Tarnished Love by Bianca Borell
FILIP
The entire drive home, one thought revolves around my head: Chloe affects my sister, the only woman Damien brings with him who succeeds in doing that. I drag a hand down my face. Can I sacrifice her for a chance at happiness? But Chloe, she gets me, without words, there is this connection between us. And the chemistry and the fucking sex, as if we’re in tune. What do I do, because I can’t keep pushing her away just to rush back to her? I call Soph, not that she is a role model in how relationships work, but she’s still my best friend.
“I slept with her again.”
“Hello to you too, Filip.”
“Soph, I am not in the mood.” She must detect the serious tone, the one that slips when I don’t wear the mask of the easy-going guy.
“Sorry.”
“I don’t know what to fucking do.”
“It’s okay, you deserve to be happy. They had their chance, and we’re not responsible for their happiness. We never were.”
“You don’t get it.”
“Because you never tell me.”
“It’s not my story to tell.”
“Filip, we love them, but we have to love ourselves too, and if Chloe is that person for you, then go for it. We can’t let their love affect how we love.”
“I miss you.”
“I’ll take the next flight.”
We hang up. I know she’ll come, she always does. Sophia will always have my back.
When I pick her up at the airport, her smile warms my insides. She jumps into my arms, and I twirl her around.
“You really missed me.”
“Now that you’re here, I don’t know.” She slaps me on my chest, this playfulness between us easing me. She is my family in another sort of way, the one where there are no expectations, just love and understanding. Soph is that for me.
“I always forget the damp weather here.”
“Yes, you should have brought lover boy to keep you warm,” I tease her, but she bites on her lower lip, and her eyes shine.
“Oh no, no, no. Me and you time.”
“You’re needy. He’ll be here tomorrow and stay for the night.”
“And you?”
“Until Sunday.”
I will always share her with him, but I’d be damned if I don’t make it clear he’ll have to do the same, because me and Sophia, that’s never going to change.
“I will tell Damien,” I say while we wait for the light to turn green, my eyes fixed on her to witness her reaction.
“Yes, you should.”
“He won’t be happy.”
“Damien will accept it because you both want this, right?”
“No, she’s in the trunk. I abducted her and needed someone as a bystander. What the fuck do you think?” I mumble, and she bursts into laughter.
“That came out the wrong way.”
“You bet your ass.”
“I have a great ass.”
“That you do.”
“Shut up.”
I park, and she grabs my hand and squeezes it, her entire posture changing into something I can’t decipher.
“I’ll tell him I can’t do this anymore, and he has to decide, but I am afraid.”
“You knew this day would come, now put your big girl pants on and deal with your decision.” She nods, her stoicism returning. Only love makes us weak. Do I want this mess? Even if I don’t, it’s too late since I am halfway down that path anyway.
“Why do I get the smallest apartment out of all of us?”
“You’re the modest one?” She rolls her eyes at me, then huffs and sits on the bar stool.
“Invite her over.”
“What?”
“Filip, I’ve been here for an hour, and all you’ve done is stare at your phone.”
“Really?”
“Yes, and I didn’t fly here to console your balls.”
“They got action the other night.” I wiggle my eyebrows at her and she feigns gagging.
“Has she the slightest idea what she’s getting herself into with you?”
“You mean the best sex of her life, and have you seen me lately? I am damn handsome.” She bursts into laughter.
“You’re such a joker.”
When she retires to take a shower, I call Chloe.
“Hi.” My voice cracks, what strangled my throat that I came out with this high-pitched one?
“Hi,” she offers in a shy tone, and I relax, it’s the same for her. I forget she’s also somewhat emotionally crippled. I need to find out why.
“Bring me a towel,” Sophia shouts, and I shout back, “You know where they are.”
“Why don’t you keep the clean ones in the bathroom like a normal person?”
I hear a gasp on the other end of the line, and I say, “Chloe?”
“I have to go.”
“Wait, why?”
“You’re calling me while there is another woman at your place?” Her voice raises, and I huff.
“How stupid do you think I am?”
“I heard her, you moron.”
“She is not a woman to me.”
“Are you doing this on purpose? Bye.”
“It’s Sophia. We’re not even together, and you nag at me with your jealousy.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“Come over.”
“Are you out of your bloody mind? If you think . . .”
“Chloe, I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“I haven’t agreed.”
“What, my connection is bad.”
