Camden by Shey Stahl

 

 

Do you see that girl with the swollen belly biting her nails?

Not the girl across from me with twins beside her. I don’t blame that chick for biting her nails and looking like she fucked up by letting her husband, boyfriend, whoever fuck her, because those kids running around the waiting room screaming, I wouldn’t want more of them.

I’m the one wearing an oversized hoodie, black leggings and Birkenstocks.

I’m… nervous to say the least. Or maybe I’m conflicted because today, today is a big day.

Lately, the days seem to go into overdrive. Before I know it, it’s November and I’m five months pregnant and sitting in a doctor’s office. The weather’s turned cooler than the dry summers here and today, it’s raining. I watch the rain trickle down the window as I sit with Amberly and Scarlet in the doctor’s office, waiting on another ultrasound.

I know what you’re thinking. Five months? That’s a lot of time to skip, what’d we miss?

Really, you’ve only missed out on a little over two months. Funny thing about how they calculate your pregnancy. By the time most women find out, they’re already into their second month.

Anyways, you didn’t miss out on a lot. Other than me throwing up basically every day and Camden being pulled in every direction but his own.

I’ve gotten my cast off but still haven’t been released for any activity besides walking without crutches. It’ll be a year before I’m back on a bike, regardless of being pregnant. Do I miss competing? You have no idea. I’m literally so jealous of Camden that I often tell him I wish he was pregnant.

He finds no humor in that statement.

Camden’s in Germany this week with my uncles and dad competing with the X-Fighters. Last week it was Portugal and before that, Romania. He’s traveling the world, living his dream and I’m here, growing his baby inside me. I focus on those words. His baby. Our baby. Camden and me, we’re… I don’t know what we are. Together? Not together? Playing a part? It’s a mystery, even to us, but I spend a fair share of my time at his house, and essentially lying to my dad.

I know what you’re thinking, it’s going to backfire on us.

We know. Believe me, we know.

Camden’s tried to tell him twice, and chickened out both times.

My phone vibrates with a text. I strategically hold it away from my mom.

Camden: Miss you.

Me: Me too! You’re back tonight, right?

Camden: Yeah, late though.

Me: I’ll wait up. I find out today.

Camden: Really? Fuck. I’m nervous.

Me: What do you think? Boy or girl?

Camden: Hmm. Not sure. Girl? :/

Me: You’re screwed if that’s the case.

Camden: I’m already dead when the kid comes out lookin’ like me. Hopefully it takes after you and I can live a little longer to see her grow up.

Me: Lol!

Camden: I love you

Me: Love you too. Do you want me to text you?

Camden: No. Tell me later. I want to find out in person.

I’m smiling and my mom notices, leaning in but not trying to see my messages. “Talking to lover boy?”

I haven’t come out and said it to anyone that Camden’s the dad. Even Scarlet knows, because she guessed, but I maintain the lie that I don’t know the dad. I flip my phone back against my stomach. “No.”

Lover boy? What is he to me now? Believe it or not, I get the “I love yous,” and the text messages when he’s gone, but I don’t even have the girlfriend status yet. I think he wants to be together, but he’s scared of what it’ll mean for him. So, he avoids it and I play the part of I got knocked up by someone I don’t know.

Across from me in the waiting room, Sloane, Scarlet’s youngest, is trying to befriend a little boy who wants nothing to do with her. At least she’s more friendly than Wyatt, but still, the Sawyer girls have an edge to them most boys can’t handle. An independence rooted inside them from birth.

I think that’s how I’ve survived these last few months not knowing what the next four will bring. I know in my heart—though I don’t want to—I could do this on my own.

I glance over at my mom who’s reading a magazine about the latest car seats. “Can they actually tell if it’s a boy or a girl this early?”

“Yeah. I knew with Wyatt at three months.”

“Did she have horns even then?” I raise an eyebrow, sipping on my iced decaf coffee. It tastes like shit. I want caffeine. And sushi. I don’t even like sushi, but I don’t like to be told no.

Mom shakes her head. “No, but when she came out of me, she flipped your dad off and glared at everyone.”

I know what you’re thinking, a newborn didn’t flip off an adult. Um, well, you’ve met Wyatt. I’ll let you be the judge of that one.

Twenty minutes later a doctor is sticking a very cold goo on me and waving a wand around my slightly swollen belly. I’m still not wearing maternity clothes and I have the smallest bump, but it’s definitely obvious this is no longer a food baby and there’s something growing inside me.

The kicking every few minutes tells me so. Either this kid is practicing soccer skills, or it’s already angry that I’m its mom. Either that or I should lay off the tacos.

