The First Rule by Nicole S. Goodin

6

Ryan

“Rebel?”I call down the hallway into the back room, trying to locate my business partner and best friend.

“Two seconds!” she yells back.

I wait where I am, my eyes scanning the sheet of paper I’ve just been handed by our bar manager.

We’re a relatively new establishment still, but I don’t think anyone anticipated what a success we’d be. Thursday through Sunday we’re packed to a level that is almost uncomfortable. The booze we brew on site has won us a shit load of awards already and since then, production has gone through the roof to keep up with demand.

It’s everything I could have hoped for and more. This place has basically become my entire life, yet there’s still something missing that I can’t quite put my finger on.

My mind flashes to Darcy’s face, and I know I’m lying to myself. I know exactly what’s missing, but it’s something I’m never going to have, so I do my best to ignore it. After all these years, I’ve got pretty good at that.

It’s been eight weeks since the day of her wedding… since the night we slept together.

I spent the two weeks that followed in a zombie-like state, hoping she’d come and find me – tell me she had figured it all out… that she’d realised we were meant to be together.

That never happened.

Once a month passed, I gave up any and all hope. I haven’t had a lot of experience with pregnancy in my life, but I know that it doesn’t take this long for a woman to get a positive test, or at least a missed period or whatever. That only meant one thing. She wasn’t pregnant. It didn’t work.

It was all for nothing. I broke my own heart, yet again, and she didn’t even get the thing she wanted most in the world out of it.

“I talked to JT about adjusting the temperature for that brew, he’s going to do it once he gets done with the dinner rush.” Rebel is standing in front of me when I look up.

I hear her, but I’ve obviously been distracted at some point during the evening, because I have no idea what she’s talking about.

“Sounds good,” I reply, hoping that’s the right answer.

She gives me a brief questioning look before brushing past me and pushing the door open into the bustling restaurant.

We’re best known for our in-house brewed beer, but we have a killer menu too.

It’s a Wednesday, not one of our busiest nights typically, but most of the tables are filled with dinner patrons regardless.

“Did Andi get the produce order done?” I ask.

Rebel doesn’t answer me.

“Reb?”

She’s stopped dead in her tracks, staring across the room, her cat-like eyes narrowed.

“I’ve never actually met the woman, but is that…”

I follow her line of sight as she speaks and everything fades to a blur as I take in the sight of Darcy Shearer, standing inside my bar, talking to my front of house staff.

Time slows down as Kat points in my direction, showing Darcy where to go, and I meet eyes with the woman who has been on my mind virtually non-stop for far longer than I’d care to admit.

“Ryan?” I feel Rebel’s hand land on my shoulder, and I don’t miss the way Darcy’s gaze leaves mine and sweeps the woman next to me from head to toe.

I might not be an expert when it comes to females, but I can feel the tension between these two, even when they have an entire room separating them.

I’ve gotten used to the way women look at Rebel – I get it – she’s stunning in an almost intimidating way. Bright red hair… tall and curvy, she’s hard to miss and even harder to look away from, but her and I have never been anything more than friends. She’s like a sister to me. I’d have been lost without her support in my personal life and partnership in the business. That hasn’t stopped the very few dates I’ve had over the years from being incredibly threatened by the main woman in my life.

“Want me to get rid of her?” Rebel offers as Darcy starts to walk cautiously in our direction, a little too much sass in my best friend’s tone for my liking.

“Play nice.” I murmur the warning. Nice isn’t exactly Rebel’s MO, she’s more blunt and brutally honest than she is sweet and charming.

She laughs wickedly. “Maybe I should make myself scarce if ‘nice’ is the expectation.”

“Maybe that might be wise,” I drawl.

I feel her walk away, but I don’t look after her, I can’t take my eyes off Darcy.

If Rebel hadn’t have confirmed she was really there, I might not have believed my own eyes. I’ve wished for this moment for weeks, the one where she walks in the door and smiles at me.

Only, she’s not smiling right now. In fact, she looks terrified.

I realise then that I’m frozen in place, standing stock still, waiting for her to come to me like some kind of moron. I force myself to cross the crowded restaurant to meet her, never once looking away in fear she might disappear right before my eyes.

“Darce,” I say, my voice gentle as I reach her. “You’re here?”

“Hi,” she replies quietly, her eyes darting to her feet as she speaks.

“Is everything okay?” I dip my head to try and catch her line of sight, but she’s firmly intent on staring at the flooring.

“Could we talk… somewhere private? Or if now isn’t a good time I can come back, or –”

Something’s wrong. I can tell without her having to say another word. I haven’t spoken to my brother since the day he ran out on Darcy and I gifted him with a broken nose for his trouble, but if I had to fathom a guess, I’d say that Jacob has upset her again in some way – she’s got the same look in her eye.

“Now is perfect. We could go to my office?” I offer, the words coming out much calmer than I feel on the inside.

