Chasing Heartbreak by Kat T. Masen

 

 

KATE

 

I spent the remainder of the weekend trying to do anything to keep my hands busy and mind off the fact that Paris feels like the loneliest city in the world.

I’ve cleaned my entire apartment, gone shopping and to a library, drank a bottle of wine and ate a whole box of pastries, none of which left me satisfied.

With an early flight booked to London on Monday morning, I pack my suitcase and prepare my presentation. It will be good to go back home, if only for three days. I plan to catch up with my parents for dinner with the limited spare time I have.

Noah FaceTimed me when he got back home. Jessa was staying at his place for the night, so she sat beside him when we chatted, interrupting to show me this weird doll with googly eyes. Seeing the two of them together, the resemblance is uncanny. He looks happy, his eyes bright when we speak. Due to the time difference, we ended our call, and I promised to call him when I get back from London.

I’ve done what I have trained myself to do for the longest of times, bury my head in work to try and forget about the distance between Noah and myself. The trip to London went by quickly, a catch-up with my parents the highlight of my journey. I chose to keep my private life exactly that—private. My mother is an opinionated woman, and I came close to spilling the beans when she mentioned an old neighbor of ours is now single. The same guy I’d lost my virginity to many moons ago.

Milan was uneventful, all work and no play. The days became a hazy blur, passing by quickly until night fell. Noah called or texted me every day, but we were never in sync with his schedule as busy as mine.

Three weeks pass before we manage to be in our beds at the same time.

It’s after midnight for me and dinner time for him. He’s child-free, and thank God because the video call is what we both need.

“I miss you,” I tell him, trying to control my breathing from a very intense self-induced orgasm.

“You have no idea,” he responds, laying perfectly naked in his bed. “Just give it time.”

I want to be honest, ask exactly how time would change things between us. The hard, cold reality is that I’m in Paris, and he’s in LA. Time won’t change that.

“Okay,” I mumble as a yawn escapes me. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

We hang up the phone as I fall asleep to the sound of sirens outside on the street.

Weekends are always the hardest. There’s only so much I can do to occupy myself. I attend every social event just to get out of the apartment, but the craving to be in Noah’s arms never leaves me.

Upon returning one night, tipsy from a gallery exhibit that handed out free champagne, I decide I need perspective.

“Hey, Charlie.”

“Uh-oh… you sound awful. Are you sick, wait… you’re pregnant!”

“No, I’ve had a few drinks,” I assure her, a slight hiccup escaping me. “Charlie, how am I going to do this?”

Over the last few weeks, I’ve kept mine and Noah’s relationship on the down-low. It’s all still new, and I want to make sure I know how I feel before involving others. But tonight, I shed light on the whole situation leaving out the part about any lovemaking since Charlie is Noah’s cousin.

“Kate, you’re the strongest, most loving woman I know. I know that one day when you fall in love with a man, your heart will be all his,” she tells me with a smile evident in her voice. “Dominic was an infatuation, that bad habit hard to break, but he wasn’t the one to love you the way you deserve. You love Noah, and his children are his world. I believe in you, and I believe you’ll make a fantastic stepmother. I’ve seen you with my girls, and they adore you.”

“But I’m here, Charlie. Am I supposed to give up my whole life for a man?”

“You’ll do what your heart feels is right. When Lex and I first got back together, I also thought the same. He was in London, and I in Manhattan. And look at us now? We’re in LA. Wherever the two of you are, it doesn’t matter. Love always prevails.”

Love always prevails.

What do I know about love? I’m an amateur.

Yes, I’ve said the words, but the fact that I am not running into his arms and giving up my world, does that count for anything?

“He’s going stir crazy, just so you know.”

“He is?” Selfish of me to feel this way, but this news somehow makes me feel better.

“Are you kidding me? The guy is crazy in love with you. You try to talk to him, and he’s spaced out. He even came over the other day and agreed to watch Romeo and Juliet with Amelia and me.”

“The one with Leonardo DiCaprio?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh.” I sigh, followed by a laugh. “How tragic.”

