Tarnished Love by Bianca Borell
FILIP
Only one more week until I leave for my six-month assignment in Zürich, and Chloe has answered none of my messages or calls. Time she said, but how much time does she need anyway?
I miss her. She’s crazy and too much in all the ways I crave. I must find out if she’s okay, at least. I leave my office and march to Damien’s. I jerk my chin, and Luisa tells me he’s in with Chloe.
So, she can visit him, but not me. What did I expect? Something burns inside me as I storm into his office and stop suddenly. They’re sitting side-by-side on the couch as he flicks through an album. Red dots my vision when I realize it’s her new portfolio, and he gets to see her almost naked. I growl, and their heads snap up at me.
“Is there something you need?” Damien asks, unaware of the storm brewing inside of me.
“I leave next week.” He looks me as if I am stupid. Of course, he knows. But I want her to get the memo as if it will change anything. My eyes travel down her leg where she still wears an ankle support, but I guess she’s better.
“Chloe.”
“Filip.” Ice rolls off her tongue, so she made a decision.
“I have a photoshoot this weekend,” she says to Damien, ignoring me.
“I have a business meeting. We’ll go together,” he responds as if I’m no longer in the room.
Fury boils inside of me, and I breathe through it. I stride to them, and snatch the album from his hands, while his eyes threaten me. I am not in the mood for a pissing contest.
“Hey, that’s mine,” she snickers, and I arch an eyebrow at her.
“You’re a model, half the world has already seen you or will see you naked.”
“Filip, apologize,” he bellows as I flick through the pages.
She is so achingly beautiful. We were together a few days ago. Something monumental assaults me, emotions rip me apart. I shut my eyes. I can’t be here with them, because I still have to bring Bria back, and eventually these two will end up together.
I storm away and lock myself in my office, needing to compose myself. I can’t remember the last time someone besides Sophia brought me some level of happiness and ease in my life until her, and now it has slipped through my fingers.
A knock startles me, and I shout, “Whatever it is, it can wait.”
But whoever wants to lose their job today keeps grating on my nerves by knocking. I jump up and dart to the door, yanking it open. Chloe fumes when she pushes me back, slaps me across the face, and throws her portfolio at me.
“For you. Have fun fucking your hand.” I groan at my stupidity. She turns on her heel, and my desperation reaches new levels. I grab her hand and pull her to me. For one second, everything else vanishes.
“I am sorry.”
“You should be.”
“I am, I swear, Chloe, I am not like this.” I had no idea I could be like this, with emotions and feelings overwhelming me, because of one woman—her. “Please accept my apology. I am sorry I was a dick. I miss you, and then I saw you with him, and it messed with my head.”
“You want us together.”
“No.” I deadpan.
“Filip, I will continue things with Damien, it works for us. But I owe you nothing,” she says and wriggles out of my arms. She looks at me as if I am a mistake she wants to forget. Sadness clings to her eyes, her entire posture dejected. I fucked this up.
“It’s better I won’t be here then.”
“Bloody perfect, stay there for all I care.”
***
The music pounds in my ears, as my friends scope out potential conquests. I am too busy cradling a glass of whiskey. I gave up after five consecutive nights of trying to just go with it and fuck someone else.
“What is wrong with you, man?”
I wave them off. Every night the same question, my answer stays consistent—silence.
“I am out,” I say, and both Micha and Nico look at me as if not recognizing me. I ponder on that too.
“I’ll make it up to you.” It’s Friday night. What is she doing? I burn from within missing her. I burst into laughter. Chloe and those eyes and those legs, she brought me down, and she doesn’t even know it.
The next day I fly back to Zürich, there is no need to wish for something, because more than anything else, I want my sister well.
“I am so happy you’re here,” Sophia chirps and slumps into my side on the couch while we stare at her turtles, Balli and Shelli. They bought pets together, and they aren’t even official.
“How long have you two been together now?”
“Six years.”
“One of these days you’re going to end up marrying in secret and show up with a kid inside of you.” It used to make her smile, but that changed too. She’s still so much in love with him, but the years of secrecy, living a double life have gotten to her.
“I am afraid I will lose him.”
“No.”
“I will, one of these days I’ll snap. Filip, it kills me.”
“He’ll do anything to keep you like this, a secret, just for him. He will never let his life catch up with you.”
“Am I not enough?”
“Shut up or I’ll do you a favor and throw you out the window.”
“My parents asked me if I am into girls.”
I snort laugh.
“Not funny.”
“Come on. Soph, what did you expect?”
“My personal life is mine.”
“Yes, you just took it to another level.” I ruffle her hair and she pushes off me and lands on the carpet, watching her pets.
“I am tired, Soph.”
“We are not allowed to be tired,” she whispers.
“I let her go.”
“Good.”
“I don’t know if I can watch them together.”
“Then don’t. If he’s happy, let him have her.”
In and out I breathe, she loves me, and I love her too. But when it comes to our siblings, even though we both are aware they don’t deserve it, we would give them anything with reckless abandon, just to see them happy again.
