Huntsman by Cambria Hebert
12
Virginia
The only soundthat could be heard over the aggressive purr of the car’s engine was the occasional scuffling of the bugs in their respective containers.
Truth was I thought it was a little gross that Zilla ate live mealworms and crickets, but what was a girl to do? I couldn’t exactly blame her for her biology. Besides, when you loved someone, you accepted their faults.
Bug eating probably wasn’t a fault to Zilla, but to me, it was a little questionable. She was a good friend. Always there, perching on my shoulder and sometimes hiding in my hair. The leopard gecko was a good listener and never complained about my Netflix choices.
Earth’s aura was moody and dark, which wasn’t exactly anything new. But underneath those steady currents, there was something a little more unstable. Irritation.
Like he couldn’t wait to get rid of me.
Being a burden was something I didn’t think I’d ever feel at peace with and something I would always struggle against.
Maybe I should see another specialist… I shook my head at the thought. I was exhausted, and when that happened, sadness tried to overcome my usual fighting spirit.
The Tower came into view. Even though the brick building was kinda shabby, nothing special, and at times felt more like a cage than a home, I breathed a sigh of relief. But instead of making me feel relaxed, the sensation of anxiety grew.
Earth parked right at the curb, shutting off the engine and climbing out without a word.
By the time he had my chair out and ready to go, there was a fine sheen of sweat dotting my hairline, and my breathing was coming in quicker gasps. My neck felt warm, and I closed my eyes, wondering how much time I had.
When the door opened, the early evening air felt cool against my flushed skin but would do nothing to calm the storm building inside me.
Schooling my features, I ignored the rapid pounding of my heart and tried to cover the way my chest rose and fell a little more aggressively with my bounty from the pet shop.
Too perceptive, Earth was barely leaning in before his nostrils flared. “What’s wrong?”
“N-nothing. I’m just ready to go inside.”
Glancing down at my lap, I was glad to see my legs were not shaking.
Yet.
With an impatient noise, he ripped everything I was using as a shield out of my arms, tossing it onto the floorboard. If any of it hit my feet, I wouldn’t know.
His cool palms wrapped easily around my upper arms as he drew my upper body up a bit so he could dagger me with his hard stare. “Are you sick? Did I upset you that much?”
I never thought black could be a soft color until suddenly something in his expression seemed to mute and melt, the coal-black stare turning into something warmer.
My breath caught again, but this time, it wasn’t because of my body.
“This is my fault,” he said, fingers tightening around my arms.
“It’s not your fault. I’m just ready to go inside.” I could barely process this conversation or decipher his new mood. I really needed to get inside.
Nodding once, he went to pick me up.
“No!” I cried, voice sharp and panicked. “Don’t touch me.”
He stopped immediately, entire body going rigid, jaw like granite, hands curling into fists, and one dark brow arching over tumultuous eyes. “No?” he echoed.
Swallowing thickly, I felt a bead of sweat run between my shoulder blades. “You’ve done enough for me already. I know I’ve been a burden. If you ring for Emogen, she can—”
The sound he made was more animal than man, an aggressive growl that caused shivers to run across every nerve ending I could feel.
When the tingling finally allowed for awareness, I was already out of the car, cradled in his arms.
“Put me down!” I shrieked, squeezing my eyes closed and fighting tears.
He was so rigid I could feel every cord of muscle in his upper body and the intensity of his hard stare, which I refused to meet.
“You’re sweating, and your neck is splotchy,” he growled, almost as if he dared me to have another symptom he didn’t like.
“Please,” I whispered, the plea watery.
The second he put me down, I patted myself down, quickly touching my lap and legs, and let out a relieved sigh. “Thank God,” I whispered to myself.
“What is—”
The familiar sound of the door to the Tower opening had me looking around.
“About time you got back,” Emogen fussed. “I was so worried I extended my shift to wait for you!”
“Emogen,” I squeaked, wringing my hands in my skirt.
A knowing look widened her eyes, her unhurried pace quickening. Her eyes slid toward Earth, then back to me, and I gave a small, curt shake of my head.
Her lips pursed disapprovingly, but I didn’t have time to fret about that. My goodness, everyone was getting upset with me today.
“Thank you for escorting Virginia today,” Emogen told Earth as she grabbed the back of my chair to push me toward the building. “I’ve got her from here.”
“What’s wrong with her?” Earth ignored his clear dismissal, and I wanted to cry.
Please just go. I’m already embarrassed enough.
“Nothing for you to worry about,” Emogen chirped.
A hand locked on the side of the chair, preventing me from going through the open door into my safe haven. So close but so far away.
I fought down the urge to wheeze.
“You’re not going anywhere until I get an answer.” Earth’s voice was deadly calm, utterly quiet, and my legs started to tremor.
“Please, Earth,” I burst out. “Please let me go. I need the bathroom!”
