Perfect for Me by Claudia Burgoa
Chapter Fourteen
Hazel
Every day is a new life to a wise man. —Dante
A new day,a new approach. After my trip to Santa Cruz, I decided that I’m done sulking. I don’t plan on chasing my problems away by working myself until I’m so tired I can’t think. I have to grow up and face everything that bothers me the right way. And stop pleasing everyone around me just to get some love. So now, that’s on top of my “to fix list.”
I canceled on Fitz and practiced yoga at home. I texted Scott that I would work from home at least until nine. Before leaving my apartment, I text Fitz and Scott that I’m on my way to the office. I email Gramps the proposal for his three o’clock meeting and upload it to the cloud too. Once I pack my laptop, I grab my purse and head to my car.
When I reach the sidewalk, I regret not bringing a light jacket. It’s raining. I go back upstairs, change my heels for a pair of rain boots and grab my black raincoat. On my way downstairs I spot Fitz.
“What are you doing here?”
“I fucking knew it!” Fitz growls, his index finger pointing at me as he declares me guilty of some charge.
“Excuse me?” I cross my arms, I wait for him to say more.
“You think you’re too smart, that we wouldn’t notice.” Fitz marches toward me. He beams at what might be the answer to one of his eternal questions. “Clearly, those business trips you took with Scott for the past couple of years had only one agenda, fucking.”
I remain quiet, my heart beating fast.
Feign ignorance, he can bluff as much as he wants.
His blue eyes darken, his features harden. “I’m disappointed in both of you. From him, I get it. He’d rather chew his tongue off than trust anyone with his personal life. Hunt and I are too young to understand. We’re his kid brothers. He has to take care of us. But you…”
I grab onto the railing. My eyes open wide, and my stomach drops. “What…what are you saying?”
If I ever wanted Fitz to find out, it was because I was ready to discuss it with him. Today isn’t the day.
“Scott got a little drunk last night.” His jaw sets. “Poor bastard, he’s a mess.”
“It’s not what you think.” My response comes out automatically, without thinking.
My pulse spikes, and I am trapped. God, I never thought I’d be blindsided.
“What I think is that you should’ve trusted me.” His voice echoes all around me. “This is huge.”
“It’s complicated.”
“I’m hurt. When did it start?”
“When my mother died.” I huff, thinking about the first time Scott and I kissed. The same night we made love for hours—all night. “It was supposed to be a one-time thing.”
Pressing my lips together, I drop my gaze thinking about that day. It was in Costa Rica while we claimed my mother’s body and tried to help my father. I was lonely. Broken. Scott was in his usual take-charge-problem-solving persona. But he was also sweet, gentle. So loving. During all those long hours, he held my hand, put his arm around my back, or just made sure he was close enough so I could lean on him.
“Would you stay with me tonight?”
Scott kissed me lightly, but that lingering kiss transformed into a long passionate kiss
I remembered it as if it happened only minutes ago. His hands glided smoothly over me. He worked them slowly, pressing them firmly, possessively.
“You taste like honey, sin, and love.” His words, his hands, and that mouth slid through my skin, touched my soul and I wanted him to stay with me forever.
I was taken by his low voice, the heat of his body so close to me.
Everything that night was extreme.
Intense.
Sweet.
Rough.
Fast.
Slow.
Blissful.
An explosion of mega proportion.
Every kiss curled my toes and my soul.
Scott is intoxicating,addicting. After that first time, my body wanted more of him, from him.
He became my drug.
My body shivers as I remember the feel of his skin against mine. The tingling heat flowing through my body when his lips touched mine. Each kiss was different. Soft. Hard. Passionate. Tender. Possessive. He made me feel desired, cherished. By him. I wish I could explain the why of the unspeakable craving we had for each other. We couldn’t get enough. The hunger was big and impossible to satiate.
“We make little sense.” I snort.
“No kidding,” Fitz retorts.
But Scott’s uneven edges fit with mine perfectly.
“A one-night fling became a week,” I say, avoiding the details of what made me so reckless. “When we’re together there’s this beautiful magic surrounding us. But once we arrived in New York we stopped.”
I glance at Fitz who watches me intently. His eyes are bluer, but his look is so much like his brother’s. He says nothing, and I’m not afraid of what he’s thinking. But we might not be the same after this. I should’ve trusted him. But how could I when I didn’t understand what Scott and I were doing?
“What happened between us became ours. It was supposed to be casual, physical. Sharing it with others could break the spell.” I bit my lip. “I couldn’t risk it, so I played by his rules.”
