Huntsman by Cambria Hebert
22
Virginia
“Neo,”Emogen said as we came around the corner just after a stonily silent elevator ride. The surprise in her voice was punctuated by the way her eyes widened. “I wasn’t expecting to see you.”
I cleared my throat. Emogen’s stare cut to me, and her very full cherry-painted lips pressed together.
Neo glowered. “You knew about this and didn’t call me?”
Emogen snapped upright. “Since when is it my job to report to you?”
His arms crossed over his chest. “Since when is it not?”
Emogen’s springy curls bounced with sass. “It’s true I work here. It’s true I’m Virginia’s nurse. It’s even true you’re her guardian. But the last time I checked, she was well over the age of eighteen, and going out with a friend is not a medical emergency.”
Neo’s expression pinched. “Friend, my ass.”
Emogen arched a questioning eyebrow at me, and I sighed. “I have PT in an hour, so let’s go talk.”
“I thought you had PT earlier today,” Neo said, following along behind me.
“I had it changed. It’s not like my day was so full I couldn’t.”
“V.” It was one letter. One syllable. One sound. But the way he said it made my shoulders slump and a whole slew of emotion crash over me.
“I didn’t think you would come back today,” I said quietly, wheeling into my familiar room and expertly maneuvering the chair around to face him.
Neo shut the door softly and turned. “I guess you were counting on it.”
“Don’t be like that,” I chided, my chest aching a bit. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
His demeanor softened. The anger and fight drained away. “I don’t like fighting with you. I didn’t want to leave things like that.”
Feeling my lower lip wobble, I bobbed my head, afraid to speak.
The next thing I knew, his plaid-covered arms were wrapping around me, tugging me into a fierce hug.
I clung to his shoulders, fighting tears. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too. It’s not fair of me.” He sat back a little, crouching in front of my chair. “It’s not fair to keep making appointments and expecting you to go along. I should have asked first. I just…” His dark stare slipped away, jaw clenching.
There was a bit of stubble shadowing his face, a stark contrast to the smoothness of Earth’s jaw.
“It’s really hard to see you like this.” He finally finished, rushing the words out as though he’d just admitted some horrid secret. Reluctantly, his eyes met mine. “It’s even worse knowing I’m the one who did this to you.”
“Neo,” I said, his words shoving away all thought of Earth. Placing my palm against his face, I brought it around so I could meet his shadowed gaze head on.
Definitely feels so much different than Earth.
Stop thinking about him right now!
The little war going on inside my brain must have lasted a little longer than I realized because Neo pulled my hand from his face, linking our fingers and resting them in my lap.
“It’s really hard to see me like what? In a wheelchair? Unable to walk?”
He gave a curt nod.
I kept my words gentle. “Is that all you see?”
A new expression came into his eyes. It started out like confusion and then morphed into something else. “What?”
“Is that all you see when you look at me? A disabled woman? A woman incapable of everything because her legs don’t work?”
He released my hand roughly and stood as if the very words repelled him.
I waited him out, wanting it to sink in, everything he felt. Everything I just pointed out. I wanted to know the truth.
It was time. Time we had this conversation. Time we faced the things we never wanted to look at because our relationship was all we had for so long.
But we would still have that relationship. Neo would always be my big brother. My hero. My family.
But it wasn’t enough anymore. As loath as I was to even acknowledge that inside me, I felt like I had to. And I felt like he would understand.
He had Ivory now, and they were building a life.
“You know that’s not how I see you.”
“Then how do you?” I pressed, patient and kind. “Beyond being your annoying little sister and the one you’ve had to take care of since Mom and Dad died… how do you see me?”
He shifted uncomfortably. Silence stretched, but I waited until his eyes flicked to mine. “You’re my best friend.”
My heart clenched and sang at once, almost as if his words were a beautifully painful song. “You’re my best friend too,” I told him.
“You’re also my responsibility,” he admitted, guilt leaking into his tone.
“In a lot of ways, I think you’re right.”
He jolted, clearly not expecting that at all. I smiled a little, glad to have caught him off guard.
“If it wasn’t for you, I might not be as strong as I am today. One minute, we were teasing each other over a date at the movies and songs on the radio, and the next…” I took a breath. “The next, you were mom, dad, and caregiver all before the age of eighteen.”
“I don’t resent you for it.”
“I know that. You resent yourself instead. But, Neo, you shouldn’t. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for you. To wake up in that car and see us all like that. Sitting in the hospital for hours and then being told I was paralyzed. You’ve been through so much, but you never complained.”
“I have no right to complain. I walked away. The rest of you didn’t.”
