The First Rule by Nicole S. Goodin
18
Ryan
“Princess?”I call out as I close the door behind me. Normally if Darcy is home, there is music playing way too loudly and she rushes to meet me at the door, but today neither of those things greet me.
It’s silent.
I don’t even know for sure if she’s here, it’s hard to tell when she doesn’t have a car parked outside. That’ll make the surprise I have coming for her even sweeter.
“Darce, you home?” I call again.
That’s when I see them – the two huge suitcases sitting in the hallway.
“Darcy?” My voice has an edge of panic to it now.
She emerges from her bedroom, her shoulders hunched forward, head down. I saw her only a few hours ago, yet somehow, she looks ten times frailer now than she did then.
I take a step towards her. “Darcy, what the hell is going on? Are you okay? Is the baby –”
“The baby’s fine. I’m fine.”
This is one of those classic female moments where saying ‘I’m fine’ actually means anything but. I’ve never seen her look more defeated or scared. Not the night she came into the bar to tell me she was pregnant, not even the night of her failed wedding. She looks like a shell of herself again – the way she did when she was with Jacob.
“What’s going on?” I ask again, still desperate for some type of answer that doesn’t confirm the fear coursing through my body. I know something bad is about to happen, my gut is telling me I’m about to hurt. I want so desperately to be wrong.
“I have to leave.”
She can’t even look at me.
“You have to leave?” I repeat, deadpan.
“We knew this was only a temporary solution, and I think now would be a good time...”
She’s babbling and I tune her out.
Leave.
She’s leaving me.
“Why?” I demand, interrupting whatever shit she’s spurting. I don’t understand. This makes no sense to me.
“I just think it’s for the best.”
“Don’t lie to me. Not after everything. We don’t lie to one another. If you don’t want to be here then that’s fine, but I don’t believe that’s the truth.”
Her blue eyes finally meet mine and the unshed tears spill over, running in long trails down her cheeks.
“Please, Ryan, just let me go.” She begs – pleads with me.
I don’t understand what’s going on here. We’ve been so happy. We are so happy, and now she wants out?
None of this makes any sense.
“Did something happen? If something is wrong you can talk to me, Darce, I’ll help you. I’ll –”
“There’s nothing anyone can do,” she whispers.
“What the hell does that mean?” I reach out for her, but she steps back. My hand falls into the space between us. I don’t know why, but that cuts me deep – deeper than any of her words so far.
“I have to go okay; I just have to.”
“Why? Just tell me why. I’ll support you with anything, but I need to know why.”
“I can’t, okay!” she yells, the loudest I think I’ve ever heard her. So loud, it shocks me.
“Please don’t make me say it.” Her voice is a whisper now – one extreme to the other.
“Say what, Darce? I have no idea what’s going on here. I’m confused as fuck.”
“Then just believe me when I say I have to go. If you really love me, you’ll let me go. I have to go. I want to go. I don’t belong here.”
It’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit. I see through her as though she’s made of glass, but I can’t figure this out. I don’t know why she’s running from me.
“That’s my baby in your belly, Darce. You’re mine, both of you are.”
“I’m not yours, Ryan, I never was.”
It’s a lie. I can see the way it tastes like poison coming from her lips, but that doesn’t make it sting any less.
“You were mine from the very beginning, you just didn’t know it yet.”
Her brow furrows. “What is that meant to mean?”
“Nothing,” I reply. “It doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters is you, here with me.”
A fresh wave of tears stream down her pretty pink cheeks.
“I can’t.” I hear everything I need to hear in those two words. She’s leaving. I can’t change her mind. Nothing I do or say is going to stop her.
I’ve lost her. Again.
My legs feel as though they’re about to give out from under me.
She must sense that I’ve got no fight left – nothing left to give. She wheels one of the suitcases out of the house before coming back for the other.
She returns inside once more, pausing in front of me. I can’t look at her; it’ll break me. I can’t watch the most important thing in my life walk out the door.
She pushes up onto her tip toes and presses a kiss to the corner of my mouth. “I’m so sorry.”
That’s the last thing she says before she turns and leaves, closing the front door softly behind her.
I follow her, stupidly wanting one last glance.
I watch her through the glass as she gets into a car, and behind the wheel, is none other than my brother.
My legs do give out now. I fall to the floor, a pained, guttural sound ripping up my throat.
This is the second time I’ve had to watch her walk away with him, and I’m not sure I’m strong enough to handle it again. It was hard enough the first time and I know damn well that was nothing compared to what this will do to me.