“No it isn’t,” she mumbles, but I hang up. I like her jealous, but I doubt this is a good thing for the future. I still grin when Soph descends the stairs wrapped in towels, one around her body and one around her hair. Her phone chimes, and I know it’s him from the way her eyes shine, and she picks up right away. When I realize they FaceTime, I can’t skip the opportunity.
“Hi, belle.” I can hear he loves her in his damn voice, I have no idea why she still doubts it.
Sophia is so immersed in him she doesn’t notice me approaching her. I place my chin on her naked shoulder, and she stiffens, but I love to mess with him.
“Filip, you do not want to mess with me,” he grumbles, and I wrap my hands around her while she suppresses a giggle. I want her to see this too, that he’s mad about her.
“Get your hands off her.”
“Or what? She seems to like it.”
“Ick, enough, Filip.”
I retreat, grinning at him while those dark blue eyes of his bore into me. He would make me suffer if he could, but he can’t. Soph would kill him without even blinking.
“I’ll come tonight. See you later.” She is still in shock when he hangs up.
“No, call him back, I have you for tonight.”
“I won’t, you provoked him.”
“Shut up, you loved every second of him fuming.”
“Yes, kind of. I must be bad.”
“You are, but no one would see past the du Sky princess.”
***
I park in front of Chloe’s brick building.
“I am here.” I type and send her the message. At seven o’clock, I lift my gaze from the dashboard clock to her appearing in the doorway. She came, and now I can breathe.
When I help her into the car, she chews on her bottom lip as she eyes me. I cup her face and kiss her, deciding I will do whatever I feel with her from now on, no more bullshit. She moans in my mouth as if I surprised her. Maybe I have because I want her, and I am not changing my mind. Again.
“Where are we going?”
“We’re going to pick Soph up and then go to a Spanish restaurant.”
She tilts her head to the window.
“What is it?”
“I am nervous,” she offers, and now it’s me who’s taken aback.
“Why?”
“What if she doesn’t like us being together?”
With those words, she reveals all her insecurities, and it baffles me. She’s gorgeous, witty, and charismatic. I don’t get it.
“She will. Trust me,” I say in reassurance.
“She’s important to you.” She fidgets with her fingers in her lap and adds. “Maybe we should just continue like before.” Something strikes my heart, and I don’t like it at all.
“Let’s give this a try.” I lift her fingers to my lips, kiss each of them, and drive away. I park the car in front of my house, and she offers me a shy smile. I bend to kiss her, and she softens under my lips. Our moment ends when Sophia knocks on my window, grinning, and I shake my head at her.
The entire ride Sophia shifts her gaze from her to me.
“You look cute together. Still, she’s the prettier one.” Chloe suppresses a smile while I feign a grumble, aware of what she’s doing. She’s trying to ease Chloe’s nerves, but damn my ego doesn’t like the hit.
“So, Chloe, you couldn’t find someone better and decided to give this one a try.”
Now she full on laughs, and she mouths, I like her. Of course she does, I catch Sophia’s gaze in the mirror and jerk my head in thank you, and she winks at me. She has my back, she knows how intimidating this is for anyone outside our group. It’s too much, we’re too much for others. I didn’t care before, but with Chloe, I do.
We park, and as Sophia passes by me, she whispers “Don’t ruin this” then she curls her hand around Chloe’s elbow. I smile seeing these two women together. Bria is the only one missing, will she ever be with them or get to know my girlfriend.
I said it, it’s official.
When the waiter puts the drinks in front of us, I take a sip of mine while Soph’s hands do all the talking, and with every minute Chloe’s guard drops. Under the table we hold our fingers interlinked, glancing at each other.
“How did you become a model?”
“My mother was one, and it just happened.”
“Do you like it?”
“It’s what I know.” Until now her answers were longer than a few words. There must be more, another thing I must uncover.
“What about you?” she questions changing the subject. Soph narrows her eyes at her, surely asking herself the same questions.
“I had little choice, to be honest.” It always strikes me how she is the only one who would have done something different. Why she didn’t follow her dream, I will never understand.
When we get in the car, I am relieved that the evening went so well. I drop Sophia off at my house and drive Chloe home.
“Was tonight okay for you?”
“It was better than I thought. I met her a few times before, and it strikes me how different they are.”
“Damien used to be like this too until . . .”
“Yes, it makes me worry about him even more.”
“I am sure you saw him at his worst, he’ll never get back there.”
“Why are you so sure?”
“Because he lost control over himself, and that scared him.”
“I hope so.”
“I am jealous,” I blurt before I can stop myself.
“Don’t be.” She straddles me, her red lips contrasting her white shirt, and I barely hold myself together not to undress her.