“How is she?”
“Still a stranger.” I nod, knowing damn well if nothing powerful enough happens to snatch her out of that bullshit condition, nothing will ever change.
“Do you want to trade places?”
“When it’s time, I’ll move to the States.”
“For him.”
“I want a life of my own, Filip.”
“You still hope they will allow us one.”
“If not, one of these days we must accept it’s their lives, and ours pass us by while we worry about them. They are different people now, and they will never be those people again. I watch them both, their jobs, in a way they’re still together.”
This business may be a family one, but at the reins are the two of them. Her phone rings, she clutches it to her chest, closing her eyes, loving him too much, but her patience wears thin. I don’t need another wreck in my life.
***
“The campaign, Filip. You outdid yourself. It’s the most successful one.”
“Family sells,” I say, while I stare at my sister, reports scattered around, looking at no one in particular, not even complimenting, she just states facts.
“There are some problems. Mr. Rover raised the price.” She lifts her head from reading the papers.
“Is Mr. du Sky informed?”
“Not yet.”
Bria nods, folds her hands on the table and states, “Peter, if this doesn’t go according to plan, we’ll get behind on the expansion.”
“I know, but . . .”
“There are no buts.” She shuts her eyes, her mind working. “Emma, get me Mr. Rover on the phone.”
She dials the number, puts it on speaker, and my interest is piqued. She wants to prove to Damien not to us, how she is a fucking ruthless queen.
“Mr. Rover, I hear you are not happy with our offer? The offer we negotiated one week ago?”
“Miss du Mont, as long as the contract is not signed there’s still room for negotiation.” She tilts her head, tapping her pencil on the conference table.
“What is our reputation?”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Now answer.”
“You are known to make fair business offers.”
“I get the impression you are not pleased with our partnership.”
“No, I mean . . . yes.”
“Sign those papers, my assistant will get them from you.” She hangs up and Peter, well that guy has harbored a platonic crush on her for years, looks at her with stars in his eyes. All she sees though is means to an end, the person who will get her sooner to where she wants to go. The question is where?
“Impressive, sis.”
“Peter, we do not renegotiate.” She rises to her feet, and before she leaves, she says over her shoulder, “I want both the next marketing campaign and the new location report completed by next week.”
Peter’s jaw drops and I thread my hand through my hair, cussing on the inside.
***
“She took care of it, Damien.”
“I hope she didn’t offer him a better deal.”
“You know better than anyone what she’s capable of, you could call her.”
“She should call me.”
“And here I thought you love the competition.” He smirks, and it’s in these moments when he’s still that almost adult who she destroyed when I battle with my anger. I have never seen a man as capable of self-destruction as he was after her. I might be mad at him, but the way he loved my sister, I could never hate him for it. I still question if it is also her who brought him back from that road that took souls in a minute, but he snatched his back and became a man no one would ever guess how low he had crawled down the perdition hole.
“She was amazing.”
“Yes, still getting what she wants from anyone.”
“No, not from everyone.”
“Filip.” His voice lowers.
“Talk to her, it’s been years.”
“Let us build something instead. If we collide, I have no idea what we will destroy next.”
“You are both too damaged to destroy yourselves further.”
“Filip, I appreciate it, but the ice queen has lost nothing.” I gnash my teeth, not shouting at him, how his own hurt blinds him. My sister is so scarred, on the inside and outside.
“See you at my birthday party.”
“Any requests for me to bring or not bring?” he taunts me.
“Top the one where you brought two models on your arms last year.”
“That was a fucking great night. I’ll bring Chloe, she always steals the show.” Right, because the moment my sister left, he sent them back. Appearances, appearances. But Chloe, that’s a different story for both me and my sister.
***
“Oh, you are almost a grown-up,” Soph teases me, and I roll my eyes at her while I button up my shirt.
“Oh, I am all grown up. Wanna see?” It never gets boring to catch her grimace of full disgust.
“Do you want to scar me for life?”
“It’s big.”
“Measured it lately?” Not recently, but it’s above average.
“Why, think your lover boy packs a bigger one.”
“Filip, shut up.” She shivers, and I burst into laughter, pretending to peel my boxers off me. She runs from the room, and my phone rings.
“Happy birthday.”
“Next time with a little more enthusiasm.”
“Fuck off, she should have been here with me.”
“Sorry it’s one day a year—my birthday—and you are an idiot for not being here with her.” Hearing my conversation, Sophia returns to my room, curiosity piqued if her raised brow is an indication.
“I just showed her my dick, she looked impressed,” I say with a laugh as Sophia shoots daggers from her eyes.
“Fuck you. Put her on the phone.”
I hand the phone to Sophia. He asks her something, and her eyes look to mine, shaking her head. Grown men could piss themselves when he snarls, and I make him doubt her by just opening my mouth.
“You’re such an idiot,” she says when she returns.
“I live to make him squirm. I haven’t told him that I touched you yet.”
