Tyrant Daddy by Isabella Starling
Chapter 18
Raphael
Feeling this happy is a change I hadn't seen coming in this lifetime.
Since Dove ended things with me, I've never been happy. I've been searching for that next hit of serotonin, never finding it, always coming up empty – until Willa strolled into my life. Now, I can't imagine a life without her.
There's a smile perpetually plastered on my lips and I can't help but think of Willa every waking second. Nothing could change my mind about our relationship now. Even if she ends up going to New York, we'll make it work. I'll plan trips for her and myself, I'll ensure she's happy and taken care of. As much as it will hurt for her to be away from me, we'll have each other to lean on.
All these thoughts circle through my mind, making me realize just how miserable I was before Willa came into my life.
But when I get home the next day, Elise is in the lobby of my building again, ruining my mood. Suppressing a sigh, I glance at the doorman who just gives me an apologetic shrug. At least she's not harassing him today, instead sitting calmly in the lobby, obviously waiting for me.
The moment I walk in, she's on her feet and heading towards me. I scowl at her, saying, "I told you, if you don't keep your distance, you're going to force me into getting a restraining order."
"I think you're about to rethink that statement."
I groan, rubbing my temples. "What do you want, Elise?"
"I want to talk, that's all."
From her tone, I can tell that certainly isn't all.
"You're here to try and get me to break up with Willa. That's not happening."
She sighs. "I warned you to break things off with that girl."
"Warned me?"
"Didn't you get my notes?" She bats her lashes at me. "I only sent a few... I thought you'd listen to the voice of reason, but you failed me yet again."
"You're the one trying to blackmail me?" I hiss. "That's it, Elise. It's over. Get out of here before I call the cops."
"I think you'll want to hear what I'm about to say," she says triumphantly.
"Which is?"
"I'm pregnant."
"So?" I raise my brows at her, leaning in to hiss, "We haven't slept together in years, Elise. I know it's not mine."
"That's where you're wrong." She grins at me before cocking her head to the side. "I know you'd rather forget about all the plans we made for the future, but my memory is better than yours, Raphael. And I, unlike you, remember that you froze your samples to use for IVF when we decided to go forth with the kid thing."
"What the fuck are you on about, Elise?"
She flutters her lashes innocently. "The clinic we were supposed to do the IVF at doesn't know we broke up, Raphael."
"I'll correct that today."
"But it'll be too late." She smiles shyly, rubbing her palm over her belly. "I already went there, weeks ago. I wanted it to be a surprise for you."
My heart speeds up. "What fucking surprise?"
"I got the IVF without you," she announces. "I'm pregnant, and it's your baby."
The ground rocks beneath me and for a moment I'm convinced I'm going to have a heart attack. Then I realize the pain I'm feeling is my heart breaking.
"You did fucking what?"
She laughs out loud, throwing her glossy blonde hair over her shoulder.
"I'm not going to regret what I did, Raphael. And there's no going back. I've already taken three positive tests. My doctor's appointment went well yesterday – they confirmed what I already knew. I tried to tell you plenty of times, but you turned me away."
Guilt threatens to swallow me up. My world is falling apart in front of me and there's nothing I can do to stop the carnage Elise has just wreaked on my life.
As I stare into her triumphant eyes, I realize she's not lying. She is pregnant, and she plotted against me to do this, to make sure I'd end it with Willa. My stomach twists into a thousand knots and I feel fucking sick. This can't be it. This can't be the end.
"Don't worry, Raphael," Elise drawls sweetly. "This is only the beginning of our happily ever after."
Today is going to be the worst day of my life.
Three days have passed since Elise's admission. I've gone to a doctor's exam with her and they confirmed what I didn't want to hear – she's almost a month into her pregnancy. I saw the ultrasound with my own eyes, and after calling the clinic, they confirmed Elise had been there, lying through her teeth.
While Elise is triumphant about her win, I'm fucking devastated. I've stayed away from Willa for days, my guilt making it impossible to hold a conversation with the woman of my dreams. But now I have to break things off.
I've already decided not to tell Willa about Elise's pregnancy. It would only hurt her more. Instead, I'm going to focus on her own future. And perhaps this is for the better for Willa, as hard as that is to accept.
She's only eighteen. Our age difference is huge. She deserves to have a life of her own, to see the world, to experience things before being tied down with a man three times her age. As much as I want her, I was being selfish by trying to keep her tethered to me. She deserves so much more.
"Miss Willa here to see you, sir," my receptionist says through the phone.
"Send her in."
I lean back in my chair, running my hands through my hair. My heart is hurting and so is my head. I'm fucking livid it's come to this. But I only have one task left now, and that's to protect Willa from further pain and harm.
