Hope on the Rocks by Annabeth Albert
Thirty-Four
Adam
I found Quinn on the beach sifting through rocks with a backdrop of a spectacular sunset over the endless silvery-blue ocean. The beach was near deserted again, and sloshing through the sand slowed me down in reaching him.
“Hey,” I called out, heart crashing against my ribs in concert with the ocean waves. I needed this to go well. “Thought I might find you here.”
Darren the poet I was not. But as far as openings went, it was what I had.
“You did?” Quinn raised his eyebrows, but he didn’t run away, which was a start. “I was going to come to you. I drove by your place.”
Knowing he’d planned to come looking for me loosened some of the ball of tightness in my chest. “I was at Ramona’s. And I did the same thing. When I saw your car at home, but your condo dark, I figured beach was a good guess.”
I didn’t add that my brain had buzzed the whole way to the beach because I’d hoped he wasn’t locked in a dark condo, not answering the door, shutting me and the rest of the world out.
“I needed the walk.” Quinn gave me a half-smile that was hard to read.
“Can I walk with you?” I asked as he straightened back up.
“Of course.” He headed away from the path that led back to the condos, strolling farther down the narrow strip of sand. “You were right. We do need to talk more.”
“Yeah, we do.” I shoved my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for him.
Stopping, he held out one of the rocks he’d been looking at when I found him. “Look what I discovered.”
“It’s pretty.” I turned the smooth stone over. It was almost perfectly heart-shaped, with no jagged parts or imperfections. Was the message here that Quinn’s heart had turned to stone? Uncertainty made my voice wary. “What are you going to do with it?”
“I’m going to keep it. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do with it yet, but I don’t want to leave it here either. I like it too much.” His voice was heavy with layers of subtext.
“You should keep it,” I said firmly. His meaning might require some unraveling to figure out, but that much I knew for sure.
“You think?”
“I messed up.” There. I’d said it. I really should have asked Darren for apology tips.
“You didn’t.” Quinn folded my fingers over the rock, touch lingering. “I was the one who didn’t want to listen, and I’m the one who left.”
“You had work. I understood.” I hated the idea of him beating himself up over mistakes that I had been the one to make, and my fist tightened around the stone heart.
“Yes, but it’s not particularly fair of me to work long hours and then tell you that you need to manage your time better. I need to trust you more to handle your schedule.”
He had a point, but I still wasn’t going to let him shoulder so much of the blame.
“Your long hours are more in balance than mine. You find your way to the beach more often.” I made a sweeping gesture at the ocean in front of us. I meant it literally, but also how he was better at knowing when he needed a break, when he should take one of his long walks. I wasn’t so good at that. “You’re not wrong to be worried about my health. I know that a packed schedule brings on my migraines more than any other factor.”
“Then simplifying that schedule makes sense.” Looking away, Quinn resumed walking, feet scraping against the sand with long, heavy strides.
“But you were wrong about what needs cutting back.” I easily matched his speed. He wasn’t getting away that easily.
“Your family needs to come first.” Turning to face me, he counted on his fingers. “And then the business next. You’ve poured your heart and soul into the Rainbow Tavern.”
“You’re selling yourself short.” Taking a risk, I grabbed his hand, and luckily, he didn’t pull away. “And that’s probably my fault. You don’t need to come in last, Quinn. You deserve to be someone’s top priority. You deserve to come first.”
If I’d learned nothing else from watching Darren and Ramona, it was that. Quinn deserved more than the scraps of someone’s time.
“Thank you.” He dug his teeth into his lower lip.
“Without you, none of the rest of it means as much.” I’d thought about that the whole drive over to his place. My life had had meaning prior to him, but he made it better. Richer. Made me like everything about my life more. I struggled for the words to explain. “I like working my shifts knowing I get to see you after. I like taking more time off because I get to spend it with you. And I like being around my family, knowing I get to go home with you. I want you in my life and not as an afterthought or something to squeeze in between other commitments.”
