Echoes & Ink: Raven by Emily Rose
Chapter Twenty-Nine
RAVEN
Pure terror fills me as I shove my phone into my purse. I walk briskly down to Wolf’s station and open the door. He looks up at me startled, then he immediately straightens when he sees my face. “What’s wrong?” he demands.
“I don’t know. Sloan just picked Falcon up from school and said for me to meet him at the apartment. I have to go.”
“Go,” he orders. “Let me know if you need anything.”
I nod. “Thanks.”
I turn, shut the door, and run out of the shop to my car. All kinds of scenarios are running through my head. Is he hurt? Did something bad happen? Is he in trouble? It’s an unending spiral, and by the time I park in the underground garage, I’m freaking the fuck out.
I hurry up to the apartment, rush inside and see Sloan standing in the kitchen with Falcon sitting at the island, looking unhurt. Sloan’s face is unreadable, but his eyes are full of concern. I rush to Falcon, who stares at me with terror filled eyes. I sign to him asking if he’s okay and he nods. He looks over at Sloan, making me look at him. “What happened?” I demand. “What the fuck, Sloan?”
Sloan calmly says, “He’s unhurt, but he received a visit from the social worker at school.”
Everything in me goes rigid. “What?” I hiss. “She can’t fucking do that without my permission.” Rage streaks through me. “I’ll have her job.”
Sloan nods at Falcon and mouths slowly, “Tell her.”
Falcon looks at me, eyes filling with tears as he grabs his phone from the counter. He looks so much like a scared little boy, everything in me surges to want to protect him. To fix whatever it is that’s making him so upset.
Falcon: She came to see me at the school and said that she doesn’t feel that I’m in the right place with you. That you use drugs and that you’re only using me for the government check so you can fund your habit. She said that she’s going to start the paperwork to have me removed and put in a group home for kids with disabilities. I don’t want to go, Raven. Please don’t let her take me.
Rage is too small of a word for what I feel right now. My fingers are pounding back on my own screen so hard that I’m shocked I don’t break it.
Raven: SHE IS NOT TAKING YOU ANYWHERE. I WILL NOT FUCKING LET HER.
Probably not the best thing to swear, but my emotions are too high for me to care right now.
Falcon: I like it here. I know you don’t do drugs, and I tried to tell her that. Please don’t hate me. I tried to tell her.
I curse that bitch to the depths of hell.
Me: I don’t hate you, Falcon. I love you. You’re my brother. She’s trying to make me out to be something I’m not so she can use it to take you away. I will not let that happen. I don’t care if we have to flee the fucking country, you are not being taken away from me.
Falcon sags against me, and I wrap him as tight in my arms as I can. I look at Sloan over his head, and ask, “Why did the school call you and not me?”
“They didn’t,” he answers, and now I see the anger in his eyes. “Ms. Liscumb paid me a visit at my office after she finished at the school. I left and got Falcon. I know I should have called you, but I have a good reason, and we’ll get to that in a moment.”
I nod, even though I’m still pissed he didn’t call me. That the school didn’t call me to make sure it was okay for her to talk to him in the first place. They’ll be hearing from me, and I’ll be looking for a new school for Falcon. No way in hell will he be staying there after this. “I’m going to need your help,” I tell him.
“Already called the lawyers,” he assures me. “I’m going to be here every step of the way, Raven. I can promise you that.”
I believe him. It’s taken me a long time, but I finally know I have someone in my corner that I can count on. And I get the feeling before this is over, I’m going to need it. I’m going to need him.
Falcon pulls away, drawing my attention back to him. He looks up at me and then wipes his eyes. He looks at Sloan nervously, and then texts him something. Sloan reads it and I see his shoulders fill with tension as he nods. Shit, what now? Dread pools in my stomach when Falcon looks back at me, and I reflexively brace. He slowly texts me something and when I read it, I don’t know whether to scream or vomit.
