His Unexpected Baby by Jamie Knight

Chapter Eleven - Ragnar

Psychic would be putting it too strongly. The connection I had with Stephanie hadn’t yet reached telepathic levels, but I still knew that there was still something wrong. A sort of disturbance in the balance as unsettling as it was indescribable.

There was just something that was off, and I didn’t like it. I’d started to feel very protective of Stephanie in the time that we’d known each other, at least partly because she felt like she needed it.

Even though the recording was long done, Seth still insisted on regular practice. We really had to wow them on tour. It made sense, since we were a new band few outside Bergman or Seattle had heard of.

We were just one band in a sea of many, particularly online. To get even half the attention it was possible to gain before self-recording, we’d have to work twice as hard, and outshine everyone else in a crowded field. Not as crowded as some, with metal still largely seen as a fringe kind of music, but there was more than enough competition to make existence difficult for those who didn’t stay aware.

We were never going to beat the classics. Sabbath, Metallica, even Mayhem, would always have fans and outsell us by miles, what we had to do was make ourselves look like a viable option among those who were left with when the giants of the genre were already considered. But we could do well enough.

If there was one thing Seth knew how to do it was taking worthy bands, who really had something from the garage to glory. The very reason we decided to send him our demo.

The gang was already gathered when I got to the space. I still wasn’t completely confident with the buses but could get where I needed to be. If a few minutes late, though usually no more than forty-five. Sixty on the outside.

“The prodigal returns,” Stig snarked.

“Bus trouble.”

It was bullshit of course, but the mood was not right to go into the whole Stephanie situation. The tour was great news, as was the record, the fact it was fast tracked nothing but good news.

Everything we’d been working so hard for was finally coming to pass, and the guys were over the moon about it. I’d honestly never seen Varg so mellow, at least not since he hit puberty, and anything that could do that had to be a good thing.

Yet elated was not my state of mind. I should have been thrilled, but the thought of being away from Stephanie, even for six months, physically hurt, like sawing off a limb. Still, there was a job to do, no matter how averse the circumstances. Let it never be said I shirked responsibility.

“What’s the set list?” I asked, taking the stool behind my kit, referred to only half-jokingly as my ‘seat of power.’

“Same as on the tour. Seth wants us to be a sharp as possible for our world debut.”

Stig set a print copy on top of the bass drum, held down with a rock to avoid slippage on account of the heavy vibration. Even more than usual, the tumultuous feelings raging through me turned my drumsticks into the hammer of Thor.

There was something about being away from Stephanie, or even the threat of it, that could turn me into a berserker. Luckily, I kept lots of spare drumheads, just as a precaution. Sadly, my vocal cords weren’t so easily corrected.

“Is there something you want to talk about?” Stig asked.

We’d just finished “Immortal Territory,” a song written especially for the Norway show, and I had somehow reached down into the darkest pits of my soul and my usual soft growls were guttural snarls of rage.

“No,” I replied, extracting the end of my stick from the middle of my snare drum.

I changed my drumheads, and we kept going through the list, Varg and Stig exchanging looks on occasion. They seemed to know that something was up, most likely with my secret lover, but didn’t seem to think it was funny anymore.

My wrathful ire was direct as much at myself as anyone else. I was usually smarter than that.

There was no way it could have worked with Stephanie. We were both far too involved with our work, with almost no time for lie, let alone love. That was what logic said. Unfortunately, everything else in me disagreed.

“Take five guys,” Seth said.

Hesitantly, Stig and Varg left the practice room, as I checked for further punctures in my drums.

The rest of the practice was a blur. I did my best to tone things down a tad. Not least because I was running low on new drumheads. Before we could run ourselves into the ground, Seth called time, and we were allowed to relax a bit before the rigors of sound-check.

There seemed to be a notion, particularly among aspiring musicians that being in a band was all sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The reality was closer to the description often given of combat. Hours of boredom and preparation, punctuated by brief moments of intense action.

It was an odd sort of procession as we went to the van, parked in a trident point alongside Seth and Sven’s cars. Like pallbearers without the coffin, bits of my kit distributed between us, the guitar and amps already packed.

“Ride with me,” Seth said.

It wasn’t really an order. There was so much demand in his tone, which wasn’t his normal style, even if I knew full well that it would be best for everyone concerned to do what he wanted.

“I’ll see you guys there,” I said, setting my bass drum into the confines of the van.

Silence rang as I parted ways with my childhood friends. Something was coming. The question was what.

Seth had always struck as the calm and patient sort. I’d never even heard him raise his voice, which was surly enough to think him a gentle soul. That was a mistake often made; it’s usually the quiet ones you need to watch out for.

“How are things with Stephanie?” Seth asked, once we were out on the highway.

“Complicated.”

“I recall the feeling.”

“How so?” I asked, interest piqued.

“Jonna and I didn’t have the easiest start. Not least because of our shared, if unspoken fear, that it was just a fling. Not quite a fear on my end to be fair, I’d honestly thought that was what it was, at least a first. It wasn’t long before I changed my tune.”

“Did you have issues with the age gap?’

“Partly, though there were other considerations. In the end, we just couldn’t live without each other, so we found ways to deal with it,” Seth said. “One thing I can promise is, once you’ve made the decision, and are truly committed, to the cause, as well as each other, things get a lot easier.”

I was embarrassed, though not for the reasons I had expected.

It wasn’t because I was being counseled. I was always open to good advice, no matter what the source. The true reason for my chagrin was rooted in the fact that I really should have known better.

I was no stranger to adversity, the alleged risk to reputation, but being with someone that clashed with my image and lifestyle was new to me. At least on the surface level— surfaces meaning so much, while counting for so little. Social conventions were basically like Santa Claus, only really existing for those who believed in them.

Just what the frilly hell was I doing?

Letting the potential disapproval and even ridicule of others dictate what I did or who I lived?

If I was, it was certainly a new development.

I would have to take a long, deep look into the corners of my soul to figure out exactly when I started giving a shit about what other people thought of me.

The venue had help, so we didn’t have to set up our own stage. That was one of the advantages to being the only band. It was good practice for the tour, when we would be the headliners.

I felt bad for our potential openers on tour. Our fans still showed a tendency to be dismissive, at the very best, to any bands that weren’t us. At least on the local scene.

It was possible, and we could only hope, that European fans weren’t quite as intense as those in Seattle. The pre-orders for the album filled up within hours. Not just in town but all up and down in the coast. From San Diego to Vancouver.

It was a lot of attention, as well as a lot of pressure.

None of which was nearly so daunting as really having it out with Stephanie.

A European tour? No problem.

Opening my mouth and saying the words “I love you” to Stephanie?

Thatwas fucking intimidating.