“So, as I was saying, don’t think you’re alone in feeling this way.”

We speak about his kids, work, and life during our calls but never really delve into our relationship since neither of us has answers.

“It’ll work out, I promise,” Charlie reminds me. “You’ll just have that moment when it all falls into place.”

 

***

 

I spent a few days working from Mr. Auvray’s chateau. Being in Champagne brought back the nostalgia of not long ago when Noah and I spent the night chatting under the stars. Everything reminds me of him—the rustle of the trees as we walked beside them, the taste of the champagne we drank so eagerly together.

I miss him terribly, and it’s true, distance does make the heart grow fonder.

A team from our company joins me, going through the changes and capital improvements on the actual property. We eat delicious food, drink copious amounts of champagne, and tell stories while soaking up the picturesque countryside.

There’s little spare time to do anything on our own, but I manage to get away for a few hours, borrowing one of the Chateau’s bicycles and ride along the pebbled path admiring the scenery. I snap photographs, sending them to Noah until I brake suddenly, distracted by a chateau not too far from the Auvray’s.

I take a deep breath, admiring its beauty. It has period features, detailed in stone and surrounded by a peaceful-looking garden. The lawns are manicured to perfection, the flowers blossoming, and trees are planted to provide a bit of privacy.

It looks like a picture out of a fairy tale book, housing a damsel in distress waiting for her prince to save her.

I take a selfie, something I rarely do, and post it on Instagram along with the caption I read in a magazine. ‘Any home can be a castle when the King and Queen are in love.’

How perfect would it be if Noah were here? France will always own a piece of me, but without the man I love, the magic disappears. The pang hits me again, but this time it lingers for much longer.

By Monday morning, my outlook has turned bleak. We officially hit the four-week mark of being apart, and without any significant holidays plus both our workloads being busy, there isn’t even a chance for a quick getaway.

I sit at my desk, typing an email when there’s a knock on my door—Lex poking his head in. With an incredulous stare, my mouth falls open, surprised to see him.

“Lex? I had no idea you were coming.” He steps inside, taking a seat in the chair in front of me. “Charlie didn’t mention anything of the sort.”

“I’m here for business.”

“Sure, I can clear my schedule?”

“Please.”

I look up at him, noting his serious expression. Picking up the phone, I call Emile and ask her to clear my schedule for the rest of the day.

“Is everything okay?” she whispers before continuing, “Lex est un homme magnifique.”

I chuckle softly. “Off-limits, Emile.”

Placing the receiver down, Lex tilts his head to the side with curiosity.

“A certain assistant of mine thinks you’re beautiful,” I tease with a small laugh escaping. “Where’s Charlie to set her straight when you need her?”

Lex purses his lips, hiding his smile. “I’m here because I want to make you a job offer.”

“I have a job,” I remind him. “You know, holding down the fort in Europe. Bringing the money in.”

“Let me rephrase that question… I have a proposition for you.” He clears his throat, forcing me to take him seriously. “As you know, I’ve been wanting to expand into the hospitality industry and have my eye on acquiring some hotel chains. Now, granted, I’m looking at places we can completely overhaul and modernize with what the travel industry desperately craves.”

“It makes sense. Tourism is a sure money-maker if done right.”

“I want you to manage it from the ground up.”

“The project?”

“No, the business. You’ll be the President of the DeLuxe Group. We’ll begin with acquiring their portfolio of hotels. Invest in the ones we see potential in, sell off the small chains of no interest or growth.”

“That’s a change… and a challenge.”

I think about Noah and all the changes in my life. I’m just not sure if I want to invest my time in a new position. It’s almost like starting over again.

“Since when have you ever backed down from a challenge?”

“I believe you’ve never allowed me permission to,” I tell him with a knowing smile. “So, what’s your timeline, and where do you need me?”

“I’d like handover handled here. Javier has proven himself, and if you are to say yes, I’ll be speaking with him next. As for where…. the main headquarters are Los Angeles.”

“Los Angeles?”

Lex waits for a response, raising his brow. “Is moving to LA a problem for you?”

“No… but…” I trail off. “You know then.”

