Starting Over by Mia Malone

Chapter Eleven

Meet the family

Tony

“You can ask me anything, baby,” he said

“You told me you had a vasectomy...” she said, paused, and murmured, “Was it because of him? That you were afraid you’d become like him?”

“Fuck no,” he said immediately. “For as long as I can remember, I never wanted kids. Emma had four. Finn had Sam. I never wanted any.” He frowned and added, “I really don’t know why, Rosie. Emma’s kids don’t live here, but I had fun with them when they visited. I’m Sam’s godfather and spent a lot of time with her. Loved babysitting and hanging out with her.” He shrugged. “I would have been an okay dad, I guess. I just never wanted it.”

“So you never regretted it?”

“Almost did once, but no, no really.”

“Almost?”

“Yeah. I met this girl when I was twenty-eight. Paula was twenty-four, and I was open about not wanting kids when we started getting serious, but she said it was okay. She changed her mind ten years later.”

“You loved her?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Fucking crazy about her. If I hadn’t already done what I’d done, she might have convinced me to change my mind.”

“You could have adopted?”

“Never got the chance to discuss that,” Tony said and felt his mouth twist with the memory. “It turned out that when I told her I’d made sure I wouldn’t have kids, she didn’t understand what I meant. That’s what she said anyway, and I asked her how the fuck she thought it had worked when she didn’t get pregnant during ten years of no protection. Turns out she was on the pill, except for the last year when she stopped taking them.”

“She stopped even though she knew you didn’t want children?”

“Pissed me off, so I told her about the vasectomy in terms she couldn’t misunderstand, and she left.”

“Really?”

Rosie looked astonished, which was just how he’d felt at the time.

“Yup,” he confirmed. “Packed up and was gone a week later. Lives in Pennsylvania now.”

“Does she have children?”

“Three.” He grinned wryly and said, “Emma found her on fucking Facebook a few years ago. Showed me some photos.”

“Oh.”

It made him a little bit of an ass, but he liked the jealousy that flashed over Rosie’s face. It was also a completely unnecessary feeling.

“I looked at the pictures and wondered who the fuck that woman was. She was skinny and had shiny blond highlights and wore one of those tees that has a little collar, like a golf shirt.” He grinned and snorted out, “A pink one from goddamned Ralph Lauren.”

“I take it she didn’t wear clothes like that when you were together?”

“Jeans and tees mostly,” he said. “And it’s not actually about she wears, you know? She should wear whatever the heck she wants. It’s just that she wasn’t a woman who looked like she was president of the PTA when we were together, so I didn’t recognize her.”

“Clothes show a lot about who we are in many ways,” Rosie said. “I threw out my suits when I quit my job.” She grinned, and it scrunched up her nose in a way that looked girly and cute. “And yes – a few of them were made by Mr. Lauren.”

He wiggled his brows and told her that this was unfortunate because they could have played naughty schoolboy and stern headmistress if she’d kept them, which made her laugh loudly. It wouldn’t ever have happened, but he liked hearing her laugh.

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Babe,” he said and raised his brows. “What part of you can ask me anything did you not get?”

“Why did you join Cascadia?”

That had not been what he expected, so he pushed out a surprised, “Huh?”

“I haven’t met my father since I moved in with my grandparents, but you choose to join a club where your abusive father was the president. You could have joined another club, couldn’t you?”

“I could have, but I grew up in Cascadia,” he said, paused, and tried to figure out how to explain something he wasn’t sure he understood himself. “We lived without that shit for almost ten years. You tell yourself it wasn’t that bad,” he said and wondered how to explain in a better way.

He didn’t have to because her eyes filled with understanding.

“Of course,” she said and nodded slowly. “In a way, I’m grateful for the scar on my hip because you’re right. As time passes, you somehow forget, and you convince yourself it wasn’t that bad.” She gestured toward her hip and nodded again. “But every time I look in the mirror, I remember that it was exactly that bad.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Cascadia is also the biggest club in the area, and I guess I just told myself that all fathers do that kind of shit, so it wasn’t a big deal. He said he’d changed and that he needed us. Sounded serious about it too, and it was good for a while. Years really, before he started dragging the club down, and we started talking about leaving. Then someone told him about how I’d snipped shit off, and he did not approve at all. The fucker needed some help doing it, but he showed his displeasure quite clearly.”

“Why did you stay?”

For a second, Tony thought about saying something evasive, but it didn’t feel right, so he figured that fuck it – he’d just lay it all out there.