“The baby looks healthy. You’re right on track at eighteen weeks, two days.” She looks at me, and then my mom who’s holding my hand. “Do you guys want to know the sex?”

I nod. I wanted to wait for Camden but he told me to find out and tell him when he got home tonight. “I want to know.”

The doctor points to the screen and what looks to be another leg to me. “It’s a boy.”

I stare at the technician, wide-eyed and showing my age in every way when I say, “Holy shit, really?” She’s lucky I didn’t pull a line from Baby Mama and say, “There’s a baby in there?” because I was fucking thinking it for sure.

It starts to sink in. A boy? I’m having a baby boy?

I don’t know why but finding out the sex makes it that much more real. And sad, because while I turn to look at my mom who’s ecstatic, I wish Camden was here with me.

“I can’t believe it,” Mom says, then squeezes Scarlet’s hand. “A boy!”

“Oh my God,” Scarlet squeals. “Freaking finally!”

I’m glad they’re excited. All I can do is pout because I want Camden with me. The realization hits me. This is what I’ll have with our lifestyles. Sometimes sharing moments with others because he can’t be here.

Maybe this was what he was talking about when he said we couldn’t be together.

 

I can’t wait for Camden to get home that night. I’m so excited I go to his house, let myself in with the key he gave me—don’t have girlfriend status but I do have a key—and wait for him with a card that says it’s a boy.

Sitting in the living room staring at the photograph on his wall of him and my dad in Peru reminded me that we hadn’t told Tiller. Believe me, it’s on my mind every day and the more we keep it to ourselves, the more Tiller suspects.

I know what you’re thinking, we’re fucked, right?

Believe me, we know.

But I’d be lying if I didn’t say there was something erotic about sneaking around. Sexy even. As I sit in his house, even make him some food, I pretend I live here and that I’m waiting on him to get home, as if, this is my place too. We haven’t exactly talked about what the future is going to hold for us. I think we’re both avoiding it in fear it might cause on argument. And Camden hasn’t been home for more than a week at a time lately so it’s kind of hard to have that conversation.

I watch the rest of the NASCAR race and see that Gray, once again, won. She’s unstoppable this year and this win secures the championship for her. Part of me is jealous, the other part is so fucking proud of her for making a name for herself in a sport overrun with men.

Knowing she won’t see it for a while, I send her a quick text.

Me: I’m so fucking proud of you. G.O.A.T.

I watch the television for a minute longer. She’s there in victory lane, surrounded by her family. Grandpa, dad, aunts and uncles. All there supporting her. I think about myself, and had I not gotten pregnant, would I have done the same?

I don’t know.

I’m starting to doze off when I hear the door open and close, followed by a curse as Camden trips over boxes in the entryway. Scarlet always delivers his mail from endorsement deals and leaves them right next to the door. It’s like a trap she sets.

“Riv?” he calls out. “You in here?”

My heart beats faster, and just as I stand, the baby starts kicking. I wonder then if he kicked because he heard Camden’s voice, or that he knows I’m excited. I come around the side of the couch and into view. “Did you miss me?”

By the way, I’m completely buck ass naked. By design, as you can see.

His eyes light up and he drops his bags by the door, kicking it shut. Rushing toward me, he picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. It’s been three weeks since I’ve seen him and by the erection pressing into my center, I’d say he missed me too.

Camden backs me up against the wall and sets his phone and keys on the table next to me. “Fuck,” he growls against the tender skin below my ear. My entire body breaks out into shivers at the sensation.

Look at us there, going at it up against the wall. Camden’s pushing his clothes out of the way, unbuckling his jeans and yanking his pants down before I can even catch the next breath.

“I’d say you missed me.”

“You have no idea,” he says, a lust-filled murmur in my ear, frantically kissing every spot from my neck, chest, face, everywhere.

I thread my fingers into his hair and notice for the first time my baby bump is in the way. “Do you want to know what it is?”

He smirks, pulling back to look at me. “Yeah. You distracted me. What is it?”

I wait, for a beat and grin, handing him the card I carried over here with me.

Stepping back, he opens it and the smile deepens. It touches the corners of his mouth and crinkles his eyes. “Fuck. Really?”

I nod, waiting to see what his reaction will be.

Do you see him there? The smile? But do you see the apprehension? His dad was awful to him and I think maybe him thinking it was a girl was him hoping for one. I’m not sure. “Are you disappointed?”

He shakes his head and there’s a sincerity I hadn’t expected. “Not at all. I get a riding buddy.”

