Endless Love by Bianca Borell
Chapter Two
BRIA
With a shaky hand, I caress Damien’s face, and his features relax. I let hope spread through me. The answer lingers on the tip of my tongue. I smile at how natural—how right—this feels, but the moment I open my mouth, he shuts his eyes, sneering.
“Wait, no. Don’t answer my question. I’m such an idiot. It’s unfair of me to ask. How can you marry an engaged man?”
He shoots up and paces around the couch, raking his hand through his hair, engrossed in his monologue while my eyes follow him.
“Do you have the slightest idea how much I love you? And I let you down again. Marriage,” he spats, “like I’m worthy of having the privilege after all I’ve done. What the fuck is wrong with me? I don’t deserve you.”
“Stop, Damien. What you do right now isn’t selfless.” Defeat transforms his face. The shadows of his misery have me wondering if he’ll ever come out the same.
“Why are you here, Bria?”
“Because I love you. Isn’t it obvious by now?”
“I am not a man deserving your love.”
Hurt and disappointment at himself battle in his eyes as he drags a hand down his face.
“You are mine, and I am yours. We are entangled and knotted on so many levels.”
We face each other, and his eyes reflect his inner turmoil. It’s in the tilt of his lip that I realize he’s giving up.
“Don’t you think it’s time for me to give instead of taking?”
I cup his face, and he rests his forehead on mine. “Maybe I’m not done giving. It should be my decision. Don’t you dare take it away from me. Don’t be a coward, be the man I have loved since forever. Because that man would fight a thousand demons, especially his, just to come to me.”
He places a chaste kiss on my forehead, and he sighs, the sigh mixed with desperation, tethering on the edge of ruin.
“Your stubbornness has no bounds. I swear one of these days you will make me crazy.” He pauses, his chest rising and falling in a wild staccato. “Don’t you get it? I can’t give you what you need. I couldn’t live with the guilt. If not you, then who will understand me? Please . . .”
“Oh, now I understand, you selfish bastard. You’re doing it for yourself.” I push him away. His eyebrows knit together, and he locks his hand around his neck, shutting his eyes for a second.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. Give up. I need you to give up.”
I shake my head. The love for me contouring the lines of his eyes. This is why I’ll never give up. I lift my hands in the air, huffing, “Why give up only to start again? Stop trying to push me away.” He clasps his hand over my shoulder, shaking me, the pain oozing from him, invading me.
“Wake up, Bria. We’re not children anymore. I won’t make promises I can’t keep. Why do you want me, anyway?”
“Because I want my happy ending, and I want it with you.”
“I ruined it on the way, and I refuse to give you just pieces of a happy ending if I can’t give you it all.”
“You say we shouldn’t act like children. At least back then, you didn’t hurt me on purpose.”
His blood-shot, glistening eyes stay on me as if he wishes to memorize me. I slam my eyes shut, trying to protect my battered heart.
His head drops and his voice cracks. “I’m sorry, baby, for not being the man you deserve. Forgive me, but I love you too much. I did this, and I need to fix it on my own.”
I stand on my toes, and my lips quiver while a sound of misery escapes his lips. I kiss him then tug at his collar, and I press one ear against his thumping heart.
“Together, Damien, did you forget?”
He cocks his head to the side, shutting his eyes, shutting me out.
Through the lump in my throat, I say, “On the table is my gift to you.” His head snaps from the bar to me, and he arches an eyebrow. “They’re not the reason I came. I made my decision before receiving them.”
My voice drips with both hurt and disbelief as I backtrack. With every step I take, I distance us, even if it is only on a physical level.
“I’ll always fight my way back to you, Bria.” He digs a finger into his chest, “I have only ever been yours. I am so damn sorry, love.”
He doesn’t look at me anymore, remaining an unearthly beautiful statue, unattainable. I close the door behind me with my heart remaining on the other side with Damien. When I reach my car, I fumble with the keys and crash in my seat, gulping down my pain. We almost made it this time. Almost. The word tastes bitter.