Falcon: She also told me that she doesn’t want me with you because you’re a baby killer. That you killed your own baby. And she showed me a file that said that your baby died nine months before I was born. She’s going to use that to convince everyone that you can’t be trusted with me.
I back away, fear and panic rushing through me. Overwhelming grief following close behind it. No. No. No! This can’t be happening. She couldn’t have told this to a child. She couldn’t have shown him that file. I look at Sloan in desperation. I can see the pain on his face, and I know he knows too. “She told you too?” I whisper, the words barely making it past the horror clawing at my throat.
Sloan nodded. “She was trying to make a point when I told her she wouldn’t be taking Falcon from you. Then she threw the file she showed Falcon on my desk and left after telling me she’ll see me in court.”
“She gave you the file?” I gasp, my entire body trembling.
He nods, making his way towards me. I keep backing away. No, he can’t touch me. If he touches me I’ll break. I’ll shatter into a million pieces. He knows my biggest secret, the shame I try so hard to hide. How can he even bear to look at me right now? How can he stand to be in the same room with a baby killer?
“I didn’t open it or read it, Wildcat,” he tells me softly, his eyes sincere as he finally stops when he realizes I’m not going to let him near me. “I promised you I wouldn’t look into your past and I meant it. You need to be the one to tell me. Not her. Not from a file that I already know is going to be wrong.”
“Why? How do you know it’s wrong?” I demand, voice loud, to the point of screaming.
“Because I know you,” Sloan says simply.
I laugh darkly. “You think you know me? No one knows me, Sloan. Not really. You want to know what happened? I’ll tell you. Then when I’m done, you’ll be rethinking that statement.”
Sloan doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, just looks at me. Falcon suddenly appears beside him. He looks between us and I have to force myself not to cry and scream at the unfairness. At the pain that’s echoing through me like it did fourteen years ago. Falcon looks at me and then pulls out his phone. I look at the text and fight back tears.
Falcon: I’m going to my room. Will you come talk to me when you’re done?
I nod and watch as Sloan gives him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder before he walks away. His thin shoulders slumped in defeat and pain. Carrying the weight of problems he shouldn’t even know anything about. One more strike against me.
When I hear the sound of his bedroom door shutting, I look back at Sloan. He’s watching me, but he’s still standing here. “Tell me what happened, Raven,” he cajoles softly. “Tell me the whole story, and don’t leave anything out.”
I stare at him, and wonder if I can trust him. Can I trust him not to turn and run? To not look at me in disgust? More importantly, can I trust him with my darkest secret?
He moves and pulls me into him, tilting my head back so he can see my face, and whispers to me, “I’m not going anywhere, Raven. Tell me. Let it out and let me help you. Let me bear some of your pain. You can trust me.”
I don’t know why, but I immediately start telling him. Every painful detail.
“Her name is Melody,” I whisper, staring past him, still able to see her little face in my mind even all these years later. “She was beautiful. So perfect for being born into a fucked up world. To a fifteen year old mother that didn’t know what the hell she was doing. Hell, I didn’t know who her father was. It could have been my boyfriend at the time, or it could have been my father or one of his friends. I’ll never know. But I didn’t care. She was mine, and I loved her.
“I had her in the hospital alone. My parents were pissed I ended up pregnant in the first place and tried to convince me to abort her, but by the time they found out, it was too late. They couldn’t force it. They talked about selling the baby, or just leaving her somewhere, and I was terrified. I never told them when I went into labor. I just left the apartment and went to the hospital. I never called my ex-boyfriend, because as soon as I told him, he was in the wind. He didn’t want a baby. He wanted to party and screw every willing pussy he could find.”
“Asshole,” Sloan growls.
I can only nod. “She was born a week early. I did it without drugs because by the time I got there, my labor was too far along to get them. It was such terrible pain. The nurses and the doctors were good there, they didn’t make it out like I was some sort of terrible person for having her.” Tears fill my eyes as I think about the first moment I held her. The first time I heard her cry. “She was born at midnight, and when they laid her on my chest, I knew I was going to be a good mom. No matter what I had to do. She had my eyes and my face, and a head of dark hair. She was screaming and so angry, but when she was finally against me, she quieted down. Like she knew who I was.
