Someone You Love by Kristen Granata
Charly
August 5th
Dear Mom,
I can’t believe it’s already August. My time here has been flying by, and I don’t know how to slow it down. I guess it’s a good thing, because it means I’ve been having fun. Bryce and I are living in a fantasy, trying to stay in the moment and not think about what’s going to happen when I leave.
My heart aches when I’m with him, Mom.
It aches in the best way.
“Is the food okay?” Beatrice lowers herself into the chair beside me at the table. “You’ve barely touched your breakfast.”
I set down my pen, and push my eggs around the plate with my fork. “It’s delicious. I just don’t have much of an appetite lately.”
Her knowing eyes sparkle. “Love will do that to you.”
My cheeks heat, and I avert my eyes to my journal. “How are you feeling? You’ve been rubbing your wrist all morning.”
She waves a dismissive hand. “My old bones are aching. Nothing new.”
“We should have a spa day soon. Facials, massages, and drink cucumber lemon water.”
She beams. “That would be so much fun. A girl’s day.”
I gulp down my orange juice, and set the empty glass back on the table. “I’ve been thinking a lot about Mom’s bucket list lately. It’s been so fun trying new things, and having new experiences. I guess I don’t want it to stop just because the list is finished. I kind of want to make my own.”
Beatrice claps. “I love that idea. I think everyone should have a bucket list. We’re all dying, aren’t we?”
I laugh. “I suppose we are.”
She pats my hand, and pushes to her feet. “I’m going to start setting up the chairs out by the pool.”
“I’ll be out in a few minutes to help. Wait until you see how beautiful the gazebo looks with the flowers around it.”
Beatrice rubs her palms together. “I love weddings.”
Two of the guests staying at the inn are getting married on the grounds today. It’s a small, intimate party of ten, and I spent the day yesterday preparing trays of baked clams, shrimp scampi, lobster tails, and king crab legs with Bryce and Beatrice. A local band is coming to play for them, and we’ve set up a small wooden dancefloor on the patio next to the pool.
Before I head out with Beatrice, I tear out a blank piece of paper from my journal. At the top of the page, I write:
Charly’s Bucket List
1. Go skydiving
2. Learn how to rock climb
3. Catch a fish
4. Visit the Grand Canyon
5. Travel to Hawaii
6. Do something with my business degree
I scribble down the first few ideas that pop into my mind, and then spend the rest of the morning daydreaming about the things I want to do with my life.
Bryce’s face shows up in all of them.
I see Bryce teaching me how to catch a fish, and teasing me about snakes lurking near the Grand Canyon.
I see us on the beautiful beaches of Hawaii, and then making love in the hotel room.
I see myself running my own business, and Bryce supporting me every step of the way.
I can see it all so clearly.
But how? How is it possible to see such an uncertain future with someone I’ve only known for a couple of months?
My heart pulses a steady rhythm in my chest, like it’s trying to send me a message in Morse code.
“Hi, gorgeous.”
My shoulders jump as I gasp. “Bryce, you scared the crap out of me.”
He grins as he leans down, and presses his warm lips against mine. “That’s because you’ve had your nose in your journal all day. You must be writing something good.”
I grip the collar of his T-shirt and pull him back for another kiss. “Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you’re covered in dirt?”
“Guess it’s good I’m always covered in dirt.” He lowers himself onto the corner of my bed. “Everything looks beautiful outside. You and Nana did a fantastic job decorating.”
I smile. “I’m so excited we get to watch them get married. It’s like we’re crashing the wedding, but not.”
“Some people have such grand, elaborate weddings, and they spend so much money. My parents got married here. They invited their closest friends and family members. Dad and the groomsmen wore Hawaiian shirts, and my grandfather barbecued hamburgers and hot dogs for everyone. Mom said she didn’t need a big expensive party to prove her love for my father.”
“I think I’d like something like that too.” I rest my head on his shoulder. “Your parents sound like they were so in love.”
“They were.” He points to my journal, with my new list sitting on top. “Whatcha been working on?”
I place the paper in his lap. “It’s still a work in progress, but I wanted to come up with my own bucket list. This way, I have something to focus on after I finish my mom’s.”
Bryce’s eyes scan the page, and his eyebrows knit together. “This looks ... fun.”
“I was hoping you could help me complete some of it. You know, after the summer ends.”
After the summer ends is our code for after I go back to living seven hours away.
He’s quiet while he stares down at my handwriting. “Sure.” Then he clears his throat, and gives me a gentle nudge as he pushes to his feet. “I’ve gotta get back to work. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Hey.” I wrap my hand around his wrist, an unsettling feeling twisting my stomach. “You okay?”
He nods, but his smile doesn’t meet his eyes. “Just tired.”
