His Refused Mate by Jade Marshall
Chapter Five
Peyton
His question catches me off guard, causing me to turn back to him. Even though it has been just over a year since my refusal, the pain is still fresh in my mind. I would never wish that kind of anguish on any person.
“I don’t have to refuse you.”
I’m grasping at straws, and although I feel the magnetic pull between us, I am terrified of giving myself over to this man.
“If you don’t want me,” he swallows thickly, “you will have to refuse me. Perhaps the goddess will see fit to bless me with a second mate as she has done for you. Someone who wants to share my life. I cannot live knowing my mate is out in the world and doesn’t want me to be a part of her. I would rather die when you refuse me than to live that way.”
When he speaks of another mate, another woman being with him, irrational jealousy surges through me. I may be afraid of giving myself over to him, and the idea of refusing him terrifies me to no end, but I don’t want him to replace me. It doesn’t make any sense. The moment the thought enters my mind, I am aware of how childish I sound.
“What do you want from me?”
“Give me a chance. Let me prove to you that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe and make you happy. It’s all I want.” His gaze doesn’t stray from mine as he speaks.
For long moments neither of us speak. I want to give him a chance, but I am terrified. There are two choices before me—live in fear, letting my past dictate the future. Or I can take the plunge, jump in with both feet and give Caine a chance.
My decision must show on my face. Before I can speak another word, he crosses the short distance between us and melds his lips to mine. One hand tangles in my wet hair as his other hand lowers to my ass, gripping it tightly. He tilts my head back, causing me to gasp as he slips his tongue inside. He tastes the same way he smells, like dark roast coffee. His rough hand squeezes my ass. I stand with the water caressing my legs as he devours my mouth, his hunger slamming into me. The smell of my own arousal hangs thick in the air, but he doesn’t push for more.
After long minutes he slows the kiss until it is nothing more than a gentle exploration. Slowly, he presses his lips to mine, once, twice, three times, before resting his forehead against mine and taking a deep, shuddering breath.
“Let me take you home to my pack.” He watches me closely while he speaks. “Let me show you what I can offer you as my mate before you make any decisions. Let me prove that I’m worthy of you and that I can make you happy for the rest of our lives. Give me a chance to take away all the pain you’ve been through.”
Memories wash over me as I consider giving this man a chance. I will not survive another refusal. Even if my body could handle it, my heart can’t. Fear is keeping me from making a rational decision. Fear of pain and humiliation and of the unknown. But what if this could be real? What if this is the goddess giving me a second chance? Maybe all the pain I have lived through has prepared me for this exact moment. After all, how will I know true happiness if I have never experienced true pain? With fear in my heart and tears pricking my eyes, I decide to take a chance.
I nod in assent. Even though I only met him minutes ago, even though I know nothing about him, my heart and soul already know the truth. This man holds in his hands the means to either break me or heal me.
****
Arriving at the Katu compound is different than any experience I have ever had. Everyone smiles and waves as we enter. Friendly faces can be seen in all areas around us. I am so used to the open hostility of my pack that I never even considered I may be welcomed into another pack with open arms.
People stop what they are doing the moment we arrive. I am used to a pack fearing its Alpha, never daring to speak against him, pack members going so far as to keep their children out of sight for fear that they may say something to upset the Alpha. The Katu pack is nothing like that.
Pack members approach Caine with smiles instead of fear. Children run up to him, sharing hugs and laughing all the while. Some members of the pack smile in my direction, and a few even go so far as to introduce themselves to me—only adding to my bewilderment.
A woman stares at us, unhappiness clear on her face. She watches every move Caine makes, and when she catches me looking at her she glares at me until I turn away and follow Caine.
In the distance, an older woman sits in front of a wooden cabin, knitting. As everyone goes back to their tasks, we move closer to the old woman. She turns toward us as we approach, and a wide smile spreads across her face.
“Caine!” she exclaims as we near her. “I see you found a new friend.”
“Xavia, this is Peyton. Peyton, meet Xavia, our pack elder.”
Xavia beams as she takes my hand in hers before pulling me close, hugging me against her chest. She is a short, portly woman with wild white hair and bright blue eyes. Her hands cup my face as she keenly takes me in. The crow’s feet around her eyes deepen as she smiles again.
“I dreamt of you for more than a year. Always in my dreams you were crying, holding a broken heart in your cupped hands. I prayed to the goddess that you would find your way to us so that we could help you heal, and it seems my prayers have been answered.”
Tears fill my eyes as she speaks. A pack elder is a special thing for us shifters. They often have the final say in many pack matters. When any pack member has a problem they take it to the pack elder, who will then do all they can to resolve the problem. Pack elders also commune with the goddess, although I am not always sure whether she speaks back. The idea of having that direct link to the goddess always seems to help settle a shifter needing help.
The fact that Caine’s pack elder has dreamt of me and prayed for me says more about Caine and his pack than any words ever could.
“Thank you,” I reply after taking a steadying breath.
Xavia gestures to the empty seats beside her. “Let us talk for a while before my Alpha sweeps you away.”
Both Caine and I sit without hesitation. Silence reigns for long moments before Xavia speaks again.
“You have been through so much in your life, and it is not my place to say what I know, but I want to make sure that you can live looking forward instead of back.”
“What do you mean?” I question.
“Every member of the pack can smell the mating call between the two of you. Every member can also smell that you are not yet a bonded pair. I want to make sure that as you get to know us and Caine, that you can be open-minded. That you are willing to move beyond the past, the pain, and the heartache, and give him and us a chance. I know you would be a valuable member, not to mention a great mate to our Alpha, if you are only willing to give us a chance.”
She doesn’t break eye contact as she speaks to me. Her voice is calm and soothing, and the smell of lavender floats around her. I understand what it is she is saying and what she wants from me. The very thought terrifies me to my core, causing my pulse to spike and my palms to turn sweaty. Fear courses through my veins. I don’t ever want to live through the pain and humiliation I survived after my mate chose to refuse me. I don’t want to let someone in enough to hurt me.
But I am lonely. Shifters were never meant to be alone, which is why we live in packs. We are social by nature and enjoy being around each other and other people. I want to be loved. To have a pack, a mate, a family. And because of this, even though fear threatens to overwhelm me at every turn, I nod.
“I am terrified. But my heart and soul know that I have to take this chance.”
“Good.” Xavia pats my hand gently. “I look forward to getting to know you better.”