***
I end up driving down a road almost forgotten toward a place I haven’t been in so long. I park the car under a streetlamp, flickering its dim light.
With every step, I welcome the familiarity of this place. It holds so many dear memories and a piece of my soul as I wipe away the tears running down my cheeks. The old oak stands proud, its twigs bending in my direction as if greeting me after a long separation. I touch the tree, and the oak bark digs into my palm as melancholy washes over me.
“Hello, old friend, it’s been a while.” My voice mirrors my broken heart. Still, my mute companion offers me a modicum of comfort.
“Even though I stopped coming, I never forgot about you. I was busy with life, and it took a lot from me. But most of all, it took Damien from me. Can you believe it? It finally happened.”
I still for a moment, letting the words sink in. I envy its strength. It’s spent years and years in solitude, worshiping the sun, bowing to the moon and stars, being a protector and a secret keeper.
“How come he’s my strength, but I’m his weakness. How is this fair? I can’t fight when he doesn’t want me to fight for us at his side. If love isn’t enough, then what is?”
Frustrated, I slide down the trunk until my bottom hits the cold ground and rest my head against the tree. My mind is empty. In the silence, only my slow breaths and an owl greeting the night are audible.
“I love him. What do I do with this all-consuming love? I miss him already. I just got him back.”
With the tree supporting my back, I pull my head between my hands and sniffle over my incapacity of making my heart stop bleeding over my love for Damien. I’m like a silent observer of a dysfunctional system that, although aware of its own dysfunctionality, it doesn’t want any change.
“Without him, I’m lost inside. I don’t know how not to love him, and if he loves me even a little, he has to come back. I need my home. Tell him to stop being stubborn. To let us fix this together as it should be. We can’t go anywhere, not separately. Tell him what I feel inside. This fireball of love can’t be extinguished, not even by all the seas of this world. Nothing can destroy a love like mine.” I pause as a twig cracks next to me, my heart speeding up in my chest.
“I’m here, baby,” he whispers above me, and I freeze. I lift my gaze, blinking. Assured he’s real, my sobs turn to anger.
“Why are you here? Another round of goodbyes? Just leave me alone.”
“Fuck. This isn’t the welcome I expected after what I heard.” He cocks his head to the side and scratches his neck., his entire posture shrouded in shame. Good, he should be.
“I’m sorry.” He squats and extends his arm but halts as if not knowing if he can touch me. I don’t know either.
He plops down, sliding his hands into his pockets. “We can’t do this anymore. I’m here, and I won’t leave.”
I narrow my eyes at him and say, “Yes, right. How nice of you, Damien, because not even an hour ago, you were pretty adamant I leave. And I did.”
“You’re mad, I get it, but don’t make this harder than it is just to punish me for wanting to do the right thing.”
“And to you, you did. Let me guess what led to this change of heart—the documents I left for you. Enjoy the freedom, Damien!”
“I read them. How?”
“Alex, ask him. He’ll be around, I guess. Be glad you are a free man with no strings attached.” I scramble up and walk away. I count every step I take. By two, he drags me back, and I crash in his arms.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asks, his warm breath caressing my neck.
I force my voice to remain steady when I answer, “Home. I have to pack.”
“Where are we going?”
A slight laugh flees my mouth. “Damien.” He turns me around, his lips curving into a bright smile, and for one moment, my brain melts.
“You will finally move in with me?”
I roll my eyes at him. He makes me insane. I poke him in the chest as I emphasize every word. “For the States.”
“Not happening.”
I raise my hands in the air and tilt my head to meet his steel eyes, caging me in.
He flashes me one of his lopsided grins and I fight to suppress my smile. Even with all this mess—hurt, sorrow, and the mix of all my feelings—having him near me is perfect.
“Why are you here?” I ask, wrapping my hands around me.
“To start a future together. You were no older than four or five when you told me if you didn’t like me anymore as a grown-up, I’d have to make you like me, remember? This is me trying to make you like me again.”
“It’s that easy?”
“Yes. Why didn’t you show me the papers in the beginning?”