I tsk him, my eyes narrowing in on the bruise on his shoulder. He took a fall in the NIGHT of the JUMPs. “All the girls I know ride.”

“Not you anymore.” He winks, nipping at my neck. “Now you ride me.”

I push back against his shoulders. “I fully intend on competing again.”

I’m not sure if he believes me, but his mouth finds mine. “Uh huh. Did you cook something?” he asks between kisses, adjusting his hold on me and carrying me up the stairs to his room, his jeans around his ankles the entire time.

I smile. “I made you nachos.” I glance down at his feet. “You should take those off. What if you trip and crush me and the baby?”

“Good point.” Setting me on the stairs, he kicks his shoes off, the jeans following.

“Do you want your nachos first?”

Holding my face in his hands, his thumbs moving back and forth over my cheeks, his eyes darting from my lips to my eyes. “I had food in my fridge?”

“A little. Cheese, and chips. And some Red Bull and beer. Hungry?”

His gaze darkens. “I’d rather eat you,” he says, a smoldering look in his eye as he reaches for my hips.

I stand up using the railing and step back to the next step. “I read that’s bad for the baby.”

He takes the step between us, our bodies in line with one another. “Really?” His hand moves up the inside of my thigh to my pussy where he easily pushes a finger inside without warning. “Bummer.”

“I know.” I stick my bottom lip out, watching his rapt attention to my every move. “I’m a little disappointed.”

“I’ll make it up to you. Promise.”

In one quick movement, Camden withdraws his finger and then carries me into his room.

As I lay on his king-size bed, he kisses every inch of skin, worshipping me. His mouth finds my stomach, his hands cradling the hard bulge. As he does that, our son kicks his hand.

His eyes snap to mine. “He kicked,” he gasps. Up until now, Camden hasn’t felt him move.

I smile around the tears forming. “He likes you.”

His thick lashes lower, hiding his eyes from me. His broad chest lifts and falls as he slows his breathing, getting control. He moves, shifts closer and hovers over me, smiling. “You’re beautiful like this,” he breathes, looking down at me with lust-stricken eyes.

Prying my legs apart, he pushes inside me in the next movement. I cry out as he fills me, stretching perfectly around him. Sex is good when you’re pregnant. I’m finding that part out, and even better after you’ve been apart for a while.

“I’d say you missed me,” he says, his mouth on my sensitive nipples. While they still hurt, this is everything.

And… only lasts about three minutes.

“Jesus Christ.” Camden covers his face with his hands, rolling to the side. “I’m sorry.”

I start laughing. I can’t help it.

“It’s been a month,” he adds, tossing a pillow at my face. “Stop laughing at me.”

“I’m sorry. It’s funny.”

“It’s embarrassing,” he mumbles.

“Give it a minute. We’ll go again.” I roll to the side, covering myself up with the blankets at the end of his bed. “How was Germany?”

He tucks his hands behind his head and stares at the ceiling. “Shade won all three rounds.

I laugh, curling into his side. “Figures.”

Camden holds me close, my head on his chest.

“And my dad?”

“Successfully pissed off Rod Mullin to the point he quit.”

I lift my head, eyes wide. “What? Really?”

“Yep.”

My dad has had a vendetta against Rod Mullin for years. Goes back way before I was born, and for reasons he never shares with anyone.

I lay my head back against his chest, the steady, even beats reassuring. “We should tell my dad.”

Sighing, he presses his lips to my forehead. “I think I want to live another day. Maybe try to last more than two minutes.”

Rolling onto my back, I try to find a more comfortable position. In the process, Camden shifts, our legs tangling and his hands find my stomach. He props himself up on his elbow. “How’s my boy in there?” he asks, rubbing his hand over the bulge.

And… I’m crying. Stupid fucking hormones. I went seventeen years not crying and now I’m a mess. Okay, maybe not seventeen, but I hardly ever cried. Now anytime Camden touches my stomach or acknowledges the baby in any way, I’m a hot mess of emotions.

I run my hands through his hair and his eyes meet mine. “What’s this?” My lips quirk, curious what his response will be.

His brow comes together. “You and me.”

“I don’t know if I’m just the chick you knocked up, your best friend, your girlfriend….” My words trail off as I brush the tears from my cheeks.

Camden sits up and then positions himself next to me. His hand comes up, pressing to my wet cheek. “You’re all those things and so much more.”

I want this. I want forever with him.

I know it’s not going to be easy, but I want to stay here, lost in love, this new beginning perfectly protected inside this house.

I want to feel our reckless love, here, forever.