“Oh, Neo.” The sadness in my heart bled out in my words. “You lost just as much as the rest of us. If not more. You gave up your dreams, your friends, your entire life. You practically became a criminal just to make sure I got treatment. Yes, Neo, you might be alive and you might have the use of your legs… but those things don’t mean you lost any less.”
A soft sound left him, and I watched my big, strong brother drop to his knees in front of me. I lifted my hand, and he laid his head in my lap.
I wished I could feel his cheek against my legs, but I could feel the silky strands of his dark hair cascade against my fingers, and I pushed them through.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so fucking sorry, Virginia.”
Tears I didn’t realize had gathered fell over, rolling down my cheeks with damp trepidation. His pain was palpable, and my heart ached so fiercely I thought it might burst if it tightened any more.
“I know,” I said, still sliding my hands through his hair, offering comfort that he usually refused to accept. “I forgive you.” True, I could tell him again that I never blamed him, but it wasn’t what he needed to hear. He needed to be granted my forgiveness so he could accept it and then maybe forgive himself.
A choked sound throbbed in his throat, and I patted his head lovingly. “Shh,” I whispered, rubbing his shoulder with my free hand.
“I took so much from us,” he choked out, burying his face in my legs. “So much from you.”
More tears fell over, and I let them come. Why had I waited so long to force this issue? Why had we let each other suffer?
“You’ve given me far more than I ever lost,” I vowed. “It’s because of you I can even fight with you like this.”
My fingers stayed in his hair when his face lifted. His eyelashes were damp, cheeks red. “That supposed to make me feel better?” he quipped.
My heart lightened hearing some of that sarcasm coming back into his tone. We are going to be okay.
I pulled the strands I held just enough to make him wince. “Ow!” He complained.
I smiled. “You’ve taken such good care of me, Neo. You made it possible for me to fight for the independence I know I can have.”
His gaze turned shuttered and vulnerable. His instinct would always be to protect me. To shelter me. It must have been incredibly hard to even let go of just a little of something you’ve been gripping like a lifeline for so long.
“What happens if I let go… and then lose you too?”
A rough sound ripped from my throat. “I’m not asking you to let go, big brother. You will never lose me. I wouldn’t even try and get away. You’re my favorite person in the whole world.”
He snorted, but I saw the darkness swirl in his eyes, and I knew he thought of Earth. I wasn’t ready to go there yet, and honestly, this was about way more than whatever was happening between Earth and me.
Is something even happening?
My fingers tightened in his hair again, stopping whatever rude words he was likely to mutter. “You are. And all I’m asking for is for you to listen. To really hear what I want. I’ve had a lot of time to think.” He frowned, but I plowed on. “This holding pattern I’m in—that we’re in—is not what I want. I don’t have to walk again to have the things I want.”
He sat back, face thoughtful. “You keep saying that.”
“Because it’s true. Let me ask you something. If you weren’t the one driving that day and the accident was caused by something else, would you still be adamant I walk again?”
His eyes flared, and he paced across the room. “Of course! I want you to walk again!”
“Really?” I pushed. “Do you really think I won’t be happy if I can’t? Do I seem so miserable to you?”
His movements stilled. His head cocked to the side, and though he was turned away, I could practically see his face furrowed in thought.
“Do you think I’m unhappy, Neo?”
As he rotated slowly, there was a new light in his eye. “I’ve never asked you that.”
I half smiled. “You could ask me now.”
His tongue darted out to wet his lips. “Are you happy?”
Emotion jumbled in my chest, and something close to butterflies tickled my stomach. “I am. But honestly? I could be happier.”
I watched him fight back the words I knew he wanted to speak, the assumptions he clung to for the last seven years. He won the battle to instead say, “What would make you happy?”
Pride welled up inside me so strong that fresh tears streamed over. I felt them track wet emotion over my cheeks. He is asking. He is finally asking me what I want.
“A life that doesn’t focus on the fact that I can’t walk. I want to define my life, not let my life define me.”
His throat worked with the force of his swallow. “How?”
His question wasn’t harsh or even mocking. It was genuinely curious, and I knew it was because not walking didn’t just currently define my life but his too.
And it hit me that perhaps he pushed for me to walk again not just to assuage his own soul-crushing guilt but because he didn’t know how else to not let this accident define us for the rest of forever.
It was up to me to tell him, to let him know that we didn’t need to be ruled by my disability.
“I want to be a bigger part of the family. To be able to go and see everyone, not just them come and see me. I’d like my own place, not just a room at a care center. Like a real home that makes me feel settled and not just in waiting.”
His face paled slightly. The way his lips pinched told me exactly how much he disliked that idea. And it wasn’t that he was trying to hold me back—he was afraid.