Those blue pools finally rise back to mine. “Okay.” She nods.

She’s as nervous as I’ve ever seen her, she keeps shifting her weight from one foot to the other and she looks tired, so tired… as though she hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep in weeks.

I rest my hand on her lower back and guide her across the room to the far side, and through the door that leads to the office that Rebel and I share.

It’s crazy, the change in the air when we find ourselves alone. I don’t know if I’m imaging it or if she feels it too, but the space between us is crackling with energy as we walk silently down the dimly lit, narrow hallway.

She doesn’t look back at me as I press my hand slightly firmer against her jacket, showing her the way.

The office is empty when we reach the door and I’m grateful to Rebel that she has made herself scarce. I’ve got a bad feeling about this whole thing, and I doubt that Rebel’s presence would help the situation in any way.

She might be my closest friend, but she has the ability to stir the pot like no one I’ve ever met, plus she’s got the temper of an agitated crocodile, neither of which would prove useful in the current moment.

“Make yourself comfortable.”

Darcy walks timidly into the room, glancing around at the framed posters on the walls before taking up a spot on the leather lounge suite on the far side of the room.

I wait, watching her as she fidgets nervously for what seems like forever, before finally stilling and raising her eyes to meet mine.

I quietly shut the door and cross the room towards her, seating myself only a short distance away from her body.

I know that body like the back of my hand. How warm and inviting it is, how perfect it feels against mine…

I mentally slap myself, now is not the time for those mental pictures.

“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to come straight out with it…”

My breath gets caught in my throat as I wait for her to do exactly that.

Her eyes meet mine. “I’m pregnant.”

I feel my head pull back in shock.

Pregnant.

A million scenarios have run through my mind since my gaze landed on her only five minutes ago, yet her being pregnant somehow wasn’t one of them.

I’d given up on that possibility – well and truly convinced myself that the idea of me putting a baby in her belly was never going to happen.

“But… but – but,” I stutter, “But it’s been so long… I thought it wasn’t going to happen… I thought –”

“I was too scared to take the test,” she whispers, the quiet words having no trouble interrupting my rambling. “I think I knew the whole time, but I was too scared to confirm it.”

I feel like I’m in shock. I don’t know why my brain is having so much trouble processing this, when it was always a very real possibility – one that I thought a lot about. Unprotected sex leads to babies. Everyone knows this.

“I don’t know what to say,” I admit, letting my body fall back against the back of the couch, my eyes closing as I try to process this new information.

“You don’t have to say anything, you remember what we talked about, right? I don’t need anything from you. I wanted a baby, I got one. This is nothing you need to worry about.”

I know what’s she’s doing, she’s panicking and she’s trying to cut me out. I know what I said that night… that this could work however she wanted it to, but now that it’s really happening, there is no way in hell that I’m just going to fade into the background.

It might make me a liar and a lousy human, but this feels like the one shot for me and her. This is my chance to show her how good we could be together. I’m never going to get a better opportunity than the one in front of me.

That, and the thought of this baby, my baby, growing up without a father – thinking their dad never wanted to know them, is just not an option for me. I’m in. I’m all in.

“I never said I didn’t want to be part of this, Darce.”

She sighs. “What I’m telling you is that you don’t have to be. I can do this on my own. I’ll be fine, Ryan.”

I know damn well she could do this without me – without anyone. I doubt there’s a thing in the world this woman couldn’t do if she set her mind to it.

“I know you can, but you won’t be. I’m going to be by your side every step of the way.”

Her eyes harden a fraction, and I wonder what it is that I’ve said wrong.

“Until when? Until you meet someone and start a family of your own? A real family… I’d rather you were never in the picture to begin with.”

The words cut me to the core, not only because I know it’s a scenario that will never happen – I’ll never have that life with anyone but the woman in front of me, I know that in my heart – but because she really believes what she’s saying and it’s causing her pain. The last thing I want is to cause her any type of pain.

“I’m not going to leave you, Darcy.”

I reach for her hand, to take it in mine, but she pulls away. “That’s what Jacob said.”

I can tell she intended to use the words like venom, but they come out soft and hurt – just like the woman who spoke them.

I go for her hand again, this time refusing to let her avoid the contact.

“Look at me,” I tell her softly. Her eyes slowly lift from her lap to meet mine.

She’s so fucking scared. There is blind fear written all over her face. I don’t blame her. This is huge – life changing. I’m scared too.

“I’m never going to leave you,” I promise in a tone so sincere, there’s no way she could possibly doubt me. And she shouldn’t doubt me – no promise has ever been so easy to make in my thirty-one years.

“I’ll be there, the entire way, okay? You’ll get so sick of me you’ll be begging me to leave you alone.”

A small smile graces her lips. She might have walked in here acting all tough, but on the inside, she’s just scared and alone.

