Where We Found Our Home by Natasha Bishop

 

Ciara

Ican hear the beeps of a machine. I know I’m in a hospital but my eyes won’t open. They’re fighting me.

I slowly get my eyes to cooperate, but I wince once the light hits them and close them again.

“Ciara.” I hear my mom’s voice, and I want to follow her voice but it’s too painful. “I turned the light down, sweetie. Can you open your eyes for me? I’m here.” I slowly open my eyes again and allow them to readjust. Mom is standing over me, waiting for me to say something.

“I…” I immediately choke on my words. My throat is extremely dry. Mom grabs a cup of water and holds the straw up to my lips.

“Slow sips.” I take a couple of sips before trying to readjust in my bed and wince from the movement. “I can call the nurse.”

“No. Not yet.” I clear my throat. “He’s…dead.”

Mom eyes me with sympathy. “Yeah, baby. He’s dead.” I took a life. I know I had to do it. I know he was going to kill me and Sasha if I didn’t. I don’t feel guilty at all. If there’s anything to feel guilty about, it’s the fact that he got to die a swift death instead of rotting in a prison cell. But I do feel unsettled by the fact that I actually killed someone. I push that aside for now.

“You gonna yell at me for blocking your number?”

She crosses her arms over her chest but smiles. “You’re lucky you’re in a weakened state right now or else I would put you over my knee for that. I suppose you’re forgiven.”

I laugh, but it fades into a cough. Mom gives me another few sips of water. “Thank you. I really thought I knew what was best. But honestly, I don’t know shit.”

“Finally, she gets it.”

“Ha ha. Seriously. I did this all wrong. I was trying to save everyone, but I was only making it worse. And it was all for nothing because he was so unhinged he was never gonna give up anyway. I regret pushing everyone away. I’m so sorry, Mom. I really hope you can forgive me. I hope everyone can. I hope Lincoln still loves me.”

“Girl, do you honestly think that boy doesn’t love you?”

Then where is he?

“Where is he?”

“He just went down to the cafeteria to grab me some food. He’ll be mad when he comes up and sees he wasn’t here when you woke up.”

He still loves me. I didn’t push him too far. I didn’t ruin us. Thank fuck.

“I guess I could pretend to still be sleeping but…I won’t.” We share a laugh, but the moment sobers when Mom speaks again.

“There is nothing to forgive, Ciara. Everyone knows your heart is too big and your mind is too stubborn to listen to reason. We all love you. I am so proud of you for fighting through this.”

Lincoln enters the room, and his eyes immediately lock on me.

“Angel.”

That name settles deep into the marrow of my bones. It feels so good to hear him call me that again. “Hi.”

Mom grabs the food from Lincoln and steps out to give us a minute of privacy. Lincoln never takes his eyes off of me as he crosses the room and kisses my forehead.

“There are those eyes I love so much.”

I clear my throat and gather strength for what I’m about to say. “I want to make something clear.” He eyes me curiously. “I was an asshole. I didn’t mean what I said about you only wanting me to stay because you were thinking with your dick. If you want me to, I’d like to do what I said I’d do in the first place. I’d like to stay.”

He chuckles. “I mean, maybe I do think with my dick when it comes to you. That’s just not the only part of me that stands at attention for you.”

“This is becoming painfully cheesy now.” I smile.

“Good. Of course I want you to stay, Ciara. I want you to stay forever.” He shakes his head as if talking himself down from continuing our conversation on this path. “Besides, who’s going to eat my flats if you leave?”

“Someone with some fucking sense, I guess.” I roll my eyes. He just laughs and pulls me in for a kiss. He breathes life back into me with every second the kiss lasts until a throat clears behind us.

“You two lovebirds done? We’d like to love up on her now,” Nina proclaims. Everyone files into my room. The nurses are probably going to lose their shit, but it’s so good to see everyone.

“And now that you’re awake, it should be noted that if you ever hang up on me and block my number again, I will drag you,” Simone says with her finger pointed at me.