I pushed the chair closer toward him. “I’m capable of taking care of myself, Neo. Yes, I’ll need some help from time to time. And I’ll always need you. But I could manage in a small apartment that was wheelchair friendly. I pretty much do it all for myself here except for cooking.”
“Living alone is dangerous, V. You could fall. You could get hurt—”
“It’s like that for people who aren’t in wheelchairs too.”
He fell silent, and I knew it wasn’t because he agreed. He was trying to listen.
“I want windows I can open to let in the sunlight and fresh air.”
“The air ain’t fresh in the city,” he deadpanned.
“Well, then I want to breathe in the city air,” I quipped. “I want to stroll through the park, down a sidewalk, and into shops I’ve never explored before.”
All his features pinched, and a definite aura of anxiety bloomed around him, polluting the air just like the city streets. “The city ain’t that great, V. You aren’t missing much.”
“I wouldn’t know because I haven’t been out there much.”
“Can’t you just take my word for it?”
“Could you?”
His eyes snapped up. Our stares met and held. I saw the answer he didn’t want to voice right there in his expression.
“Could you see the city through someone else’s eyes? Could you live your life through someone else’s experiences?”
He knelt before me, hands resting on my knees. I expected some heartfelt answer to go with this emotional breakthrough we seemed to be sharing.
I should have known better. I mean, this was Neo.
“People are dicks, V.”
I blinked. And giggled. “Neo, that is rude.”
His eyes rolled. “Rude or not, it’s the truth.” Clasping my hands, he held them tight. “People aren’t as tolerant as I wish they were. People stare and whisper. They get irritated, and they’re lazy. The streets get crowded and busy. People push and shove. And I know you want to see many places, but, sweetheart, a lot of them aren’t wheelchair friendly.”
He was right, but that didn’t mean I should let it stop me from living my life. “You can’t protect me forever.”
“Yes. I can.”
“This isn’t protection, Neo.” I gestured around the room. “Sometimes this feels like jail.”
He sucked in a breath.
Guilt assailed me, and when he started to pull away, I clung tightly to his hands, tugging him back. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, and this room is beautiful. The Tower has been a wonderful place to heal and learn about my body and my limitations. But I’ve outgrown this place.”
He remained silent, so I forged on. “I’d also like to get a job. I probably won’t be able to make a lot or even work full time, but I’ll do what I can. I’ll cover as much of my own expenses as I can.”
“You don’t need to worry about money,” he said almost off-hand as if he were distracted.
“Well, I certainly don’t expect you to support me for the rest of my life!” I refuted, annoyed that he wasn’t fully listening.
He stood, a sour expression ruining his usually handsome features. Towering over me, he folded his arms over his chest. “Is this because of him?”
I faltered. “Him?”
“That asshole I saw you sucking face with on the sidewalk!”
My mouth fell open. “First of all, how dare you talk to me like that? Second of all, he is not some asshole! He’s your brother, your friend, and, up until you met Ivory, your roommate!”
“After everything he’s done, he is not my family!”
“Then why did you call him to bring me to my appointment?” I shot back, not understanding this insane sort of feud between them.
“Because I thought he would keep people from taking advantage of you.” He laughed bitterly and then went on as though he were talking only to himself. “Of all the things he is, I never thought he’d do this.”
“I told you he didn’t take advantage of me.”
Neo looked at me stonily. “You’re telling me you asked him to kiss you?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t lie to me, Virginia.” Neo’s voice was dangerously cool.
“I’m not lying!” I said, unable to keep the same sort of calm. Then, because I couldn’t lie even when it really wasn’t a lie, I said, “Well, I didn’t ask that time.”
Probably not the best choice of words.
“You’re telling me that wasn’t the first time he kissed you?” he roared, hands going up in the air, chest heaving, and eyes glittering dangerously.
I spared a glance at the open door. “The entire floor is going to hear you,” I hissed.
His response was to stare stonily at me.
“No.” I kept my voice strong. “It wasn’t. The first time was at the brewery.”
His eyes widened. “Brewery?”
“Earth makes his own beer. He took me to the warehouse where he makes it. It’s so cool.”
“He took you to a warehouse. Where he makes alcohol.” His words were like an angry echo. A new wash of anger slid over him. “Did he get you drunk?”
“You are so ridiculous!” I insisted. “Do I seem drunk to you? Besides, that stuff is so gross I’d never be able to drink enough for that.”
“So you did drink it?”
“Oh for heaven’s sake, Neo. Stop being ridiculous. It was a sip of beer, not a keg. I had to beg him for just a taste. And I liked the brewery.” I went on, specifically not calling it a warehouse. “It was so fascinating. He really must put a lot of effort into his beer.”
