Huntsman by Cambria Hebert
14
Virginia
I beganmy day as I always did, with some light stretching to work out as much of the cramps in my muscles (from sleeping in the same position the entire night) as I was able. Then I maneuvered into the bathroom, did, you know, bathroom things, and then made a coffee with the one-cup machine I had in my room. After adding some creamer, I settled on the bed with Zilla and ate my breakfast while watching Netflix.
Today’s episode wasn’t new. It was a rerun of a show I loved, Strong Girl Bong-Soon. It was a Korean drama about a girl who was born with incredible strength, and in a lot of ways, that strength made her weak. She had to hide the real her a lot, couldn’t be herself. It was hard to get a job, hard to have relationships. Not many people saw the real her, only who they thought she was. She was small like me, and I felt some kind of affinity for her character.
Breakfast was always oatmeal and fruit because, you know, fiber. But sometimes I pretended it was blueberry pancakes dripping with maple syrup and drenched in butter. I also imagined fat, greasy slices of bacon alongside that would slide into the pool of syrup on my plate.
Then it was more bathroom things and getting dressed for the day. Since I had PT later, I chose a pair of black leggings and a simple lavender T-shirt with a pocket on the left. By the time I began brushing the knots out of my hair, a few hours had already passed, but it was still fairly early in the morning. I was an early riser, not really because I was a morning person but because I needed the extra time to prepare for the day.
Even if my day was mundane and predictable.
Someday, it might not be, and I would thank myself for already having this routine well-practiced and in place. Before I could start daydreaming about what that life might look like, there was a swift, familiar knock on the doorframe.
Squealing, I glanced up. “Neo!”
“There’s my princess!” he exclaimed, smiling wide and sweeping in to likely lift me up.
“Wait!” I cautioned, lifting a wave of hair to reveal Zilla chilling on my shoulder.
“Godzilla.” He pretended to roar, leaning in to stroke her head.
“I told you not to call her that.” I laughed.
“She likes it,” he insisted, lifting her off my shoulder to place her gently into her enclosure.
When he was done, he swept me out of my chair, legs dangling over the floor, and spun me around. “I missed you!”
“You were only gone two days.”
Halting his turn, he lifted one dark brow over his very dark eye. “You saying you didn’t miss me?”
Smacking his shoulder with the brush, I laughed. “Of course I did.”
He finished twirling me and sat me back in the chair.
“Here, let me brush your hair.”
A look of horror came over him as he dodged the brush and my hand, stepping back. “I already brushed it.”
“It doesn’t look like it.”
“The last time I let you brush my hair, I ended up with about fifty flowers in it and glitter that fell everywhere for days.”
“I won’t use glitter today,” I vowed.
His eyes narrowed, and his lips pursed. “I see you crossing your fingers, Virginia Ann.”
“You’re no fun.” I pouted.
“You have enough hair on your own head to brush.”
He was right, so I went back to brushing. “How was California?”
“It had palm trees.”
“Really, Neo? That’s all you have to say? You flew all the way to the other side of the country. A place with endless sunshine, celebrities, and beaches, and all you have to say is there were palm trees?”
“We went there so Ivory could work. It wasn’t a vacation.”
“Still better than being here,” I muttered.
His palm pushed under my nose, and in the center sat a big pale-pink seashell. Dropping the brush into my lap, I scooped it up, running my ringers over all the identical ridges stretching across the top, then flipped it over to feel its silky-smooth underside.
“Oh my gosh, this is beautiful.”
“I found it on the beach and saved it for you.”
I clutched it against my chest, both palms cupping around it protectively. “This was on the beach? Like in the sand? Washed up from the ocean?”
His eyes softened a bit when he nodded. “Sure was. I rinsed the sand off in the waves.”
Pulling it upward, I studied it again. Oh, how I longed to go to the beach, to hear the ocean waves, to push my fingers into the sand. “It was really there?”
“Cross my heart,” he said, making an X over his chest.
“I thought you said you only went for work.”
“Our hotel was oceanfront,” he said, his voice a little sheepish.
Longing and jealousy were like a tidal wave inside me, pulling me under and spinning me around. There was happiness too. Genuine happiness that my brother finally got out of here even for just a little while and got to experience something else. I might always think of myself as a prisoner, but in many ways, he was one too.
At least one of us got out. At least one of us lived.
“Thank you,” I whispered, running my finger over the textured top of the shell. This had once been lying in the sun, covered in sand, and kissed by salty waves. And now it was here, a part of my world. “It’s perfect, and I love it so much.”
“Ivory took pictures. She said she would email them to you. She also said she would come visit tomorrow.”
“I can’t wait!” Tucking the shell into my lap, I gazed at it as I continued to brush. “So when did you make it back to New York?”
“Late last night. It was too late to call.”
“As you can see, I’m perfectly fine.”
“How was it?” he asked, his tone shifting just slightly, and that minor change caused my back muscles to tense and a hard knot of dread to form inside me.
“Well, it was quite a surprise when Earth showed up,” I answered. “I thought you two were in a fight.”