“Because I wanted to show you my love for you is stronger than any messed-up situation to begin with.” He tips my chin up with his forefinger, our breaths mingling.
“I was protecting you, damn it. I needed to fix the mess I put us in.”
His fingers wrap around my neck, bending me an inch. I unshackle myself from his grip and scrunch my nose. “So heroic of you.”
“You are my life. I live to love and protect you. I fucked up for years.”
Will his guilt ever disappear? It’s in moments like this that I realize I should have told him the truth sooner. “I’m here, baby. I won’t go anywhere, never again.”
“You said you wouldn’t make promises you couldn’t keep,” I say, while he places my hand on his heart.
“Then my life will be the proof.” My eyes meet his. They’re full of love and hope, and they melt any sign of rebellion. When he drops to one knee, my heart threatens to burst.
“Will you, Bria du Mont, make me the happiest man alive by agreeing to be my wife? Take notice, please, that I asked you.” He chuckles. I pierce him with a look, and he turns serious again. “Let’s spend our lives together until we’re old and gray. I hope it will be enough time to show you you’re not only the love of my life but also the reason I find sense in all the nonsense.”
He plucks a velvet box out of his jacket and tears well up in my eyes. He flicks the lid, and inside on a small, plush pillow rests a ring—two sparkling barn owls encrusted in tiny diamonds form a heart with a large, heart-shaped diamond centered inside. It’s beyond beautiful. My hand flies to my heart, and emotions knot me up.
“This ring is a symbol of our love’s foundation. To represent how our love beat the odds, and the future we’ll build together.” My eyes linger on the ring. “Just a hint, a particular answer would thrill me right about now, love.”
“Don’t ruin it, Damien. You know the answer.” Oh, he deserves the anguish he feels of me not answering him immediately. He fixes me with a stare filled with disbelief.
“Bria!”
I bite down on my lower lip and stop playing. “I’ll marry you. Yes, forever yes.”
He breathes, relief oozing from him. I throw myself in his arms as he loses his balance, and we tumble to the ground.
“And now put that ring on my finger already. I have waited way too long as it is.”
“I like you bossy,” Damien says as he slides the ring on my finger. The ring sparkles even in the night. For a second, the owls appear to smile at me, as if knowing they’re where they belong at last.
“Finally, I can make you mine officially.”
“I’m yours.”
“What about next month?”
“One month? I don’t think it’s doable.” His fingers dig into my skin, and as he presses me to his chest, I sense his desperation.
“I’m sure between our mothers and Sarah. It will work out.” Heat reflects from his gaze to mine. The energy shifts between us, this magnetic pull we have drawing us closer in. He bites my earlobe as he whispers, seduction flowing from his tongue, “I want you.”
At his alluring voice, lust trickles down my belly, and I squeeze my legs.
“Take me home.” He scrambles upward and holds his hand out for mine. I grip it, and he pulls me up.
“To my place? Are you sure because you said . . .?” His eyes seek my face for any sign of discomfort, and I nod. “I changed the bed,” he answers, an apology wavering through his words.
“Who’s the mood-killer this time?” I groan, irony coating my question.
“I try, baby. You could also show an ounce of appreciation.”
“Orally?”
I feign innocence as he stares at me dumbfounded. He throws me over his shoulder and I squeal.
“By now, I’m sure you like to play with fire as much as I love to fuck you senseless.”
He puts me down when we reach our cars, and I search for my keys in my purse.
“I can’t find my keys. It’s like a black hole in here.”
He chuckles as he takes my hand in his.
“Leave it here, baby. I’ll send someone tomorrow to pick it up. I want you near me. I’m a starving man here.”
I pat my heart into a faux-touched gesture.
“Look who can be romantic.”
He arches an eyebrow and says, “I just proposed to you. Get in my car and make me a happy man by being sweet for once to your husband-to-be.”
“If you put it like that.”
I turn, and he swats my bottom.
“Behave.” He draws a circle over his head, and I shake my head at him. I round the car to the passenger side and climb in, grinning.
