Camden by Shey Stahl

 

Scarlet’s eyes land on the fire extinguisher next to me, and then my bike. “Do you really think this is a good idea?”

Tiller grins. “I think it’s a great idea. It’s gonna be fuckin’ sick.”

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think this is his way of trying to kill me.

Do you see me there, straddling my bike, riding gear on and staring out at the ramp with junked cars lining Huntington Beach below? Do you see the fear?

You should. That’s exactly what the Mayhem Tour has been for me. Complete fucking madness, because guess who’s in charge of it?

Tiller.

Worst idea he’s ever had. Actually, I take that back. Two years ago, I was in Peru with him filming some stunt work for a movie. Not unheard of, but what came next was. We were out in the middle of the desert when Tiller said, “Ride through there,” and then pointed to the Nazca Lines.

“Fuck that,” was my initial reaction. No way did I want to ride through those ancient mysteries. If you don’t know what the Nazca Lines are, they’re shallow trenches in the Nazca desert. Some are straight lines, others geometric designs on a coastal plain for thirty miles. There are wavy lines, rectangles, spirals, even animal shapes. Monkey, shark… you name it. Pretty crazy to see when you think about it. They’re said to be created some five hundred years ago by natives. It’s impressive, kinda spiritual, and not a place I wanted to ride. I also had no plan to piss of the Peruvian people or the bad karma that came with it. Even I knew you didn’t fuck with the gods that way.

But this is Tiller we’re talking about. Crazier than all get-out and always looking for a thrill he could no longer get from drugs. Tiller rocked forward on his bike, leaning into his handlebars. “Don’t be a pussy, kid.”

“I’ve seen shit like this before,” I argued. “You’re not even allowed to walk through there.”

“Like I give a goddamn,” he said, glaring.

And he really didn’t.

I don’t know how we convinced him, maybe Roan telling us we’d be arrested, or Amberly basically informing Tiller if he was arrested again, she was divorcing his ass and leaving him in Peru.

What happened next was tamer, but still crazy shit. Tiller and me racing side by side, parallel to the Lines. There was something undeniably majestic about that moment though when I looked over at Tiller, the Lines beside him, and he flipped me off with that crazy smile he has when he’s doing something death-defying. He’s addictive. His energy isn’t something you can duplicate and when you’re cautious like me, you surround yourself with the ones that just don’t give a fuck. I have that photograph of us racing side by side in my living room. Some say it’s photoshopped, that we didn’t do it, but we know the truth.

The plan today?

Set me on fire and then have me jump over the cars doing a back flip, pause, kick my legs out to the side, and then land it. While on fucking fire.

Sure, they’ve taken some precautions here with a flame retardant suit and special shit on my bike to keep it from you know, blowing up, but it’s not enough. I’m gonna be a dad in like what, seven months? Is this really a risk I want to take?

Most of the time when Tiller says, “Let’s do this….” And he follows with his nonsense, I usually say something along the lines of, “Ah, fuck!” followed by, “Do I have to?”

My eyes shift back to Tiller. Not much of a choice today. He’s staring at me. I can’t be sure, but something tells me this is a test. And he’s secretly hoping I die. Something’s changed in his demeanor since that day in the hospital. He knows and he’s not saying anything. At least that’s my theory.

Back to the fire. Because I’m legit terrified of this one. I feel like I’m going to puke and the anticipation is killing me. Is it dangerous? Maybe. Okay, it’s fucking insane, but I dig this shit to an extent and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to. I’m in a constant state of “what next” when I’m on a bike and this I hadn’t tried yet.

We did some trial runs without the fire until I’d had enough of the impending doom. I need to get it over with. “I’m ready to go hot,” I tell them, which means, set me on fire.

Luckily, River isn’t here today because I think she’d have something to say about this one.

Am I scared? Yes! And the less time I spend on the bike, the better. I want to hit the jump and get the hell out of here. I know the precautions the officials took, no thanks to Tiller, are all around me. Firetrucks line the parking lot, and the fire would be put out quickly, but still, a tremendous amount of nerves set in when I look at the jump.

For some reason, I glance over at Scarlet. She’s biting her nails, pacing the staging area and looking ready to cry. I shift my eyes to Tiller who’s standing next to me. He smiles and flicks the lighter in his hand. No question asked.

There is no doubt in my mind it’s going to look cool, and might compete with that picture of Tiller and me on the Lines, but I’d be lying if I say I didn’t feel the nerves the second he dropped that light onto my back and the heat licked my face.

I hit the throttle, leaned into the handlebar and charged toward the ramp. I hit it perfectly and soared through the sky, climbing, and out of the corner of my eye, look over at Tiller standing below me. All I can see is flames, and what a perfect perspective of his personality. Completely out of his mind.

Mindless conversation follows my run and the smells of smoke burn my nose. Tiller’s nowhere to be found, and that leaves me and Scarlet in the pits.

Scarlet takes my helmet from me and grins.

“Why are you smiling?”

“You didn’t die.”

