Beautiful Outlaw by Emily Minton

 

Prologue

Losing Me

Laura

“Relax,” he orders, as he moves up the bed. 

He gently places his body between my legs, bringing himself closer to his goal. I fight the urge to push him away, not wanting his body anywhere near mine.  Everything inside me recoils at the idea of what is about to happen. I want to kick out, force him to get off of me.  Instead, I lay still and pray it will be over quickly.  “I’m trying.”

“You’ll enjoy this,” he promises with a deceivingly sweet smile on his face. 

I nod, even though I know he is wrong.  I’ll never enjoy his touch, but I don’t tell him that.  Instead, I turn my head away from his leering gaze and look for something to focus on, anything to keep my mind off of what is happening to my body.

My eyes latch onto the beautiful pink and yellow roses sitting on the nightstand.  They were a gift from him, but even that couldn’t diminish their beauty.  I take in every detail of the roses, trying to block out what he is doing to my body. They are a memento, something to mark how special this day should have been.  I’m his wife now.  Only a few hours ago, I said I do to him, a man I despise, so I could save the people I love most.

“I’ll make it good for you,” e says as he slides one of his hands to my most sensitive spot.  Twirling his fingers, he tries to make what he’s doing pleasurable for me, but it’s not working. My body refuses to accept pleasure from his man; it only feels revulsion.

Marcus adds more pressure, trying to coax a response from me. “You know you love my touch, Gwendolyn.”

“Laura,” I correct him automatically.

His hands instantly move to my forearms, squeezing them tightly.  It feels as if he’s about to snap my bones when his hands suddenly release me.  “I told you that name was never to be spoken when we’re alone. You are my wife now, and your name is Gwendolyn.”  

I nod my head again, remembering my promise from earlier.  I left Laura behind when I took my vows. I can do this; I will do anything, even live a lie, for my parents. Gathering my resolve, I stammer out, “I won’t.  I promise.”

“If you do, you know who will pay,” he threatens my mother’s life without even blinking. 

I struggle to hide the anger in my voice as I say, “It won’t happen again. I swear.”

As quickly as his anger came, it disappears.  His hands go back to what they were doing before my slip of the tongue.  He caresses me for a moment more before replacing his fingers with something larger.  He moans as he forces himself into me, breaking through the proof of my innocence.  The pain pulls a nearly silent cry of distress from my lips. 

“You feel wonderful, darling,” he says, praising me in a strangled voice. 

The pain from losing my virginity fades quickly, but it’s replaced with something new: regret. He took, no, I gave him something special that was meant for the man I would someday love, something I had saved and treasured my entire life.  Thinking back, I realize that I should have given it to my ex or one of the boys from my school; anyone would be better than Marcus.

I feel a tear run down my cheek as I realize the dream of my special wedding night is gone. Not just that dream, all my dreams are dead.  My future is mapped out for me, and there is not a thing I can do to change it.  I have to give him what he wants from me, or my family will suffer.

He’s breathing heavily as he moves in and out of me; sweat is dripping from his body onto mine. A sickening sweet stench reaches my nose, and I have to resist the urge to vomit.  He continues to move above me while I lay as still as possible. I hate the way it feels, disgusted at the knowledge that this man is now part of me.  Most of all, I hate that he is now my husband. 

His lips run over mine, forcing mine open to his kiss.  As his tongue invades my mouth, leaving a bitter taste in its wake, I have to once again force the bile from rising in my throat.  As quickly as the kiss began, it ends.  He moves his lips to my ear and sinks his teeth into it.  He doesn’t hurt me; it’s more of a sting, something that I had once found exciting with my ex-boyfriend. Just knowing that Marcus is the one doing it now causes me to shudder. 

His hand moves to my breast, massaging the un-interested peak.  He moves on to my other breast, finding that one is also unresponsive to his attempts.  Giving up, he focuses on his own pleasure.  Moving in and out, he deepens his thrusts. The constant friction is causing a raw ache between my legs.  The pain gives me something to focus on.  It’s a welcome distraction, anything to take my mind off what is happening.

His pace starts to quicken, pounding his body against mine.  I close my eyes tightly and wait for it to end. He thrusts twice more before planting himself deep inside of me. The new sensation of him leaving part of himself in me tears another piece of me away.

He places a gentle kiss on my lips before whispering, “I love you, Gwendolyn.”

Laura, My name is Laura.