Vengeful Soul by Emma Creed
I toss and turn all night, being in his bed without him by my side doesn’t seem right. I feel him clawing at my heart and making me want to heal all the hurt inside him.
When I roll over and check the alarm, it’s 5AM. I’ve probably had about an hour’s sleep. The nerves in my stomach, and the unease in my heart are too active for me to rest. I get out of bed, and when Brax is nowhere to be seen in the living area, I check out on the deck.
Nothing.
I throw on one of Brax’s hoodies and leave the cabin. It’s still dark outside and Duke trots along beside me as I follow the track that leads to the clubhouse.
The sun is pushing to come up and brighten the sky ready for the start of a new day, and I wonder where Brax is. As much as I want to give him space, I really want to tell him what I’d thought about all night, and the decision I’ve made.
I wander down the long track, and feel a huge relief when I find him sitting on a log looking into the ashes of the large fire pit. He doesn’t look up as I approach, his eyes remaining focused on the cinders in front of him. And Duke automatically rests by his side
When I sit beside him, he doesn’t respond at all and we spend the longest time sitting in silence.
“I’ve decided to move into the spare cabin, until the agency has been dealt with.” I break the silence first. Brax remains staring forward, chewing on the side of his lip as he nods like what I’ve just said makes sense.
“And then?” he asks, crossing his hands where they hang between his knees.
“I’ll leave town, start up somewhere else. My aunt offered for me to go stay with her after the funeral, or I have a friend in Florida I could go stay with.”
“And that’s what you want?” He refuses to look at me, still staring at the fucking pile of ashes.
“Maybe it’s about time I learned that I can’t always get what I want.” I nudge his shoulder playfully, trying to pry a smile out of him, and what I get is a weak attempt at a fake one.
“You need to promise me something though,” I add, and wait for him to turn his head and look at me before I tell him what that something is. “I can’t have you regret us, ever. Not everyone gets a happily ever after, some just get some real good memories.”
“We got some bad ones too,” he reminds me.
“And believe it or not, you got me through them all. You’re not as bad a guy as you think you are, Brax,” I tell him, placing a kiss on his cheek before I stand up. Tears roll down my cheeks as I start to walk away and I get about three paces before his voice stops me.
“I’ll do it,” he says, his eyes finally looking up at mine when I turn around. They are tired and red rimmed. But focused, the way they always are when he looks at me.
“Do what?” I shake my head in confusion. He gets up and comes at me, taking both my hands in his. I don’t think I’ve ever seen how fear looks on him before, but the way he’s looking at me right now resembles it a whole lot.
“Whatever it is I need to do so we can be together. I’m done fighting it, Gracie, I’m exhausted from it. I want you, more than vengeance, more than this club. So just tell me what you need me to do and I’ll do it.”
“Brax, I don’t want you to give anything up for me, I just want us to work together and try. You belong here. These are your people. You have a family.”
“But you said you couldn’t live here, that you wanted more?” He looks back at me like he doesn’t understand.
“I said I wanted to make a difference, and I was wrong when I said I can’t do that here. Maddy saved my life. Ella’s the happiest person I know and she’s been through hell. It’s not gonna be easy. I don’t know this life but I wanna find a middle ground.”
“You ain’t gonna get a fairytale with me.”
“I don’t want a fairytale, I want compromise, and fights and make up sex that nearly kills us. Brax, I want there to be an us.”
“You're insane.” He lifts up his lips a little.
“I don't know how we make it happen. But when you took me home, it felt like you’d cut a chunk out of my heart and kept it. And I don’t know how we’re gonna figure it out but what I do know, is that I want that piece of my heart to belong to you.”
“I don’t deserve it,” he says sadly.
“I’m not asking you if you deserve it. I’m asking you if you're gonna take it.”
He looks at me with a furrowed brow. His lips straight and serious.
“Yeah, Gracie, I’m gonna take it.”
“Now, if only we had a place that was close to the compound but gave us some privacy. I got a feeling we’re gonna keep the neighbors up with our fighting.”
“And the making up,” he reminds me with a smirk.
“That too,” I laugh.
“Wait… Are you talking about my cabin? He looks back at me like I’ve lost my mind. “You want to live in my cabin, up on the mountain?” he laughs at me.
“What’s so funny about that?”
“Gracie, you own a fucking eight-bedroom home.”
“Oh, so you want to move into my place?” I look at him sarcastically.
“Now I never said that.”
“I did a lot of thinking while I was back home and I want to train to be a counselor, to help the kids who have suffered. I thought about turning the house into some kind of rehabilitation center. I think Mom would have liked that.”
“I think you're right and you’d make a great councilor,” Brax agrees. “I just thought you wanted to travel, and test what you wanted out of life?” He questions me more, like he’s struggling to believe what I’m saying.
“Yeah, well maybe I found what I want.” I smile, as it finally settles in for him. Brax only had love for a short time in his life and he might be dangerous to anyone who crosses him, but deep inside he’s still the little boy whose heart broke when he lost his mom.
“And you’re sure?” he checks again.
“Christ, Brax, I’m sure, now are you gonna take me back to your cabin or are we gonna stay down here and plan out the rest of our lives?” I giggle.
“We’re keeping the dog,” he looks down at Duke, clearly testing my ability to negotiate.
“Of course, we’re keeping the dog.”
“That was easy. I could get used to this compromise thing.” He smiles as he wraps his arms around my waist and crosses his hands behind me. And when his nose touches against mine, I feel like I could cry. Happy tears seemed like a lifetime away a few hours ago when I thought I was gonna die.
“I love you, Gracie, so you gotta promise that I ain’t gonna lose you. Not even if I fuck up.”
“Do I even have a choice? I do recall you claiming me against a barn wall.”
“Stop being clever and kiss me.” His finger flicks my chin up and lifts my lips on to his. He takes them like he owns them. And it feels good to know that he does. No returns.
“Come on, let’s go back to the cabin.” He takes my hand and leads me back up the track. Whistling for Duke to follow, but the shaggy mutt is already moving.
“Does this mean I’m your old lady?” I ask him excitedly, wrapping my arms around his neck as we walk, and loving the wide smile it causes him to make.
“Yeah,” he laughs at me.
“So I get to ride everywhere on the back of the bike?”
“Yes,” he rolls his eyes playfully.
“Ohh… maybe I could get my own bike?”
“Absolutely not.”
“What about one of those cool jackets, like the one that woman wore to the wedding.”
“Jackets?” he scrunches up his forehead in confusion.
“You know the leather ones that the girls wear, only mine would say ‘property of Brax’ on the back in diamante.” I leap with excitement.
“Whatever you want, Gracie,” he chuckles to himself.
“Brax.”
“What?” The smile holds on his face while he waits for my next request.
“I didn’t say that I love you back,” I stare at him, seriously.
“You’ll never have to.” He pulls at my waist and kisses me again, just as the sun creeps over the hill and shines its warmth on us. And despite how we got here and how hard we’re gonna have to work at our future, it feels kinda perfect.