“Right.”

She hands me a towel that I wipe over my face. “And someone told me you went to a doctor’s appointment.”

I side-eye her. “Stay out of my business.”

“I can’t. You pay me to be in it.”

I sigh, my hands in my hair after I drop the towel on the ground by my feet. I still feel like I’m going to throw up thinking about the way Tiller looked at me when I landed the jump and he held the fire extinguisher at his hip. I think maybe, he contemplated not putting out the fire. I can’t be sure. Like I said, something’s off with him lately and if I didn’t know any better, he’s back to drinking.

Suddenly, Scarlet has my face in her hands, kneeling in front of me. Her eyes search mine and then she gasps. “You’re the dad, aren’t you?” Scarlet’s voice fades but her eyes widen.

Reaching forward, I slap my hand over her mouth. “Shut the fuck up.”

She pries my hand off, one finger at a time. “Cam-Man! I knew you two had something going.”

I groan and flop back in the chair I’d been sitting in. “Stop talking.”

Her eyes widen but there’s a hint of amusement in them. “Tiller’s going to kill you.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Pretty sure he tried to today.

“What are you going to do?” she whispers.

“Fuck if I know. Have a baby?”

“So, you’re definitely keeping it.”

Pride swells in my chest. Part of me, and River, is growing inside her. “Yeah.” I nod, thinking about River pinning the picture of the baby to my mirror in my bathroom yesterday morning with the words, April 13th. Her due date. And then I realize Scarlet is smiling. “Why are you smiling?”

“Because I’m so fucking excited to have a little baby Cam-Man running around. He’s going to be so cute.”

I roll my eyes. “You don’t know that it’s going to be a boy.”

“Right.” She sits on a bike stand in the pits, holding her phone in her hand. “All the brothers have had girls. Maybe all the girls will have boys.”

Fear knots inside my chest and it feels like my heart is being pushed through a straw. I run my hand over my face, groaning. “Can we talk about something else?”

Scarlet looks down as she untangles her curls from the lanyard around her neck. “Aren’t you excited?”

“For what? Tiller to kill me?” I snort and stare up at the cloudless sky. “I’m goddamn ecstatic, can’t you tell?”

“Yeah.” She lets go of the lanyard and pulls out her cell phone. “It’s written all over your face. I have to go. I’m late to pick up Tallulah from her friend’s house.”

 

Later that night, a photographer leaks a photo from the event. It’s one of me in the air, my legs kicked out to the side in the midst of a back flip, on fire, and Tiller thirty feet below me, flipping me off with both hands.

I smile, because it’s what he does, but there’s something eerily doom impending about the photo.

I need to tell him, but I don’t know how. It’ll disappoint him and believe it or not, I don’t want to let him down. I don’t want to let anyone down. But I do, over and over again.

Sitting outside, I end up calling River that night, trying to keep my word that I’ll be there for her. It’s been a few days since I’ve seen her and if I’m being honest, it’s killing me. I want to be with her every day but I can’t. It’s part of the reason I knew we weren’t ready for a relationship, but I can’t say I regret how this happened either.

I smile when I see her face on the screen. She looks tired, her eyes heavy. “Oh shit, it’s late, huh?”

She yawns, covering her mouth in the process. “Not too bad.”

I glance at the top of the screen, shocked I didn’t check it before calling her. I’d been too caught up in wanting to see her face. “It’s one in the morning.”

“That’s okay. I wasn’t sleeping.”

“How are you feeling?”

She gives me a thumbs down. “Threw up everything I ate today, so that was fun.”

“Yikes.”

She’s in her room, propped up against the headboard I held onto the other night after sneaking into her bed at four in the morning.

She smiles too and playfully knocks her head against it. “Miss me.”

I lean back on the couch. “You have no idea. I was set on fire tonight. By your dad.”

River laughs. “I heard. And I saw that sick-ass picture of you flying through the air.”

I run my hand through my hair and then reach for my beer. “I should have showered,” I note out loud, as I still smell like racing fuel and burnt rubber. The fire melted the rubber on my tires and I basically landed on the rims. I had rubber stuck to my boots even. It was literally melting away and flying off the bike.

“I bet you smell amazing,” she whispers, her cheeks tinting pink. “I’d come over if I could drive.”

“That’s okay. Should probably lay low for a couple days.”

“True. My dad did set you on fire.”

“He enjoyed that way too much,” I laugh, and then think about that look on his face. “Do you think he knows?”

River’s chest rises with the inhale of a deep breath. “I don’t know, but I don’t even know how to tell him at this point. I know suspects it.”

“I’m getting that feeling too. Scarlet knows.”

River frowns. “I think everyone does at this point. I really fucked this up, didn’t I?”

I hate the burden she’s taking here. “Riv, it’s not your fault. I was there too. I still can’t remember if I wore a fucking condom, but I was there. This is just as much on me as it is you. We were being stupid and now….” I pause, letting out a heavy breath. “We make the best of it.”

Make the best of it? If Tiller lets me live that is.