Things were going so well between them. Well, everything except temporarily living in his room upstairs. That was the only part she wouldn’t give a five-star rating to when it came to their new relationship.

And that was what it was. A relationship.

He didn’t want only sex from her, he wanted companionship. He didn’t have to say it out loud for her to see or feel how much he wanted that.

“Crash… This is not something I want to tell her over the phone. It’s not only a serious conversation, it might be a shock. And she’s…”

He cocked his head, waiting.

“Family,” Liz finished. “Not just Fury family… but real family. She needs to know.” Her eyes went wide, she slapped a hand over her mouth and a muffled, “Holy shit!” escaped. She dropped her hand and almost screamed, “Crash! I have a sister. A real sister,” because it still hadn’t completely sunk in yet. It was both exciting and scary at the same time.

“Half-sister. And you’re gonna have plenty of sisters here.”

“A real flesh and blood sister!” She fisted his shirt. She always wanted a sibling.

“Yeah,” he breathed.

She chewed on her bottom lip. “She might not want me as her sister.”

His brow wrinkled when he scowled. “Who the fuck wouldn’t want you as their sister? Well, except me...”

“Now I regret going about it the way I did. Keeping it a secret like that.”

“You did it the best way for you.”

That was true but Trip and Stella might not see it that way. “Or so I thought. Maybe in the end it won’t be. They might get pissed I kept a secret like that from them this whole time. They might think I was being sneaky.”

“You did what was best for you, not them. Nobody’s gonna look out for you like you would. Well… except me.”

She blinked and glanced up at him. His expression was completely shuttered tight, which tore her heart a little.

“Sunny, you go back, they might not let you fuckin’ leave.” He dragged a hand through his hair, which was already getting some length to it in the short time since she’d met him. “Fuck. You go back and you might not wanna leave.”

She grabbed his hand which was fisted on his thigh and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Untrue. I just need to do this face to face.”

Suddenly, a switch flipped and his expression was no longer closed down. His anger was palpable. He ripped his hand from under hers. He turned to face forward and, even with the growth of beard covering his jaw, she could still see how tight it got. She could actually see him clenching his teeth.

“Hey,” she said softly, grabbing his bicep, which turned to steel under her fingers.

He twisted his head toward her and with a visible dark cloud lingering over him, she braced for the storm. “You only come down here with me to make him jealous? To force him to claim you at the table? That it? Had nothin’ to do with me? You used me to force his hand?”

She blinked. Where was this coming from?

Hurt. That was where. He was striking out because he was in pain. Shit.

She needed to take care with her response. She didn’t want to have a knee-jerk reaction because of his. That would only create more conflict.

“No, Crash. It has nothing to do with Ozzy. I had no reason to lie about that. I told you I never had and still have no interest in Ozzy claiming me. My decision to go home strictly has to do with Stella, not Ozzy.”

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “Bullshit, Liz. Fuckin’ bullshit.”

He used her name instead of the nickname she now loved. Another sign he was hurting. “It isn’t—”

His tight jaw shifted and even though his eyes were now open again, he avoided hers. “Ain’t gonna be used like that.”

“Crash, that wasn’t my intent.”

“Yeah? Prove it.”

“Look at me.” She grabbed his chin and forced him to do so. “Look. At. Me.”

When he finally locked gazes with her, his nostrils flared and his lips pressed into a slash.

She swallowed, took a breath, then said, “It’s only temporary.”

“Yeah.”

“No, I mean going home.” She grimaced. She shouldn’t have used the word home right now. “Going back to Manning Grove is only temporary. Just so I can talk to Stella.”

“You go back, they ain’t gonna let you go.”

“That’s not true. They’re not a cult. They’re a club like yours. Trip, and even Stella, would never force me to stay. They can’t force me to stay. They can only ask.” She knew Trip could demand it in the way a leader would, but he’d never force her. He couldn’t. He might have a temper but he also had a good head on his shoulders.

“You already got a life there and now you got blood. You got nothin’ here yet. Just me. The fuckin’ scales are tipped toward them.”

The raw emotion in his voice was cracking her chest open. “That’s not true.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Ain’t it?”