“I always thought he just bought custom labels and slapped it on store-bought bottles,” Neo mused, the anger in his face giving way to curiosity.
“Isn’t that illegal?” I wondered.
The anger came back. “Yes, and Earth is the kind of guy who wouldn’t give a damn.”
“Is that supposed to shock me?”
“I wish it did.”
“Should I remind you that you are hardly a saint?”
“I’m not as bad as he is,” he snapped. “And I will not have my baby sister involved with the likes of him.”
“Too late.”
The words dropped into the room like a heavy anvil. The silence they brought was deafening and honestly a little disconcerting. Just when I thought I was making headway with my brother, things got heated again. And over what? His best friend he considered family?
I opened my lips to ask again what happened between them, but Neo spoke first.
“I absolutely forbid you seeing Earth again. Whatever happened between you two is over. Do you understand me?”
“No.”
A thick, dark brow arched up his forehead.
A knot formed in my stomach. I absolutely detested arguing with my brother. But I refused to back down. “I like spending time with Earth, and I won’t stop just because you had some stupid fight with him.”
“It wasn’t a stupid fight.”
“Then what was it?” I pressed.
Neo’s lips pressed together, and he averted his gaze.
“Still don’t want to tell me, huh? Well, you can’t have it both ways, brother. One minute, you trust Earth enough to come here and escort me out, and the next, you’re forbidding me to even look at him!”
“I saw you kissing.”
“A kiss I asked for.” I reminded him. A kiss I wished to repeat a thousand times.
“Is this about Jake? Is this some kind of payback?”
I threw my hands up. “First Earth and now Jake.” With jerky, angry movements, I started to turn the chair around to move away from him. I was so insulted by his words that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to yell or cry. Maybe both.
I had the chair all the way around, about to wheel away, when he caught me. One strong hand on the handle on the back and the other over the wheel.
I tried to roll forward to dislodge his hold, but of course he was stronger.
Instead of crying, I let out a yell. “How dare you?” I rebuffed the second he recoiled from the abrupt cry. Not bothering to turn my chair back around, I glared over my shoulder. “What happened with Jake was like a year ago. And yes, it hurt me—you hurt me—but I forgave you. I tried to understand where you were coming from.”
“Virginia—”
“No.” I cut him off. “I’ve made allowances, but when have you ever done that for me? Huh? I cannot believe you. I pour my heart out, I tell you how I feel and what I want, and then you act like the only reason I could want anything other than this room is some guy!”
This time I did spin back around, my chair rolling on top of his foot. He blanched and yanked it free, but I didn’t apologize. “I want a life for me. A life I choose. I’ve wanted these things for a while now. I just didn’t want to upset you by bringing it up.” I took a breath. Blew it out. “You know, maybe some of this was Earth. Maybe he gave me the courage to finally open up to you. Do you know why?”
“Why?”
“Because he listened. He asked me about me and what I want. He didn’t ask me about this chair. Or make my life seem impossible. He didn’t act like I was incapable. He made me feel like I was more than a girl with a disability. When I’m with him, I feel things, Neo. Deep, whole things, and for a girl who’s only felt half for most of her life… that’s pretty freaking amazing.”
“Not Earth, Virginia. Just… not him.”
“Why?” I pressed again.
He balked again, and I laughed. “You are so ridiculous. If he’s so terrible, why not just tell me what he did so I’ll stay away on my own?” And then I realized. “You’re protecting him.”
The look on his face was all the confirmation I needed. “What?” he asked as if his expression didn’t give him away.
“He did something that you hate, something that you refuse to forgive, yet you can’t seem to cut him out of our lives, can you? You still like him.”
“You don’t turn your back on family even when they turn their back on you.”
Pretty sure I’d heard that in a movie somewhere, but now was not the time to discuss that. Also, I wasn’t about to point out that just seconds ago, he was vehemently denying Earth was family. You can lie to your mind all you want, but the heart is always true.
“Earth didn’t turn his back, Neo. He’s still here. I can see how much your anger upsets him.”
He scoffed. “He doesn’t have a conscience.”
“I don’t believe that.”
His eyes flicked up. “Actions speak louder than words.”
“Neo,” I implored, asking him for the last time, “tell me.”
My brother’s nostrils flared as a hefty debate waged in his eyes. I watched every emotion under the sun flicker over his features, and then an eerie sort of calm washed over him, wiping out all the expression and feelings I knew he wrestled.
The muscle at the back of his jaw jumped. Once. Twice. A third time.
Finally, his whispered words dropped like a stone into a pond, creating ripples on the surface.
“He’s a killer.”