Anastasia by A. Marie
Anastasia
“Hey, Mom,” I said.
She walked up to me and embraced me in a hug. I smiled as I wrapped my arms around her in return.
“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you,” she said as she began to pull away.
Her therapist cleared her for a walk with me around the garden at the rehabilitation facility, it felt good to finally be able to visit her. A sense of pride ran through my body as I looked at her. She was healthier, with weight filling out her body. I couldn’t be prouder.
“Yeah, I decided to drop by and do a surprise visit before work.” I smiled.
It wasn’t exactly a lie. The truth was I needed some motherly advice on how to go about the whole Valentino situation. After last night, everything I felt for him intensified. It had gotten to the point where I couldn’t even sleep properly. Was he right about me having feelings for him?
“Something is bothering you. What’s wrong?” she asked.
I grabbed her hand and sat her down on a bench that overlooked all of the beautiful flowers. It smelled like my favorite scent in the entire world—a mix of nature and warmth.
“It’s about a guy,” I began. Her eyebrows rose, and I watched as she prepared herself to open her mouth. “No, it’s not Jacob. It’s another guy, his name is Valentino.”
“What happened to Jacob? I thought you guys were hitting it off,” she said. I gave her a pointed look before turning to face the garden, letting out an exhale.
“No, Mom, Jacob and I are just friends,” I explained.
She let out a chuckle before nodding her head. My hand reached out for her delicate one, and I smiled as I caressed her skin.
“Valentino, on the other hand, is a bit more complex. We’ve done things that are too weird to talk to you about, but that’s all it ever is, you know? It’s hard to explain, but I’m so tired of acting like I don’t want to be with him in a way that is more than lust when it’s beginning to be all I think about,” I explained, sounding as complicated as I felt. “He’s so infuriating. I know he feels the same way, yet he hasn’t made a single move. He’s cocky and condescending, and everything I hate in a guy, but I don’t understand why I can’t stop thinking about him.”
When I gazed into the eyes of my mother, I saw the understanding hidden in them. She was wearing a smile on her face before her hand clasped mine. “Do you love him, Nana?”
“What? No!” I quickly exclaimed. She gave me a pointed look before deciding to just shrug it off. Of course, I didn’t love him, I absolutely hated him sometimes. I hated the way he made me feel emotionally and the way he knew just what to say in order to keep me on my toes. I hated how good he made my body feel. I hated how much I knew deep down that I didn’t really hate him at all.
Her hand never let go of mine and a feeling surged through me at the realization that I never wanted her to.
I rested my head on her shoulder and wished everything could pause for a moment. The breeze that floated through my hair, and the rich smell of peace calmed me. Even my heart seemed to beat in a harmonious way. I hadn’t felt this amount of freedom and relaxation in months.
“There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about Alex,” my mother said. “I wasn’t there to watch her last breath. I cared more about drugs than my dying little girl.”
She began to sob.
I pressed my lips against her cheek. We sat there drowning in our own thoughts while the brisk wind blew past us. She whispered, “I love you, Anastasia. I promise to be as strong as you have been for this entire family.”