Hateful Saint by Ivy Blake
Chapter One
Ava
“When you finish texting your boyfriend, can you grab some stuff from the grocery store for me?” My head shot up at the sound of my mom’s voice, and I quickly tucked my phone in my back pocket.
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” I said quickly, flashing her my signature smirk. “For all you know, I could be gay,” I added with a quirk of my eyebrow, hoping to distract from the phone and the messages I’d been sending and receiving that I would hate for my mom to see.
Mom put the box she was carrying on the kitchen table and her hands on her hips, an amused expression on her face.
“Are you coming out to me, Ava?” she said teasingly.
“I’m just saying, you shouldn’t just assume that I’m 100% straight,” I said as I slid my boots on.
“You make a fair point, my bad,” said Mom. “Anyway, I need you to grab this stuff, so we don’t starve tonight and tomorrow. Between getting everything settled here and going back to work, I don’t have time so you’d be a lifesaver-”
“I’ve got you, don’t worry,” I said, grabbing the list of groceries out of Mom’s outstretched hand as I walked past her towards the front door. I opened the door when I heard Mom’s voice again, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying.
“What did you say?” I called out to her.
“I asked if you’re going to pass by Ross’s house,” Mom replied.
“Maybe, I dunno,” I said before wishing her goodbye and closing the door.
The refreshing spring breeze hit my face as soon as I stepped outside, and I was overcome with a wave of nostalgia again as my eyes rested on the street before me. 8 years had passed since I’d last been here, and while there had been smaller changes such as new cars, different fences and paintwork, my street had remained pretty much the same. As I walked towards the store, I was flooded with memories of my childhood here in this small town and all the times I’d spent having fun with my friends before we had to move away to look after Grandma when she got sick. While ten-year-old me had understood her state, that didn’t mean I was happy to be leaving my home, to live two hours away from all my school friends, especially Ross.
Ross. We hadn’t spoken in years. It wasn’t like I hadn’t wanted to. Everything had happened so fast with the move and I didn’t have a phone and Mom was too wrapped up in all things Grandma- which was completely understandable considering the circumstances. That hadn’t stopped me from being curious, though. I had to admit that once I’d got my own phone and Mom had stopped checking it each night, I’d looked Ross up on Facebook. He wasn’t really active. The only thing I could see were the odd grainy pics that he was tagged in by friends, but it was still something. I’d sent a message, one that I’d spent nearly an hour trying to find the perfect words to say. I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to start with an apology for taking so long to reach out or for disappearing all of a sudden. I’d considered sending a meme that I thought Ross would have found funny, at least when we were ten. I ended up sending a simple Hey, long time, message and was disappointed to still see the symbol that showed it hadn’t been delivered right next to it, taunting me for my efforts.
As I walked down my street, feeling hyper aware of the surrounding people who stopped to stare, smile, or both, I couldn’t help but feel out of place. I knew I belonged here, or at least I had once, but it was still so weird being back. Part of me had hoped it would be a really smooth transition, but when Mom had told me we’d be moving in the middle of my senior year, I knew it would be anything but. Mom had said that the stars had aligned, put our old house back on the market at an amazing price at the same time that she got offered a senior role at one of the office branches nearby.
I reached the grocery store, surprised to see that it had been done up to look even more modern and spacious, and let out a loud sigh of relief that it wasn’t too busy. Even though I knew that I’d have to face my classmates at school tomorrow, I hoped that I’d have to encounter as few of them as possible today. Preferably none, but in this town, that was wishful thinking. As I walked down the different aisles, all I had left to console myself was the Taylor Swift album playing in my ears and my blurry memories of my childhood, most of which were spent chasing Ross, in a playful manner, of course. I couldn’t deny the fact that seeing him had been one of the reasons why I was excited to come back. He had been my first crush after all. Even though I’d liked and dated other people since then, I’d never been able to get the fantasy of him out of my head, even though I knew it was stupid. Our parents had always joked that we’d get married one day, even though the idea had severely grossed both of us out and embarrassed us to no end, but that didn’t stop me from looking back on those times fondly.