“Look, Kate. This idea didn’t happen overnight. It’s been two years in the making, and only a few months ago, our lawyers gave me the green light. My reason for pushing it aside is because I never had anyone worthy to run it. You know you’re one of the only people I trust. You’ve been there with me throughout it all, and did a certain union push me to make the final decision, yes?”

“But what if I say no?”

“Then you’d be giving up on what you and Noah have. Trust me, I’ve done it, and it’s a mistake which you’ll have to live with forever. So, are you ready to call Javier in?”

Lex never takes no for an answer, and I’ve never let him down. The thought of moving back to the States comes with mixed trepidation. I need time to think about this.

“Can I have time to think about it?”

“I’m leaving tomorrow evening, so until midday,” he informs me, standing up to leave the room. “You’re born for this role. And you’ll be working with an amazing team. I envision global domination. We’ll start with the States, but our future will be Europe and Asia.”

Lex exits my office, leaving me with a heavy weight on my shoulders.

That night, I lay in bed, unable to shut down. My mind has become a circus of cluttered thoughts, all of which lead to Noah. If I move to LA, would I live with Noah or keep our lives separate? If we do live together, does that make me a stepmother? What role will I play in his kids’ lives?

And most importantly—how will I find the time to juggle what seems like a demanding job and a boyfriend too. Noah isn’t exactly swimming in time, constantly trying to balance his life. If I’m with him full-time, will he have time for me, or will we fall apart from the pressure?

My thoughts become too much, and several times I want to reach out and call him to talk it through but decide against it. He’s more than my best friend now—I can’t unload on him like I would’ve before.

Eventually, I fall asleep to be awoken hours later by the morning sunrise. Once again, I avoid yoga because coffee seems more important. At the café beside my building, I order my coffee to notice a couple beside me. They are practically making out, smiling as they can’t keep their hands off each other. The man turns to look at me, a polite smile in which I offer one in return. When he shifts his attention back onto his significant other, he cups her chin as Noah has done so many times to mine, and murmurs, “J’aime qui je suis quand je suis avec toi.”

Standing beside them, it all becomes clear. As the man tells the women in French, ‘I love who I am when I’m with you,’ my memories of Noah saying the same thing to me cements my decision.

I race back home, dialing his number, praying he hasn’t gone to bed yet.

“Hey, you.”

Noah clears this throat. “Hey, I was just thinking about you.”

“I didn’t wake you, did I?” My head can’t even compute the time zone difference right now.

“I can’t sleep,” he simply says.

“I’m sorry… it’s just that… I want to discuss something important.”

“Go ahead.”

I take a deep breath. It’s now or never. “Lex offered me a position in LA. I’d be President of DeLuxe Group, and it’s going to be a challenge, but—”

“Wait, you’re moving to LA?”

“I’m thinking about it…”

“You’re thinking about it? What’s there to think about?”

“I just didn’t want to push you. You have so much going on, and do you really want me knocking on your door every five minutes?”

“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re not pushing me. And for the record, you think you can come live in LA and us not live together?”

“Noah… I…”

“I want to wake up every morning with you beside me. I want to go to bed every night and make fucking love to you.”

“I’ll have no time for yoga.”

“That’s okay. I heard if you sit on top reverse cowgirl, it’s kind of the same thing.”

Shaking my head, laughter escapes me. “Did Eric tell you that?”

“Sadly, yes.”

“Noah, are you sure? How about Jessa and Nash? What’ll Morgan say?”

There are so many questions, questions that need answering.

“I’ll take care of Morgan. You shouldn’t be concerned about her. Jessa will love to have you around. Nash doesn’t even know where his nose is yet. Just say yes, Kate, say you’ll come. Please.”

“Yes… Noah. Yes.” I grin hopelessly.

“You’ve made me the happiest man alive.”

“Hmm…” I start removing my tank top, moving toward the shower. “I think I can make you happier.”

I can hear the smirk smothering his face even though we can’t see each other. “I bet you can. Shall I switch us to video call?”

“You know me too well, Mr. Mason.”