The Trouble with #9 by Piper Rayne

Iknock on Maksim’s door and there’s no answer, so I ring the doorbell. I know he’s home. I gave him all night to get himself out of this blame game.

Nadiya opens the door wearing her cap and gown.

“Well, you look awesome,” I say. “A couple weeks, right?”

“Yes, I cannot wait. I had my grad photos done this morning. Our parents come in two weeks. Are you ready to meet your future in-laws?” She laughs. “Inessa is a tough one.”

“Are you sure they aren’t going to be your in-laws?”

She laughs again. “Never.”

“Is he in his room?” My voice turns serious.

She nods.

“Has he been out of bed at all?”

She shakes her head and I catch sight of Jessie on the couch.

“Hey, Jessie.” I wave. I ask Nadiya, “You heard about Aiden, right?”

“The news says he’s going to be okay. Is that true?”

“Yeah, he’s out for what’s left of the season and maybe part of next, but Saige says he’s doing great and is in good spirits. I wanted to see if Maksim wanted to go visit him.”

As I step forward, Nadiya puts her hand on my wrist. “Losing Armen… he can’t stop blaming himself. The wound is deep and it never healed.”

I nod because I know. I’ve known since he told me the story about losing his best friend. And it’s probably because of my background that I don’t want Maksim to live with that guilt in his life anymore. I want him to be healthy, vibrant and carefree. Not to think he has to be everyone’s protector and then blame himself when something inevitably goes wrong.

“I know.” I pat her hand and venture down the hallway.

I open the door to Maksim’s bedroom. His drapes are drawn and he’s sprawled out on his stomach in bed.

Sitting on the edge, I place my hand on his back, running it up and down, then I trace his tattoos. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

He groans and wraps an arm around my waist, sliding over on the mattress to get closer to me. My fingers roam his body and run through his hair.

When I overheard him talking to Jana and he mocked her for suggesting he loved me, I was hurt. But it’s okay if he doesn’t love me. We’ve only been dating a short while. I can’t be upset about it, even if it stings because I know my feelings for him.

“Come into bed,” he murmurs.

“I’m going to see Aiden and wondered if you wanted to come.”

His body tenses and his arm goes limp. Rolling over, he turns his back to me. “I’m not going.”

I had a feeling this might happen. Sometimes I hate that my education helps me predict people’s responses after I get to know them. “You have to get up and visit your friend. Sulking is doing no good.”

“Sulking?” He huffs, throws the covers off himself, and walks into his en suite naked.

Without shutting the door, he relieves himself then washes his hands before moving to his drawers to grab a pair of track shorts.

“You can shower. I’ll wait,” I say.

“I’m not showering because I’m not going anywhere.” He sits on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall in front of him.

“I think it’s time you talk to someone.” I know last night I was all about letting him do his own thing, but after what happened with Aiden and how he’s taking it, it’s clear to me that Maksim needs to deal with his issues.

“I’m not talking to anyone. What’s therapy gonna do for me?”

My back straightens. I’m annoyed that he keeps pissing all over my profession. “It does a lot of people good. It might give you some perspective.”

“You have thousands of dollars in student loans that say you have to think that.”

I stand. “You’re not serious. I get the whole ‘I’m Russian and we don’t talk feelings’ thing”—I do my best impersonation of him, which is pretty terrible—“but it’s a real profession and therapy helps a lot of people. It doesn’t mean you’re weak if you’re in therapy. Do you even know why I chose my profession? You’ve never bothered to ask me. Probably because you don’t believe in it.” I blow out a breath.

He says nothing.

“I went to therapy after my dad left us and all throughout college. It’s what got me to the point that I don’t have such horrible abandonment issues that I can’t date you. I’m healthy and stable enough to embark on a relationship with a man who’s in the spotlight and has women all over the world admiring him. Have I been jealous a few times? Sure. Sue me. But this is pretty extreme in comparison to a normal relationship. But without therapy, I wouldn’t be who I am. I’d be some twisted up, bitter woman with no confidence to tell you what she really thinks, who would never trust a man.”

I inhale deeply, my chest heaving, my eyes tingling from the tears that want to fall. “Would you like it if I downgraded your profession all the time? Said that all you do is hit people and act like a goon for a living?”

He stands. “You can say whatever you want.” He digs into a drawer and puts on a T-shirt.

“Ugh!” I yell. “Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away? Why do you want to be this person?”

He turns around with accusation in his eyes. “What person? There’s nothing wrong with protecting the ones you love. It’s admirable in a lot of people’s eyes.”

“Not when you harbor this much guilt. Aiden is fine, and even if he wasn’t, it’s not your fault. Armen wasn’t your fault. You need to release yourself of the responsibility of it all.”

He shakes his head at me in disgust. “Jesus Christ, you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Why? Because I’m a stupid psychologist?”