“Can I trust you?” Please say yes.
“You can, Filip. I promise. I know how it is.” Her lips part into a reassuring smile, and I take her hand and kiss her palm. I like this—no sneaking around, stealing moments. This is better.
“I’ll tell him.”
“We can tell him together,” she offers, locking her hands around my neck. But he won’t react well. He cares about her, and he needs to see I am serious.
I am still grinning when I return home and park the car. Sophia catches me and smiles.
“You have it bad.”
“I do.”
Her face draws into surprise, and she hugs me.
“It will be okay.”
I wonder for whom she says it more. Maybe for both of us, and I dip my chin and kiss the top of her head.
***
On the couch, the flat screen TV plays in the background, but I have no idea what is on while I text with Chloe. I am giddy every time the three dots appear on the screen. Soph descends the stairs and takes the seat next to me, wearing shorts and a top.
“He’s on his way,” she says and rests her head against my shoulder.
“You don’t scream during sex, do you?”
“Filip.”
“Don’t traumatize me, just saying.”
“You’re awful.” She springs up before the bell rings. Is she that in tune with him? She jumps into his arms, and he catches her, his mouth on hers. She giggles, and I shut my eyes. I should go somewhere else tonight. I won’t sleep here with them going at it all night.
When they step inside, we shake hands, his eyes threatening me.
“Did you have a pleasant flight? We had such a wonderful sleepover.”
I like to provoke him since he’s so easily riled up when it comes to her. He balls his hands into fists at his sides, and then Soph wraps herself around him, and he relaxes. I don’t know why I see so much of Damien in him. I mess with him because messing with Damien is not fun anymore. A moment later they rush up the stairs.
I pluck up the headphones, planning to shove them in my ears, music blaring. Chloe is all I can think about. Her name pops on the screen, and I swipe to accept her call.
“Filip.” The sound of her voice trails down my back, electrifying every spot on my body. I’ve never felt like this before.
“Yes?” I murmur. I just dissolved into a puddle of need and want.
“Do you feel it too?” I do, I so do. It scares the shit out of me.
“Mm-hmm.”
“I am scared.”
“Me too, honey.”
A pause stretches and I ask, “What are you doing?”
“My roommate made some popcorn, and we’re getting ready to watch a movie.”
“This mysterious roommate.”
“You can meet her whenever you want.”
“Tomorrow.”
“She’s leaving for a few weeks, maybe when she returns?” The last part she said so quietly I had to decipher her words. She’s testing me—wondering if I’ll be here in a few weeks.
“Who the hell hurt you this much?”
She gasps, but I am furious. I hate that she’s one disappointment away from cracking, questioning everything, mostly herself.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Honesty, Chloe.”
“We’re not there.” Meaning, I have to prove to her I’ll stay, and she’ll open up. I can do that.
“Fair enough.”
“So, what about you?”
“Yes, I am downstairs, can’t sleep.”
“Why?”
“Sophia’s fucking upstairs.”
“And that makes you cranky?”
“You bet. Wanna come over?”
“It’s not a competition.”
“Don’t burst my bubble, and as my girlfriend . . .”
“Let me hear all about what I should do as your girlfriend.”
“Please me.”
“Did you buy me from a pleasure shop? Show me the invoice.”
“I want you so much right now, I am hard as fuck.” She gulps. I just learned how to end her snarky comebacks.
“Hmm, I’ll think of you when I use the vibrator tonight, the one you chose.” I guess I learned nothing. I shoot to my feet.
“I want to see that. Do not use it alone.”
“We’ll see.”
“Chloe!”
“Will you make it better if I wait?”
“I’ll make you come until you beg me to stop.”
“You got yourself a deal.” I slump back, even harder than a moment ago. How I’ll enjoy playing with her.
“I’ll come over on Sunday.”
“I’ll leave on Monday.”
“I’ll stay the night.”
“You still have some clothes here.”
“And they’ll stay there.”
We hang up, and I get up and pour myself a glass of whiskey, the amber liquid swirling in the glass. She does things to me. I take a sip, and my eyes land on a broad chest. I should workout more. My muscles are just visible, his are carved into him. Is this an intimidation tactic? Because I am fucking envious right now.
He pours himself a glass, not asking my permission to drink my alcohol, and they say I am the entitled prick. The silence stretches while he sits down on the couch, his eyes piercing. I jerk my chin toward the stairs.
“She’s asleep.”
“If you kill me, I’ll make sure she knows.”