“We’re not in a fight.”
“Well, up until yesterday, he was banned from seeing me.”
“He’s still banned. I was stuck in Texas. I had no choice.”
I didn’t bother to point out he could have called Beau, Fletcher, or even Ethan.
“I asked him what happened between you.”
Neo stiffened. “And what did he say?”
“He wouldn’t tell me either.”
My brother’s posture relaxed again.
“Did you know he has a gorgeous black sports car? It’s just like the kind they drive in the movies. I wanted to drive so badly.” I sighed longingly. “But of course, he said no.”
“Virginia.” There was that tone again.
I knew I couldn’t avoid it forever. My hands fell to my lap, long waves of golden hair cascading around me.
“How was the appointment? What did the doctor say?”
“It was the same as always,” I told him.
He was quiet for a few beats, and then he paced away. “He was supposed to be better than the others. More innovative. More experienced.” When he stopped in front of me, his tone turned harsh. “Are you sure? What did he say exactly?”
I sighed. “He said what they all say. That it’s too risky. That the damage is too great.”
Neo’s jaw worked, and then he spun away once more. “He’s wrong. Clearly, he just doesn’t have the skill set. I’ll make some calls. There’s this doctor I read about in Sweden—”
“Neo.”
“It might be hard to convince him to travel here, but he will. I’ll—”
“Neo!” My raised tone brought him around. I hardly ever yelled, hardly ever argued. But for some reason, this morning, it was a lot harder to just go along. “Stop. Just stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop trying to force something that isn’t going to happen.”
I saw the argument form on his tongue. I saw that familiar stubborn glint in his eyes.
Holding up my hand, I plowed on, letting loose so many of the things I’d always wanted to say but never did. “How many more doctors, Neo? How many more tests and X-rays and scans? How many more physical therapists and experimental drugs will satisfy you?”
He turned a little incredulous. “Me? This isn’t about me. This is about you.”
I shook my head sadly. “I don’t think it is. Have you ever really asked me if I wanted to do all this? Sure, maybe in the beginning, this was what I wanted. But how long? How many more times am I going to listen to an expert tell me I won’t walk again? That my crushed spine is irreparable? How much longer will I have to wait to live? It’s been over seven years, Neo. Countless doctors. I’m tired.”
His expression softened as he knelt in front of me, hands brushing through the wheat-colored hair to reach for mine. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here yesterday. Hearing that by yourself was probably very difficult and scary.”
“I wasn’t alone. Earth was with me.”
Neo’s fingers lurched against mine. “He was in the room with you?”
I nodded. “Yes. I asked him to stay.”
“So he knows…” His words trailed off.
“He was pretty surprised. He was under the impression I was about to walk again.”
“You will.” He tugged away to stand. “As soon as I call that doctor in Sweden.”
“Are you not listening?”
“You’re scared. Frustrated. And yes, tired. But it will all be worth it in the end.”
I pressed a hand to my forehead. “Says who? You?”
“You just said you were waiting to live. As soon as you can walk again, you won’t have to wait anymore.”
I swallowed past the huge lump in my throat. The pressure on my chest was so heavy I worried my ribs might collapse, and it was this pressure that also fired words straight off my tongue. “It isn’t walking that’s holding me back from living, Neo. It’s you.”
He flinched like I’d smacked him, and I immediately pressed my fingers to my lips, wishing I could take back those words. They might have been true, but it was a truth perhaps better left unspoken. He was my brother, the only family I had left. The last thing on earth I wanted to do was cause him pain.
“I’m holding you back?” he croaked. “I’m not the one giving up. I’m out there calling doctors, reading research, doing everything I can to fix what—” He stopped abruptly, pressing his mouth together.
“To fix what you did?” I asked gently.
A stricken look crossed his features, and a dark, cloudy aura enveloped him. It was a mood I was well acquainted with. One that had only gotten better when Ivory came into his life. Perhaps that was why I was suddenly courageous enough to bring this up, because I thought he might be more receptive.
“I don’t blame you, Neo. I never have. What happened to me is not your fault. It was an accident, a horrible, tragic accident. Maybe we should stop trying to undo it and focus instead on moving on.”
“And how are we going to do that if you can’t even take care of yourself?” he spat.
It was my turn to flinch. His words made me feel small and pathetic, completely dependent on everyone else. I sniffled. “Maybe I could if someone believed in me a little more.”
“V.” The regret was evident in his tone when he stepped forward.
Fighting tears, I raised my chin and lifted my hand to stop him from coming closer. “It’s okay, Neo. Maybe we should talk about this later.”
He hesitated for long moments, and the silent tension crowding the room was almost too much to bear. Finally, my brother relented, sighing deeply before turning toward the door.
Just when I thought he would disappear, he stopped, broad shoulders filling the doorway. “You’re my sister, and I love you. I only want what’s best for you.”
But what’s best for me and what you want are not the same.
Even though he wasn’t looking at me, I turned my face toward the opposite side of the room. My chin trembled, lips quivered. “I love you too.”
Then he left me alone in my tower, a place I might never escape.