“How about if I give you my word, my promise, to come back? I want nothing more than to continue to explore what we have between us. Continue to create a bond with the DAMC sisterhood. I know they’re busy with their families and businesses. And even you said it, they’re trying not to overwhelm me all at once and I appreciate that. So far, they’re everything you’ve said and more. However, I’m going to tell you this again because it’s important you know it’s true... Coming here never had anything to do with Ozzy.” She cupped his face and whispered, “It only had to do with you.”

The tension fled his face and his body relaxed. “Gonna go with you.”

What? That might not be the best idea. It even might hinder more than help. If Trip started demanding for her to stay in Manning Grove and with the Fury, that would piss Crash off and cause an issue not only between the two men, but possibly between the two clubs.

She wouldn’t be the reason for a crack in an important alliance, especially now that she had a connection with both clubs. “I don’t think that’s smart.”

“Need to protect you.’’

“Why?” She didn’t want to tell him that she didn’t need any man to protect her, because these bikers were the type of men who believed that they did. They were alpha males who, for their whole lives, believed they were the stronger sex and the protectors of women and children.

Most of the women tied to MCs were just as strong but let the men believe their misconception. It was simply easier and less frustrating.

He looked away for a long minute, shook his head, then faced her again. When he spoke it came out in a possessive growl, once again sounding like a wolf standing over a fresh kill. “‘Cause you’re mine.”

His voice, his claim, caused exhilaration to run through her and her skin to turn to gooseflesh.

No matter how strong or independent a woman was, when a man made a caveman-like claim like that, it still got their juices flowing.

Or, at least, it did Liz’s.

“Crash…” His name got caught in her throat.

“Sunny, you’re fuckin’ mine. You’re my sunshine. That ain’t no bullshit. Had no idea how fuckin’ dim my world was ’til I first saw you.”

Holy shit.It wasn’t a declaration of love, but it was damn well close enough. But he couldn’t actually love her, it was way too soon. She realized they needed time and she wanted to give that to him. To them.

Especially since what he was feeling, she was feeling, too.

“Crash,” she breathed, her eyes suddenly stinging.

“So, you go, but you come back. You don’t, I’m comin’ up there to get you. They got a problem with that, they’re gonna have a problem with me. They got a problem with me, they got a problem with my brothers.”

Just what she wanted to avoid. “I’m not worth a war.”

He dropped his head, stared directly into her eyes and in that alpha growl said slowly and distinctly, “The fuck you ain’t.”

As soon as she caught the breath she’d lost, she grabbed a fistful of his shirt and dragged him back upstairs to his room.

It wasn’t until hours later when she finally left Shadow Valley and headed back to Manning Grove. But when she did, she left a big piece of her heart behind.

Whether he believed it or not, she planned on coming back to collect it.

* * *

Liz’s heartthumped as she moved through The Barn. She’d only been gone a little over two weeks and she already felt like a trespasser.

They didn’t have a problem with her leaving, but would they have a problem with her coming back?

She had first stopped at Crazy Pete’s and talked to Dodge. Unfortunately, Stella wasn’t there. After a quick stop at the farmhouse, she discovered that was empty, too.

She didn’t have Stella’s phone number to text her since they’d never been that close. She hoped that would change but wouldn’t hold her breath. Plus, she knew it wouldn’t be easy to forge a solid relationship with her half-sister if she did what she promised Crash.

Return to Shadow Valley.

And return to him.

She told him that she might be gone for at least a few days but would keep in touch. She wanted at least enough time so that—if Stella was willing—they could begin to get to know each other better. It might not be much, but it would be a step forward. Maybe the bar owner would even share some stories about what their father was like.

Theirfather.

The only thing she really knew about Pete was that he had run the bar and died a few years ago from cancer.

She stopped in front of Crazy Pete’s cut that hung on the wall near the bar and turned on the small spotlight that lit it up every night using a timer. She now looked at it with a whole new set of eyes.

Normally cuts were buried or cremated with the club member when he died. But since the club had been disbanded—or, really, been destroyed—no one thought to do so with Pete’s and Stella hadn’t returned to Manning Grove in time to make that happen. So, the next best thing was for Trip to display it on the wall as part of Fury history since it couldn’t be passed on like Ox’s, the former sergeant at arms.