Every weekend we booked a getaway where we got to know each other. We found a million excuses to jump on a plane. We had sex, but we also found the time to see the world. Just the way Scott planned before his parents died.
The moments I spent with him were precious. He shared a part of himself that he hides from everyone, even his brothers. I paid attention to his gestures, that deep frown he makes when he’s thinking, but everyone believes he’s angry. His left brow arches when he wants to object but prefers to stay quiet.
When we were together time stopped.
We had no limits.
There was no end.
Until I had to end it.
“But you’re not together anymore, are you?”
I shake my head. “No, because I wanted to change our dynamic,” I confess, “Scott didn’t want more. That’s when everything stopped.”
“I feel like your dirty secret,” I said, jokingly but also trying to change our relationship.
I enjoyed being with him on weekends, but I yearned to have him next to me at night. The hopeless romantic in me wanted to share more than some stolen kisses and getaways.
“We are what we are, Hazel.” He glanced at me for a second and went back to his screen. “Oahu or the Gold Coast?”
“This is it, right?” the hairs on the nape of my neck stiffened.
I felt light-headed. After nineteen months, I was about to tackle the one thing I feared for so long. Our relationship. I wanted a title, a solid foundation—more.
His nostrils flared. “I don’t understand what’s going on with you, Bee. But can we concentrate on our next trip?”
“What if I ask you to move in with me?” I crossed my arms.
“Move in?” He stiffened, narrowing his gaze. “You live with your grandfather.”
“We can buy an apartment, rent a penthouse…” I proposed.
He exhaled sharply. “And then what, Hazel?”
“Then…” I swallowed, slowly staring at him.
We would marry and have children, I wanted to say but the words remained on the tip of my tongue.
“What are we doing, Scott?” I pointed at him and then at me.
“We’re having fun, Hazel,” he answered as a matter of fact.
“Well, yeah it’s fun. But I want more than fun,” I said, rushing my speech so I wouldn’t lose the courage to confront him. “I want everything. Love, a house, children, even a dog. A happy ending, a fairy tale…the perfect romance.”
His eyes remained on me, but he didn’t speak for a long time. I felt like my airways were closing by the second. I could feel it in my bones—the rejection.
“Do you think it’s possible?” He shot the question, like an arrow aiming for my heart. “I’m happy the way things are between us. I can’t see this going any further. Not…”
Not with you, he didn’t finish the phrase.
“So how long are we going to keep doing this?”
He leaned backward, crossing his arms. “For as long as you want.”
“But if I want more from you?”
“There can’t be more.”
“It’s my choice then,” I stated, holding my breath as I fought the biting nausea.
For the first time in more than a year, the crippling fear of losing myself and my heart took over my mind. The fight between reason and love didn’t last long. I had been in that place. The one where I end up alone because I’m not enough.
“Oahu,” I responded. “We should travel to Hawaii. But only if you can offer me what I want.”
He closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and breathed a few times. Once he opened them, he looked at me.
“I can’t.”
“Why not?” I challenged him without sounding desperate. “You had bad luck, but I’m not like the women you’ve dated.”
“Hazel, you and I can’t be more. With time, you’ll understand.”
I still don’t understandwhy we couldn’t be more, or why he’s here trying to prove himself.
“I’m hurt,” Fitz insists, touching his chest.
“I’m sorry, Fitzy.”
“I …” My chest is tight, and the words are not coming out right. I hate that I hurt him. “I kept saying I would come clean, but you know Scott.”
“Yes, I know my brother. I know you too.” He scratched under his collar. “I had this theory that the sun and the moon might love each other. That doesn’t mean they can be together.”
“I know.” I bite my lip. “They will never be together.”
My stomach drops to the floor. The imaginary airplane I boarded has lost control.
“You hid something important from me. As I said, I’m hurt.”
“If I told you, I could’ve jinxed it.” I shrug.
I grasp the railing. “If I had told you, you’d have been the voice of reason.”
“You would’ve made me see the truth. That he’s not the one for me,” I swallow the golf ball blocking my throat. “That he’d never be willing to be a part of that happy ending I want so badly.”
He nods, giving me that charming Everhart grin. “That’s why you should’ve come to me. Things might’ve turned out different. You both let your fear take over your heart, and now you’re hurting.”
“Right, because it would have been one time and I wouldn’t have confused that with more. Do you think he…?”
He rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “Heterosexuals, you’re so damn complicated.”
