The Trophy Wife by Evie Baxter

Twenty

How could he be looking at me with such affection? I was a one night stand. A one night stand that led him to believe I was far more emotionally stable than I was in all reality. I longed to be carefree, to feel young again. That one evening in a hotel with Bastian was a brief glimpse into what could have been if Robert hadn’t messed me up so much.

I wanted to be like that again. Maybe be like that forever, to never again feel fragile and panicky and useless. To do so meant I had to accept my past, let Bastian in on some of my secrets, open up a bit.

I closed my eyes and started speaking, unable to so with his intense green eyes locked on mine.

“I met Robert when I was nineteen. David and I became friends in uni. I was studying to become a physio therapist. David, well he liked me, and I was starting to like him too. One weekend he invited me to go to London with him. He promised that he had no expectations, he just wanted to take me out in the city. We stayed at Robert’s house, well that was David’s family home even if his parents were divorced.” I said it like I had to explain why I was in Robert’s house.

“We went out on the Saturday night, David and me. Had dinner and some drinks, but nothing too much, you know.” I looked up at Bastian to find him listening intently. I focused on my fork.

“Anyway, I hadn’t done more than kiss David at this point. But it was a nice night. I went to bed happy. Excited because I thought that things were good between us and he might be my new boyfriend.” I picked up my fork and started jabbing it gently into the linen covered table. “In the middle of the night someone got into bed with me. I thought it was David at first. But it wasn’t. It was Robert.”

Bastian muttered a what the fuck.

“He – he forced me. He raped me,” I stated a little more vehemently. I twirled the tines of the fork like I was going to drill a hole through the table. “It was my first time. With anyone.”

Our waiter chose that opportune moment to bring over our starters. I took a fortifying breath and looked at Bastian. He looked livid. Not at me, but on my behalf. For the first time in forever I read a man’s anger correctly. I pulled my lips tight into my mouth, then chewed on my lower lip, nervous to go on.

I picked up a chicken satay skewer and started playing with that instead of my fork. Bastian reached across and stilled my hand with a gentle touch. “You don’t have to go on.”

“I do. If you want to be around me, you need to know some of this stuff.” I dipped my chicken into some peanut sauce, took a bite and chewed while I studied the intricate wooden relief carvings that adorned the walls of the restaurant.

“Tori, would you look at me. Please.”

I looked up to meet his intense eyes.

“I understand now why you needed revenge on Robert.”

No, I thought, you don’t. You might never know the true reasons why I hate that man.

“Well, I got my revenge, didn’t I. But I have to tell you why I married him. After – after that night Robert told me if I said anything about it, he would stop all funding he gave David. He wouldn’t pay his uni fees, or his living expenses. And he would change his will so David got nothing.”

“I’m sure David would have thought that was small price to pay for what his father did to you,” Bastian stated.

“I know that now. I didn’t then. It seemed such a huge thing. I couldn’t do that to someone I cared about. So I didn’t tell anyone what Robert had done to me. Then he started visiting Brighton all the time, on the premise that he was there to see David but somehow he found me not his son. I wasn’t sure how he did it? It’s like he knew my schedule. He would show up places I was at.”

“He probably had someone tailing you or a private investigator providing him with information. Or he put a tracker on your phone.”

I shuddered. “You’re probably right. I couldn’t get away from him. It was like he was obsessed.”

“You’re beautiful, Tori. It’s sick and wrong, but I can sort of see why he was obsessed.”

“Whatever,” I dismissed his compliment, uncomfortable with it in context to our conversation. “Robert found me in a café one day, and he caught me in a delicate moment. I had to go throw up and he figured out I was pregnant.”

Bastian’s eyes widened. “You had a baby before Isla?”

“No, I lost it.” I felt my tears welling up. “But not before Robert forced me to marry him. You have to understand, Bastian, I was kind of lost. I didn’t know what to do and I was ashamed to tell anyone. It was weeks after the rape, and I didn’t think anyone would believe me. I had no proof. Robert kept telling me if I tried to tell people he forced himself on me that he would say I had come to his bed and seduced him because of his money.”