Since Judge and Jemma’s father died in prison and no one claimed his body, his colors didn’t get cremated with him, either. Instead, Judge replaced Ox’s name patch, ripped off the “Original” patch and made the cut—and the sergeant at arms position—his own.

She reached up and drew a fingertip along the worn, dirty rectangular patch embroidered with the name “Crazy Pete” and wondered what kind of father the man would’ve been if he’d known he’d had another daughter.

She wouldn’t kid herself and think he would’ve been a perfect one. In fact, she knew he would’ve been far from a great dad. But still…

She sighed.

At least he would’ve known about her.

In truth, he might not even have cared. He had been an Original, after all. She wouldn’t put the man on a pedestal simply because he was dead.

The front door to The Barn flew open and the one person she was hoping to avoid right now walked in. His gray eyes hit her and stuck as he took long, determined strides in her direction.

She groaned under her breath at the look on his face. She wasn’t up for a fight right now.

And Ozzy looked like he was spoiling for one.

“Saw your cage out front. What the fuck you doin’ back? What the fuck did he do to make you come runnin’ home?”

God, even though he was already putting her on edge, she missed him. She really did. It was difficult to spend two years with someone, even in a very loose and casual relationship, and not get attached.

“He didn’t do anything, Oz. The reason I came home has nothing to do with him.”

“So, it got to do with me. You left without a goddamn word to me and you think you can just walk right back in after that? Like I’m just gonna forget that ever happened?”

She bit back a frustrated scream. These men! It was always about them!

Before she could answer him calmly, he continued. But this time his words were tinged with cockiness. “Knew you’d be back. Knew you’d come back to me. Guess the shine dulled on that new toy pretty fuckin’ quickly. He got a tiny dick? He suck at eatin’ your cunt? He only want to keep you as his fuckin’ whore?”

As she opened her mouth to set him straight, he grabbed the back of her neck, roughly pulled her into him, grabbed her hair with his other hand to yank her head back and took her mouth like he owned it.

He mistakenly thought he did.

She wedged her hands between them, shoved at his chest and twisted her head enough to break the kiss, but not enough to break his grip on her neck or hair.

Disappointed, she shook her head as much as his tight hold allowed. She shouldn’t expect better from him, but she did.

That exact moment made her realize she had made the right decision to leave Manning Grove and explore a possible life with Crash. A man who gave her a lot more respect than Ozzy ever had. Or ever would.

“As much as you’d like to think I’m running back to you with my tail tucked between my legs and begging for you to take me back, I’m not here for you, Oz.”

He released her neck and stepped back, his lips tipped down at the corners, his gray eyes narrowed on her. “Then why the fuck did you come back, Lizzy?”

She ignored his use of the nickname she believed no longer belonged to her. “I need to talk to Stella.”

His handsome face twisted as if he just swallowed a June bug on one of the club runs. “For what?”

When she finally spilled the news, she preferred to tell Stella first. “That’s between me and Stella.”

“You fuckin’ kiddin’ me?” he growled.

“No. But now that you’re here, I do want to tell you that I’m sorry.”

“You fuckin’ should be.”

Instead of graciously accepting her apology, of course, that was his rude response. Her mouth opened with the temptation to revoke it, but she needed to remember, like Crash, Ozzy was striking out because he was angry and hurt. Even though the man had no right to be since they were never in any kind of committed relationship.

Ozzy wanted what Ozzy wanted and normally didn’t worry about anything, or anybody, else. He didn’t have a problem with fucking women other than Liz. He didn’t even mind Liz fucking any of his brothers, as long as he was somehow involved, but the second Liz wanted to be with someone else, he had an issue with it.

While clearly that wasn’t fair to her, the stubborn fool would never see it like that. Being an Original, he believed women tied to the club were property and that was that.

He also believed women, as property, should obey.

At his age, which was close to Crash’s, Liz doubted he would ever change.

But again, she got involved in the club, became a sweet butt and landed in Ozzy’s bed almost every night with her eyes wide open. She had never been an “obedient” woman but, until now, she never had any reason to rock the boat and piss Ozzy off.