“The shit he was dragging us into wasn’t legal shit, and we did some bad stuff.” Her eyes widened, but he went on immediately, “Petty things for Finn, Coop, and I because we were mostly dealing with the business side.” He winced and hoped she wouldn’t suddenly decide that moving to Uzbekistan would be a better option than staying with him. “I’d sold some weed, owned a couple of guns I hadn’t told the authorities about, and had roughed up a few guys. So yeah, I’d done shit like that, and he had dirt on me. I told him I didn’t care, but he also had dirt on the others and said he’d get it to the police if I left.”

“He had dirt on Finn too.”

Christ, how sharp she was, and how well she knew him, he thought. She immediately got the reason he stayed.

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “Dad could have made things difficult for me, and I could have gone to jail, but I didn’t care much about that. But Finn had just become a father, and I couldn’t...”

He trailed off and swallowed, remembering the look on Finn’s face when he held his newborn daughter and how he’d walked out of there to tell his father that he was staying in the club.

“Oh, Tony,” she mumbled, eyes full of compassion.

“He’s my brother,” Tony said, grateful that he didn’t have to come up with more words to explain what Finn meant to him. “Anyway. We dug in a few more years, but then we’d had enough. The club always made okay money on mostly legal stuff, so the other shit he was pulling us into? That was mostly his way of having fun. Proving he was the big man. What the fuck do I know? Many of the guys had families, most of the old ladies did not appreciate their men going to prison, and more than a few of them did. So, we planned and brought more and more brothers into the discussions, and then we kicked the asshole and a few of his closest men out. Cleaned shit up.”

She watched him in silence for a while, and then she exhaled slowly.

“You’re not doing illegal things now?”

“Not since they legalized recreational use of pot in this state, no,” he said with a grin. “Although some of the men ride without helmets, and I’m gonna guess none of us sticks to the speed limits.”

“Well, duh,” she said with a grin. “No one abides by the speed limits.”

They’d had an amazingly crappy morning and had dug up a lot of dirt from their pasts, and there she was, smiling at him in a way that made warmth rush through his gut and into his groin. His dick hardened, but it wasn’t just that he was horny. He suddenly wanted to have that connection to her. To let her soft warmth wash away the shitty day.

“Abides,” he murmured.

“Obeys,” she said.

“I know what it means, baby. The question, Rosalind, is if you will... abide by my request that we move inside.”

Her eyelids drooped briefly when she understood what he meant.

“Inside,” she echoed.

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “I want to be inside, Rosie.”

He pulled her with him and locked the door, frowning when he remembered how he hadn’t locked the front door that morning.

“Tony,” she said and squeezed his hand. “Don’t treat me like I’m fragile.”

“What?”

She tugged at his hand to get them moving toward his bedroom.

“I like it a little rough sometimes, and if you stop giving me that, then I’ll be pissed,” she stated calmly.

“Okay.”

“But right now.” She pulled his tee off, and he let her. “I think you need a little TLC.”

She unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down, grinning when she found out that he had skipped underwear that morning.

“Huh,” Tony said, uncertain of what to say.

No one had ever in his life shared that he needed tender love and care.

“You’re a frustratingly cocky guy, Tony,” she said, nudged him toward the bed, and pulled off her jeans. “But there’s a corner inside that’s mostly marshmallow fluff.” When he was on his back, she slowly unbuttoned her shirt. “You try to hide it, but I know it’s there,” she mumbled and slid the shirt off her shoulders. “And I think that part of you needs to be cared for now.”

She had not eschewed underwear, and the midnight blue bra and matching panties were made entirely from lace. They hugged her curves perfectly, and he stretched out a hand toward her.

“Come here,” he said.

“I will,” she said and reached behind her back. “But to take care of you, I think I need to be...” she slowly pulled off the bra, and then her panties, “Naked.”

He agreed entirely with that statement and was about to say so, but she straddled him and brought the duvet with her, so they were completely covered. He felt her against his cock, and the softness of her breasts pressed against his chest.

Then she let her mouth slide over his jaw, and he felt her tongue touch his lips gently.

“Rosie,” he said against her mouth.

“Please let me,” she whispered, and right then, he would have promised her just about anything.

“Yeah,” he said on an exhale and let himself relax.

She moved slowly, taking her time as she used her mouth to make scorching hot trails down his neck and over his chest.

“This is so sexy,” she mumbled against the ring he had in his right nipple. “Does it feel good?”