“I swear, Filip. That was . . .” Even I shudder, but it was morning, and I drank the night before. She was not the one I thought I’d wake up next to.
“Yes, that should stay between us.” I don’t recall my dick ever deflating that quickly.
“Damien’s bringing Chloe,” she says and looks at me through her lashes, checking if I am fine. It’s the du Mont specialty to pretend, not that they don’t give us good competition.
“Yes, I know, whatever.”
She ushers me out to the car, and we drive to my parents’ mansion. I pass the wrought iron gate, and there is a pang of something that strikes me every time, the loss echoing between the rows of oaks. Cars fill the driveway.
“Smile,” she says while she plasters on her fake one as well. Be nothing less than what’s expected of us. And I do as I greet everyone, from business partners to vendors to friends. It’s in the last group I feel an ounce better. Angelina raves about this new guy she met while Nico’s nostrils flare. He took her for granted, that she’d always be there, waiting for him. Now, he understands, and he snatches a glass and downs it. Then there is Milena who’s smiling at me. The comforting one. She’s the one who senses all the bullshit Soph and I feed everyone, but she doesn’t pry. Damien approaches with Chloe and Monica at his side.
“He’s a lucky bastard.” Sophia and I drain our glasses at Micha’s retort.
My sister appears, and Damien stiffens. How can he sense her when he has his back to her? He gulps and shuts his eyes, one blink of misery.
“Happy birthday, Filip.” She wasn’t present for so many, last year and this one won’t compensate, but she’s here.
“Sis.” I nod, and we half hug, never too much, but enough to pretend. Nico sighs.
“You look more beautiful every time I see you.” I elbow him, Damien fires a murderous look at him, while Alex presses her to his side. And she looks at him and says, “Thank you, I wish to say you grew up every time I meet you, but no. I am glad you stopped selling yourself short.” She eyes Angelina, and he chokes on his champagne.
“She’s still a bad ass. The perfect woman,” Micha counters as Bria and Alex retreat, and Monica opens her mouth.
“Monica.” To everyone else it’s nothing, but to her it is a threat, and she zips her mouth.
“Yes, my perfect cousin.”
“Chloe, now that you are a supermodel—”
“Never.”
“You didn’t even let me finish.”
“Really, Nico?”
“What is happening here with all these women ganging up on me?”
Soph pats him on the shoulder and says, “I am sure someone will pity fuck you.”
He loses it and storms away. We laugh because we’re brutal.
***
“Is it me, or is she getting stranger? It freaks me out, her saccharine art, and the way she looks at Bria. It’s just . . .” Soph whispers and eyes Monica while she drinks Damien in. How delusional can she be? It’s not that he doesn’t see her, but he would never do that, even though I could bet my cousin would sell her soul to have him, anything of him.
“If Chloe’s eyes could hurt you, you’d be bleeding right now.” I smile because it’s the only time my heart flutters. “You like it.”
“Of course, I do.”
“Then why?”
“It’s better this way.”
“If you say so.”
But her words ring true the entire night. When Damien retreats with my parents, and Soph leaves to make a call, Chloe and I end up on the dock, some fairy lights dangling from the branches above. This silence ringing of accusations and buried desires deafens me.
“How was the photo shoot?”
“You haven’t checked my Instagram?” She bites her lip, and I drag a hand down my face.
“It didn’t appear on my feed.”
“Right.”
“So, anyone else?”
“No, I am thinking about giving me and Damien a chance.” Every muscle in my body strains.
“We decided to try, starting tonight.”
“You’ll fuck him?”
“It’s the plan.” I drop to the bench; my body doesn’t support me anymore. She throws her head back and laughs.
“You deserved that, you prick.”
“Wait, what?” I jerk my chin up, and her laugh dies on her lips when she narrows her eyes at me.
“I should leave.” Something within me reacts, and my hands fly around her. She falls on top of me.
“Tell me the truth,” I crack and she relaxes.
“What, Filip?”
“You know what.”
“If I ever do that, I must be in a low mental state, he loves your sister.”
“For the most part it appears he ignores her.”
“I don’t get it.”
“What?” She relaxes, and I have her in my lap, between my arms, inhaling her sweetness, while she caresses my interlocked fingers around her waist.
“She doesn’t even try.”
“For him it was always her, from the start, and for her, him, no one else. They never had real friends, like me or Soph, they just had or wanted or needed the other, no one else.”
“And what’s your role?”
“To bring them to a confrontation with the other.”
“Good luck with that.”
“It will happen.”
“Sure?” she says and tilts her head to me, her emerald eyes drawing my heart in them. I dip my chin and kiss her neck. She gulps, and her fingers tighten around mine.
“Come home with me.” She shakes her head.
“Why deny it when you want me?”
“Because I know that the difference between wanting something and doing it is afterward, you still feel like shit.” There is no comeback on my part, and she rises to her feet, pulls her dress down those legs I want wrapped around me, and whispers, “Goodbye, Filip. I hope you get what you wish for.”
At what cost? Because with her I could be happy.