However, she didn’t want to piss him off now, either. She wasn’t here to hurt him. She wasn’t here to hurt anyone.

But if Ozzy didn’t want to make peace with her, she had no choice but to accept it.

And simply move on.

“I’m not sorry I left, Ozzy. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you first but I figured it was better to wait since things were still raw between us.”

“But you’re back.”

It took all of her patience to say, “Again, I’m only here to talk to Stella and grab a few more things from my place. That’s it.”

Before her eyes, his expression became darker, filling with anger and disbelief. A stick of dynamite ready to explode.

She braced.

When his hand swung wildly, she automatically winced, but it turned out it wasn’t to strike her—he’d never, ever done that before—but to point toward the front door of The Barn. “Get the fuck outta here, then. Go back to him. Go back to Shadow Valley. That’s what you want, then go chase that fuckin’ dream. Done with you.”

“Ozzy.”

“Fuck you. You ain’t wanted here. Go.” He dropped his arm, squeezed his eyes shut and his mouth pinched tight.

“I’m not leaving simply because you tell me to. I am not now nor have I ever been your ol’ lady. I didn’t come here to upset you, and I also didn’t expect to see you here, but that doesn’t change the fact that I need to find Stella.”

His eyes opened and he quickly hid the turmoil in them, but not before she saw it. He took a couple breaths, most likely to tamp down his anger, before finally demanding, “For what?”

“Like I said, that’s between me and her.”

His jaw popped. “Right. As the club secretary, I got the right to know anythin’ goin’ on in this fuckin’ club. When I fuckin’ ask you a question, you need to answer.”

She shook her head. “You can’t suddenly change the rules to fit—”

“Ain’t changin’ shit.”

“If you know, just tell me where Stella is, Ozzy. Please. Do it for me. I checked the farmhouse and even Crazy Pete’s…”

“Yeah, I know where the fuck she is but ain’t tellin’ you ’til you tell me why you need her.”

Keep calm, Liz. If you lose your temper, it’ll only fuel his. “Can you at least give me her phone number?”

“Not ’til you tell me why first.”

She gritted her teeth. She didn’t want to tell anyone but Stella first, but Ozzy was forcing her hand. She didn’t like it but knew how stubborn he could be. He would never give her info until he got the info he demanded first.

“If I tell you, you need to promise me something…” When he didn’t answer, she said, “Ozzy. You need to promise me to keep it to yourself. This is no one’s business but mine and Stella’s. And maybe Trip’s.” Definitely Trip’s, too. As club president, as Stella’s husband and… as Liz’s brother-in-law. Holy shit.

“Bet he knows,” Ozzy growled.

“But he’s not going to say anything to anyone. I need you to promise me the same. At least for right now until Stella and I get things figured out.”

He frowned and stroked his bearded chin. That frown turned into a scowl. “Goddamn it. Fine.”

No way was that good enough. “Promise?”

He gave her a sharp, single nod. “Promise.”

“I trust you to keep it.”

He gave her another single nod.

She struggled not to roll her eyes at his questionable response. “It has to do with Crazy Pete,” she started.

His eyebrows pinched together. “It’s got to do with her old man?”

She sucked in a breath and slowly blew it out. She was about to reveal something that might change a few people’s lives, including her own. “He’s not just her old man.”

He went solid for a second, staring at her. She could see his wheels turning as he waited for the rest. When she hesitated, he shot a glance at Pete’s cut on the wall. It was obvious when it dawned on him why she’d been standing in front of it, studying the Original’s colors with the spotlight turned on.

Just because Ozzy was stubborn and set in his ways didn’t make him stupid. He was far from it.

“Christ, Lizzy. What d’you know?”

“You were an Original. You saw everything that went on back then. You even participated in that stuff, too. It shouldn’t be any surprise that there are children out there belonging to Fury members that no one knows about.”

At least when Liz’s mother was involved in that gang bang it was way before Ozzy ever joined the club. It was a relief that she did not have sex with the same man who had sex with her eighteen-year-old mother.