We used to be over at each other’s houses all the time, watching movies, doing homework, eating snacks while our moms chatted about grown up stuff we couldn’t understand. It was all great until-
“Ava!” I felt a hand grab my arm as I twirled around to the sound of the voice shouting my name over my music. My face broke into a smile as I saw Sophie standing behind me, a basket in her hand. I took my earphones out of my ears and tucked them into my pocket, relieved that I didn’t drop them on the floor out of shock. That would cause embarrassment I simply did not need.
“Oh my gosh, hey!” I exclaimed. We wrapped our arms around each other in a nice yet awkward hug.
“I didn’t know you’d be back here!” said Sophie, her eyes scanning me up and down. If it was any other girl, I’d be offended, but with Sophie, it was never malicious.
“You wouldn’t be the first one,” I joked, grabbing some fruit to put in my basket. “But here I am. How have you been?”
“I wouldn’t say much has happened in the last 8 years,” Sophie said sarcastically, rubbing her chin as she pretended to struggle to find something to comment on. I giggled with her and felt a rush of warmth in my chest at the fact that even though it had been years, we’d been able to slip back into conversation so easily.
“I wouldn’t even know where to start. Shit has been crazy around here recently,” said Sophie, as we walked down the pastry aisle together.
“No way, you’ve got to fill me in,” I said. Before Sophie could unveil the details, we both stopped in front of the almond croissants and reached to grab a bag at the same time before bursting into a fit of giggles.
“Well, some things never change,” said Sophie, gesturing for me to grab one first.
“They better be as good as they were when I left!”
“Even better!” said Sophie with a wink.
We walked around the store together while Sophie filled me in on the dramas that had ensued over the past few years, catching me up on how everyone was, who’d broken up and gotten back together- all the important things. I was most shocked when she told me about the whole situation with Austin’s stepdad, who had been stalking his girlfriend, who happened to be one of Sophie’s new friends. I remembered Austin from elementary school because he hung around with Ross and Nate and those three were the most popular boys, if not the most popular people in school. I couldn’t say that I was surprised that he was involved in some type of drama. This type of drama however, was on a whole different level.
“That’s fucking crazy!” I hissed while we waited in line to pay for our food. “Is he still in prison now?”
“Yup, and things haven’t been the same since. I feel like the town is still on edge, as if anyone could strike at any moment,” said Sophie in a dramatic, eerie voice. “But in all seriousness, it was really messed up and you’re lucky that you missed that shit.”
“And Austin’s girlfriend, Megan, is she okay?”
“Oh, Megan’s still a bit rattled as you can expect but she’s pretty cool, you’ll meet her sometime,” said Sophie with a smile that let me know that she considered Megan a good friend. I felt a twang in my chest and tried my best to ignore it, but couldn’t. Clearly, Megan had slipped into the place I probably would have occupied beside Sophie’s side . I couldn’t help but feel a little bit jealous that this other girl, who I hadn’t even met and was honestly quite nervous to meet, had situated herself so perfectly amongst my friends. How had she managed to grab the attention of both Sophie and Austin? Did she know Ross? I made a note in the back of my mind to do some extensive digging online before school tomorrow so that I could see what I was working with.
“Sounds cool,” I said lamely as I tried to figure out how I could bring Ross up in conversation without sounding desperate. It only took Sophie one look before she saved me the embarrassment of doing so.
“Ross is doing alright, by the way. He’s kind of a douchebag, but you know- that’s just how teenage boys are,” she said pointedly as we bagged up our groceries. I recognised the woman behind the till, obviously looking a bit older than she had when I’d last seen her, and was glad when she smiled back at me.
“Ross, a douchebag?” I said with a laugh, because I couldn’t compute how Ross could be connected to that word in any way.
“You heard it here first,” said Sophie. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Maybe he’s just acting up in front of the boys,” I said, noticing how a defensive tone took over my voice. Sophie held up her hands in mock surrender and took a step back.
“Hey, he’s your friend. I barely know or knew the guy. But just be prepared, he’s changed since you last saw him.”