I sit up on my knees, and cradle his face in my hands. “I can give you a full-body massage tonight after a hot bath.”
He rests his forehead against mine, and exhales, his warm breath tickling my lips. “I’d like that.”
Then he kisses me, and it’s no different than any of the other epic kisses he’s given me thus far. My nerves roll back out to sea as I watch him disappear around the side of the building.
But a small voice in the back of my head whispers, Something’s wrong.
I lift my knuckles, and tap them against the bride’s door. “Hey, Kristy. It’s Charly.”
“Come in.”
I creak open the door, and quickly close it behind me when I step inside. “I brought mimosas.”
“Oh.” She sniffles, and dabs the corner of her eye with a tissue. “Don’t mind me. I’m a mess.”
“What’s wrong?” I rush to her side, and kneel down in front of her. “Did something happen?”
“I’m just missing my mother. I wish she was here today.”
“She wasn’t able to fly in for the wedding?”
“She passed away last year. She had breast cancer.”
My stomach twists. “I’m so sorry. I lost my mother to cancer too.”
“Cancer is a bitch, isn’t she?”
I huff out a humorless laugh. “She really is.”
Kristy toys with the tissue in her lap. “I’ve always dreamed of this moment, you know? I never imagined she wouldn’t be here to share it with me.”
I nod, letting her express what she’s feeling.
“And it’s not just the big moments. It’s all the little ones, all the things she’s missing out on.”
“I’d like to think our moms are watching over us, so they’re not really missing much. We’re the ones missing out on them.”
She places her palm over her stomach. “I’m pregnant, and I couldn’t even call her to tell her.” Her eyes widen. “Don’t tell anyone I told you. I just found out last night.”
I set the mimosas down on the floor beside me. “Congratulations, Kristy. That’s wonderful news.”
She nods, tears filling her eyes again. “We didn’t plan for it to happen this soon, but we also didn’t try to stop it from happening. We just said let’s see what happens.”
I chew my bottom lip. “Can I ask you something? Something personal?”
Kristy arches a brow. “You mean more personal than telling you I’m pregnant before I tell my future husband? Of course.”
“Are you worried ... that you or your baby will have cancer one day?”
“Am I worried about it? Sure.” She sets her hand on my shoulder. “But anything can happen in this life, and I’m not going to let cancer dictate my life. I’m going to do what I want, go where I want, and have as many babies as I want. What will be will be.”
A tear slips down my cheek. “You’re brave.”
“You can be brave too. If your mother could talk to you right now, what would she say?”
I smile, and stare up at the ceiling. “She’d tell me she wants grandkids.”
Kristy laughs. “Exactly.”
I clasp her hand. “Your mother is with you today. She’ll always be a part of you. And you can do little things to bring her with you along the way.”
Her grip tightens. “Thank you for listening. It feels good to talk to someone who knows what it’s like to lose a parent.”
“Of course.” I push to my feet, and hold out my palms. “Now, come on. We’ve gotta get you married.”
Kristy stands, and steps in front of the mirror. “Did I ruin my makeup?”
“Not one bit.”
The door swings open, and Kristy’s maid of honor waltzes into the room. “Oh, thank God. You brought alcohol.” She bends down, and snatches both flutes off the floor. “There is a seriously hot guy out there, and I need some liquid courage.”
Kristy arches an eyebrow. “Who is he?”
“I think he works here. Maintenance or something. I saw him setting up the sternos in the dining room.”
I roll my lips together. “Is he tall, dark, and ruggedly handsome?”
“Yes. Do you know him?”
“We’re kind of dating at the moment.”
Kristy rubs her forehead, and her best friend gasps. “I am so sorry. I had no idea.”
“It’s okay.” I wave a hand. “Can’t blame you for noticing him. Kind of hard not to.”
“Wait a minute.” She plants her hand on her hip. “What do you mean you’re kind of dating?”
I grab one of the mimosas from her hands, and toss it back. “I’m only here until the end of the month, and then I’m going back to New York.” I cast a knowing glance in Kristy’s direction. “We didn’t plan for it to happen, but we also didn’t try to stop it from happening.”
Kristy grins. “It’s turning into more than a summer fling, I take it?”
I grimace. “You could say that again.”
She winks. “It’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to.”
I shake off my apprehension, and square my shoulders. “Okay, enough about me. Are you ready to get married?”
She links arms with her friend. “I’m gonna marry the shit out of that man.”
“I’ll go let them know you’re ready.” I slink out of the room, and bunch up my dress as I make my way downstairs.
