Defender of Hearts by Tanya Bird

Chapter 30

‘For goodness’ sake, put that sword away and stop pacing,’ Lyndal called to Eda from the bed. The physician had left after declaring her fit and healthy, but apparently that was not enough for her sister. She was out for blood now. ‘How on earth did you smuggle that thing in here, anyway?’

Eda turned to look at her. Someone wants you dead, and that’s what you want to talk about? She resumed pacing. And I didn’t smuggle it in. I stole it once inside.

Lyndal threw her hands up. ‘Why would you tell me that?’

A knock at the door had Eda marching over to answer it.

‘Eda!’ Lyndal called. ‘Don’t you dare.’

Too late.

Eda yanked the door open, not bothering to hide her weapon. Roul drew his sword the second he realised she was armed. But when he moved to disarm her, she slipped around him. She knew every defender trick in the book because Harlan had taught her every one.

‘Drop your weapon,’ Roul said calmly, positioning himself in front of Lyndal.

When Eda did not comply, Roul tried another tactic, managing to get a hold of her wrist and twisting her arm until the sword fell to the ground. That should have been the end of it, but Eda threw her elbow up, connecting with the defender’s chin.

‘Eda!’ Lyndal said, pushing between them. ‘What on earth has gotten into you? Thornton’s my bodyguard.’

Eda stepped back, panting. Then why did you almost die?

Roul stepped around Lyndal and kicked Eda’s sword out of reach. ‘If she ever answers that door with a weapon in her hand again, I’ll take off the hand. Make sure she understands.’

I’m not deaf, Eda signed.

‘She understands,’ Lyndal said, hands raised as she tried to bring some calm to the room. She looked at Eda. ‘I thought you came here to make life easier.’

You trust too easily, Eda signed.

‘She making threats?’ Roul asked.

Lyndal held her head. ‘No. No one’s making threats. I’m sorry. My sister’s sorry.’ She looked to Eda again. ‘Aren’t you?’

Eda looked far from apologetic as she gave a reluctant nod.

‘Now, what is it you wanted?’ Lyndal asked.

Roul eyed Eda for a moment longer before speaking. ‘It was hemlock in the wine. Seems someone’s unhappy about the announcement.’

‘Yes,’ Lyndal agreed. ‘Everyone in attendance, which doesn’t help you much. I gather no one else got sick or died.’

‘No. Fletcher’s questioned the servant who gave you the wine.’ He hesitated before continuing. ‘Now he’s speaking with the rest of them.’

Lyndal’s brow creased. ‘Is he now?’ She knew exactly what the questioning entailed when it was coming from defenders. ‘Where is he?’

‘He won’t want you anywhere near it,’ Thornton said straight away.

Lyndal crossed her arms in front of her. ‘You can either tell me where he is or I can search the whole castle looking for him.’

‘That’s not safe.’

‘Then the first option might be better.’

Roul exhaled, shook his head, and turned to the door. ‘Your sister stays here.’

Eda went to object, but Lyndal raised a finger. ‘Not a word. I only need one bodyguard.’

Eda threw her hands up and walked over to the chair, dropping down into it.

Roul took Lyndal to the north end of the castle, descending the steps into the bustling kitchen below. They exited the small door at the far end, passing a sobbing woman on their way out.

‘That’s never a good sign,’ Lyndal said as she followed Roul. It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the dark, and then she spotted Astin pacing a few feet away. Blood splattered one side of his face.

He stilled when he spotted her. ‘Why the hell aren’t you in bed?’ His accusing eyes went to Roul.

‘The physician said I’m healthy as a horse.’ She walked over, noticing his reddened knuckles. ‘What are you doing? The servants aren’t to blame and you know it.’

‘They are if a poisoned drink made its way to your mouth.’

She exhaled. ‘So your answer is to beat up all the men and make the women cry?’

Astin looked past her to Roul. ‘Leave us.’

The defender nodded before retreating to the kitchen.

When they were alone, Astin met her eyes. ‘I need you to let me do my job.’

‘This isn’t your job, remember? You’re no longer my bodyguard. You made that choice.’

He ran a hand down his face. ‘I had to step away. You know I did.’

‘So step away.’

He turned in a circle. ‘I can’t bear to be near you, and I can’t stand being away from you. So what the hell am I supposed to do?’

She looked down when she felt the sting of tears. ‘I’m sorry for that. It was never my intention to come here and mess up your life.’

‘I’m responsible for my mistakes, not you.’

Mistakes.She hugged herself against the frigid air. It was nearing midnight, and the exhaustion of the day had well and truly caught up with her.

‘I should have kept my feelings in check,’ he continued. ‘I should have focused on the job—cared less. And I should never have taken you outside that wall.’

That one tore.

‘I’m in this position because at some point I stopped being a defender.’

‘And started being human?’ she asked.

‘I can’t afford to be human.’ He exhaled slowly. ‘You don’t understand. How could you? You weren’t built for this life, so you have no idea what it entails.’

She swallowed. ‘That’s not fair.’

‘Do you really understand what you’re up against? Who you’re marrying? He doesn’t care about you. That’s not going to change. In fact, it’s going to get worse. And you’re choosing that.’

Her heart was thudding hard in her chest now. ‘I’m choosing to help thousands of people, putting their needs ahead of my own. And instead of applauding me, you stand there belittling me and making me feel stupid.’

‘Women who marry into these roles spend their entire lives preparing for them, and you think you can just wake up one day and push all your values and feelings aside and save everyone?’

‘I’m not having this conversation with you again.’ She raised her chin. ‘I came to tell you to leave the servants alone and to let Thornton do his job. And now I’m leaving.’

‘Because I hurt your feelings? You better get used to that. You’ll be the king’s emotional punching bag for the rest of your life.’

Her feet stopped. Returning to him, she shoved his chest with both hands. His feet did not move.

‘That’s enough!’ Hot tears fell down her cheeks. ‘I’ll be his emotional punching bag, because that’s the job. I expect it from him. But I won’t be yours.’ A sob tore from her. ‘It’s like a knife in the stomach, and I can’t bear it.’ She took a second to collect herself. ‘I never expected it from you.’

Astin’s face fell. He raked a hand over his head, suddenly looking lost. ‘Lyndal—’

‘No.’ She backed away to the door. ‘No more.’