He smirks, his eyes gleam way too much at the prospect, and I shift in my seat, and the bastard laughs.
“She loves you so much. Why, I will never know.”
“If you spent more time here, you would find out.” His forehead furrows, and he gulps his drink, slamming it on the table.
“I need more time.”
“You don’t have any more time.”
“What I do . . . I can’t risk it.”
“Man the fuck up. You’ve been together for years. I hope she breaks up with you. You’re not good for her. She deserves someone who puts her above everything and anyone,” I spit and let him grumble on his own.
***
I stop at the bottom of the stairway. His hands are wrapped around her, and she plays with the ends of his hair. Why does he have to complicate things like this? She loves him, and he loves her. He wouldn’t be this paranoid and obsessed to protect her if he didn’t. His head snaps to me making me wonder how he heard me. I saunter into the kitchen, pour some milk and cereal into a bowl, and slump onto a barstool.
“What’s the plan for today?”
“Let’s go to the zoo,” Soph suggests, her eyes sparkling. I can’t say no to her, as he drinks her in, kissing her.
I would hope for some paparazzi to show up and take pictures of them, but we have been so boring and scandal free, no one is interested, plus he would be informed beforehand. That’s why he agrees and gives in to this sham of normalcy.
After Sophia literally gushed over a lion cub, he is halfway inclined to get her one. Would I also look like this, dangerously smitten, if Chloe were here? Where did the guy who threatened me disappear to, because if Sophia would say jump and get me a golden fish, he would bring her three. She’s still snapping pictures of the lion cub when he sits next to me.
“You love her.”
“Of course, I do.”
“Then make things right by her. This is the last time I will warn you, if you want her, stop hiding her to protect her. If she can deal with you, she’s up for anything.”
A moment later, Sophia slides onto his lap, while his hands wrap around her waist.
“What about next trip, we go on a safari?”
After their last holiday, he bought her the turtles, I doubt a safari is a good idea, but before I open my mouth to interject, he says, “Whatever you want.”
How we continue the human race is a wonder, because the moment a woman—pardon, the woman—appears, we’re all reduced to apes who nod. A life of servitude. Pussy rules the world. The ultimate truth.
***
This time it’s Sophia who pours herself a glass of whiskey. Swirling it around, she seldom drinks, more plays with it, wasting a perfect drink.
“He’s asleep.”
“What is it?”
“I want more of this.”
“You will have more of this.”
“With him?”
“That only you two know.” She sips and puts it on the glass bar.
Before she darts to the stairs, she says, “I’ll miss you. Home is never home without you.”
When I’m alone, the silence ticks heavy, but I will see Chloe soon, and that compensates for her absence. I like it more with her than alone. I used to think in silent moments, now they are filled with her. I send her a quick message and rush out of the house to pick her up.
It’s still there like every time, those few seconds of anticipation mingling with nerves. Why? I have no idea, but it’s addictive. My eyes on her as she stands in front of the doorway, looking back at me. A halt of her steps, a bated breath that says we’re both in this madness that makes it bearable. She smiles, opening my heart, digging herself inside. This time it’s her that leans herself toward me, while I snatch her face between my fingers and get lost in the honey of her lips.
“Hi,” she says, and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. She’s beyond beautiful, damn sexy, and still there is a certain strength in her vulnerability that makes her so appealing. The urge to protect her hits me, love her even.
“Hi, beautiful. Hungry?”
“A bit.”
I drive to one of my favorite places, and when I take her hand in mine, her eyes widen but shine with excitement. I won’t hide her. Why would I? Until Sophia's predicament, I always thought men who don’t show off their women have others on the line. We’re hunters, we like to brag, it’s in our genes. It’s also in our genes to protect the women we love, so he has an excuse.
We take our seats, and we smile as we stare at each other. We’re doing this.
“It’s . . . but it’s good,” she says, relaxing me further. I still have no idea what I am doing, but in a relationship, there are two, so we’ll figure it out together.
I love the fact she doesn’t talk for talking’s sake, but her eyes, those emerald eyes, tell a hundred different stories I can’t wait to hear. Maybe she learned it too, it’s not what we say, it’s what we hide while sharing things that matter.
“Did you sleep last night?” I groan, another night where music blared in my ears, afraid to hear something I could never erase.
“I’ll sleep at your place tonight. I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“I’ll drive you.”
She nods, going back to whatever we had with no second guessing.
“I have never seen her with anyone.”
“You won’t see her either.”
“I thought you’d be together at the beginning.” I spit out my water while she chuckles.