“Jesus, Simone.” Sarah rolls her eyes. Simone shrugs and I laugh, thankful to have these people in my life.

Six weeks later, Lincoln and I are sitting in his condo. I still have my apartment, but I haven’t spent a night there since coming home. Everything feels right here with him.

“Stop stressing about it, Ci.” Lincoln flops down on the couch next to me, handing me the bowl of popcorn and M&M’s.

“Of course I’m stressed about it, Lincoln. Christmas is in a couple of weeks, and I don’t have all the gifts I need. I’m so behind.” I made sure to get all of the kids’ gifts, but I still have to get gifts for everyone else, and I’m running out of time. Being in the hospital really put a dent in my plans.

“Yeah, you’re in recovery. No one is expecting anything.” He slides his hand up my thigh, and my core is on fire. We haven’t had sex in six weeks, doctor’s orders. You’d think I’d have better composure considering I went through a two-year drought before Lincoln, but I am unraveling, and if his hands aren’t on me tonight, I’m going to snap. Better yet, I’m going to get Lincoln to snap. He’s been so gentle with me since everything happened and that’s so sweet. Really. But I want the toss me around, rip my clothes off, up against the wall Lincoln back. He tilts his head at me, and I realize I haven’t answered him.

“Yeah, it’s just that you all made Thanksgiving so special for me. I want to make Christmas special for you.” I was still in recovery during Thanksgiving so both families brought dinner to Lincoln’s. Lincoln’s mom taught me how to make both jollof rice and egusi soup, as much as she could while I had to sit down often. The guys served me all night long. My mom extended our tradition of watching Soul Food and one cringey Hallmark movie to Lincoln’s family. It was beautiful watching both families come together. “Anyway, everyone is getting gifts. It’s going to happen. I got this shit.” I turn back to my laptop to continue my Amazon search. I mean, if I’m going to get everything in time it’s probably best to stick with Amazon Prime.

“I only want one gift from you this year, Angel.”

“What’s that?” I ask without looking up from my computer.

“For you to say yes.”

“Yes to what?” I gasp when I look up and Lincoln is holding a velvet box in his hands. He gets down on one knee and opens the box, revealing a gorgeous solitaire diamond ring. “Lincoln,” I rasp.

“Here’s what I know. I know you have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. Your selflessness knows no bounds. I know you have the insane ability to make me laugh one moment and make my dick twitch in the next. I know you make me happier than I’ve ever been, and I breathe easier when you’re near. I don’t need to wait any longer to see if we’re right for each other. Our love story was written in the stars the moment I held you in my arms. I don’t want to waste time. I want to start the rest of our lives right now. So question time, Angel. Don’t think, just answer. Will you marry me?”

“Yes!” I yell, tackling him to the floor. I kiss him all over his face, and he slides the ring on my finger. I kiss him again and slide my tongue across his bottom lip. He opens for me, and I deepen the kiss until he groans and pulls away.

“You’re supposed to be taking it easy.” Ha! If he thinks we’re not about to consummate this engagement he’s lost his mind.

“Doctor said I could start mild activities again. We can go slow. I promise.” I drag out the word slow as I slide my tongue from his ear down his neck. His grip on my hips tightens.

“Bull. Shit.”

It absolutely is. I mean, we’ll start slow, but we won’t end that way and we both know it.

“I’ve never had husband-to-be dick before. Are you really going to rob me of the experience?”

He throws his head back and laughs. “You’re ridiculous. Technically, every time we have sex from now until we get married will be husband-to-be dick.”

“Okay, but are you really going to make me tell all my friends that after you proposed you gave me a sweet kiss and we went to bed? Or are you going to ravage me and make Nina and Simone proud?”

“I absolutely do not want to talk about Simone or Nina when I’m hard beneath you.”

I wiggle in his lap, and he groans again. “So let’s not waste it.”

He pins me with a serious gaze. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” He makes quick work of my shirt and our pants before sliding me down his shaft, so painstakingly slow. We moan into each other’s mouths.

“Forever starts now, Angel.”

I can’t wait for every moment.