Beautiful Outlaw by Emily Minton

Words Hurt Too

Shay

I smile as I hand Lila a glass of lemonade.  “I’m so glad you stopped by today.”

This is the third time Lila has come over since Bowie left.  Each time, we’ve ended up sitting at the kitchen table talking for hours. Just as I thought, we’ve become great friends.  I love Nina and Rachel, but they’re more like family, so it’s nice having a female friend to talk to. 

“I know you gotta be bored out of your mind with Bowie gone,” she says as she takes a drink.

“Yeah, but I’ve been busy, so it’s not so bad,” I reply, grabbing myself a glass of lemonade and joining her at the table. 

She looks around the freshly painted kitchen and nods.  “I can see you’ve been busy.  This place has never been more than a crash pad, but it looks like a home now.”

I follow her eyes, taking in all the changes.  Creamy yellow paint now covers the grease stained brown that was there before.  The once sparse walls are now littered with pictures and shelves filled with knick-knacks that Nina and I bought at yard sales.  The kitchen now resembles her home, but it has my own personal twist on it.  “I hope Bowie doesn’t mind the changes.”

She rolls her eyes as she takes a sip of her drink.  “He won’t.  I doubt he’ll even notice you did anything.”

I know she’s wrong; Bowie notices everything.  He’ll notice the new curtains and sofa cover in the living room, the hand-sewn quilt on the bed, and definitely a different color of paint on the kitchen walls.  “Oh well, it’s too late to worry now.”

“Do you know when he’s gonna be home?” she asks as she sets her glass down. 

I shake my head.  “I’m not sure.  He just keeps saying soon.”

“I worry about you being here all by yourself,” she says before looking toward the living room, where Tag is watching TV.  “I know Tag is around, but he’s so young.”

Tag hasn’t left my side since the day Cash stopped by.  He goes everywhere with me: working in the yard, the grocery store, even to visit Nina and Rachel.  Some nights, I even find him sleeping outside of my bedroom door.  He may be young, but I know he would do anything he could to protect me.

“I’m fine.  We haven’t had any problems.”

“I would call Cash stopping by a major problem,” she says with worry in her voice.  “I’m also worried about your past coming back to haunt you.”

During her last visit, I had told her about my past, not everything, but enough to explain my sudden appearance in Rich Hill.  Obviously, that was enough to cause her concern.  “He has no idea where I am.”

“My dad used to beat the hell out of my mom,” she says out of the blue.  “I was eleven by the time she finally got the courage to leave him.”

“Oh, honey.  I’m sorry.”

Tears fill her eyes. “It didn’t matter how far we went. He would always find us.  After we moved here, he showed up one night and nearly killed her.  He ended up going to prison that time, but I swear she spent the next ten years looking over her shoulder.  She just knew he would get out and come after her, so I know how scary this has to be for you.”

I reach out and grab her hand, giving it a squeeze.  “My husband didn’t beat me. He did a lot of other things, but Marcus Bell would think hitting a woman was un-dignified.” I don’t bother telling her that he would probably just hire someone to do it for him.  He never did, but he threatened more than once to bring someone in to teach me a lesson. 

Her eyes meet mine, and I can see sympathy and also understanding playing in their depths.  “A man doesn’t have to beat a woman to tear her down.  Sometimes a simple word can do more damage than a fist could ever do.”

Something about her words causes my stomach to roll. “Are things okay with you and Red?”

Her hand pulls away from mine in a flash as she leans back against her chair.  “Everything is fine.”

Not giving me time to reply, she jumps from her chair and grabs her purse from the table.  “I gotta run, gotta pick up the kids from Mom’s.” Without giving me a chance to say goodbye, she heads to the living room and is out the door. 

I follow behind her.  Just as I hit the living room, Tag catches my arm.  I try to jerk away, but he doesn’t let go.  “I need to go after her.”

“Sometimes people have to deal with shit on their own,” he says with more wisdom than a sixteen year old should have. 

“But...” I start, but he stops me with a shake of his head. 

“Just because you were ready to listen, doesn’t mean she’s ready to talk.”

My shoulders sag when the truth of his words hit me.  For years, my parents and Jeremy tried to get me to tell them what was going on with me and Marcus.  Each time they questioned me, I sunk further and further away.  I don’t want to do that to Lila.  “You’re right.  I’ll let her tell me when she’s ready.”

Stepping away from me, he shoots me a smile that I am sure turns all the teenage girls into mush.  “I thought you said you were gonna make me some cookies, so hop to it, Mom.”

He started calling me Mom right after he moved in.  Of course, he only does it when he wants something. Each time he says it, I want to laugh, but I also want to cry a little, because his own mom hasn’t even checked in on him since he’s been here.  I smile at him and head to the kitchen.  It’s time to make Tag some cookies.