Darcy Shearer doesn’t fool me. I see through her so effortlessly, it’s as though she’s made of glass.

She gives me a small nod.

“How are you feeling?” I lightly squeeze her hand. “Have you seen a doctor yet?”

“I’ve been better. Morning sickness sucks… it could be worse though I suppose.”

“You’re getting sick?” I demand, outraged for reasons unknown to me.

She giggles softly and my misplaced anger evaporates. “I’ve been told it usually settles down after the first trimester… but I haven’t seen a doctor yet. I only took the home test a few days ago and I’ve been trying to work up the courage to come and see you since then.”

I hate that the idea of talking to me has been such a source of stress for her, but it’s done now, and we can move forward. Together.

“I’m glad you came.”

She squeezes my hand lightly.

“Are you going to tell Jacob?” I ask. As far as I’m concerned, my brother is as dead to me as he’s ever been, and hell would freeze over before I felt obligated to share this news with him, but it’s not just my call. Darcy gets a say too, and I already know I’d support her either way.

Her eyes widen. “God no.”

The corner of my mouth twitches in amusement. I guess we’re on the same page regarding my brother.

“I haven’t heard from him since he had all of my stuff boxed up and sent over to Freya’s a few days after the wedding.”

I inhale deeply through my nose, trying not to let my anger about that statement get the better of me.

“You’re living with Freya?” I finally ask once I’ve regained my composure. It’s the only piece of information I can take from that sentence that won’t cause me to lose my shit.

She tilts her head slightly to the side, her nose wrinkling. “Yeah… I mean, I guess… I’ve been sleeping on her pull-out couch since I checked out of the hotel we had booked for the wedding.”

A pull-out couch. No fucking way.

My brother is total scum. He’ll be sleeping like a baby in what’s likely a plush super-king bed they once shared, while she’s over here, slumming it on her friend’s couch.

“Have you got somewhere planned to live? An apartment to move into or something?”

I wait, almost hoping the answer to my question is no, because then I’ll have no choice. I’ll have to offer her my place. I can’t have the mother of my unborn child living the way she is now.

No way in hell.

She shakes her head. “I’m looking, but I haven’t really found anything much that I can afford at the moment. I forgot how expensive apartments are in the city… I could look further out, but I don’t have a car right now either.” Her brow furrows as my anger increases, then she smiles brightly, if not a little forced. “But I’m sure something will come up.”

I want to tell her to take Jacob for half of everything – she’s entitled to it, she deserves it, but I already know why she hasn’t and never would do that. Pride. She won’t want a thing from him, and I respect her for that. I wish I could still have even a single ounce of respect for my brother, but him leaving her with nowhere to live has just pushed me further toward the edge.

“Come and live with me.” The words are out before I can give them even one more second of consideration.

It’s not exactly a question, not exactly a demand. It’s a statement and I’m unsure how it’ll be received.

“What?”

She’s caught off guard. I’ve shocked her with my words.

“Come and live at my place. It’s huge. There’s a big bedroom with its own bathroom – it’s all yours if you want it.”

“I can’t live at your place, Ryan… that doesn’t seem right… you and me, sharing a house…”

I huff out a humorous laugh. “I think living arrangements are probably the lowest of the concerns as far as what we’re sharing, don’t you?” I tip my head towards her stomach, which I note, is still flat.

I don’t know if that’s how it should be or not. I scowl. My total lack of knowledge about pregnancy is a problem. I make a mental note to consult the internet or buy some books or something.

“I don’t know…” she replies quietly, drawing my thoughts back to the matter at hand.

I’m so scattered, my mind is being pulled in a million different directions. Her being here sets off endless possibilities for my future.

Our future.

“It’s got a really comfortable bed.” I bargain with her.

She looks unconvinced.

“It’s the right choice, you know it, Darce. You can’t stay on your friend’s couch when you’re growing a baby. I don’t want you to be stressed financially. I’ve got the space, I’ve got the means. Let me give you a home.”

“What about when the baby comes?” She drags her lip through her teeth.

“Then you and our baby will have a home. My door will always be open to you both.”

A small crease appears between her eyes, and it takes all of my self-control not to reach out and smooth it with the tip of my finger. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You didn’t,” I reply simply.

“Can I think about it?”

“Nope,” I reply without missing a beat. “Offer expires when you walk out that door.”

I’m absolutely full of shit, I’d never turn her away, no matter how long it took her to think it through, but I want her to accept the idea now, not go away and overthink it with her girlfriends for the next week.

Call me selfish, but I’m not willing to wait for the answer. I want her ‘yes’ now, and there’s something about her expression that tells me her resolve is wavering.

“Ryan…”

“Darcy.”

“I…”

“Just say yes.”

She pauses, and I see my whole life flash before my eyes. It’s like everything is somehow riding on this one answer.

“Yes,” she breathes.