Her teeth scraped against him, and he was about to confirm, but then she took hold of the ring and tugged a little. It didn’t hurt, and when she turned her head a little to look up at him, she twisted the ring slightly, which created a soft burn, but that didn’t hurt either.

It sent a shiver down his spine, though, and he moved his hips against her.

“Yeah,” he murmured.

“Good,” she mumbled. “I don’t want one, but I think I’d enjoy nipple clamps.”

Since she’d moved further down and her lips moved over the lower part of his belly, all he could get out was a soft, shaky groan, and then she slid her tongue over the tip of his cock.

“Rosalind,” he breathed out. “Fucking finally.”

She raised her head, and the soft delight in her eyes flashed through him like a warm blast of happiness.

“Not yet,” she crooned, and the skin around her eyes crinkled a little. “We’re not in a hurry.”

They weren’t, but as she continued to use her hands and mouth on him, his breaths became choppy, and he wondered how long he could hold back. She seemed to know exactly when to slow down and where to touch, and it felt as if they were in a soft cocoon of pleasure and warmth.

“Baby,” he murmured. “I want to take care of you too.”

She straddled him again and pushed the covers away.

“We’ll get to me later,” she said and reached for his cock, positioning it against her entrance.

And then she slowly sank down on him and started rocking her hips.

“Oh, Rosie,” Tony managed to get out through the waves of pleasure suddenly rushing through him.

He knew he was falling in love with her, quicker than he would have thought was possible, so it wasn’t just that powerful burst of energy that went through him.

It felt like coming home.

His orgasm went on until his groans became soft whimpers, and then he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight.

“Good?” she mumbled against his neck, but he heard the smile in her voice, so she knew the answer.

“Want you with me,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“Sit up, baby,” he said. “Want to watch you come when I’m buried deep inside. Want to come when you do.”

He grinned at her when she turned to look at him but pushed gently until she had straightened. Then he put his thumb on her clit and started to circle it. She was warm and wet, and he felt her pussy squeeze him as it built for her. His cock had softened slightly but hardened again when her every breath was a soft whimper.

“Oh, God,” she moaned suddenly, and he started bucking his hips forcefully, holding her in place with both hands on her hips.

When she arched her back, and he felt ripples move through her, he increased the pace until she pushed out a long, keening sound. Then planted himself deep and let go again.

She fell forward and landed on top of him with a satisfied exhale and let her mouth make soft trails against him again while they came down.

“Good?” he asked teasingly.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?”

“That men could come twice like that.” She raised her head and looked curiously at him. “Is it common?”

“How the fuck would I know?” he replied with a snort of laughter. “I used to do it all the time back in my twenties. Haven’t since.”

“Oh,” she said and buried her face in his neck.

“Yeah,” he said with a slightly smug sigh. “Oh.”

***

Rosie

I was cleaning the room above the garage because my girls were coming for a visit, and I didn’t want it to be a dusty dump with cobwebs in the corners. I hadn’t seen any spiders, so I wasn’t sure about actual cobwebs, but it absolutely needed to be cleaned because I didn’t sleep there and only used it as a huge walk-in closet, of sorts.

The first night, I’d said goodnight to Tony and moved toward his front door. He asked calmly where I was going, and somehow, I ended up in his bedroom. The one night I did spend in the room above the garage, I didn’t sleep well, Blue couldn’t seem to settle down, and I was met the following day by a grumpy man who told me to stop being ridiculous.

I felt ridiculous, but I was not going to admit that, so I snapped something sourly and was about to walk away when he roared at me to stay and finish the argument or else shit would fester and never go away. I realized immediately that I’d spent years with a husband who walked away, and Tony was right.

It had festered.

When he’d dried my tears, we had make-up sex, and I didn’t sleep on top of the garage again. I didn’t want it to be obvious to my daughters, though, hence the frantic vacuuming. They weren’t stupid, so they probably guessed, but still.

“Hey there, Rosie.”

I yelped and turned around to find Tony’s mother and a handsome older man who must be her lover, Milo,

“Hey,” I said and turned off the vacuum cleaner. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

“We can leave if you’re busy,” Katie said. “I just wanted you to meet Milo.”

“Please stay,” I said. “I’m mostly done, and my girls aren’t coming until tomorrow night, so I have plenty of time.”

I shook hands with Milo, and he watched me with eyes that somehow seemed to see right through me. I’d heard a lot about him from Addie, so it felt almost as if I knew him already, and he wasn’t very talkative, but there was something oddly soothing in his deep voice.

