Perfect for Me by Claudia Burgoa

Chapter Eighteen

Hazel

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. —Buddha

Someone is knockingon my door. I’m trying to ignore it, but it’s becoming louder and more urgent.

Who could it be?

My parents’ house has been empty for years. Hardly anyone knows I’m here. I lean the trash bag in my hands against the wall. I survey my sister’s room. If she were ten years younger, I’d call her and give her a piece of my mind for being so messy.

Then again, I bet my old room has just as much trash as hers. Reaching for the hand towel I brought, I clear the sweat dripping from my forehead. Tomorrow, I’m calling a cleaning crew. I can’t imagine trying to tear down the walls while cleaning at the same time. It’d be impossible to finish one task before I’m itching to clean the debris.

“Hazel, it’s Elliot,” I hear a loud voice coming from the other side.

My heart stops as my stomach tightens. We haven’t spoken since the altercation at my office. I press my back against the wall and stop breathing. If he doesn’t see me, he’ll go away. But when I turn toward the living room window, I spot him looking around the house. I chide myself for taking down the drapes.

“Please, let me in, Hazel.” He taps the glass lightly, staring at me.

I draw a frustrated breath. My phone buzzes at the same time I’m unlocking the door. I ignore it, assuming it’s Elliot.

“Hey, do you need help?” he inquires, looking around the house.

Do I need help?I glare at him, still seething from the last time I saw him. Waiting for him to apologize or … what do I want?

My phone buzzes again. I pull it out and smile when I see who it’s from.

Scott: I had dinner with the family. We missed you.

The second one is a picture of Gramps’s table with my place setting and a scribbled sign that reads reserved. My heart clenches as the nostalgia hits me hard in the center of my chest. I miss my family too.

“Help?” I frown, staring at my phone.

I wish I were in New York. The thought that I could clone myself, so I can be in two places at once appears for the second time in less than twenty-four hours. Last night, Willow sent me a video of Charlie asking for his Bee. It broke my heart. Tonight, they reserved me a seat. I bet it’s right next to Gramps, who sits at the head of the table. I should be home talking with him about the apartment building he wants to buy in Brooklyn.

Hazel: I should plan a trip back east. When are you coming back?

Scott: Sunday, I’m sending you my schedule for the remainder of the week. Let me know if you can video conference during some of the meetings. I need you to smooth a couple of deals for me.

Hazel: Do you remember when you used to run your company without me?

Scott: Those were boring times. Now, I have a beautiful woman who can crack her whip and make things happen.

Hazel: I don’t have a whip, but if you’re into that, I can buy one.

Scott: My only thing is tying the gorgeous Beesley woman to my bed. Come to me and I’ll demonstrate how fun it is ::wink emoji::

I squeeze the phone as my core clenches with desire. The burning ache—the longing. The desire for his touch makes my entire body needy.

“Are you okay?” Elliot asks.

Snapping myself out of the trance, I nod and type a message to Scott, hoping he stops. It’s not a good time for sexting.

Hazel: Send the schedule over. I can shuffle things around. I have to go.

“Sorry, you were saying?”

He steps into the house, shutting the door. “This place looks like hell.”

“It could’ve used some love in the past few years.”

“You abandoned it.” His bitter voice resonates through the house.

I chuckle, bitterly. “You still don’t get it, do you? I left because staying would’ve drowned us both.”

“I understand why you left the first time. You had to go to school. It was the second one that I …We could’ve survived the storm. Together.”

“You lied for years. It broke me,” I say, shaking my head.

Elliot

“I had to do it,” I blurt. “It was easy money. Having two jobs made sense. I didn’t know you were helping me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” she responds, her eyes flaring. “The least I could do was to care for them. I considered them my family. Your mother helped care for us…”

Hazel’s gaze drops. “We were married; that made me part of them.” She shrugs one shoulder. “At least that’s what I thought.” She spears me another glare. “Was it worth it?”

“I earned more than I could’ve as a bouncer,” I repeat myself, trying to repair what I broke.

She twists her lips a couple of times, her gaze lost on the horizon. “Did you enjoy it?”

I swallow hard, running a hand through my hair as I think about those days.

Once I stepped into the club and changed my clothes, I became a different person. A single man who liked to entertain the ladies. The desperate guy who tried to feed his siblings and care for his mother stayed behind.

Yes, I enjoyed it.

