Fall for Me by Claudia Burgoa

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Willow

I felthis powerful stare running down my body. I drew out the longing I didn’t know I had inside me. He stood there, watching me. Like an idiot, I remained silent. I sit almost across from him, staring at him as if he’s the precious, shiny object I want to touch. Hunter looks like nothing I anticipated. I’ve seen some pictures of him in our cloud. His light brown hair was messy, the waves curling down his neck. Today, he wears his regular short hair with some stubble and a pair of jeans with a dark T-shirt. And those sexy, vintage, black-rimmed glasses. The ones he only wears before bed. There’s nothing sexier than Hunterwearing only a pair of boxers and lasses.

Oxygen, someone help me, I can’t breathe. The stagnant air inside the plane is choking me. My heart pounds furiously. I knew he was coming back, but he never set a date. I wasn’t prepared for this moment. I’ve yet to explain to him that he’s the purest emotion I’ve had and that I need to learn how to handle it before I lose myself again. Before I lose him.

Do I want him to come along? Can I handle his presence?

I knew I should’ve brought my old notes on this trip. I can’t remember how to handle my feelings. I can’t remember my name. Can we delay the trip for a day or two? Would Harrison understand the urgency? Debatable. Requesting we postpone the trip without an explanation won’t fly with him.

Defining my feelings for Hunter has turned out to be a difficult exercise. I’ve promised myself to revisit the subject once I knew he’d be home. Our story sounds simple, but in actuality, it’s too complicated. We met, flirted, fell in love with the idea of a relationship, and separated. That’s the logical description of the events I’ve come up with during my therapy sessions. I should be mad at him for bailing on me when I needed him, but being upset about it doesn’t make sense either. He stayed with me until I was safe. Leaving a relationship that had no future was smart.

For a long time, I’ve insisted that we didn’t fall in love. We did. We fell in love with the part of us we felt safe enough to share. We are so similar we could see between the cracks of our masks. That’s the part we loved the most and neither one could handle it. We could’ve been everything. The biggest affair the world could’ve seen, and the worst tragedy. The cosmic attraction between us remains.

We’ve magnetized one another. He was on the other side of the planet, and I still felt the pull toward him. His texts have become my constant. I’ve enjoyed our light conversations as much as I’ve cherished the times when he’s trusted me with his struggles or listened to mine. Typing a few words or numerous paragraphs to his phone has become a habit. Someone on the other side of that phone has been listening to what I had to say. He cares.

But does he only care or does he still feel something? And what if he’s moved on, and he’s dating some international beauty? Hunter has never gone without dating for long periods. Patting my skirt, I order myself to stop contemplating and torturing myself and move my eyes somewhere else. My sight falls onto my lap where my hands rest. The burgundy fishtail bracelet with my name is the first thing I spot. He sent it from Costa Rica. How can I not think about him and our situation? Every little trinket I wear is a present from him. His presence is making my heart beat fast. That woodsy scent of his is so close my mind remembers the feel of his hands on my body, and my core clenches at the sight of him. Immediately, I remind myself that we are over. Friends.

Friends.

Friends.

Friends.

I move my gaze back to him, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I can feel my heart starting to orbit around his. Why did I say yes when he asked if he could join? I’m not ready to be around him, but I want him to be here with us, for us. Facing my parents scares me. I’ve been doing great; I’d hate to have a huge setback during the trip. Afraid of the confrontation, I’ve agreed with Hazel’s suggestion to bring Fitz along. Harrison heard about the trip and warned us about the area where my parents are settled right now.

“You have two options,” he said. “We go together, or we fly them to a safe place.”

According to his intel, the area of Brazil we’re heading to isn’t safe. Harrison would know, though. I have yet to understand what he does exactly. Is he a security guard, a private rent-a-cop, or a mercenary? He was in the Army for years.

“He was Delta Force,” Hazel whispered one day. She was quiet, scanning my room. By the way she behaved, I feared we would be ambushed by the Secret Service or a SWAT team after her confession. “He served as a Ranger and retired to do what he knew in a private company.”

Scott joined us because this became a family affair. Surprisingly, after the breakup, Hunter’s brothers became my friends. All of them are aware of my relationship with my parents, too. When Scott asked if he could join us on the trip, Hazel and I said yes immediately. I don’t intend to have a conversation with my parents in front of them, but I like knowing they’ll be around for support if things go wrong.

I sigh, thinking about my parents. How will I react at the sight of them? This is the first time we’re the ones flying to see them. For me, it’s been at least two years since the last time I saw them. After words are exchanged, it’ll be nice to have the Everhart brothers beside me. I’m not sure if Hazel and I can hold each other while we’re both dealing with our own insecurities.

Hazel talks to our parents more often than I do, but she struggles with the void they left.

“I hate that I’m an adult, and I still want them to pick us. At least once I want them to say, Willow and Hazel, you come first,” she confessed one night while we discussed what we were pursuing on this trip.

Hazel tries hard to get validation from them. However, she believes her issue of seeking validation from every person she meets is over and done. The crazy woman wants to please our parents so much she’s going to suggest they call collect to her cell phone. Not me. Up until a few months ago, I could only pay for my basic data and unlimited call package. Maybe we can email each other. My goal for this trip is to tell them how I feel. I want to explain that their abandonment and the absence of a routine rippled my brain. That it left the emotional side of my mind exposed and frail. As I discussed with my therapist, and later with Hazel, I don’t have any expectations of them. Not for them to believe a word of what happened to me, nor to patch the bridge they broke with their permanent absence.

The plane takes off, and I keep my mind busy . . . or at least pretend I’m not aware of Hunter. It’s impossible. I can feel the caress of his eyes, hear his low voice while he updates Fitz about the last client he visited before coming back home and the law firm they want to merge with in London, along with the one in Tokyo.

“I don’t mind traveling twice a year,” he continues.

As he says that, I lift my chin. Not only me, but everyone else stares at Hunter.

He rubs the back of his neck with one hand, smiling. “There’s nothing wrong with what I said. You’re all looking at me like I’m a stranger.”

“Surprised you’re willing to travel,” Fitz adds.

“It’s a different side of you,” I dare to say, looking into his eyes. Seeing the complete calm in them, the same he has when he’s in his room—his fortress. The safe haven I’ve enjoyed but that disappeared once we left his home.

“Different bad?” His eyes remain on me.

“Good different.”

When the pilot announces we are free to roam around the cabin, Hunter stands up. His eyes don’t leave mine. I stare at him, wanting him to take me along but hoping I can breathe when he leaves and beg him not to go.

Why am I reacting like this? Feeling vulnerable around him. Maybe it’s because no matter how much I think I have everything under control, I’ll always be in this shaky world of insecurities. Everything is a swirling typhoon of anger, passion, sadness, or happiness. For the rest of my life, I have to stop for a second or two to get ahold of my heart, my mind, and sift through the feelings until I find my balance.

“Fitz, we have the video conference in twenty minutes. After that, I’m officially on vacation.” Hunter’s voice has an urgency to it.

“You’ve been on vacation for a long time,” Fitz jokes, punching him lightly on his shoulder, and saunters toward the hallway.

Hunter stops right in front of me and bends over, lowering his head close to mine. His breath caressing my cheek. His lips almost touching my ear. “I want us to talk, but only when you’re ready.” He kisses me lightly on my neck. “I missed you.”

My entire body melts with the mixture of his words and that low-bedroom voice.

I missed you, too.