Outside, the guests have taken their seats, and the groom waits in the gazebo in a cream tux. I signal to the band that we’re ready to begin, and the lead singer raises his thumb in the air. The soft strum of his guitar floats over the patio as I rush back inside. The maid of honor and the best man head out, and I fix Kristy’s train as she links elbows with her father.
I’m hit with an unexpected wave of sadness. At least Kristy has one of her parents with her today. Who will I have? Does my father care that he won’t be there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding? Does he think of me at all? Will I even get married?
Questions and uncertainty swirl around me while I follow behind Kristy onto the porch.
Beatrice walks alongside me as we hold the train of the dress until we get to the backyard. “You all right, my dear?” she whispers.
I nod, afraid my voice will betray me.
“We can watch from Bryce’s porch. We’ll have the perfect view.”
We turn the corner, and my eyes land on Bryce, sucking my next breath out of my lungs. His hair is still damp from his shower, and it’s pulled away from his face. His white Polo shirt, tucked into his cream-colored linen slacks, hugs the thick muscles in his arms. The slow melody plays in the background against the sound of the gentle breeze rustling the leaves in the trees overhead. My chest swells, and my throat thickens with emotion. It feels like I’m floating toward him, walking on air.
Maybe it’s my heart guiding me there.
Maybe my heart has been on this route since the day we met, and I’m now arriving at my destination.
Only to turn around and leave in a couple of weeks.
Does he feel it too? The aching sense of dread thumping in his veins, like he’s running out of time. The whispers of worry in the back of his mind telling him, “It’s too soon to feel this way,” and, “This won’t last.” The yearning in his heart that screams, “Don’t let go.”
The power in his gaze tells me he feels the same—both the hunger and the hesitation.
Tears threaten to breach the surface, but I breathe in through my nose, and blink up at the sky.
Hold it together, Charly.
“Here.” Beatrice stuffs a tissue into my hand when we step onto the porch. “You’re a sap for weddings, just like me.”
I force a smile. “Yeah, I guess so.”
Bryce wraps his arm around my lower back, and pulls me in close. I rest my head against his chest, letting him envelop me in the warmth of his embrace, and I inhale in a lungful of Bryce, the familiar scent of cedar and sweetness I’ll never forget.
And I remind myself to enjoy the present moment for just a little longer.
After the ceremony, and after the guests have been fed, Beatrice finds me cleaning up in the kitchen.
“All right. I’ve given you some time to stew in your feelings. Now you have to tell me what’s going on.”
I don’t bother to lie, knowing she’ll read my face regardless of what I say. I place the sponge into the holder on the edge of the sink, and dry my hands on the dish towel. “Today was a lot. It was unexpected.”
She hums. “The wedding stirred up some things?”
I nod. “I watched Kristy’s father walk her down the aisle, and give her away, and it made me wonder who’s going to give me away. If I’ll ever need to be given away.”
“Ah.” She swipes a few crumbs off the counter and into her palm. “And your mother won’t be there either.”
“Exactly. I never really thought about it before. I guess I never needed to. Now that I’m older, and now that my mom is gone, it forces me to face the reality of my future. I have no family left.”
“You’re right. The reality is that you don’t have your parents anymore. But family isn’t just about blood. Your family is who you love, who you let into your heart, who has your back. You have important people back home. Your best friend, and your friends at the diner.” She covers my hand with hers. “And you have me. You might not have your parents, but you’ll always be surrounded by people who love you, Charly. You’re never alone. So, stop focusing on the things you don’t have, and pay mind to what you’ve got.”
“I thought this trip would help me heal. And it has in a way. I’m so thankful I came here, and experienced all I did this summer. But ...” My lips tremble. “I’m afraid I’ll be leaving with a new scar. One I wasn’t prepared for.”
She blows out a breath through her thin lips. “I was afraid of this, you know. I knew there was a chance you two would hit it off, and I worried what it might do to the both of you when you leave.” She cuts a quick glance at the door before returning her eyes to mine. “It took a lot for Bryce to open up and let you into his world.”
The corner of my mouth tugs into a small smile. “It’s not like he had much of a choice, with me living with him.”
She clicks her tongue. “He had a choice, and his heart chose you. But let me ask you something: If you go back home, and never hear from him again—if all you have to take with you are the memories you shared here this summer, would you regret it? Would you want to go back and erase everything that happened?”
Erase Bryce from my memory? How could I when he played such a vital part in my experience on this trip? How could I when he’s shown my broken heart what it feels like to be cared for?
Would I erase the memory of my mother just because she died? Never.
I wouldn’t even erase the memory of my father, regardless of what the outcome was, because at one time in my life, he meant something to me.
My voice is but a whisper when I say, “No.”
Beatrice wraps her arms around me, and squeezes me with all the might she can muster. “Then stop trying to write the future when today isn’t even in the book yet.”