“I called her Melody Marie, and I loved her. So damn much,” I softly whisper, anguished. “The nurses were so kind to me. It was the first time someone had ever been nice to me. They helped me figure out how to breastfeed, how to change her, how to hold her. Just how to be a good mom. They all told me how pretty Melody was. How she was the best baby and no trouble at all in the nursery when she was away from me. One nurse even brought me a little teddy bear and a pink baby blanket for her. But then I had to go home.”
Sloan’s grip on me tightens. “You were terrified.” It’s not a question.
I nod. “I didn’t know what was going to happen when I got home, but I knew I needed to go back. I left the hospital with her in my arms, the teddy bear, the blanket, and a small package of diapers. I had nothing else, but they were the only things that mattered to me. When I got home, my parents were passed out on the floor, and the apartment was trashed. They hadn’t even known I was gone. They threw a big party and got wasted instead,” I say bitterly. “But they woke up a few hours later and realized I was home.
“My father took one look at Melody said she was ugly, that I better get rid of her, and quick, because he wasn’t supporting a bastard baby. My mother was a bit less hateful, but she still refused to look at her granddaughter. She just told me to keep her out of the way. I worked so hard to make sure she was quiet. To make sure everyone left her be. I never left her alone. She went with me everywhere. Even in the bathroom. I would shut the door, bar it with a stool I dragged in there, while I bathed or used the bathroom. I wasn’t chancing them touching her.
“My father tried to take her from me one night. I fought him off but he beat me until I was sure I was going to pass out. When he finally stormed out, he screamed at me to shut the baby up or he would. I crawled to the bed and picked her up, rocking her. I got blood on her outfit. It was the only one I had. I hand washed it every day to keep it clean, but it was ruined.”
“Baby,” Sloan whispers, eyes so full of pain. For me. I have to look away or I know I won’t finish. As it is, my entire body shakes with each breath I take. Sobs fill my throat.
“After that, I laid her on the bed with me, but I blacked out. My head hurt so bad and I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore,” I sob, my heart shattering in my chest. “When I woke up, it was morning and I was in a panic. I looked over and saw Melody lying there. She looked like she was sleeping, but I knew something was wrong. I just knew. I remember whispering her name but she didn’t move. She wasn’t breathing. She was just lying there.
“I remember shaking her, trying to get her to wake up. I was still out of it, and I even tried mouth to mouth. Then I started screaming. I screamed and screamed until someone called the cops and they showed up. They saw me trying to revive her, and they tried to help, but it was no use. I remember them looking at each other and shaking their heads. I knew then, but I didn’t want to believe them. I fought them, snatching her away. They were trying to calm me down, trying to get me to let her go to the paramedics that came. But I knew. I knew if I let her go, I wasn’t going to get her back. That she was going to be gone forever.”
The pain that sears through me has my legs giving way, and I feel Sloan grab me, hauling me up into his arms and moving us until we’re sitting on the sofa. I feel him rocking me, whispering in my ear, but I can’t make it out over the sobs echoing in my ears.
“I’m so sorry, Raven,” Sloan murmurs when I finally manage to quiet down enough to hear him. “I’m so sorry.”
“They said that when I was unconscious, I rolled on her and suffocated her,” I cry. “They tried to tell me it was an accident, that it wasn’t my fault. That I wasn’t in trouble. But it was. It was my fault. I killed her. I killed my own baby, Sloan. I was the one who was supposed to protect her. I was supposed to keep her safe, and I failed. I failed and she paid the ultimate price. Ms. Liscumb is right. I’m a baby killer, and I don’t deserve to have Falcon. I couldn’t protect my own daughter, how can I protect my brother?”