“You never had feelings for each other, did you?”
“No. I grew up with her, we’ve seen pretty much all there is of the other. I would do anything for her. She’s family to me.”
“So, you can be loyal.”
“I am loyal.”
“Based on what? Reciprocity?” she questions, placing her face in her palm. Deep, I love that.
“No, because if it were, I wouldn’t be loyal to either my sister or Damien. Loving someone implies you’re loyal to them.”
“So, you never cheated?” She trails her long finger on the rim of her glass, while I steal a glance at her cleavage from her skintight black blouse.
“I haven’t been in a relationship to cheat. I don’t like to waste my time. Therefore, I don’t waste anyone else’s time either.”
“Then, what do you want from me, Filip?” she questions.
“I haven’t found out yet. I like you, and l like you with me.”
She nods. Now it’s my turn.
“What about you?” I take her soft hand in mine and place a kiss on the inside of her palm.
“I started modeling at sixteen. I never wanted it, but I grew to like it.”
She offers a half smile, and somehow a feeling I don’t like sneaks inside of me.
“Be honest, Chloe. We don’t judge, we’re just honest.”
“We live in a world of appearances, my face, my body fit perfectly.”
“Don’t change the subject.” She huffs, my questions shaking off her carefully built persona.
“It was a ticket out. I was a burden, but a beautiful one. My mom would always drag me to beauty pageants. I hated that but with time I accepted this is all I will ever be.”
“Chloe, don’t be the type of woman who devalues herself.” She takes a gulp of her white wine and leans back.
“I have a bachelor’s degree in economics, so what? Does it make me more intelligent?”
“This is for you to answer. Why not?”
“Aren’t we all just subjective?”
“There you have it, everyone else constructs everything based on their own subjectivity.”
“You don’t seem to care what others think.”
“I don’t. I am Filip du Mont, an heir, an entitled prick who got it easy in life.”
This is why I keep to my peers who judge me for everything but the privileges I had nothing to do with. I was born into them, and I don’t owe an apology. When the waiter puts the plates in front of us, she bites into her fish then says, “But you do.”
“I am also more than what people reduce me to or want to make of me. My parents said, ‘you have been born into privilege, we’ll make sure you get the best of everything. But if you don’t live up to expectations, we will still love you, but you will never be at the top of this company.”
Something like surprise flashes in her eyes.
“Come on, Chloe, who was the best in class?”
“Damien, but I thought . . .”
“What? That he, as the oldest, would have to be and not the rest of us. Our parents expected all of us to be first or at least in the top three from the beginning of our schooling. Our parents left us a company, but we made it an international success.”
“You’re so young.”
“And we fuck up, mostly on a personal basis.”
“Tell me.”
“That’s a secret I will never tell.”
“I am sure Sophia knows.”
“She knows everything.” I suppress a smile at the jealousy flashing in her eyes. I might be smitten with her, but Sophia is like a sister.
“Your heart is occupied entirely by two women.” Her words hit me after we finish dinner, and echo in the silence around us as I drive back to my place. I kill the engine and turn to her.
“Do you want a place in my heart?”
“Ugh, Filip.” She raises her hands in the air, groaning.
“It’s a yes or a no question.”
“I can’t measure up to them . . . it’s impossible.” Hurt and acceptance mingle in her words.
Inside my house, she says, “Maybe casual is better.”
“We’re beyond casual.” We are more than casual, whether she wants it or not.
I pour two tumblers of alcohol. The air turns heavy around us as we stare at each other.
“You want a place in my heart, I’ll give you one. But I swear, Chloe, if you hurt me, I’ll hurt you back tenfold.”
“Is that supposed to scare me?”
“It should. Still wanting one?”
“I am not a coward.” Brave, sexy, beautiful, and mine. She already has a lot of me, she just doesn’t see it. I toss the rest of my drink down my throat, the heat and desire burning me. I pounce on her and carry her upstairs while she kisses me, returning my desire. We drop on the bed, getting naked in a frenzy. I crawl between her thighs and drive inside her, her tightness driving me mad.
“I love to fuck you,” I confess, her moans going right to my cock.
I spill inside her, my release leaving me spent, and crash next to her. She caresses my hair, and I press her to me.
“I hate that you are away so often.”
“Your entitlement is showing.”
“Just a few more years, right?”
“Making plans, Mr. du Mont?”
“This is what we should do, make plans.”
“Let’s take it easy,” she says and kisses me, and I fall asleep. Everything is better with her.
