Sinfully Devoted by Amber Torney

Chapter Eleven - Phoenix

The noise around me was loud. It sounded like I was in the middle of a football match. A persistent beeping sound made my head pound as if there were a herd of elephants walking around inside. The smell hit me next. I could no longer smell the musky scent of sweat that had surrounded me when I had been taken. Now, everything smelled sterile. It was kind of like the Pine-O-Clean my mother used to use when she’d cleaned the kitchen— sterile and clean, mixed with the slight hint of floral perfume. My senses were overloaded, and it made everything hazy.

I could hear quiet whispers somewhere in my room, talking softly to each other.

“You should have seen the look on the nurses’ faces, Phee,” Jonah’s voice said to me, like I was part of the conversation. “When Damon walked in with Madden, I swear, Angel, they put out a hospital-wide notice.”

“Why? And who’s Madden?” I tried to answer him, but my mouth wouldn’t work. I tried to open my eyes... and nothing. Nothing moved. My limbs felt so heavy, it was as if they were tied to cinder blocks. I could feel something warm around my hands.

I tried to move my fingers to let them know I could hear them. That I was there with them, but the darkness pulled me back, and the sounds faded back into the nothingness.

The beeping sound was back. It was louder this time. God, that was annoying. The upside, I guess, was that my head didn’t hurt as much. I could feel my neck itching. My whole body felt like someone had thrown itching powder all over it. Whatever I was lying on was hard and lumpy. I tried to wriggle, to get comfortable, but again, nothing moved.

There were new voices this time. Deep in conversation.

“Did you find anything new in that thing?” It was Damon I could hear this time. He was asking someone a question, his voice full of curiosity.

“Not much that we didn’t already know,” Logan answered. He sounded flat, a little defeated. The sound of his voice had me seeping back into the darkness as images played like a movie of the day he’d shown up at the cabin.

A hand wrapped around me from behind and my mind was foggy, as my body went limp and a familiar voice said, “I told you I’d be back, Kitten.”

The beeping around me sped up before I was plunged back into an empty void.

 

“Hey, Firecracker, brought you some lilies today,” Stryker told me. I felt his kiss on my forehead. I could hear the scrape of a chair, right before a gentle thud; he must have put the flowers down somewhere. “I think they look better than the weeds Lo’ keeps bringing you.”

“Hey man, not fair,” Logan quipped.     The rustle of fabric off to the side told me they were close by. I didn’t know why he was there, though. Logan and I hadn’t been on speaking terms for a while. “Hey, Tiny Dancer, you think you could wake up for us soon?”

Someone squeezed my hand. Flinching, I tried to pull my hand free.

“Shit, Stryker, she just fucking moved.” Logan sounded excited.

“That’s not funny, Lo’.” The pain in Stryker’s voice made me want to cry. I’d been trying so hard every time I’d heard my guys, to open my eyes, or say something. He must have taken hold of my other hand, giving it a squeeze. “Hey, Phee, Lo says you moved your hand.     Think you could squeeze mine for me?     ”

“Holy shit, Phee,” Stryker exclaimed. For the first time in days, there was relief in his voice. I couldn’t squeeze his fingers, but I was able to move my own. It was a win. “Open your eyes for me, baby.”

Shifting sent aches rolling through my body. I felt the desire to open my eyes, but they, like the rest of me, felt heavy, almost like they were glued shut. My eyelids fluttered rapidly; small slithers of light started to filter through. The brightness of the room was somewhat painful and caused me to squint. Everything was blurry, and I found it hard to focus. I could see shadowy figures in front of me; I knew who they were, but was unable to make them out through sight alone.

It took a few minutes, but my surroundings finally came into focus. The familiar white walls of a hospital room, and flowers that adorned every available surface; that explained the floral scents I had picked up on. There was a roll-away bed along one wall, and four chairs surrounding the bed. In front of me, the shadowy figures started to become clearer—two familiar faces, both in varying degrees of scruffiness.

I could make out another figure standing by the door to my room, but I didn’t recognize her. She was tall, and slender. Her green eyes shimmered in the light, outlined in thick black eyeliner, her auburn hair in a high ponytail. She looked like she’d stepped right off a catwalk. She just stood there and stared at me. I felt like a caged animal in a zoo. My heart started to pound as Logan went to take my hand again. I reacted before I could think, snapping my hand away. The last time he’d been around me, I’d been taken. The look he gave me as I did, both confused and hurt, sent pangs of guilt through me. Since I’d arrived in the States, he and I had done nothing but fight.

My breath was shallow as I looked between Logan and Stryker. So many things were flying through my head. I remembered the cabin: my argument with Logan, leaving him inside as I stormed out to the dock, then being taken. It was all playing like a weird soundless black and white movie. Frantically shaking my head, I gripped the blanket, pulling it up tight around myself.

“Hey. Hey, Phee, try to slow your breathing for me. Like me, see?” Logan asked calmly as he gently tried to touch me. My body shook as I watched him, breathing in and then out. “Shhhh, it’s okay. You’re safe now. I promise you, no one is going to hurt you anymore.”

“No, don’t.”

The flinching was involuntary. Pulling his hand back as if I had bitten him, his eyes were full of agony and regret. But I didn’t care. My eyes must have told him what I couldn’t, and I didn’t miss his reaction, either of their reactions. There was concern and worry written all over them, but even more clear was the hurt I could see in their eyes, almost as if they were reflecting what I felt back at me. “Don’t you fucking touch me.”

“Phee, please, I’m…”

“H… h… he’s back.” Sobs wracked through me as I latched onto Logan’s arm. I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I heaved as I tried to catch my breath. Everything I’d been through for four fucking years, the rape, losing my parents, making to move halfway across the world, came crashing down all at once. “He is supposed to be dead.”

“I know, Tiny Dancer. I know,” Logan said as he rested his forehead against mine. The contact made me freeze before I tried to pull back. “You don’t know how sorry I am, Phee. For everything.”

Logan released me once I started to calm down, though my tears still flowed, but the panic attack that had started was slowly ebbing. As soon as he got up from my bed, Stryker took his spot. I didn’t miss the unshed tears that hid the storm behind his eyes. As he reached out to cup my face, another set of images started to play out in my mind.

Dark soulless eyes, the malevolent smirk of a monster from my past as he loomed over me, as he rained down blow after blow. With each image that flashed across my mind, I could feel the impact. I remembered everything, every blow, every word. It came up fast, as one final memory came flooding back. The bile burned the back of my throat as I swallowed it back down.

I could see in their faces that my reaction killed them. It killed me, but the memories of what I had endured had come flooding back. I was back to where I’d been four years earlier. The scared little girl, the one that shied away from any type of human contact. It was pathetic.

Rolling to my side, I pulled the blanket up around myself as tears started to fall. I hated it. I had worked too hard to feel normal again, and I couldn’t retreat back to that person. I wouldn’t let Kyle fucking Ducane do this to me again. I knew these guys. I was safe with them, although the jury was still out on Logan.

I just needed time. They were trying, I could see that. I needed time to gather my thoughts, to work through the emotions before I could talk.

“Hey man, I’m just going to let them know she’s awake,” Logan interrupted, his eyes never leaving mine. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but I didn’t know how to say it. I remembered the scene at the cabin. He kept saying that he knew, but he wouldn’t tell me how he had found out. I wanted to know why Stryker was treating him as though nothing had happened between us.

“Yeah, okay,” Stryker answered him in acknowledgment.

Nodding, Logan headed for the door. The girl that was there before had disappeared. Looking over his shoulder once more, he gave me a small smile. I closed my eyes and turned over, staring out the window, as everything I had known shattered before me.