“How?” I asked, swiping my card. It’s not like I expected Ross to be the same as he was when we were kids, but Sophie was making it sound as if he was a completely different person and that he’d be unrecognisable.
Sophie shifted her weight between her feet while she struggled to find her words, a problem that she barely had when we were kids.
“I dunno, he’s just… a lot. You’ll see when you come to school. When do you start, by the way?” she said, swiftly moving the conversation away from Ross. I wasn’t ready to drop it, but knew it wouldn’t be fair to focus the conversation on him when I hadn’t caught up with Sophie in so long.
“I start tomorrow,” I said with mock enthusiasm as we left the shop together. Sophie burst out laughing.
“Your mom must hate you, you’ve been here for like two seconds.”
“Yeah, you’d think she’d take pity on me, but nope!” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I immediately wanted to take them back, knowing they were untrue. Mom was a lovely woman, but she rarely did what was fair. She always did what she thought was right. And that had gotten us both in trouble on more than one occasion.
“I can’t lie. I’m not ready to see everyone yet,” I said honestly as Sophie walked me to my house. “I’d prefer to not be perceived for as long as possible.”
“Is that why you didn’t tell anyone you were coming back?” asked Sophie, a bit snappier than I expected. There was a glint in her eye and even though I knew she wouldn’t admit it, I could tell that she was somewhat hurt about the fact that I hadn’t communicated my move back.
“I’m really sorry,” I said honestly, setting the bags down in front of the door. “I just felt really awkward about the whole thing, it’s not your fault at all.”
“Things could never be awkward between us, Ava,” said Sophie in a reassuring voice.
“I can see that now, but being away for so long, I kinda thought everyone would just forget me, y’know,” I said with a shrug. Sophie burst out laughing. “What?”
“How could anyone forget the girl who screamed at the top of her lungs because her third-grade teacher wouldn’t let her skip class and read in the library?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I teased,cringing inside. I couldn’t deny the fact hat I had been a bit of a brat when I was at school, but only when it mattered. Or to me, at least. Miss Honey should already know that it’s not right to come between a girl and her books, period.
“I have an impeccable memory and would be happy to describe everything to you in precise detail-” began Sophie.
“I’ll pass!” I exclaimed before she could embarrass me any further. We both giggled and hugged each other, that familiar warmth washing over me again.
“I’m glad you’re back, Ava,” said Sophie gently.
“Me too,” I said honestly, hoping that we could spend many more days like this catching up on the old times while also now being part of each other’s present.
“How are you getting to school tomorrow?” she asked.
“I guess I’m walking,” I said with a shrug since I didn’t have my license yet. My last driving instructor had pissed me off too much and our last lesson had ended in a screaming match where I might have told him to go and do unsavoury things with his mother. Maybe. Mom also left the house really early for work, so it’s not like I could grab a ride with her. Besides, I had plenty of podcasts and audiobooks to listen to, and my journeys to and from school would be great for that.
“Why don’t you hitch a ride with us?” asked Sophie.
“Us?” I asked warily, even though I had an idea of who she was referring to. I wanted her to prove me wrong, though.
“Me and Meg,” said Sophie cheerily. I stopped myself from rolling my eyes at her use of Megan’s nickname. I hated feeling jealous. It was the ugliest emotion. Besides, maybe hitching a ride with them would allow me to check out this girl and reassert my position. It would also allow me to have a lie in, so there was that, too. I pretended to think about it for a second before giving Sophie my answer.
“If it’s not too much of a hassle-”
“Shut up, we’ll pick you up at 8:30,” said Sophie. She gestured for me to hand over my phone. I obliged and watch her put in her number before she handed it back to me.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Bye Ava, say hi to your mom for me!” said Sophie. She waved before disappearing down the street.
As I let myself in, my mind jumped between so many things and I could tell that my rising anxiety would prevent me from sleeping properly tonight. What would Megan be like? How would things at school be? Would Ross remember me? So many thoughts swirled around my head and I was glad that my mom was in the shower and I could have a few moments of space as I considered my game plan for tomorrow over a cup of tea.