Bastian’s head fell and he stared at his plate for a prolonged moment. When he looked up, he had calmed whatever emotions had been flooding his body. “He coerced you into believing his lies. He took an innocent young girl and manipulated her expertly. I don’t doubt you weren’t the first woman he did something to. Men like him, they have a pattern especially at his age.”

“Well, it worked with me. I was stupid enough to believe what he said to me. I was scared, and alone, because I wouldn’t let anyone in to tell them what was going on. And people kept seeing me with Robert, so they thought something was going on anyway. David stopped talking to me because I had shut him out after that weekend in London. God, it was such a mess.”

“How did he convince you to marry him?”

“He told me he was my only support. The baby would need him as well as me. And if we were married, he would make sure the baby was well cared for. I thought I was doing the best thing for my baby.” I shook my head, still astounded at my naivety. In retrospect I knew that my parents would have welcomed me home and fully supported any decision I made about the child I was carrying. Instead, I married a monster.

“Robert insisted we have a big wedding. I hated it. It was like I was on show.”

“You were on show. Men with egos like his can twist things around to their liking, even in their own brains. He was showing the world his virile masculinity by parading the young bride before them. I’m so sorry this happened to you, Tori.”

I shrugged, like it was important. “After we were married, he was worse than before. He told me how to dress, where to go, who I needed to socialise with. Everything. He controlled everything. Then I lost the baby.” I felt a big fat tear roll down my cheek. Despite everything I had wanted that baby. Cherished the fact that it had been growing in my body.

“Everything I did was wrong. He decided I had gained baby weight and put me on a diet. Told me that I looked dreadful. That my body was hideous. And not good enough. He was angry all the time. And getting physical with me more and more.”

I was lost back in the nightmare that had been my life. “I wanted to leave after I lost the baby, but he said I couldn’t. He would shout at me, hit me, and threaten people I loved with harm. After a while I was just too afraid to leave. I dressed how he told me to. Went where he said I had to be. Smiled when he said smile. For three more years, I did what he wanted.”

“What gave you the courage to leave?”

“I fell pregnant with Isla. And I knew that I could not bring up a baby in that household. From the minute I conceived her I knew I had to protect her from her father. And the only way I could do that was leave.”

He took my hand this time. I knew he wanted to touch me often, but controlled the urge to do so out of respect to my skittishness. His fingers were strong around mine, reassuring. It wasn’t a feeling I was used to, but it was nice.

“Leaving Robert was the bravest thing you ever could have done. Did he make it difficult? I’m not trying to be rude, but your divorce settlement was public, and he seemed to have been very generous considering what I now know about him.”

I let out a short sharp laugh. “Generous to a fault, that’s him. David made him give me that settlement. And most of it is in trust for Isla. I don’t want his money. I don’t want anything from him. I live off the dividends from the Wildbeck stock and interest from the settlement money. I paid for the house outright. Everything else is for Isla.”

“I thought you said David wasn’t talking to you. It must have been hard on him, liking you and then having you marry his father without him knowing the reasons why.”

“I think David hated me for years. He wouldn’t have anything to do with me unless forced into it socially. Robert convinced him I had been after him for his money and went for the father instead of the son because that gave me quicker access to the family wealth. He believed his father. Why wouldn’t he? I stuck a smile on my face and hid the reality of our marriage from the world.”

“It’s not your fault. You know that, right?”

I shrugged. “I know that now. But in the midst of it, Robert convinced me that I had done everything willingly. And it was my fault when he hit me because I was incapable of getting simple instructions right. He’s a very manipulative man. And a narcissist.”

“He’s a devious fucker, is what he is. What he did to you is enough for him to be locked up for life as far as I’m concerned. I hope that charges are pressed for his theft from the company. It would be a small price to pay for everything he has done but satisfying.” Bastian gave my fingers a squeeze. “You were saying that David helped you leave and made Robert provide for you. What changed his mind about you?”

“David came over to the house to see his father and let himself in. He still had a key. He caught Robert abusing me. He got me out of the house and made me tell him everything. Then he snuck back into the house when Robert was out and got hold of security footage of some of the abuse and told Robert unless he gave me the divorce on the grounds that he committed adultery, David was going to go public with the video footage and disgrace him.”

“He should have done that anyway,” Bastian growled.