Quinn’s expression was like the sunset, transitioning through multiple emotions. Hope then tenderness before shuttering again.
“But you can’t ignore those other commitments or pretend they don’t exist.” Still holding my hand, he swung it lightly. “I can do a better job of trusting you to figure out a balance, but neither of us can manufacture more than twenty-four hours in a day.”
“No, but not everything on my list needs to be an all-caps, red pen item.” I’d thought about that too, going as far as to dig out my phone in his parking lot. I had a running list of obligations and errands, and he wasn’t even on it. That needed to change. “I want us to be priority, and if that means rearranging other things in my life, then that probably needed to happen a long time ago.”
“I want us to be a priority too,” he said softly, dragging his foot against the sand to make a little trench. “I’m trying to trust you, but it’s hard.”
“You’ve been burned before. I get it.” I didn’t like it, but I did understand where Quinn was coming from. He didn’t have a lot of experience being someone’s top priority, and I could sympathize. And that made what I was trying to do all the more necessary. “But I mean it. I’m going to put you—and me—first. If I don’t put my health high on the list, I’m not going to be much use to anyone else.”
“Your health or lack thereof isn’t what makes you useful.” Stepping closer, he looked deeply into my eyes. “I’ll always have a use for you. Even with the headaches. But you’re right. Make changes for you and for your own health.”
“I’m not simply talking the talk either. I know it would be easy to promise to put us first and then end up saying yes to a bunch of other stuff, so I’m going to make some actual changes. On the way over here, I told Mason I want more hours off and want to see about better aligning at least some of my time off to your schedule at the clinic.”
I was better at concrete action than pretty words, and I wanted to show us both that I could carry through on my promises.
Quinn gave a slow nod. “I can help with the schedule stuff. I’ve taken extra shifts the past year or so because I didn’t have much reason to say no. But you’re a pretty good excuse for a day off.”
“Ditto. And so that guilt over everything I usually help Mom with doesn’t fill all my new time away, I’m going to have a long-overdue talk with her about her hiring a handyperson for extra help.”
“I like your mom. I can help there too. That’s what I should have said this morning.” Licking his lips, he gave me a tentative smile. “You are taking on too much, but I can help if you’d let me. I might not have your mad fix-it skills, but I can change a few light bulbs. I hate the idea of you leaving her in the lurch.”
Quinn was so damn giving that it made my throat hurt.
“Thank you, but I won’t be leaving her high and dry. Maybe we can help together sometimes. But I can also manage my availability to help so I don’t have to give up my own life.”
“You can.” Quinn’s ready agreement said he’d likely had similar thoughts previously but been too kind to point out that maybe I said yes to everyone else a bit too easily.
I think…” I trailed off, not sure I wanted to voice one of the realizations I’d had on the way over.
“Yes?” he prompted.
“God.” Dropping his hand, I scrubbed at my hair. “This is hard. But I think maybe I was so damn grateful for how she and Ramona supported me in high school that I kind of went overboard trying to be everything they needed because they were there when I needed it most.”
“You’re a good son. And a good brother.” Voice certain, he grabbed my hand right back. “But you’re worthy of having your own life too.”
“Yeah.” I exhaled hard, trying to make myself believe it as much as he seemed to. “You showed me that. Made me want more from life. More camping. More dinners for two. More walking. Less living for others. Everyone says I give such good advice to others. Maybe it’s time I took more of my own wisdom.”
“You make me want things too,” he whispered. “Things I didn’t think I’d ever want again.”
“Same. And I’m in this, and I want you here with me, not eying the exits.” If I was mad about anything, it was how easily Quinn had been willing to give up on us. I wanted him willing to fight for us.
“I’m not. I don’t want out. But you were right about me being scared. Trust is hard. Trusting you to choose me, that’s hard.”
My heart clenched for every time in Quinn’s life that someone had chosen something other than him. I wanted to be the one to show him another path. “I will choose you, Quinn. Over and over. Trust me to be your Daddy in all the ways and give me a chance to show you.”