He let go immediately, posture shooting up straight. “The bathroom?” he echoed, but I was already wheeling toward the elevator, staring down at my lap as tears dripped over my cheeks.
Emogen rushed in behind me, hitting the button about a thousand times to close the doors. When they finally started to shut, I took a chance, glancing up through tear-blurry vision to see him standing on the other side, a look of confusion on his face.
The second the doors hid me away, I let out the sob I’d been holding in.
Emogen remained quiet at my side, quickly helping me into the private bathroom. “Do you want my help?”
“No. Thank you,” I said, already getting what I needed.
The door shut quietly behind her, and I did what I needed to do, unable to stop more tears from falling. A short while later, I washed my hands and my tear-stained face. The blotches on my neck would fade now that I was calm and my breathing had returned to normal.
I wanted to cry all over again when I thought of how I ruined a perfectly fun afternoon with my behavior. Shame burned the back of my neck, making my shoulders want to bunch up to my ears and my eyes to duck even though I sat there alone.
I knew, rationally, I had nothing to be embarrassed about, but being rational wasn’t possible when I kept picturing those dark eyes drilling a hole in me as the space between the elevator doors grew smaller and smaller.
Neo would say I told you so.
Maybe Neo is right.
I don’t know how long I stayed in the small bathroom, but my eyes were dry, and weariness cloaked me when I finally tugged open the door. Immediately, I sensed I was not alone.
Expecting to see Emogen, my mouth dropped open when it was Earth’s dark, towering frame I laid eyes on.
Emotion I thought I’d wrung out immediately welled up inside me again. “What are you doing here?”
“I brought up your stuff,” he said, cocking his head toward the pile of purchases lying on my bed.
“You could have just given them to Emogen.”
The arms that were folded across his chest dropped as he stalked slowly toward me. “You trying to get rid of me?”
“Weren’t you the one trying to get rid of me?” I tried to imitate his lazy but somehow threatening vibe.
His jaw worked, eyes glimmered, but then suddenly, everything about him softened, transforming him into someone not threatening at all but someone capable of protection and comfort.
The kind of comfort I’d never really had before.
Sinking down in front of me, Earth didn’t touch me at all, but somehow his very presence and calm stare felt like an embrace. “Are you okay?”
The question lacked his usual sarcastic, bored tone. My lower lip wobbled, and I pulled the betraying flesh between my teeth. “I’m fine.”
His hand extended, and I thought he might reach into my lap for mine, but then he pulled back, offering only the comfort of his presence.
It’s better this way.
“Did I… did I do that to you?”
I sucked in a breath, eyes going wide. “What? No!” I insisted instantly before it even fully registered.
Realization dawned.
“Is that why you’re still here? You felt guilty? You didn’t do anything, okay?” Placing my hands on the wheels, I backed out of his space to pivot away. “I won’t tell Neo, and he won’t be mad at you.”
“I’m not worried about Neo,” he insisted, shooting up from his stance. Making a frustrated sound, he jammed his hands through his hair. “I’m worried about you.”
I stopped rolling away, my back falling deeper into the chair. “What?”
“I need to know if it’s something I did, V. I need to know so I don’t ever do it again.”
A sudden thick lump lodged in my throat, and heavy pressure sat on my chest. I cleared my throat, but my voice was still hoarse. “It’s not like I even see you much anyway.”
“Just tell me. Is it because of what happened at the pet shop? Did you have some kind of… panic attack?”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to.
He didn’t take the hint. I was beginning to think this man was just as stubborn—if not more—than my brother.
“I’m not leaving until you tell me.”
“Visiting hours are almost over.”
He raised a brow and smirked. “Do I look like someone who gives a damn about the rules?”
The banter I usually loved to exchange with him suddenly just felt like so much work. “I’m tired, Earth.”
I don’t know what possessed me to come out with that. It was like the filter I had and operated quite well completely forgot it existed in his presence. That just a certain look or even closeness to him made everything inside me short-circuit.
Perhaps it would chase him away, though. Perhaps he’d finally feel guilty and leave.
Nope.
Instead, I found him hovering over me, glaring down until I lifted my eyes to meet his. “I’m gonna lift you out of that chair.”
“Why?” I exclaimed, immediately gripping the armrests.
“Because you’ll be more comfortable on the bed.”
“No, I won’t,” I retorted.
“Liar.”
He scooped me up, placing me in the center of the bed so my back could lean against the pillows. I let out a sigh, adjusting my legs so they were stretched out.
The bed dipped when he sat down, making my body tilt toward his. With his position mirroring mine, his back against the pillows and headboard, he, too, stretched out his legs. The combat-style boots on his feet looked massive at the end of the mattress, my feet not nearly reaching to his and looking sorely small and weak without shoes.
I was about to ask him what he thought he was doing when his hand came around to cup the left side of my head, gently pushing so my right cheek met his shoulder.