The ladies wanted me to dance for them. I focused my attention on them and made each of them feel as if they were the only one in the room. It was hard to do but worth it in the end. Letting them touch me was a bonus. It was easy money; the more I let them have me, the bigger the tips.

There wasn’t a place for Hazel. Only during the allotted times when she’d called to update me on her day. Classes, homework, and work. And I dreaded those calls, tuning her out and saying just the things she expected me to say. I’d add something about my morning work because she wouldn’t understand what I was doing for my family.

“It was a job,” I state, not wanting to explain much about it. “How about you? I keep thinking about you going to college. But I never added all the hours you had to work.”

I watch her; her eyes concentrate on me, but her mouth isn’t moving. It’s like I handed her a quantum physics problem, and her brain froze.

“What’s the question?” She frowns, finally looking at me. “You said something about school, work, and I’m not sure what you asked.”

“In my head, you had a regular college life. Friends, parties, games. Duke is one of the biggest basketball schools. I pictured you tailgating and going to homecoming parties,” I add, shoving my hands in my pockets.

I think about all the fun I had during my freshman year and the things that I missed when I had to drop out of college.

“But now I’m piecing things together. I am wondering when you had time to have fun,” I say, looking back at her. “Replaying every conversation we had, I only remember you talking about school, work, and your lazy roommate. I don’t think you ever mentioned friends. Only your grandfather.”

She bites her lip, shaking her head. “I was too busy to do anything else, but I’m sure I mentioned the Everhart brothers.”

I scratched my head, trying to recall them, but I come up empty. If she did, I wasn’t paying attention at all.

“But it sounds lonely.”

“I needed no one because I had you.” Then she laughs, but the laugh sounds bitter. “But in fact, I was all alone. Wasn’t I? You were here in your world, getting through everything that was happening, one day at a time. I wished you had trusted me. Trusted that I was your partner, not dead weight.”

Lowering my voice, I confess, “I had to freeze us so I could work at the club. If I didn’t forget about you, I couldn’t let them touch me—”

“You forgot about me?” She gasps, her mouth falling open.

“It sounds worse than it was,” I defend myself.

She wags her fingers at me and snorts with contempt. “How far did it go, Elliot?”

Suddenly, a hot flush of shame hits me, boiling my skin while regret stabs me with a sharp knife through my entire body. I twist the wedding ring on my finger, staring at her. This isn’t how I wanted to have this discussion. I came to invite her to dinner, not to discuss our past.

“Were they better than me?” she asks, stabbing me with an unwavering glance.

“I never had sex with them while we were together.”

She crosses her arms. “But you let them touch you, didn’t you? I saw that longing kiss.”

I rake my fingers through my hair. “There was the occasional kiss.”

Her eyes close for a moment. She breathes in and out a couple of times while holding her stomach. My chest tightens as I witness her pain and imagine it had to be a thousand times worse when she saw me.

“We were kids, Hazel. My family needed me.”

The pain drawn on her face is making everything come back again. “I lost myself after that night. Your betrayal broke me.”

“Hazel,” I mumble her name, but I don’t say more.

I’m at a loss for words, of strength. I promised to protect her from everything. But she wasn’t safe from my stupidity.

“It hurts a thousand times more when I know that you had to forget about us.” She releases her arms, loosening her neck. Her lips curl up just a little, but the smile just doesn’t look like her usual one. “I understand you had to make choices. But maybe you could’ve ended things between us.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.” I beg for her forgiveness.

There’s nothing I could’ve done differently back then because I focused on my family. They were the only thing that mattered.

“Dad’s death nearly killed Mom,” I explain again. “I couldn’t let that happen. We were devastated by his loss. Can you imagine what would’ve happened if I’d lost both of them?”

Shoving my hand through my hair, I pace around the room. How can I fix what I did? Whatever I do, I have to give her all the space while I convince her to trust me again. Not that I deserve that trust. Everything I did was pardoned with the excuse she had a new life with friends and school. I expected her to call one day and say, “We’re over.” Instead, she worked herself into madness to help me.

“I sort of understand it. You lost your father, and you stepped up.” She glances at her phone, the same she’s been gripping since I arrived. “I’ve seen it with my guys. They lost their parents and their way.”

“Is there a way to start again?”

“Again?” She frowns.

“We’re soul mates.”

“Elliot.” My name is a small whisper.