Lyrics of a Small Town by Abbi Glines

Thirty-Two

Even with the late night, my brain had been programmed to wake up at four. I lay in bed and tried to go back to sleep, but it never came. Saul looked so peaceful beside me and I didn’t want to wake him. I stayed in bed, watching him sleep and going over last night’s events.

He hadn’t told me about Isla, but he had simply been talking to her. It may have been so innocent, he didn’t think to mention it to me last night. Dealing with Lily could have been so stressful that a conversation with a woman he came off the elevator with wasn’t worth remembering.

By the time six thirty rolled around, I was sure that I had overreacted. I had been to the Evans’ house and I had seen Isla with her daughter. She was a happy little girl. Their house was beautiful and it looked like everything a happy home should look like. My gran had babysat for them, so they could go on dates and business dinners.

I didn’t know why Saul had not told me where he had been when he got off the elevator with Isla, but it could easily have been a connection to Lily through Gran. My doubting him was unfair. He hadn’t texted me all day, but I knew his mother could be a lot on him. He was a good son. Possibly the best son I had ever known.

Reaching up, I brushed a curl from his eyes. He was also the most beautiful male I had ever known.

“Mmm,” he made a low sound in his chest then turned to nuzzle my neck. I tilted it back to give him easier access. “God, you feel good.” His voice was raspy from sleep.

I slid a leg up onto his hips to get closer to him.

“Start that and you’re gonna get fucked,” he warned, kissing the skin beneath my ear.

“I hope so,” I whispered.

With a growl, Saul flipped me onto my back and was on top of me. I stared up at him, prepared to see lust in his gaze and the dark hunger he got when we had sex. Instead, there was something more. He looked down at me with a deeper yearning. It wasn’t just me that was feeling things but he was too. Either that or I wanted him to feel things so badly I was seeing more to it than there was.

“I missed you,” he said, running his hand from my neck to my stomach slowly.

“I missed you too,” I admitted, although it had been one day we hadn’t been together. I found myself always wanting to be near him.

“I’m addicted to you, Henley,” he said before he took the edges of my panties and began to pull them down my legs.

We didn’t say anything more. My mind tried to tell me that his being addicted wasn’t a good thing. Addiction wasn’t sexy or romantic. But my body was hungry for his touch and soon it was my body that won over. Every part of me wanted to be with Saul and that want was quickly turning into something so much stronger.

I was weak when it came to him. Being weak made me vulnerable. I also realized I didn’t care as long as I was with him.

The coffee was brewing and I pulled out some blueberry muffins from the fridge while Saul took a shower. I had half a loaf of banana bread that I also took out and turned on the oven to warm them up. Gran hadn’t been a fan of microwaves. She was convinced they gave you cancer. She had never owned one in her home. Her reasons for not having a Keurig for her coffee had been more basic. She said the coffee didn’t taste the same as when it was brewed the way it was supposed to be brewed. She also drank Maxwell House so there was that.

When I heard Saul’s footsteps coming down the hall, I took out a cup and poured him some. Turning to him as he entered, I held it out. “Good morning,” I said.

He grinned. “Yeah, it is,” he agreed then took the coffee with his right hand and tugged my shirt toward him with his left. When he had me close enough, he kissed me softly. It was moments like this that I found last night hard to believe was something more than innocent. Sure, he hadn’t told me about Isla, but then there was this.

“I like you not having to leave me at four,” he said, before taking a drink from his cup.

“Me too. I’m going to work on writing down recipes this morning,” I told him. “About today. What are your plans?”

“Lily needs to go to an AA meeting,” he said. Which meant he would be taking her if he wanted her to get there.

“Yesterday Rio came to the shop. He talked to Hillya. She invited us to her house for lunch today to meet, people. That we were related to,” I said, not sure I could call them relatives when I didn’t know they existed until recently.

He said nothing for a moment and I wondered if he was going to continue to have a jealousy issue with Rio. Which was ridiculous at this point.

“You going to come to the house after?” he asked me.

I wasn’t sure. He hadn’t mentioned the party at his house. Rio had been the one to say something about it. “Am I invited?” I asked him.

His eyebrows drew together in a frown. “What the fuck does that mean?”

I shrugged. “You didn’t tell me about the party or mention me going. I didn’t know if you wanted me there.”

Saul stared at me for a moment. His frown started to look more like he was annoyed. “Henley, are we not clear on things?”

I didn’t know what that meant exactly, which also could mean that we were not clear on things. Saul didn’t verbalize much and when he did, it wasn’t detailed. He was the guyest guy I had ever met.

“I don’t think I am,” I replied honestly.

He sat his cup down on the counter and put both his hands on my waist. His gaze locked on mine. “I don’t want to be where you aren’t.”

Okay, that was extremely sweet, but he was a lot of places I wasn’t like yesterday at the condo with Isla. I didn’t point that out though. “What are we doing?” I asked him.

“You mean this thing between us?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yes. This thing we are doing. I know we have sex and we are together at some point daily, but is this a fling and will I know when it’s over or-”

Saul’s mouth was on mine and I didn’t get to finish that thought. He grabbed my head and his fingers threaded through my hair as he held me there. He tasted of mint and coffee. I placed my hands on his chest for support.

When he ended the kiss, he didn’t pull away from me but kept his face close. Our breaths mingled as our noses touched. “I thought that was clear. You are the only thing that makes me happy.”

Yes, those words made my heart feel joy and my knees slightly weak, but that wasn’t exactly what I needed to know. Again, if he could be a little more clear and descriptive.

“So, that means we’re exclusive?” I finally asked.

His fingers tightened in my hair as if the idea upset him. “Has someone else been talking to you?” he asked.

“No,” I replied quickly. His jealousy was acting up again and we really needed to work on that. “I just wasn’t sure. If we were dating or exclusive. I want to be exclusive. I mean to me we are. I don’t just have sex with a fling. I’m not… I don’t do that.”

He inhaled deeply and his fingers loosened in my hair. “I need you,” he said then. “Just you.”

That was the clearest answer I was going to get from Saul.

“Okay,” I replied.

He kissed the tip of my nose then released my head. “I don’t share, Henley.”

That was good to hear. I thought of Isla again. “Me either,” I replied.

He grinned then and reached for his coffee.

It all seemed right. Nothing about us was normal because Saul was not normal. But I knew being with him was also accepting him the way he was. His world was nothing like most people. There was damage so deep I didn’t think it would ever heal. I could deal with that. It was part of who he was.

Trusting him was something I had to do. We were new. In time, he would open up more. He was already starting to. I just needed to be patient until he felt safe enough to tell me everything. There was clearly something he was leaving out. I wouldn’t push him and become the crazed jealous girlfriend. I would wait until he was ready to tell me everything. I had to believe in time he would.