Under my cheek, the leather of his jacket was soft, and his scent swirled beneath my nose. He was sturdy and warm pressed against my side, so when his hand pulled back, my cheek stayed pillowed where he’d pushed it.
“Tell me.”
“I had to go to the bathroom.”
Pause.
“Like you had to piss?”
I slapped him in the chest. “Earth!”
“What?” he muttered, rubbing where I hit.
“Girls do not piss.”
He made a rude noise, holding up his hands. “Okay, so you had to tinkle.”
I laughed.
He didn’t make a sound, but with my cheek still pressed into his shoulder, I felt him vibrate with silent laughter.
I like this.The thought was sobering because I had no business thinking such things.
“I’m paralyzed from the lower waist down, and that means I can’t control my bladder. I don’t just… feel when I have to go. So my body has to tell me in other ways.”
“All that because you had to pee?” He glanced down at me. “That was like a damn panic attack.”
“Well, my body has to get my attention somehow. And since I pretty much had been ignoring the clock…”
He jolted enough that my cheek was no longer against him, so I sat up, staring straight ahead.
“You mean to tell me you ignored the fact you had to… and I kept you out too long.”
“No!” I insisted. Grasping his arm, my fingers tightened, pleading with him to understand. “It’s not that. I just…” My explanation fell short.
He made a noise. “It is that.”
“It’s my fault,” I whispered. “I was just having a wonderful time with you. I felt normal for the first time in so long.”
He sighed, pushing my head back into his shoulder.
“I should have paid better attention to the clock. I have a pretty set schedule. I just… I didn’t want to be a bother, and then it hit me kinda fast and I almost—”
“You almost what?”
I remained quiet. He reached down to grasp my chin to tilt my head up.
“It’s embarrassing,” I confessed, feeling the oncoming tears.
The back of his knuckles brushed across my cheekbone, his black eyes turning into liquid silk, that stare enveloping me in some kind of protective shield.
“Don’t be embarrassed, sprite. Not with me. You don’t have to be ashamed that your body might not work the same as most.”
“I was so worried I was going to pee myself,” I rushed out, squeezing my eyes shut so I didn’t have to see his reaction. “And I wouldn’t have been able to stop it. You picked me up, and I—”
“Shh.” He soothed me, leaning down and pressing his lips to my hairline.
I stopped breathing, but my body melted farther into his side.
“It’s okay. I understand now,” he whispered.
“You can’t possibly,” I informed him, still practically buried into his side. I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around his, to hug it into my chest, but I resisted. This would be enough. It would have to be.
“You’re right. I guess I can’t. But I can tell you that even if you went all over me, I wouldn’t be mad.”
I snorted. “Yeah, right.”
“I’ve had a lot worse things on me than pee.”
Intrigued, I lifted my face. “Like what?”
“Forget it,” he said, pressing his lips in a thin line.
“I just confessed I almost peed on you, and you won’t tell me?”
“Want me to almost pee on you? Then we’ll be even.”
I squealed a little, and he laughed. A warm feeling bloomed inside me. Without thinking much, I snuggled back against his shoulder. “You should laugh more. It suits you.”
He didn’t say anything, and I didn’t either. When the silence stretched enough that I was sure he was about to leave, he spoke. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“If you can’t tell when you need to go… then how do you?”
I wasn’t really surprised by the question. It was something I thought everyone probably wondered about. And given what just happened, it seemed normal for him to want to know. It was embarrassing to talk about, honestly, embarrassing to live, but when he told me I didn’t have to be embarrassed, I believed him.
I stared down at his feet while I answered, still slightly shy. “I use a compact intermittent catheter,” I explained. “It’s basically a bag with a long tube on the end, and I just throw it away when I am done.”
He was quiet a moment. “So the tube—”
I nodded. “It gets inserted into the urethra, and that’s how I empty my bladder.” I finished for him. Then, so he didn’t have to ask, I just continued. “It doesn’t hurt. I can’t feel it. I really only need to do it a few times a day, and I usually just do it around the same schedule. Usually, I don’t react like I did earlier, but like I said, I kinda just ignored my body.”
“You shouldn’t have done that,” he scolded.
“It was nice to be normal for a while.”
He pulled back, robbing my cheek of the warmth of this shoulder. “You’re normal all the time, V. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. You might have different needs, but you’re always normal. And the next time I take you out, you tell me when you need a bathroom, and I’ll find you one. Don’t do that to yourself again.”
I didn’t technically do that to myself. I mean, it sometimes happened, but I wasn’t going to argue because it clearly really upset him to see me like that and to think it was his fault.
But then I thought of what else he said. “Next time?”
He made a humming noise in the back of his throat.
“But I thought—”
“Forget what I said, sprite. I’m a bastard.”
“That’s not true,” I scolded.
“I think we both know that it is,” he said without heat. “And it would probably be smart if we both kept that in mind.”