“There are a couple of air mattresses at the House,” Katie said when we’d talked about the weather and the area around Tony’s house for a while. “They’re quite nice to sleep on, so you could bring them here for your daughters. It would be better than Tony’s old sofa.”

She turned to survey the old and, quite frankly, also ratty thing that I’d never placed my behind on.

I stared at her back as I realized that she didn’t know that I was in Tony’s bed and my daughters would share the admittedly old and uncomfortable king-size bed, so there was no need for any air mattresses whatsoever.

“Thanks for the tip,” I said politely, and turned away from Milo’s sharp gaze. “I’ll talk to Tony.”

That hadn’t been a lie, I told myself. I would talk to Tony, although not about mattresses. I would, however, discuss the need for him to have a conversation with his mother about our relationship because I sure wasn’t going to enlighten her.

***

“Willy.”

My eyes started burning, and I had to swallow a few times before I sat down on the side of the bed and took Nana’s hand.

“Nana,” I said quietly. “This is Tony. It’s not Gramps.”

“I know it isn’t, sweetie-pie, but he looks just like Willy.”

I blinked a few times and tried to reconcile the image of my short, wiry, and bald grandfather with the huge, brawny man with a beard and hair almost to his shoulders.

“Hello, Mrs –”

“You will call me Nana like Rosie does,” Nana declared with a small snap in her voice that I hadn’t heard in a very long time but recognized from when I was a teenager.

“Yes, ma’am,” Tony said with a grin.

“You have his eyes,” Nana said.

I suddenly realized that the two men were completely different, but Nana had instantly spotted the one thing they had in common. My grandfather’s eyes had been brown.

The color of chocolate.

“Thank you, Nana,” Tony said quietly. “I take that as a compliment.” He flashed a grin and winked at her, “And I love those.”

“Like I said, just like Willy.” She smiled and seemed lost in her memories, but her gaze sharpened, and she narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. “You will take care of Rosie.”

“Of course,” Tony said even though she hadn’t put it as a question.

“Good,” Nana said and exhaled in a long sigh. “I’ve been waiting for a long time.”

“Waiting for what?” I said and caressed her cheek.

“For him.” She squeezed my hand, but it was such a weak and feeble movement it was a struggle to keep the smile on my face, and she saw right through me. “Don’t be sad, my darling. I want you to be happy.” She closed her eyes and smiled slightly. “All I ever wanted. We were so young, and it was such a struggle to just get by, so we failed with Belinda. We did not fail with you, Rosie. Willy was so proud of who you grew into, and he will laugh when I tell him.”

She was silent for so long I wondered if she’d nodded off, which she sometimes did.

“Tell him what, Nana?” I murmured and adjusted the blanket around her.

She looked so small, fragile even, and not like the vibrant, happy woman who had raised me.

“You’re happy.”

“I am,” I whispered.

I heard a soft sniffle and glanced over my shoulder. Charlie had pressed her face into Tony’s flannel to hide that she was crying, and Chrissy swallowed furiously.

“Then I’m happy too,” Nana mumbled. “All I ever wanted, my lovely girl.”

“I love you, Nana,” I whispered.

“Love you,” she replied, but it was so silent it was just a movement of her lips.

We stayed a little longer, but she fell asleep almost immediately and didn’t wake up when the girls kissed her cheek before we left.

The ride back to Hark Falls was quiet, except for the low sounds of music from the radio. I was grateful that Tony simply held my hand, and let us process that she wouldn’t be with us much longer.

“Shit, this is hard,” Chrissy finally said when we turned off the highway.

“Yeah,” I said. “God, I’ll miss her.”

“Me too,” Charlie said.

“Can we go to the Roadhouse for dinner?” Chrissy asked.

“What?”

I turned to stare at her because this was not what I’d expected.

“Nana would have loved it, and so would Gramps. It’s just their kind of place.”

It was.

“How do you know that?” I asked slowly and heard a soft chuckle from Tony.

“Um.”

“Christina.”

She recognized that voice and the snap in it. I’d learned it from Nana.

“Might have been there.”

“You might have been there?” I blinked and added, “But, what?”

“With, um.”

“Chris –”

“She’d been there with Dagger,” Charlie snapped. “Twice. And no, they are not dating. They just...” She raised both hands to do the air quotes she was annoyingly fond of using. “Hang out.”

I opened my mouth but couldn’t get a word out because what the heck was there to say?

Chrissy was an adult who handled her own life supremely well without my involvement, and also... Not dating but somehow doing it anyway was very, very familiar.

Then Tony burst out laughing, and he kept laughing all the way to the Roadhouse.