He took a slow, deep inhale, then pushed the air out on a long, low whistle. “You?” He didn’t wait for her answer, instead a second later he exploded. “Jesus fuck, Lizzy! That changes everything—”

“It doesn’t.”

“You belong to the Fury. You don’t fuckin’ belong down there with that motherfucker.”

“I don’t belong here, either, Oz.”

“You fuckin’ do. You’re the goddamn daughter of an Original.”

At his reaction, her pulse was once again that thoroughbred racing down the track. She was afraid Trip might react the same. “And that means nothing at this point.”

“That’s fuckin’ bullshit. That means everything.”

She forced the lump stuck in her throat back down. He might be right. It might mean everything. If not to Stella, then to Trip.

“He fuckin’ came up here and stole Fury property.”

Shit. Shit. Shit.“He didn’t steal anything, Ozzy.” Except for maybe her heart. “I went with him willingly. And when I return to him, it’ll also be willingly.”

His eyebrows shot up his forehead. “You think Trip’s gonna just let you walk the fuck away once he knows this? Know you ain’t stupid, woman. But—“

She tamped down her rising panic. “But nothing. He isn’t a warden.” She waved her hand around, indicating The Barn and everything it signified. “This isn’t a prison. I was a sweet butt, that was it.”

That used to be it.

However, that was no longer it. Now she was so much more.

“Oh, fuck no. That ain’t just it. Not now. You woulda been smarter not to say a fuckin’ word and let that info go with you to your grave.”

“I disagree,” she said weakly, hoping he wasn’t right.

Should she have kept it to herself? Never revealed it to anyone? Even Crash?

Did she make a huge mistake by doing so? By coming back here?

It was too late now. Ozzy knew.

Ozzy would never let her keep that secret. Especially now that she knew he wanted her to come home. He could use that info to cause problems for her. For Crash. For both clubs.

But would he?

It didn’t matter. She came here to talk to Stella, to tell her the truth. And that was what she was going to do.

She always wanted a sister, now had one and could only hope her sister wanted her.

But if she didn’t, she’d simply move on.

“Tell me where she is.” She wanted to get this over with.

“They’re at the doc’s.”

She frowned. “For what?”

“They didn’t say but since they both went, you can fuckin’ guess. We all can.”

Her breath slowly leaked from her gaped mouth as she processed his words. “The wedding was only a couple of weeks ago.”

Ozzy jerked a lone shoulder up in a sloppy shrug. “Since when d’you need to be hitched to get knocked up?”

Never.

Holy shit.

More ties to bind her to Manning Grove. A future niece or nephew. Her family was growing more quickly than she ever expected it to.

But she couldn’t call Stella, or even Trip, if they were in an OB/GYN appointment, even if Ozzy gave Liz her number.

She would need to wait until they returned. Hell, hope they returned.

She had Dodge’s number, she’d text him to let her know if Stella showed up there instead of coming home after their appointment.

Other than that, she simply needed patience. She spent the last two years hoping to find out who her father was. Now that she knew, she could wait a little while longer to speak to her sister.

“So, if Stella’s your sister, then she’s gonna be makin’ you an aunt. Another reason to come home where you belong.” Wearing a satisfied expression, he stated, “Gotta get back to the motel. You comin’?”

Did he want to have sex with her? Why else would he want her to go with him?

She shook her head. “No, Ozzy, I’m not doing that.”

His jaw shifted sharply and his eyes turned the color of cold steel. He nodded. “You know where I’ll fuckin’ be after you talk to our prez and his ol’ lady and they tell you how it is. I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

He spun on his boot heel and headed back toward the front door of the Fury’s church.

“I won’t be there, Ozzy,” she whispered, stopping him in his tracks. He stared at the door for a long moment, his body so tight he looked like a stone statue.

He glanced back over his shoulder. “You didn’t even give me a fuckin’ chance, Liz, since you didn’t even have the balls to tell me you were leavin’. Now you got a reason to come home and stay home…”

Silence filled the space between them.

After a moment, he turned back to face the door. She barely caught his last words that became a knife, cutting open her chest so he could tear out her heart.

“For fuck’s sake, baby, it ain’t home without you.” He ripped open the door, strode out and slammed it behind him.