The doors to my office open and she strolls in, a vision like she always is. Looking at her is painful, so I avert my eyes and pretend not to notice her face falling.
Willa comes to a stop in the middle of my office, instantly asking, "What's wrong?"
"Come sit down, Willa."
She follows me to my desk, sitting on the opposite end of it. Her hands tremble as she folds them in her lap. I don't know if I can bear this pain myself, and yet the thought of staying with Willa and hurting an innocent child feels fucking wrong. My father was never present in my life, and I cannot do the same thing to a baby, my baby. And Willa... she doesn't deserve any of this. I need to break things off before she gets hurt even more. I need to end this so she can be happy, even if I'll never know what that emotion feels like again.
"What's going on?"
Her voice shakes. I can't bring myself to look at her.
"I've thought about some things," I force myself to say. "About New York, and Parsons... about your family."
She remains silent, her eyes examining me, already begging me to change my mind as if she already knows what I'm about to say.
"You have to go to New York, Wills."
"I will, maybe," she whispers. "If you support me."
"I do," I nod slowly. "But I can't be there for you anymore, Willa. I can't be the man you need."
"W-What?" Her bottom lip wobbles and my guilt fucking cuts through me like a knife. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I..." I can't force the words to leave my lips. "I'm saying I can't give you what you need. I'm too old for you, too old to give you everything you deserve. You need some time to discover yourself, find out what you truly want and –"
"I know what I want," she cuts me off, tears already running down her cheeks. "I know, Raphael, because it's you. I want you. I'll give up everything for you. Whatever you want."
"You can't," I shake my head. "I'm not letting you. You deserve a life before this – a life of your own."
"But I don't want that," she whispers. "I want you, I only ever wanted you."
"I can't," I breathe, my heart fucking smashing into pieces. "I can't be the man for you. You deserve so much better, trouble."
"Don't call me that," she mutters brokenly. "How can you do this? How can you end it after everything we've been through?"
"Because it's better for you," I admit, knowing I'm telling her the truth for once. "You don't deserve this, and I don't deserve you."
"So just like that, it's over?" she whispers, then shakes her head vehemently. "No, Daddy."
"Don't, Willa..."
"Don't what? Pretend like we had something so perfect, so special, I thought my happily ever after was finally here?" She wipes her tears away, smudging her mascara. My beautiful mess. "I refuse to accept this, Raphael. I don't believe you want it to be over."
I don't know what to say, because on so many levels, my girl is right. And yet neither of us can walk away from this happy and satisfied. I know now I need to hurt her to make her leave. It's the only way to keep her from me – to keep her from finding out Elise is pregnant with my kid.
"You need to have your own life, Willa," I mutter. "You can't follow me around like a lost puppy."
I was convinced she'd jump down my throat at those words, but instead she just shivers and shakes. Pain sears through me, and I've never hated myself more. But I need to do this, so she doesn't get hurt even more. I need to save Willa, even if I can't save myself.
"You really want me gone?" she asks softly, sounding so fucking vulnerable I know my next words will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I force myself to nod. "I'm sorry, Willa, but it's over."
"Daddy, please."
Her bottom lip trembles and the pain cutting through me makes me feel fucking sick. I get up and force myself to walk away from her, standing in front of the window and staring at the skyline.
"Go, Willa. You need to leave."
I can hear her crying behind me. This is the hardest thing I've done in my entire life and I've broken my own heart by doing it. This pain... it's the kind of pain that never fades. The loss of Willa will be the phantom limb missing from my body, still hurting despite its absence.
I hear her getting up, hear her walking up to me. She doesn't touch me, and I'm grateful for it, because if she did, I would've told her to stay. She stands there for a long time and I don't turn around, my hands forming fists and my eyes closing as I wait for her to go, severing our special connection.
I tell myself once again this needed to happen. That we can't be together, that she deserves more than I can offer her. Nothing works, nothing fucking helps. The pain is unbearable.
Moments later, I hear her exiting the office. The doors close behind her and yet I stand there for another five minutes, trying to gather myself.
If I had known the last time I kissed her was the last, I never would have stopped.
But what's done is done, and it's better for Willa to stay away. At least this way she won't know about Elise's pregnancy. At least I've protected her from that.
It takes a long time for me to gather my thoughts. I stare at the skyline. If the windows could open here, I'd jump the fuck out right now.
But then I remember Elise and my child growing inside her.
I can't let an innocent being down. I have to be the father I never had. I have to prove to myself this decision was worth it.
I step away from the window.
I sit down at my desk again, take a deep breath and leave my heart in pieces, the way my decision left it, shattered, broken and irreparable.
I tell myself I have to stay away from Willa, knowing full well it'll be the hardest thing I've done in my life.
But I have to do it to protect her from the truth.