“You always make me feel small. Like I can’t handle my shit. It makes me feel weak.” He punctuates his words by stabbing his finger into his chest while he speaks.

I stop for a moment and catch my breath because I don’t want us to get into a bigger argument or say something we can’t find our way back out of. I decide to go at it a different way.

“You didn’t even tell me your parents want you to marry Nadiya,” I say. “What does that have to do with protection?”

He runs his hand through his hair. “They look at me to take care of her. Trusted me after I killed their son. Now I say screw off, she can go back to Russia?”

Oh shit. This is so much worse than I thought. I sit on the bed, my legs losing all their strength. “Are you going to tell them no?”

“I don’t know. Nadiya hasn’t told them about Jessie yet. We have a few weeks until she graduates to decide.”

My mouth drops open. “In your head, do you just think you’ll marry Nadiya and all four of us will live here together? When either of your parents visit, we just swap partners and I sleep with Jessie and you sleep with Nadiya?”

He groans and lets his head fall back. “I don’t know, okay? I haven’t thought that far ahead.”

I cannot believe this man. He’s blinded by his need to protect everyone around him. I stand from the bed, unable to be in this room with him any longer. “Well, think about it. Think about living for yourself, Maksim. Be the protector of yourself for once.”

“What do I have to protect?”

I soak in his words until I think I find a suitable answer. “Nothing, I guess. Since you don’t love me, you clearly don’t have to protect your heart. So, bye, Maksim. I wish you all the luck in the world.” I walk toward the door. “And I mean that, because I do love you. I knew heartbreak was a risk when I got involved with you, but it’s that love that makes me want the best for you. Have a great life.”

I dig my colleague’s card out of my purse and place it on his dresser, walk out, and shut the door. I leave my hand on the door handle for a moment, tears welling in my eyes. Because if he twists that door open and begs me to stay, I might not have the willpower to say no.

But then I let my hand fall away. I can’t be with a man who doesn’t believe in me or what I do… a man who doesn’t even love me like I love him.

I walk down the hallway. Nadiya and Jessie are there waiting for me.

“Everything okay?” Nadiya asks.

I wind my arms around Nadiya and pull her into a big hug. “Please look after him.”

Jessie runs her hand down my back. “Don’t leave. You guys are so good for one another.”

I step back, sucking back the tears until I can be alone. “It’s better this way, but it was nice while it lasted. Good luck, you two.”

With one last hug, I walk out of Maksim’s house, climb into my car, and weep for the future I thought we had together. I really did love him, even if I wasn’t on his list of people to protect.

Idrive over to Jana’s as soon as I leave Maksim’s.

She probably knew where all this was going after last night, so she opens the door with martinis in hand. I accept one and collapse into her arms, shedding more tears.

“I will kick his ass, you know that, right?” Her hand runs down my back.

I nod into her neck. We make it to her couch, and I lie with my head in her lap, her fingers running through my hair.

“Hockey players break hearts. You knew this, yet you fell in love anyway.”

“He was so sweet. The stuff he said to me. I really thought he was different.”

She sips her martini. “He didn’t cheat on you, Paise. His head is just all messed up. It’s still fixable.”

I laugh because that is one bonus. At least I’m not the stupid woman who didn’t know he was cheating on me.

“He’ll probably have ten women in his bed tonight.” I wail at the thought, invoking a fresh torrent of tears.

“He’s not like that.”

The television is on, so without bothering to ask Jana why she has ESPN on, I sit up and grab her remote to turn up the volume so I can find out what people are saying. “Langley apologized?”

“He went to the hospital last night after everyone left. Said he was sorry to Aiden, I guess. The press was there when he left, so he said he didn’t want to make it a big deal, but he also doesn’t want kids to get the wrong idea. That it’s not how you play hockey and he’s been so blinded by hate that he let his emotions get the best of him. He kind of alluded to Ford but didn’t say his name outright.”

I sit back and take a sip of the martini, cringing at the amount of olive juice in it. How does she drink these?

“He’s sure got his head on straight,” I say, wishing Maksim was the same.

“Yeah, makes those hormones go into a frenzy.”

Not me though. Although it’s admirable what Langley did, my hormones only respond to one hockey player now.

“You know something funny?” I say.

“What?”

“We didn’t even do our nine dates. I fell in love with him in eight dates. That has to be a record.”

I think back to all the dates we had. The candy place, Costco, then our latest date, where we built a blanket fort in his family room and binged Netflix all night, only for the fort to crash down when we were having sex.

“Just be happy you didn’t waste your time with eighteen dates or something.”

She’s right, I should be thankful I didn’t waste more time on Maksim. But what I really regret is allowing my heart to get involved, because right now, it feels as if it’s going to take a lifetime to heal.