Fitz opens his mouth, then shuts it shaking his head. “Figure out your shit, then we can talk about my brother. He’s Mr. Ironman for a reason, not just because he woke up one day and decided to become an asshole.” Then he smiles. “But with you, he’s different. I can’t believe I never saw that until now. He fucked up, and that’s on him.”
“Can the two of you be something more?” He shrugs a shoulder.
My phone buzzes. I pull it out of my purse, and Elliot’s name flashes.
“However,” Fitz adds, eyeing my phone. “McFee is waltzing back into your life.”
“That’s not the point,” I argue.
“Isn’t it?” he asks in a gruff voice. “Maybe McFee has more power over you than you want to accept. Scott doesn’t deserve to be disregarded because the asshole you love is back. And maybe his fear destroyed what could’ve been but your feelings for your ex are what will destroy him.”
“You’re twisting the story,” I counter.
“Am I?” He responds with that lawyery smile I hate. “Or I’m hitting the right nail?”
“You’re badgering the witness,” I say, my words coming out like raging darts. “Do you have any idea what’s going on inside my head?”
I pull my shoulders back as I glare at him. “Is this a new way to get the full story?”
My stomach roils because I know him too well. Yet this time, I’m lost in his game. “You’re bluffing because you don’t have enough evidence to close your case.”
He angles his head, giving me a wicked smile. He’s winning. “Yet I know enough to torment you for lying to me. What’s it gonna be, Hazel Beesley? The handsome tortured Scott Everhart, or your childhood sweetheart, Elliot McFee?”
My lungs collapse at that scenario. “If things with Scott don’t work…?” I fire the question because what scares me the most is losing my family—the Everhart boys.
I watch Fitz guarding himself, protecting his big brother. They might fight often, but the four become a unit when one is hurting. I feel a pang knowing if they must choose between us, the choice is Scott and the loneliness is back.
“You’re my girl,” Fitz responds, softening his voice. “Things will never change between us no matter how they end up with Scott.”
“But?”
“But nothing, you’re in a free country where you get to choose and love whoever you want,” he says. “Thank fucking god, or I’d be living in Canada.”
My phone buzzes. It’s an email from Scott.
To: E. McFee
From: Scott Everhart
Cc: Hazel Beesley-McFee
Subject: Waterfront Restoration Contract
Dear Mr. McFee,
As I stated in my voicemail, your company won both contracts. Please, call our offices to set up an appointment at your earliest convenience. Our lawyers will email the contracts for your review. Congratulations. We look forward to working with you.
S. Everhart
“Scott gavethe contract to North Bay?” I frown, reading the email three more times.
“Yeah.” Fitz snorts. “He’s not happy about it, but he always puts his personal issues aside. That company is the one that makes the most sense.”
My phone buzzes again. A notification pops up from my schedule, I open it, and it’s a meeting at eleven with Elliot. Well, he works fast. Then there’s an email from him.
To: Scott Everhart, Hazel Beesley-McFee
From: E. McFee
Subject: Contract
I’ll have my lawyers go through the contract as soon as we receive them.
Best,
Elliot McFee
To: E. McFee
From: Hazel Beesley-McFee
Cc: Scott Everhart
Subject: Congratulations
Elliot,
Congratulations on being awarded both contracts. I received confirmation from my assistant that you’ll be at the office at 11:00 am. I’ll see you then.
Regards,
Hazel
To: Hazel Beesley-McFee
From: E. McFee
Cc: Scott Everhart
Re: Arrangements
Can we have lunch after the meeting?
E
I lift my gaze from my phone when I see an email from Fitz popping in my inbox. But he doesn’t have any electronics handy.
“Did you send this email earlier?” I scratch my temple. “Or do you have new superpowers?”
“I preschedule most of my emails,” he responds. “I’ve been working since five in the freaking morning, as the mighty asshole requested.” Fitz rolls his eyes.
“I thought you said he got drunk,” I remind him.
“Slightly, which means that he talked,” he informs me with a stupid smirk stamped on his face. “Scott told me everything. Then he went to the gym, took a shower, and worked. He might not be in a good mood.”
My eyes widen. “You’re not going to the office today, are you?”
“Perhaps in the afternoon, when he’s a little less…edgy.”
Well, I will have lunch with Elliot.
To: E. McFee
From: F. Everhart
Cc: Hazel, Scott Everhart
Subject: Contracts
Mr. Mc Fee,
Congratulations on being awarded the Waterfront Management contracts. I’m attaching the drafts for your review. If you have questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Regards,
F. Everhart
